“was That So Hard?” Lili Was No Professional But She Wasn’t Entirely Unfamiliar With The Game.

FLY WITH ME. wanna fly with you in my arms ; hangang citizen’s park, seoul — @lgcminkyu

lili hadn’t thought much about the date lottery when the option had been placed on the table. it had been more or less a throw-away decision, sign her up there, hear about it later — sort of thing. 

however, when news came of her actually participating — and worse, having to be the one to plan the whole date — lili had her reservations. 

she had never been one to care about such things but what if her date sucked? and what if her date hated what she planned — what if netizens thought it was boring? ugh, this was the type of stress that imprinted permanent wrinkles to the forehead.

said wrinkles are ironed out as she eases herself into a sense of zen ; rolling her mystery date’s hint between her fingertips —  an adorable kuromi plushie that makes her wish she had chosen a my melody counterpart rather than the jellycat snake she had been eyeing for ages — as she waits at the corner of the entrance of hangang citizen’s park. all the cherry blossoms had finally departed from their blooms and all was left were their fallen petals, skirting around her heels.

she tries hard to keep her face from falling into a look of anxiousness as she pretends the camera currently zooming into her face from several steps away isn’t there, nor is the producer whispering into his headset isn’t inducing an annoying buzz in her ears. from afar, she can already spy the dozen or so kites taking flight ; vibrant colors painting the afternoon sky in their illustrious rainbow. "i hope they like it," she whispers to herself, taking another breath to calm herself.

his absence doesn’t escape her notice — 

it wasn’t that she was used to him being early, rather she was used to him, well, being there. and the fact that he wasn’t, lili could not help the unease it brought her. teeth gnaw at her bottom lip, pencil scribbling away at nonsensical nothings did little to appease her, and now the anxiousness she felt had begun to swell from within. who else was she to launder her unending, and inconsequent, annoyances to but him — and especially now where the topic of the day was of a history that she had absolutely no interest in whatsoever. who had time for games when the game of life was already taking deep pleasure in fucking with her?

when he makes his timely entrance, she takes note of the on the dot punctuation with a purse of the lips and an amused lift of a brow. “as a matter of fact. you just made the top of the list,” teeth primly hidden behind a smirk as she taps the end of her pencil against his hand when noeul shifts her way. “did you oversleep?” her gaze roams from the reddening of his eyes to the curl of bedhead that had obviously been missed in his haste. 

chatterbox

It was rare when he showed up late on Saturdays, but today was one of those days where everything went wrong for him. From sleeping past three alarm clocks to not closing his water bottle and spilling the liquids in front of apartment door to not being able to catch the the bus.... That should have been the final straw for him. He should have went back to his bed, but instead, he bursts through the door a minute before the educational session starts. It all fell too familiar to him attending his college courses. Was he in limbo? Was he being tortured?

He settles next to Lili, slumping over the table and directly on top of his backpack, which he could use as a pillow. No. He forces himself to sit upright, lifting his hands to rub aggressively at his eyes with the back of his fingers. "What are we learning today? Did you start taking notes, hm?" He playfully leans closer, pulling at her notebook to peek at the page. "Is this your hit list, Lils?" He audibly whispers in English, lisp evident when he utters his nickname for her.

@lgclili

a hand shoots up — “wait, wait — i said i sucked, i didn’t — do you think i’m a loser?” should she get her ears checked? did she, lili xu, actually sound that bad for ichika to immediately dismiss her as the affronted and absolutely — totally uncalled for — damning title of ‘loser’?

she feels herself default — not from discouragement — but the shock. never had lili ever felt herself feel so crestfallen — so rug pulled out from under her bewildered. again, it begs the question of: why was lili even here?

lili groans, feeling a crease iron itself permanently between her brows in concern. “was it really that bad?” lili was no japanese maestro but even she didn’t think she had failed as miserably to deem it — oh, god, lili didn’t even want to repeat it again.

she sniffs, bringing the stylus back to the document she had pulled up on her ipad where the rest of her diligent — but messy in the way a chaotic mind like lili could only understand — notes lay. “fine, if that’s what you think is best.” she taps the end of the pen against her cheek as she thinks.

