Meet ! xu Lili ( 徐莉莉 ), '01 —  I’m The Prettiest Poison You’ve Ever Seen.

“you’re right,” she sighs — side-eyeing the trainer, utilizing her most famous confused expression: a draw of the brows, the slowing of her lips into a small, perplexed pout. “it also doesn’t help that he’s being so annoying about it, too.”

having been a transplant all her life, lili has been accustomed to not knowing where she’ll be or where she’ll stay. implanted from one place to another, from one caretaker to another — but never to the ones who really matter. so, she mulls over the question — one, to any other normal person, would be considered an easy-going, friendly question. 

lili decides easiest is best.

“los angeles.” it’s where she’s been the longest — so, by default, she supposes she could assume its role as her hometown as necessary.

“and you?” she tried to place the other’s accent but asking would probably be the easiest way to an answer.

Amelia loved the fact that she was a foreigner. She loved using it as an excuse during training and also to mess with other people. Throughout the years, Amelia had gotten out of a number of different scenarios thanks to the fact that she was a foreigner. She'd also made quite a lot of friends thanks to being a foreigner as well which was even better.

Amelia listened to the other girl, using her face as a mask to hide their true intentions. ❛ I get it. Some days are just not your day and when they add training on top of it it's just too much. ❜ Amelia shook her head softly.

Amelia was trying so hard to ignore the look on the coach's face while he stood next to them. Her desire to cause mischief and mayhem was too much right now. Growing up with two brothers had definitely shaped her personality. The fact that the other girl was just as into her idea as she was told Amelia that they would definitely become very good friends in the future.

❛ I'm Amelia. It's nice to meet you, Lili. Where are you from? ❜

PITY PARTY: PARTY OF 1 ୨୧ @lgcjisoo / BACKDATED (010125)

the humiliation burns.

and yet, lili would rather wear the flaw like a bright red ‘a’ a la scarlet letter. if hester prynne could be prosecuted for the shame of adultery, could lili’s crime be considered of that multitude?

what had been her crime again?

ah right — existing, was it?

on the eve of her birthday, for what lili had thought was to be her birthday dinner — she had invited jisoo on the pretense of such — they gathered around a long mahogany table : filled with food, left untouched ; conversation, guided by the xu matriach, none other than lili’s grandmother ; and people lili could not place or fathom to know.

was this truly her birthday dinner?

her grandmother had introduced it as so and yet, despite the first sentence starting and ending with lili — everything that followed had nothing to do with the girl who was at the cusp of turning twenty-four that night. and she was floored, utterly embarrassed and speechless at the obvious display of neglect. 

was she supposed to sit here, look pretty and take this disrespect? the way her grandmother stares her down from across the table is a clear answer.

an obvious one that lili finds she doesn’t want to listen to — grabbing her purse, she tugs on jisoo’s sleeve, slamming her heels to the ground as she stands. “let’s go, we still have to pick up your dog from the daycare, right?”

she lies through her teeth — thinking on her feet for some semblance of an excuse only to find the piss-poorest one, and yet her eyes flash a demand for jisoo to get his ass out of that chair. 

230428

it’s like they said —

misery loves company.

and lili was no exception to the rule — especially when it came to jisoo. 

did she have the right? no. 

was she being perhaps a tad bit too possessive of a boy who obviously didn’t give two shits about her and her precious, precious birthday? yes, possibly, astonishingly, devastatingly — she was and she was not proud of it.

sitting here, more than a little miffed that he was appearing aloof — and not the least bit remorseful ( or concerned like what the fuck! ) to what had so obviously pained her, she frowns, even harder — fuck, was she going to regret the wrinkles such an action caused later — and turns her gaze away from him.  

she relays in her most poised tone — the one she used whenever she was on the phone with her grandmother and raised voices were not suitable for a pretty, pretty lady or so her grandmother liked to say — despite the frown:

“it’s not fair.” she answers him, pointed gaze turning harder — almost glassy in her distress. “you don't even care. what if i was dead in a ditch?" 

remorse is thrown out the window as she taps a finger against her arm, annoyed at the outcome. here she had come to apologize and he was throwing that in her face.

surprise, lili sits down by him. time was bound to lead them to this, since it was either them being opposite ends of a magnet, parallel lines yet never colliding for the next forever period of time, or that they'd eventually collapse and meet again. he didn't know when, or if it would happen again, but again, surprise- of course lili would be the one to approach him. ( maybe he's too good at this whole ' being alone ' thing, which is not a good thing... )

stubbornness doesn't really reward anyone, especially where there's a void of a close friendship that somehow falls apart. immaturity would do that to any pair. her comment makes him overthink, because during their birthdays, he did overthink. to say something or not to say something. but after radio silence on his own birthday,

"i mean-" wait, why is she turning it onto him? jisoo supposes lili always has a way with words. his eyes narrow back at her, "and what about a few days ago? i figured it wasn't going to happen when i didn't hear anything either." at least there's no filler smalltalk ( his ultimate pet peeve ), and they're straight into the thick of it. "that's only fair... right?"

