I Have Feelings For U. Not Telling U Which Ones.

renfarber​:

She’d thought she’d be prepared for this. She’d thought that enough time had passed (what was it, almost a decade now?), and that she’d moved on, and she was over what had happened… but she wasn’t. She was smiling, looking at him now, because he looked so much like the boy she’d loved. She was smiling, but her heart had sunk, and her brain was so focused on his face that it forgot to remind her to breathe.

“No,” she said - too loudly for the quiet, echoing theatre, “no, please don’t go. It’s a good movie… I’ve heard. I haven’t seen it, but… that’s kind of the appeal.” Of course, she didn’t need to explain that to Leo. Anyone else on Earth, maybe, but this familiar-but-distant man, standing in shock ten feet from her, giving her almost the same expression he had the last time she’d seen him… he already knew. He knew her love of new things, new experiences, new places, new people. He’d loved that about her once. And it had hurt him in the end.

When she finally remembered how to move, she made her way toward him. Slowly, gingerly, like he were a wild animal or a broken bird, and might either attack or flee if she moved too suddenly. She would deserve both, she knew, even if it had been ten years. But selfishly, she just wanted to see him.

The lights went down, and the projector came on, and they were still standing, staring, closer now but still unsure of each other. “Will you stay?” Ren whispered.

-

Her loud protest to him leaving echoed tremendously. It stopped him in his slow attempt to leave. And quite honestly it warmed him up a bit. It was a good surprise to know that she wanted him to stay and enjoy the film. He hadn’t seen it either, but he couldn’t find himself to speak up as he was grew overwhelmed and overstimulated by everything. He was at a crossroads of what to do. He knew had this meeting been less than the decade that passed he’d already be out the door. Hell, maybe even popcorn in her hair.

Leo’s feet stepped back once she began her approach towards him. He had only stopped when he remembered his drink on the ground. He was stuck between making a mess or allowing her closer. He went with the latter. It did offer him a chance to look at her better. Her hair was in braids, he’d never seen it styled like that before. He also noticed her tattoo collection had grown. When his own collection had diminished.

But it was different now. He was different. He had love coming at him from multiple hearts. Love that he had desperately wanted from just one heart, years ago. Hers. Did he still feel that way now? With his heart strings being pull down by someone on his phone and with broken vows he pretended to keep with his wife? The lights turning down and glow of the hazy film lit the room. It shown upon her face in such a familiar way. He would usually stare at her in this light to watch her reaction when they shared this pastime. He blinked and answered her wordlessly, by sitting back down in his seat. His eyes never moved off of her. He just kept looking at her with an air of anticipation. It took him a bit too long to let it go and turn his head to the screen. He began to become too aware of his own breathing as he felt the side of body she was at heat up. He parted his lips to say something but quickly closed it to focus on the film. But just a moment later, he did once again.

renfarber​:

The pangs of missing Max were hitting her again. She knew it was normal - this child had been a part of her for so long, of course it felt unnatural being away from him now - but her fierce independence had been part of her for much longer. She needed to find a balance between being a mother and being who she’d always been.

Her eyes turned to Leo’s when he said Max’s name, and she noticed then how close their faces were. This seemed so familiar, being alone in the dark with Leo, that for a second she forgot that any time had passed at all. Like he’d always been here, and she’d always been his, and everything that had happened between then and now had just been a dream. Like maybe this was who she’d always been.

Of course, then he said the word married, which did the trick of snapping her out of that. She sat back, clearing her throat, and put her phone back in her pocket. She hated her own heart for beating so quickly, and tried to turn her attention to the film. Which worked… for about thirty seconds.

“I’m sorry,” she blurted out, “…for what I did to you. Did I ever tell you that?”

-

Leo had read her body language as an offense of what he had said. He pulled away and sat back in his seat, his jaw visibly flexing as he tried to figure out what he said wrong. It made him realize that perhaps complimenting her appearance was too forward. But even after all these years, she was far more beautiful than the first time he laid eyes on her. Leo bit his bottom lip, chewing once before speaking, “Uh… I mean you tried to.” He looked down at his lap as he tried to collect his thoughts on the past. Plenty of images of him shutting her out in anger and sadness flashed in his mind. “I wasn’t really receptive to your apology while I was thinking about how you could possibly wanna fuck anyone else than me.” Leo said looking back up at her with a mischievous grin. Then he winked to look as attractive as he could in that moment as if to prove his point.

After a beat, he brought his hands up in lighthearted defense as he laughed at his stupid and blunt way of bringing up their past. “It was a long time ago. I get it now. It’s silly to expect that kind of commitment, especially at that age.” His shoulders lifted once and he popped a kernel or two of popcorn into his mouth. “I mean, change is inevitable, I can’t expect anyone or anything to stay stagnant.” He swallowed before looking at her pointedly. “I mean especially you. You don’t need anyone.” His voice deepened at the end of his thought with darkened eyes. 

