Blakemadden​:

i have feelings for u. not telling u which ones.

heart: randomly starts beating faster me: what is it what do you see

renfarber​:

She could physically feel his eyes on her, so that two feet away still felt impossibly close. It was the way he’d looked at her for a thousand lifetimes, and she would never get used to the way it burned her skin. She wondered if he felt it too, as her eyes traveled over the face she’d long since memorized.

There was so much they needed to talk about, but everything they said felt like throwing knives. Even if one didn’t land a blow, all they were doing was giving each other ammunition. She knew the latter was true about the words on the tip of her tongue. His ego would soak them up like so much whiskey, but she filled both of their empty glasses and then spoke them anyway.

“I haven’t been with anyone since you. Not… not seriously, I mean. There have been hookups, obviously, and flings, I guess, but… nothing more than that. Blake noticed it, years ago, and asked me why, so I told her about… my first love. And how I’d never felt anything so intensely in my life, and how overwhelming it was for me then. And how I purposely fucked it up because it scared me so much.” She avoided his eyes, absentmindedly (nervously) tapping her glass. 

“I didn’t tell her your name, which was obviously a mistake in hindsight, but… I did tell her you had the only key to my lock,” she said, letting out a small humorless laugh, taking a sip of her drink. “Just in case you wondered how much she knows.”

-

He didn’t know if he should be relieved that she had just ended their little spat by pouring whiskey. either way he hadn’t felt so present in a moment than he’s ever had than when he was with her. always an electric current in the air, whether it was a spark or flaming fire. he took his heavy bottom glass back to his lips for a sip when she had spoke again. the topic change at hand made him take another long sip before she had him hanging on every word. it was like being let into her diary. he found himself surprised that she hadn’t taken a chance on anyone else, and that he was being labeled as her first love. serenity was his and only, despite what he believed he claimed on his wedding day. Though another sentence that left her lips made him more perplexed. 

“Is that why you did it…?” His voice trailing off as his head couldn’t help but recall the past. He remembered the night she told him. But every word or explanation had she given him had just went one ear and out the other. He didn’t want to hear it, and he had thanked that defense mechanism many times. One of his many toxic traits was believing that being stubborn was a great thing. It was always easier for the orphan to walk through life with his guard. Had he heard this reasoning then, he wouldn’t be as receptive as he was now. Though the booze might have helped. “You were too scared to...” he paused looking at the counter again as he figured how to word the reasoning she had given him. “...love me?” He said lifting his head and eyes back to her. He still wasn’t even too sure if that was the right wording. “So you decided to hurt me in the worst way possible to end it?” These words flowed out without any malice. Just the string of these specific words trailing one another made it seem harsh. Leo’s face was soft as he tried to analyze it in a way that only a broken man could do. That there was something the matter with him. He reached his hand out to wrap around the glass once more.

closed starter for: @tianaleiwilder​ location: at the dive bar on the 9th

Leo’s legs were stretched before him on the bar stool beside him. Shins dangling off of the cushions though he made no effort to take up more real estate. The dive bar wasn’t too busy on this late weekday night. He liked it this way. It was kind of like having the place to himself. the hum of conversation, throwback music, and the sounds of a game of pool were completely comforting to Leo. He had his usual in front of him. A whiskey sour, so chilled that the glass was sweating.

He ignored it for the time being for his phone in his hands, which rested on his lap. He bit his lip, wondering what he should say as he looked at the text messages between him and Ana. He had been the last one to say something which was evident by the multiple blue bubbles. But she hadn’t said a thing to him for three hours. His leg started to shake as he tried to figure out a way to say something but not seem so eager as he had felt. He had to play it cool but he was feeling the opposite as he looked at the time stamp of her last message. But then the grey dots popped up on the left side of the screen and Leo could feel himself shift to being excited. He quickly grabbed his drink and took a sip with his eyes still on the phone.

blakemadden​:

Blake felt like she had whiplash with he way Leo’s mood towards her seemed to change as he heard there was no other man in the picture. Eyes widening as he pushed his way back towards her almost toppling other people in the process, he sounded genuinely concerned for her. How that might change if he knew the reason she was doing it on her own was because she hadn’t told him that he was the other party involved. “I…yes…well no not all by myself I have friends and stuff that are helping out but..” She trailed off, looking down at their hands as he took hold of them, unable to stop herself from grasping them back. In an ideal world the two of them would be doing this together, as parents to their baby, but he had a wife so this was likely as close as that little dream could come to being a reality.