໒꒱ . WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY # 002 _ IDOL JAPANESE: THE EVALUATION 、 aka “LILI, CAN YOU TEACH ME JAPANESE?” I SAID 「はい、はい」

the unfortunate thing about all this is that when pushed, lili pushes harder.

and lili wouldn’t call what they did pushing, per say. unless you could call dangling lili over a cliff with nothing but herself and ichika as a safety net below her pushing — then so be it, they pushed her.

because lili did not like to be pushed around.

despite the practices for that nostalgia show the girls were all participating in, she had this on top of it — and lili was no stranger to overachieving and doing too much in order to appear as pristine and as put together as possible. even if it meant, forgoing necessary ailments such as sleep and food, lili was going to prove them why they shouldn’t push lili to do things.

in the grand scheme of things, the evaluation comes in a blur — her prepared speech, ran through and corrected by ichika with alarming quickness is something lili can only warrant from her own neck-breaking determination to get things done right. even if she had gone into this workshop not knowing a lick of the language — she could at least call herself somewhat knowledgable — if not, able to say more than yes. 

she goes through the motions, remembering the sounds of the vowels — trying to not trip over them as she slows her words, carefully, because the more she quickened her pace, the more she stumbled over them. taking a breath, and with another smile, she begins — in a banter with her partner, thank god at least they knew what they were doing, while lili felt like she was still dangling from that tell-tale cliff, searching for a savior. 

the breath helps, it eases the nerves tickling the back of her neck. her smile used like a shield in the midst of a battle against herself and the evils who had put her in such an uncomfortable position. never had lili felt this unprepared — even if she had spent every waking moment of the past three months preparing for just this — she still felt uneasy. 

was this is? 

her fall from grace?

( finally tumbling her from  her overly egotistic, completely arrogant pedestal that no one but she had put herself upon? ugh, the ground would probably hurt from a fall like this, wouldn’t it? )

these are things she keeps in her back pocket for later — for when she’s to complain about her downfalls and her supposed weaknesses to jang insung — a laundry list, really, of her woes and why she still doesn’t quite understand why she was placed for such a workshop. 

sure, she learned japanese — but at the end of the day, lili only did so because she had felt undermined, so really …

who was the winner in all this?

lili wouldn’t think it was she — begrudgingly, least said and never something she’d say out loud, it had put another notch on her otherwise ridiculously overachieving and accomplished belt — at least, she wouldn’t admit to it as so.

call it relief or whatever, but when sarang gives her a promise — lili makes due to hold her to it.

( because there was no way in hell lili was going to haul her passed out ass from this bathroom if it comes to it — then again, if she had passed out maybe it would stop all their peers from haa-ing all over the place )

no, no — that would be unkind — to wish someone would pass out, especially if that someone looked close to tears and near death from whatever was going on inside her pretty head. lili couldn’t be the reason for something bad happening — not again.

so, as relief fills her, she trades her sigh of ease to one of a gentle smile, if you could call it that. trying to rack her brain for any words of comfort, kicking herself for being … lili … instead of someone like taeha who was so good at words and comfort. 

settling for a — it’s okay — a shoulder lifts, nonchalantly. “everyone has their bad days,” not lili, per say, but that wasn’t something she could say now. 

“no worries, the worst they could do is make us run around the gym again.” on second thought — “just give yourself a minute — okay? you don’t need to rush yourself.” 

the last thing she wanted, was someone to be worried.

well, someone worrying over her. this was stupid. she was stupid. people got bad comments all of the time, people had bad days. it was her own need not be seen as not perfect. it wasn't just about being perfect, she was wrong. not okay or even unremarkable but wrong. and wrong in front of everyone.

it took a moment to realize that lili was still speaking to her. it was that easy to get lost in her own head. sarang tried to focus on the breathing. she nodded her head to the question, she knew breathing options. it was her own thoughts doing this to her. sarang tried her best to follow, to calm her breathing. more importantly, to forget about what happened.

it was the comment about passing out that managed to get a strangled laugh from her. "p-promise." she muttered out, she was sure she wouldn't pass out. hopefully. she breathed slowly, still counting in her head. when sarang was through the worst of it, she was able to speak again. "i- i-i'm so sorry you h-had to s-s-see that." she was read from the embarrassment. "j-just a bad d-day, you s-should g-go back, i wouldn't want you to get in trouble."