You (2018 -)

closed starter: @renfarber​ where: serenity’s apartment

Leo had became desperate. He couldn’t explain the constant desire to want to see and talk to Serenity. She had dodged him so well for the past week. She would appear at Blake’s only when he wasn’t there, and would leave just as before he got there. He had tried texting her. The guy even tried calling her and leaving voicemails. But he got the longest radio silence he’s ever received from any woman. On day eight, he realized he should stop and take it as a sign that he was just nothing but a ghost to her now. But by the next hour, he decided that that was bullshit, and if that were the case he should at least get closure. 

He had gotten Blake to help him, there was no way he could catch Serenity without her help. And quite frankly, Blake owed him a little favor for blind sighting him. He sat on the small steps of Serenity’s place just mulling over things he could say when she arrived. And would look up everytime he heard any movement. 

closed starter: @averydawson​ where: the dive bar on the 9th

Leo was perched on a stool with his forearms relaxed upon the countertop. He looked at peace as he scanned the many bottles of liquor displayed on the high shelves behind the bar. It was impossible to look at him and know that he had woken up in a full sweat that morning. He had looked just as fresh and attractive as always, but on the inside, his stomach was twisting and churning. His mind kept reliving flashes of a nightmare that he prayed would never be his reality. The pang of seeing how hurt his wife’s eyes had looked in the dream, had made him point up high to a caramel colored tequila. “The añejo on the top left, chilled, please.” He said to the bartender who always paid him to mind here at the dive bar on the 9th. He took a breath and swiveled in the stool to get himself to relax as he waited for his drink. As he did so, he caught sight of a familiar face that was twisted up just enough to say, “Actually, you better make that two.” He said loudly for the bartender to hear as he kept his gaze on Avery. “What happened to you?” He questioned when she was close enough now to hear him.

It's 5AM, I'm nihilist, I know there's nothing after this.

—Not everyone can say they’ve been to the Big Apple, but Leo Davis, a thirty-three year-old cis-male has lived in Chelsea, Manhattan for ten years. This is the city of dreams and he knows it, because they came to NYC to be an acting coach. Well, that and as The Regular. Living in the city means they meet all kinds of people, but everyone always seems to think they look like Penn Badgley. They even got away with free cab fare once because of it! 

HEY, HEY THERE THANK YOU CLICKING READ MORE. Before you continue there are heavy topics that will be spoken without much care as they should be approached. Leo’s very direct as is this intro. The following triggers are alcohol abuse, substance abuse, abandonment, cheating, narcism, depression, anxiety, death, suicide, religion, and open aggression. 

—

BASIC INFORMATION

name: Leonardo Anthony Davis

nicknames: Leo, the regular

pro-nouns: he / him

gender: cis-male

age: 33, thirty-three

d.o.b: July 31, 1988

p.o.b: Brooklyn, New York

current address: Chelsea, Manhattan, NY

astrological sign: Leo Sun, Aries Moon, Libra Ascendant

sexual orientation: heterosexual

relationship status: married, but he’s unfaithful

occupation: acting coach

education: grad of tisch school of arts

APPEARANCE

height: 6’0 ft

weight: 176 lbs

build: slim, muscular

hair colour: dark brown 

hair length: curly, shaggy, to the nape of his neck

eye colour: dark brown

wardrobe style: causal to classic well-tailored designer pieces

tattoos: none

piercings: none

jewelry: ( left hand ) white gold wedding band & watch, ( right hand ) white gold pinky ring

defining features: voice, bone structure, nose, full beard

HEALTH

physical ailments: none

mental ailments: undiagnosed anxiety, undiagnosed ptsd, undiagnosed bi-polar disorder, anger management issues, alcoholism

do they drink: oh, yes

do they smoke: cigarettes? occasionally

recreational drugs: mary jane? definitely

addictions: alcohol and sex

PERSONALITY

positive traits: creative, attentive, charming, energetic, passionate

negative traits: blunt, impulsive, volatile, self-centered

likes: coffee, cake, cocktails, music, old films, theatre, yelling, running

dislikes: driving, cooking, small talk, lack of attention, lack of control

character parallels: Joe Goldberg ( you ), Nick Miller ( new girl ), Adam Sackler ( girls )

ACTIVITIES & SKILLS

skills: teaching, creativity ( vision ), acting

weaknesses: his own emotions and actions 

hidden talents: can sing surprisingly well, and lie really well

languages spoken: English, and a little Spanish to get by

brief history

the davis family is to put it quite plainly, a fucking mess. it started out fairly typical. boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy and girl get married and have a baby. and then that baby ends up in foster care as a toddler. oh wait, that’s not typical. just the short end that leo was given by life, and man did life continue to give him a number of short ends. let’s back track at little. 

leo’s mom passed away when he was three years old. growing up everyone had told him she passed because she was sick. when he was old enough to find out what really happened, he regretted it. her autopsy had stated she had died from accidental poisoning, but he knew how to read between the lines. a young couple with a newborn in Brooklyn in that economy? leo’s poor father only made it three more months before he had succumb to his own vices, and figured his child was better off at some home ran by nuns. 

