Chaos Crew Gals Getting Some Tats✨

Alternative explanations for why your fantasy setting has powerful magic items just lying around where any random schmuck can pick them up:

Up until a couple hundred years ago, the world’s magical background radiation level was much lower than it is today. Most of magic items were once minor lucky charms and simple household conveniences; being designed to function in what’s now considered a low-magic environment, their effects have not only increased considerably in power, but have also become warped in unexpected and frequently ironic ways.

It’s impossible to create a magic item on purpose. Random objects just become magical, and nobody really knows why. Living things are never affected, and the phenomenon seems to favour manufactured objects over natural ones, though it’s unknown whether this is a real trend, or a reflection of the fact that people rarely “use” natural objects in ways that are likely to trigger any powers they might possess.

Magic items are actually the larval form of monsters. They spend the first part of their life cycle sessile, feeding off of the heroic destinies of the adventurers who carry them. When those adventurers eventually TPK, it triggers the next stage of the items’ development; shortly thereafter, the items “hatch” into a new colony of monsters and spawn the next generation of magic items, continuing the cycle.

There exists a possible future where the forces of Order and Chaos fuck up so badly that the world is torn apart and smeared across its own past. The wreckage of that future are/have been/will be raining down over the entire span of history leading up to it. Being indestructible, magic items comprise the bulk of the debris, but sometimes creatures, buildings or chunks of terrain make it through, which is where dungeons come from.

The world’s supply of magic items is actually very limited, but is constantly being manipulated by the gods to place them in the paths of people who will make best use of them – where “best use” is defined roughly as “hey, you know what would be hilarious?”. The random magic item tables the GM rolls on aren’t a game-mechanical conceit, but a completely literal modelling of the gods’ decision-making process.

There are no such thing as magic items. Sometimes ordinary objects just do things when adventurers pick them up. Almost no-one knows this.

So while most rainbow capitalism is sticking rainbows on things and pretending to be an ally, Budweiser’s UK branch is giving credit to trans activists, and explaining pride flag colors.

What people think writing is like: careful planning and thought out plotlines

What writing is actually like: being possessed by an idea that you are constantly arguing with

universe swapsies

I’ve had this sitting around for ages without posting it. Here is my chain OC along with his notes

Sgt. Chapel

Tiefling Fighter

Background

Chapel is a lifer in the Chain. He has been in the Chain since before he had to shave. His mother found refuge from their extensive personal debts in Alloy by marriage to a retiring soldier. Though not a kind man Chapel’s new father taught him everything he knew about fighting. Every dirty trick , every easy scam and every story about the only people you could count on. Childhood was tough as he and his mother were the only tieflings in the village he grew up in. Having realized that there was precious little good will for a half devil child Chapel turned to petty theft and vandalism early on.

When he was a teenager his mother became gravely ill. He read the writing on the wall and in the eyes of his neighbours. He stripped the new thatch roof off the local church and then sold it to a travelling merchant. Chapel used the proceeds to make his own way eventually finding the Chain. 

Chapel has found a peace of sorts and now he lives his life for his comrades. He used to have side businesses going while the Chain was in any given place. A habit he learned from his adopted father. But he has long since given up on a life outside the Chain.

While in Alloy Chapel settled a few old scores with some Chain buddies.

Appearance

A big powerfully built tiefling with a mischievous crooked grin. His jaw has been broken and reset slightly off. His left eye socket is covered with an eye patch. His horns are covered in recent sword and claw marks from the escape from Blackbottom. He’s missing parts of several fingers.

Personality Traits

Loyal

Indulgent

Tribal

Ideals

Be direct but be prepared to win before the fight

Win if you can, lose if you must but always cheat

Bonds

I would die for the Chain

The Chain are the only family I have

I always have time for my family

Flaws

I can’t make a life for myself anywhere else

I don’t want to be an officer

Modern knights

Concept: a fantasy setting where cursing people works like serving a subpoena – i.e., you have to provide notice, in writing, of the cause and particulars of the curse in order for it to take effect, and the intended target can avoid being cursed by constructing a plausible argument that they never received the necessary paperwork.

I don’t have plots, I have several hundred cool, but vague characters and unconsecutive scenes that may or may not belong in the same universe

I haven’t drawn the Elf Squad in a million years, what’s up

I don’ think this is true in any way shape or form, but I thought it was funny.