“it’s supposed to be a mock of some hosting event, right?” she asks for clarification — “how would i even begin?”

In all honesty, Ichika did feel for some of her trainees. She had assumed that they would come with more experience but seeing that someone like Lili was being asked to perform without much exposure well, the more she thought about it, the more on-brand it seemed. When she was a trainee, there had been girls who had been chosen to take part in LGC Girls Japan with very limited Japanese, and some of them had been given more lines than she had. As long as you were able to make it work, what was the problem? Or so, she assumed the mindset was. 

“You are not a loser,” she replies even, shaking her head slightly. “You’re only a loser if you do not try.”

And to her credit, Lili does try. Ichika had dipped her toe into learning Mandarin over the last year, but for someone to ask her to host with a trace of fluency would have been hard. “You /are/ improving.” She assures the younger woman, “So long as you show effort, that’s what’s important. I want you to keep practicing your pronunciation and I’ll see about preparing you a phonetic script to practice with. If you can show confidence in speaking and continue to practice, a lot of errors can be forgiven. I’m sure you experienced that when you first came to Korea, as well.” 

Unlike the other two, Ichika knew that Lili went through a similar situation when she came to Korea years ago, and with that alone, she knew Lili was not a loss cause. “Actually, how about this: I want you to write down what you want to say and we can work on translating it. We can work from there.”

“who’s that again? show me a picture.” lili was nothing but a visual learner — it also kept her mind off of trying to figure out how to shove herself into those unseemly nintendo characters. 

maybe she should have taken a page out of minseo’s book and browsed the extensive animal crossing critter catalogue — there was amany of those, the possibilities endless; but she had already dressed as a sexy fox last year; this year she wanted to do something different.

“more of a nerd than the one who came up with this quasi-alice in wonderland treasure hunt? what’s with these cards?” though fun to find, she was wondering what the point of these were. and yet again, another ‘eat me’ falls into her hands.

Halloween never gets old for maylin. every year brought something new and exciting for the dancer to try out. planning her costumes a month in advance was the way to go, but with this new theme, she could never use it unless she was lucky next year. to say she wasn't pissed off is an understatement.

there was no way in hell she could come up with something cool on such short notice and her disappointment showed in her expression, bottom lip jutted out into a pout as she ventured out into the decorated halls of lgc. whoever created this theme would get some words from her (anonymously, of course).

"whoever picked this year's theme is a nerd... who wants to dress up as Nintendo characters? what are we, five?" maylin grumbled, eyes scanning the halls for any sign of some kind of card they had to retrieve. she had already found the 'drink me' card stuck inside the beverage machines. why she participated in these things, she doesn't know. but it was a good excuse to be at lili's side while they chatted. "after doing a lot of research on who even belonged to the franchise, I did find those bayonetta characters. they are the sexiest characters I could find."

and possibly the only fun characters that ranged between any mario or animal crossing game that seemed to be their most popular creations to date.

୨୧     W     :     FINDING YOUR INNER VARIETY STAR   _   2

WHAT DID YOU CONSIDER THE EASIEST & HARDEST PART OF THE WORKSHOP?

“to be funny.” lili wasn’t funny at least when she tried to be — funny had to be an instinctive trait, one that came easy for them, but lili wasn’t like that. “don’t get me wrong, i’m funny, but not when i want to be — at least that’s what people say.” people tell her she’s funny but lili didn’t think so, if anything, she believed she was a far cry from it.

HOW WOULD YOU RATE YOUR OVERALL SATISFACTION WITH THE WORKSHOP?

“out of ten?” lili thinks on it, pausing for a moment before, nodding her head, satisfied with what she’s come up with, “i’d say ten. astrid 선배님 had a lot to share and tried her best to make us comfortable.” and when lili said she tried, she really did try — but it wasn’t enough for lili to cross her boundaries and her ego, unfortunately. at the ripe age of twenty-four, lili was already set in stone and could not (rather, would not) compromise herself in the name of variety. and maybe that had been her downfall from the beginning.