“Leo…you don’t have to do that.” The baker murmured as she looked up at him, feeling a wave of emotion coming over her. If only this could be how the two of them were as a genuine couple. God that would make her so happy. “You have your…everything else to be dealing with. You don’t need to be dealing with me on top of that.” His wife, the unspoken word was wife.An the issue was she wanted him to stand by her side through this, she wouldn’t have been with him in the first place if she didn’t feel something real and deep for him. 

-

Leo felt her smooth hands began to take hold of his, and this caused his ego to stir in him. He hadn’t totally lost her affection like he thought. She was holding onto his hands with the same warmth she had months ago. He listened to her and shook his head at her reasonings. “But I want to. I want to be one of those friends that are helping you out. Don’t keep me from being one of them.” He pleaded, and suddenly his desire to help became a way to weasle himself back into her life. He did wanna be there for her, she looked so helpless, but it was such a perk to have access to her again. 

“Hey, relax,” he nearly cooed. “I’ve made time for you before, and you’re not something to deal with Blake.” He said closing the space so it was just her baby bump between them. But his eyes never left her beautiful face. "I’ll do what I can for you.” He said, his words coming out like a lover’s promise but he was also establishing his boundaries. He was going to be a good friend for her within reason. He didn’t want the responsibility of raising a kid that’s for sure. 

seasonal aesthetics.    —  by dismaymemes. bold what applies to your muse.                      for : leo davis.

𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑.    a chill right down to the bones.   tobogganing.   teeth chattering.   sleeping all day. sitting by the fireplace.   spending time with family.    layered clothing.   seeing another’s breath.   loving the cold.   a state of inactivity.   cold hands.  blistering winds shaking the closed windows.   a bookcase full of brand new books and all of the time in the world to read them.  cable knit socks.   a bitter remark.  a log cabin in the middle of nowhere.  hating the cold.  full-length windows to peer out of.  pale skin.   deep conversations. watching the snow fall. sharp edges. hot cocoa.   smelling every candle in the store.  a wild snow storm. melancholy.  lighting candles around the bathtub.  snow globes.  expressing yourself but never finding quite the right words. the softest of blankets.   liking, but not loving something or someone.

spring, summer & fall under the cut.

𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆. the smell after it rains. being in control of yourself. a soft breeze blowing your hair. lightning when it strikes. cherry blossoms. bright mornings. the first sign of hope. the relief of finding something you lost.  paris in the spring. birds chirping. the art of growing.  a kiss on the cheek. the clap of thunder. a tornado in the valley.  smiling at a stranger. planning. saccharine pinks.  making promises. trying something new. hugs when you need them most.     a bee sting.  sitting on the steps of the met. coming inside drenched from the thunderstorm.  picnics on a red checkered blanket in the new sun. that feeling you get when you put on a good dress. a long hike. rushing when you can take your time. going to the gym/training at ungodly hours. excitement for what’s coming. becoming yourself.  rain boots.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑.       lanterns lit around a campfire.   seeing the sunrise like it’s the first time again and again. melting ice cream. the warmth of sun rays upon skin. fireworks. the feeling of never wanting something to end. beach days.  the lone blow up floaty left in the pool.  drifting with the warm nights breeze and nothing else. music blasting at 3am,  loud and proud.  palms trees on sunset boulevard.  longer days and shorter nights.  wanderlust.  nights spent staring at the stars.  sand castles.  road trips.  blood orange sunsets. leaving the laundry to hang outside. flowers in bloom.  sneaking out of your room late at night.  pure contentment. barefoot in the sand.  the street lights coming on.   the sound of the ocean in a seashell.  freshly squeezed lemonade. loose clothing.  a cannonball into the pool. sunflowers. the hazy pink before dusk.   relaxation.