now you’d think, okay, a toddler would have a fine time getting adopted, but it became clear that his terrible toddler years weren’t a phase. he had bounced around from family to family till he was deemed too old to be desirable. leo was generally a quiet kid until this burst of energy would charged right through him. then he was loud, uncontrollable, and almost unattainable. the nuns had claimed he was possessed, but without looking through the narrow eye of religion, it was clear he needed help. but even as an adult he had never found the help he needed. he still deals with inability to communicate his emotions in a healthy way. he chooses vices to keep them subdued. hell, his own livelihood is one to mimic emotion and make others believe it. 

work

through everything, leo found solace in watching the black and white tv in the game room, and reading every bit of dr. suess and shakespeare he could get his hands on. he admired the way things always seemed to work out so well on the screen. how things were always so perfect when planned, written, and especially how they were portrayed. he was in love with that aspect and knew that he could act just as well. 

 he had success in beginning of his so called acting career. he was a vessel of pure potential. but even with a degree of performance arts from nyu, leo couldn’t be what they were all looking for. notes of being too aggressive, too intense, and too much had him fall back to teaching or live on the streets. he wouldn’t have guessed it but teaching all the ingenues and having their careers begin to bloom before his eyes was his own personal hell. he would watch as they took his advice and become far more than he’d ever be. the only thing that kept him going were three things. one, the money for he made was decent, and kept him comfortable in his townhome in manhattan. two, he could at least live vicariously. three, he could afford to forget it all at dive bar on the 9th. 

love

somehow leo met his wife in a cinematic meet cute. it was perfect. too perfect. too perfectly easy. their love affair moved in a way where an outsider could look at them and fill in the passion that wasn’t there. at least it wasn’t there for him. he loved her but didn’t know if that love held any depth. but somehow he made her happy. he didn’t understand himself but he continued through the motions long enough for him to believe that there was something between them rather than connivence. he gave her what she needed to keep her happy. a ring and a home, just anything other than himself. 

no, he reserved his true self for words on a screen. his affair was new and he didn’t deem it as an affair. he was seemingly just getting along with someone who understood him better. someone like himself. someone who wasn’t perfect and didn’t expect him to be. 

wanted connections

- platonic : friends, neighbors, college friends, acting clients, best friend ( the bartender skeleton ), therapist ( the therapist skeleton )

-romantic : exes, wife ( the married patient skeleton ), cat fish mistress ( the pretender skeleton ), baby mama 

-familial : close friend from foster care

Top ten student pet peeves you have?

"Top ten?" He sucked in a breath. "I don't believe I have ten but let's see... one, when they're late. two, when they're not off book. three, when they're not in the right mindset to act. which leads to four, they're not confident in their choices. five, when they're afraid to ask for help. six, when they come to lessons after eating, I hate that. seven, when their ego is in the room for all the wrong reasons. eight, when they're afraid to improv. nine, when they don't practice, that shit's noticeable. and ten, when they cry."

*jokingly hits on you but means it 100%*

blakemadden​:

Blake couldn’t help but swallow hard again, little did the man in front of her know just how frightening the circumstances were for him but instead she’d chosen to lull him into a false sense of security just for the chance to fend off his anger a little longer. She knew Leo had a temper, he was fiery which was ironic since that was one of the things that made him so hot sometimes, but it was also genuinely scary in others. Like the one just moments ago she seemed to have conveniently forgotten with every passing second because the way he was looking at her made the girl feel like she was the most important person in the world. The power he had over her, was significant. “Well, i wasn’t stupid enough to think you’d want to carry on sleeping with me if i told you i was pregnant.” That was…a white lie because she had thought that, but it had been overpowered by the knowledge he was the father and the need to hide that from him. He had a wife for gods sake, the whole thing was madness.

Her eyes locked with his as he spoke about how she was the one who had ended things somehow managed to tug on her heartstrings, her thumb brushing gently across his shoulder. She’d pulled away from him this was true, but for a very valid reason. Not that Leo was about to find out. Still his mention of not trying anything made her knees feel weak because the implication was that he’d otherwise be willing to do so. Actively wanting to do so. And god she had missed the way he used to touch her. “You can try something…if you want…” The words came out in a small whisper, only loud enough for him to hear, eyes still trained on his lips.

“But don’t you want sex more when you’re pregnant?” He questioned, the first question his mind went to. Sex, another addiction that he clutched onto just like he did the bottle. But her decision was more than reasonable. He became stoic for a moment, giving it actual thought. Would he continue to sleep with Blake while she was growing another man’s baby? His eyes skimmed over her now, taking in the effects that pregnancy had on her body besides her showing belly. What he found was that Blake was still Blake, still mesmerizing, but most importantly her assets were fuller and rounder. He could only imagine just how her body looked like now. And something primal in him caused his nostrils to flare with his next breath.

“If I want?” he questioned, confirming the transfer of power she had handed to him so easily. His eyes had continually watched hers so it wasn’t at all hard to notice that her gaze was so prominently on his mouth. He parted his lips to not say a word but to let his tongue swipe his bottom lip as if to regain moisture to the flesh. But he knew what he was doing. It was always so simple to be a charming Casanova when he became sexually awakened like this. He moved carefully and closely to her to make sure only she heard his next words. “I’ll always want to… but I won’t until you beg me.”