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED IN A FOLLOW-UP WORKSHOP ON THE SAME TOPIC?

should she be honest — would it look bad on her if she was? or should she lie? she was good at that — through her teeth, tongue to cheek, a gentle, slow breath before she says what’s exactly on her mind: “no, i think i’m just not suited for variety, at least, if i were to go by myself. i feel like i’m a go with the flow, rely on people i know type of variety person but if i was just the individual guest? i don’t think i’m funny enough for that — or i suppose, it just depends on the type of variety. gags and the like, please refrain from recommending me.” was that a bit much? maybe but lili had to draw the line somewhere. this workshop had proved that this was not the line of work she wanted to be associated with.

THE DARK SIDE OF THE MOON — if lili is the moon, what does that make @lgcjisoo?

color lili surprised when the news reaches unsuspecting ears — out of all things to be chosen for, she did not expect this. 

now, seeing it in person was a different experience. in between then and now, she hadn’t had much leeway with jisoo — maybe it was lili’s pride, maybe she just didn’t know what to say — but when she catches his eyes from across the room as she steps into the cosmetics trailer, she’s determined to make today the day that she gets a word in, no matter if the words that should be said have yet to make up their mind. 

it’s that weird in between again — 

they weren’t fighting, but they weren’t talking and lili didn’t know where they stood. and yet, here they were — watching from afar as the photoshoots commenced. 

“i like this.” she says, in between shots, when the photographer calls for a change of cameras and lighting — when eyes are all on the screens and not on the unsuspecting pair away from the bright lights. her fingers toying with the eclipse ring adorning her forefinger. she had never seen herself as a gold girl but even lili knew when something looked nice on her — and she couldn’t help but admire the outline of the silver moon against its contrasting hue. 

lili had never thought her social battery was one with a limit — but today, it seemed to exist in bursts. teetering on its last legs as she lets zoe’s drawl come in one ear with a nod and a small, passing smile when it goes out the other. it wasn’t that she was tired or anything but there was only so much energy could exert and unfortunately, much of it had been placed on emphasis when for the first time in the last four hours she had finally tried to try her luck in selling these goddamn soap bars that just were not their consumer’s target product today.

soap — she thinks, while sipping on the cup of juice she had snatched up from emi earlier — why had it been soap?

“mm,” she says in reply, setting her cup beside her on the bench. biting her tongue when zoe mentions luck — and sure, maybe the others did have luck on their side. even if the unspoken advantage was a tell-tale sign of it all. 

“grace, huh?”

losing with grace had never been her style but lili liked that that was how it seemed despite everything. 

“i wouldn’t be hyping up the food too much, if it’s anything like yesterday, the food will probably not be to the best expectations.” again, lili was not looking forward to being dressed to her elbows in misplaced vegetable chunks that did not make it onto the cutting board. her heel kicks gently at the ground with a small wry laugh, “you’d think because it’s our last day they’d treat us to a nice meal, i could really go for some ginseng chicken soup.” 

she didn’t want to complain — scratch that, this was lili — all she did was complain. 

♥︎ ╱ ꜱᴜɴᴅᴀʏ - ᴡʜᴏ ᴡᴀɴᴛꜱ ᴊᴜɪᴄᴇ? ⤿ ꜰᴛ. @lgclili

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀♥︎

Zoe leaned back against the weathered wooden bench, relishing a moment of calm amid the bustling marketplace. The frenetic energy of the morning's sales still echoed in her mind, but now, with a satisfied smile, she turned her attention to Lili. She had seen her around Legacy before, so Zoe was grateful to get a chance to talk with her really.

"Can you believe how quickly today flew by? Team Juice really nailed it!" Zoe exclaimed, a glimmer of triumph in her eyes. She felt a swell of pride for their team's success, knowing they had earned a well-deserved break while the other teams took over the cooking duties.