two girls, one chicken coop  —  @lgcjaekyung

lili is no countryside girl.

she doesn’t even remember a time where she had voluntarily stepped out of the city — let alone, wanted to do so. pray tell, why would she want to leave the comforts and efficiency of a concrete jungle for the — pardon her ick — hovel that was the rural village they had currently been dropped in.

even though she was grinning and trying to bear it — the feigned laughs and smiles were starting to create an ache in her cheeks and make her voice hoarse — the smell was atrocious and lili was in dire need of an evian spritz or a d-air diffuser, stat.

was she starting to feel faint — she could feel herself waning.

then she stumbles, barely catching herself before she almost falls face-first into the dirt that she isn’t sure is just dirt or a mix of the compost and chicken poop that littered the area. fuck, even the rubber boats they had given her were falling apart from the smell — or so she thinks. 

she groans, immediately falling to a crouch beside a girl — was it jae … something … jane? june? jake? — all but a heap of defeat as she tries to muster a grin despite the stench strangling her nose out of her senses. “how are you able to do this — isn’t the smell killing you?” she whispers, honestly in awe at the other. lili may be in the worst mood ever but she had to give her appreciation where it was due. she sniffs, once — twice, trying to find a way to rid herself of the stink. 

u know that scene in jennifer's body where megan fox puts foundation all over her face in a desperate attempt to look like even a semblance of her old self whose picture she has hanging next to her mirror so she's reminded of the appearance she's lost and she gets a little unhinged during the process and just starts smearing it everywhere? womanhood

grin and bear it, she told herself from the mirror.

but no matter how many times she chanted that she was a million miles away on some uncharted island, sipping mimosas and lounging under a below the equator heat, something — more like someone — always seemed to break her out of her reverie. to be exact — it just so happened to be the incessant squawking of her peers. 

somehow, they had taken it upon themselves to run around until they got that correct ha! and to no one surprise, it had gotten to lili’s nerves rather quickly — to a point that she was wondering if she should feign an illness, or maybe fake a fainting spell? what could get her out of this room and out of earshot of these fucking mockingbirds. 

just when she had half the mind to fake a faint right then and there — she spots chaekyung. in ten seconds flat, she’s near and dear, fallen into the other’s arms in what could only be seen as lili’s very own oscar-worthy performance, for all the practice room to see and hear. “oh, chaekyung — i don’t feel so well. check my temperature, will you? i feel so faint.” she directs a look to the other before continuing her play, a frown playing on her lips as she breathes low and slow. 

✩⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀ 𝐨𝐲𝐞 𝐡𝐨𝐢 𝐡𝐨𝐢⠀ ˎˊ˗ ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ft. @lgclili

"can i skip the part where we have to scream? no? okay..." chaekyung sighed as the coach denied her request. of all the songs she was assigned, "catallena" was her least favorite and for good reason. the song was loud (literally) and the dance moves were bizarre. she couldn't even fathom what kind of strange outfit she'd have to wear on filming day. perhaps she'd spend most of the time with her head lowered, consumed by embarrassment.

glancing around at the other trainees, who were busy perfecting their screams, chaekyung poked two fingers into her ears. it felt like being trapped in a haunted house, but in broad daylight with the practice room lights on. "hah," she muttered under her breath, realizing only the ants could hear her. "hah. hah." this time, slightly louder, her eyes fixed on the ground as her fingers remained in her ears, drowning out the noises to focus on her voice.

chaekyung was holding up fine until someone leaned against her. it was lili. "unnie, are you alright?" lili asked, using her body to support the older female's weight.

“was that so hard?” lili was no professional but she wasn’t entirely unfamiliar with the game. she had to do something on those thirteen hour flights from los angeles. sure, lili was probably being a little too forceful in her approach but what better way to show the gameplay than to test out each and every action extended to them. “how many did you end up collecting? i have a couple in my pockets, i think we can make you a flimsy net like the one i have!”

cycling through the equipment in her pockets, each one showing up with a flourish until she settles on the flimsy net that she wanted to show him. “like this one! and if we find a stone we can make an axe!”

the novelty of the game had died on her long ago but for someone like hyuk, it might be interesting since it appeared he had never played this game before.  

“this still looks so shady”, hyuk replied, eyes focused on how lili was playing and she looked skilled enough with her console, while he looked super awkward. he also didn’t know why he acted so defensive about it - it was just a game! - and people watching them would probably enjoy them being like that. “but okay, i will trust you”

in the next few moments, he pressed the controls like lil instructed, shaking a few trees around, but unlike her, he didn’t get a leaf, only fruits and branches. that game looked innocent enough and he was starting to like it.

“now what we do with all of this?”, he asked, his character collecting a branch, then returning to some random point on the screen.