-t.f.s.

"Silent night."

Inspiring.

Truth be told. I only hold the notion of hope so I can cope with the fact I have no control.

Every day it seems my emotions are laid out in front of me, splayed out and suddenly I'm drained out, my energy just fades out I want to be ok, but how?

I try to walk toward joy, but my legs give and the ground pulls me down in the usual way it seems to enjoy. My thoughts just turn into noise at this point. As the dirt cradles me, anxiety slips beside me and silently slides into my psyche.

I sink deeper into the earth and the dirt falls from the sides, spiders crawl up my thighs, I'm appalled when I cry out and my Lord won't reply.

Suffocating in this space the grace of God cannot reach this place. I accept my fate, quietly close my eyes and start my day.

“I also feel like traveling and getting to know the literatures of foreign countries.”

— Hermann Hesse, from a letter to Alfred Schlenker, wr. c. November 1914

I miss you like I miss my old self,

Being proud with who I was,

but nobody craved for my love anymore

so I took care of my spirit

just like watering a plant.

-t.f.s.

Fading life in the middle of the sky.

to be loved~victoria pettella

Increasing

Soft spots in forgiveness,

Love runs in between the ashes.

That's where we're meant to be,

completely unpredictable,

playing chess for free.

-t.f.s.

You say your name is heavy

Like an anchor that sinks into the ocean bed?

Like a warm wool coat that shields from the icy wind?

Like honey’s viscosity or cream’s thickness?

Like a suitcase full of first-edition brilliance?

You shake your head: No. Heavy, like…

a sack of drenched grains.

I laugh. Your self-deprecation

is the height of ludicrousness

You smile, tucking

the curls behind my ear;

What comes to mind

when you think of my name?

My turn to smile;

your name stretches my lips

as easily as a lily bursting open in bloom

Your name is the collection

of gossamer threads wrapped

around my brain

the comfort of cashmere

the light of an incandescent

glittering reflections of sun on water

the billowing of a scarf

in the soothing zephyr

keeping my attention

in apt rapture

Like a marble I roll between my fingers

your name is the ball set rolling

down the lane angled to strike down

every single pin of my stoicism

It's not a quote. It's just a feeling i want to share. It's just words i want to send. I want to stand by someone's side without hurting him. If i do,there's no going back in time. Magic may or not exist. But i believe in magical love. Before,i wasn't this interested in the meaning. Now i want to be a fighter for someone's heart. When you see someone everything changes-mood,day,face,feeling. The feeling is mostly important to release out. Don't be scared to say what you want to say. You go there and tell the person next to you how you feel. Behind the feeling and words there is the truth making a person to open his eyes and hear what they should hear. Why do I want to be important for someone? It's difficult not to lose in games and life,but it's not impossible to try again. When the bird falls from the roof,it can try to fly again. You know,there goes this-when you fall somewhere,you keep trying,it means you never gave up,you never gave your heart to the darkness. You never allowed your heart to be black. Being black it's a disease,but it can be a lesson too. Being a human without imperfections it's not worth it. It's worth it when you have mistakes,just to create the balance. And you make the universe capable. You make it stable. Nobody can rule the world unleast if they change people's souls into something way better. Not everyone wants to be changed. Someone like you would do something for me. Someone like you would send his words through his stare. Somebody that can be a difficult person doesn't mean you can't try to be connected to him. It means that you and him are the anchor of things. Capable of something good. You make the connection. You release emotions with the person next to you. Why is this loneliness sometimes? Do we have to apologize for being like this? No. We need something healthy for our souls,our souls need something to decline our suffering and leave it away. When and why? How and who? Everything is a mystery unless....if we are too.

Where are all my convictions? On top of some pocket or did I leave them in the middle of the road? I don't remember where the parts I scattered went, but maybe if I manage to fly with my wings and my soul evolves, I will be where heaven is - true happiness.

-t.f.s.