Glancing at Lili, Zoe acknowledged her friend's efforts. "I guess luck was just on our side today," she remarked, reaching for her water bottle to quench her thirst. "But hey, don't stress too much about it. You did fantastic out there, and now we get to enjoy a scrumptious meal thanks to Team Soap Bar!"

Zoe's curiosity got the better of her as they continued chatting over their lunch. "By the way, how was your challenge with selling soap bars?" she asked, genuinely interested in Lili's experience. "I know it was a tough crowd out there, but you always handle it with grace."

other than a keratin treatment, lili would be aghast to have a lick of bleach touch her virgin hair. her fingers reach for her unsplit ends with a testing eye before flicking the hair over her shoulder, “i would,” kyoka was right, lili would look good in pink — as she looks good in anything — her ego was showing. “but i’d rather not, i love being brunette.” 

it would probably lili’s only boring flaw — the fact that she had never wanted nor ever would want to dye her hair another color. 

“people can be such antis,” and in their line of work there were many of those. not that lili was a good person, herself, but she was far from a 일진 of the likes that were constantly getting thrown around in media these days. “try not to hang around those bad apples, okay?” 

her chopsticks tap her silver tray, glancing at what she had leftover on it ; "do you want my potatoes?"

She tucks a strand of her hair behind at the unexpected compliment. "If I have the money one day," Kyoka solemnly begins, "I want to dye my hair pink and green, like a strawberry." And then she promptly hides her face behind her hands at that declaration, mumbling something about pineapples again. Once she's recovered from her own words, Kyoka adds, "But I bet you'd look super super pretty in pink too!"

Nodding along to Lili's words, Kyoka takes the time to finish off the rest of her plate. "One person in your school who hates you and-" she collides her fists together into an explosion to illustrate her point.

"Yup! Everyone had stage names too, so that technically our real identities are private." She shrugs. "But the entrance exams are all posted anyways and people can guess age orders based off stories so it's not that helpful." Besides, all the academy girls knew each other, so really, everything was an open secret.

it’s like they said —

misery loves company.

and lili was no exception to the rule — especially when it came to jisoo. 

did she have the right? no. 

was she being perhaps a tad bit too possessive of a boy who obviously didn’t give two shits about her and her precious, precious birthday? yes, possibly, astonishingly, devastatingly — she was and she was not proud of it.

sitting here, more than a little miffed that he was appearing aloof — and not the least bit remorseful ( or concerned like what the fuck! ) to what had so obviously pained her, she frowns, even harder — fuck, was she going to regret the wrinkles such an action caused later — and turns her gaze away from him.  

she relays in her most poised tone — the one she used whenever she was on the phone with her grandmother and raised voices were not suitable for a pretty, pretty lady or so her grandmother liked to say — despite the frown:

“it’s not fair.” she answers him, pointed gaze turning harder — almost glassy in her distress. “you don't even care. what if i was dead in a ditch?" 

remorse is thrown out the window as she taps a finger against her arm, annoyed at the outcome. here she had come to apologize and he was throwing that in her face.

surprise, lili sits down by him. time was bound to lead them to this, since it was either them being opposite ends of a magnet, parallel lines yet never colliding for the next forever period of time, or that they'd eventually collapse and meet again. he didn't know when, or if it would happen again, but again, surprise- of course lili would be the one to approach him. ( maybe he's too good at this whole ' being alone ' thing, which is not a good thing... )

stubbornness doesn't really reward anyone, especially where there's a void of a close friendship that somehow falls apart. immaturity would do that to any pair. her comment makes him overthink, because during their birthdays, he did overthink. to say something or not to say something. but after radio silence on his own birthday,

"i mean-" wait, why is she turning it onto him? jisoo supposes lili always has a way with words. his eyes narrow back at her, "and what about a few days ago? i figured it wasn't going to happen when i didn't hear anything either." at least there's no filler smalltalk ( his ultimate pet peeve ), and they're straight into the thick of it. "that's only fair... right?"

Euphoria (2019—) Created by Sam Levinson