You Can Say "I Am Struggling To Do [x Thing] Because Of My Disability" And Neurotypicals + Able-bodied

Recent musing

Friendships come in different forms, yet we often overlook that a friend represents a relationship. Just as life ebbs and flows in a romantic relationship, a similar dynamic occurs in friendship.

I have two wonderful close friends. One, whom we'll call A, has been my day one; we have been closely connected for almost 20 years. She feels like a part of me in another body, but with her own unique twist. My second friend, whom we'll call Y, is someone whose energy matches mine perfectly. I made friends with Y in my twenties, and I look forward to a lifelong relationship with her.

A and I rarely fight; we see eye to eye on about 95% of things and truly understand each other. However, with Y, we do have disagreements from time to time, but the love between us remains strong.

I've noticed that when you share a conflict you're having with someone, people's responses often depend on your relationship with that person. For example, if it's a romantic partner, they might try to help you see things from a different perspective, unless the disagreement is particularly severe or the partner is abusive. In those cases, people generally won't advise you to end the relationship. However, when it comes to friendships, it seems that we tend to have less compassion.

We often believe that all friendships should resemble the ideal of "i and A," where everything is perfect. However, in reality, friendships are more like "i and T." It's normal to have disagreements; what's important is how we handle them. It's okay to fight, make amends, learn from the experience, and grow together. There's no need to cut ties with a friend over a misunderstanding. While I recognize that this might be an unpopular opinion, I believe it's a necessary reality. Personally, I tend to reflect seriously before ending any relationship, but I notice that many people react impulsively during conflicts in friendships.

My ramble tonight is simply that your friends deserve a second chance, or even a third and fourth, too, as long as they are not malicious and do not intentionally harm you.

Fe

Feelings that come with a new year

It’s melancholy

You can’t be too excited, lest the entire year doesn’t go as expected

You can’t be too sad because there isn’t any present reason to be

Can you hope?

Sometimes it feels futile, your hope can’t make it go any way either good or bad

So I ask for the strength to seat and be excited about the present, while working towards a reality that I am hopeful about

Nigeria is the first African team, whether men's or women's, to advance to the Olympic quarterfinals in basketball 🇳🇬✊🏼✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿

Am I ambitious

I have dreams, goals, things I want to do the kind of life I want to live but am i ambitious? I feel like I want to achieve my goals but also sleep when I need to or even want to, I want to have this lifestyle but actually have time to be in it.

Now I am not interested in being a new bill gates or Elon musk because I feel that kind of success defeats the purpose, your time, mind and life is perpetually occupied with one thing and for me that’s not exactly living

On the verge 

This is not a poem or poetry, it’s rambling, I feel close to tears not for anything in particular but because I think I feel everything and nothing all at once, i want them to come get me and make me feel better, i want them to call but i know I don’t want to pick up, I want them to stay and I want them to go, I want the opportunities but I don’t know if I can manage, I want ice cream, berry blast and suya, I want to be home so bad, I want to close the door of my room and disappear, I want to ball my eyes out.

I want to not care so much, while simultaneously caring about everything, I wish I had more bandwidth, I feel loose at the hems, I feel too overstimulated but somehow bored, I want to not exist, I want to not feel, I want to sleep so deeply and only wake up when necessary, I want love, I want to be wanted but also not care about being wanted, I want to move out but stay put.

Nothing helps, nothing helps, should I have fought harder, why does life have so much to do with fighting, even plants fight each other for sunlight, can being alive even ever be categorized as peaceful, I think to be alive is chaos, living is chaotic, the entire universe is chaos with everything hanging on a delicate balance.

This too shall pass, Abi is that this too shall end, anyone Sha, social media is shit, the economy is shit, can I manage my life, myself. Knowing there is something special about myself doesn’t make me feel special, does anyone feel so uncomfortable being seen as I do? I don’t want to need anyone or anything, why do we all need sustenance, why can’t life be just a little easier, to be Nigerian feels like you drew the short straw, do you think we draw straws for the kind of life we get to live?

I passed out once, I think about it sometimes the simple and quiet emptiness of not being conscious or could we also say of not existing, I feel nothing but a low buzz of everything, I know it’s there, I am just disconnected

Do not quit!

What does that mean?

Why stay in a place, in something that brings you no joy, that brings mostly negative emotions without trying to find something new.

I choose to be brave, to take a leap and be hopeful that

It will all work out, that everything will be okay.

That I will be fine.

How to love her.

She is soft

Careful with her

She is strong and quiet

But loves a good laugh

Remember she is soft

Be gentle, patience

that’s her language

Careful intentionality

Is what is required

Be kind, generous and soft

She will reveal herself

Slowly like a puzzle

Patience again and again

She is all you’ll ever need

These days

When I feel overwhelmed or just not great

I want to be wrapped in your arms and hear you say breathe (insert name)

“Please, I want so badly for the good things to happen.”

— Sylvia Plath