Not Gonna Grow Into These Wings!

they’re twins except one is a sharp utensil and the other a puppy

corrective action

that's a weird looking dog you got there, claude 🐀⛓️

Growing up is actually all about realizing people don’t inherently dislike you and it’s a bit odd to assume they do

I'm reading a book named "A Guide to The Correction of Young Gentlemen Or, The Successful Administration Of Physical Discipline To Males, By Females" - essentially, a fantasy femdom BDSM book, written in 1924 by Alice Kerr-Sutherland but first published in 1991.

It has some genuinely fascinating stuff to say about gender, and I feel like it's worth looking at/thinking about in the context of Historical Gender Stuff. This 100 year old book has the following to say:

"The truth is that some young gentlemen would rather they had been born young ladies: they cannot admit this openly, because in the male world to confess as much would lead to instant ostracism if not worse; but they cannot conceal it either, and by preferring the company of girls, and soft, feminine clothing, and by flinching during the rough pursuits to which all boys, willing or no, are occasionally heirs, they attract opprobrium."

"Such boys weep too readily for their fellows' tastes - weeping is a great crime among boys unless it is generally admitted that circumstances left little choice - and are hounded for that reason."

"Just as there are girls who had rather been boys - we all know examples of the type - there are boys who, in a kinder world, would have been born into the gender more suited to their dispositions."

"Many young people of this sort are riven with a guilt they do not deserve but have been forced, by the conventions of society, to adopt; they are confused, ashamed and thoroughly unhappy."

"The ideal thing to do would be to treat these cases on their merits, send them to girls' schools, and so on. (The same thing should happen with those girls who would rather be young gentlemen.) Boys of this sort are girls in any case-in all respects save one."

"Most subjects of this sort have a secret name - a girl's name."

「 commission 」 portrait for _l_i_a_s ⟁

Soft mushy stuff

trixie thats fucking mean

I’m really scared that I’m becoming an unlikable person as I unmask. I’m more blunt, I talk more, I advocate for myself more and I’m perceived as argumentative when I’m just trying to offer my thoughts/ explain myself. I make sure not to actively be an asshole, so it’s really more just my tone and the social norms that shouldn’t really matter.

I see people give me looks of annoyance when I speak. The exasperation when I finally work up the courage to actually ask a question.

It’s really freeing to not have to think so hard about my every breath or word in social settings but I still really want people to like me. I guess I need to accept that not everyone will, that’s just how it is, but it makes things hard because then those people will treat you shitty.

And then I wonder… is it just my fault? Maybe I should go back to masking. Maybe it’s not worth it to ‘be myself’ or whatever if it will bring ridicule. Even though there’s that crushing, continuous weight that comes from having to conceal parts of myself, maybe I need to just deal with that so I can get along with others.

But I’m also not sure that I COULD go back now.

Thank you for letting me know I interacted poorly. I'm sorry if I made you or anyone else uncomfortable. I'm taking it seriously, and i'm going to be better.

i'm happy to hear that! we should be facilitating healthy boundaries for ourselves and for everyone, especially online. i appreciate you taking it seriously.