𝐅𝐀𝐋𝐋.   the leaves changing colors.  a heavy backpack. the smell of old books. eating until you’re stuffed. deep, dark woods.   the silence in loudness ( the loudness in silence ).   abandoned houses.   ripped jeans. crunching leaves beneath feet.  feeling like you’ve been somewhere before.  sitting at a bay window. having endless amount of work.  charcoal drawings.  screaming into a pillow as loud as you can.  pumpkin patches. creaky floorboards.   accepting that some things do have to change.   museums.     small talk.   being ignored.  procrastinating.   a door slamming shut.   going to bed early.  baking pies.   the fear of walking alone in the dark. feeling completely and terribly lost.  a twig snapping. crisp, cool days. belly laughter after crying.  converse. foggy mornings at the shoreline. writing a daily entry in a journal. a lonely day.

xbhandri​:

@le0davis​

“Don’t you dare say anything. I don’t want to know. Just because you’re teaching my ex-husband how to act does not mean I want to know if he word vomited anything about our night together. Tell me everything.” Xavier quickly backtracked on what he was rambling about. “No, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. Why is sex so good? Not with him. Okay, like, with him, but in general. I meant in general.” He scrunched his face with a small tilt to his head. Taking a sip of his drink, he tried to ignore the feelings instead. “So what about Broadway. What’s your dream role, lover boy?”

-

Leo laughed after Xavier went on a little tangent. His relationship between Nate was a completely different vibe than his with Xavier. with Nate, Leo was a teacher and felt such responsibilty with him. with Xavier, Leo was himself; the good and the bad fully. Xavier was the only one who knew everything. hell, xavier added fuel to Leo’s fire. “Sex is so good.” He agreed quietly with his body slack on the couch and his hand and a halful glass resting on his thigh. “Dream role?” He repeated and then proceeded to murmur himself as he thought about it. “Any male lead.” He answered but he felt it was too general. “Roger from RENT.” His heart answered. “That would be fucking sick.” His enthused, still just a simple theater kid underneath the full beard. 

mood: joe goldberg

norahphobia​:

“Good, i’ve been looking for a fight.” Norah quips back quickly, out of breath. She knew that wasn’t quite what he meant, but she didn’t want to dwell on worrying him. Easier to crack a joke in return. She shuffles off her black winter coat, brushing off snow from her clothing. She’d been through hell to get there, and briefly considered moving out of Brooklyn once and for all. She had to cross the bridge almost every day lately. “I tried to take the subway,” she begins, settling down into the booth across from him. “And my connecting train just - didn’t fucking come.” The subway system was notoriously fickle, delays and cancellations were basically guaranteed, especially in this weather. “So I had to get a taxi, and the cabbie couldn’t drive for shit in traffic.” 

Pausing to take a sip of water from one of the glasses on the table, she sets it back down with a slow teasing smile. “Or maybe I just thought about standing you up. You may never know.” Truly, she felt bad keeping him waiting. But she wasn’t the type to apologize for worrying someone, it happened so often she hardly registered it anymore. “I love this place.” Norah commented, her voice suddenly softer, amber eyes finally taking a moment to really look at him.

-

Leo’s rigrid posture relaxed instantouesly at her quip. Noted by his crossed arms leaning on the table now. He even laughed. This was something impossible for him not to do around Norah. She intriguied him from the very first moment she opened her mouth. She was one of those people that made him feel cool by proxy. He listened to her tale of traveling between the bouroughs. A classic tale to his native New Yorker ears. And a complete valid reason to be late. It was the teacher in him that deemed punctuality important. But he was happy to see her either way. 

“Oh, really?” He responded to her teasing by blinking multiple times to feign a sense of shock. He head dipped back, eyeing the ceiling of the train car when she expressed her admiration for it. “Yeah, same, I use to work in one.” He said, turning his head back to look her again as he spoke. “Not this one though. This one was closed when I was doing that. No, this one, this one’s quite famous.” His arms uncrossed and a hand tapped the table as he spoke, his voice getting quieter as if the details were a secret. “You see, this one was in Home Alone 2: Lost In New York.” He nodded, sharing the stupid movie fact as if were impressive. He laughed though knowing the whole thing was ridiculous. And he should probably move on to something more important. “Okay now that I’ve already said one movie fact, how about we look at the menu?”