I Love You

Do you want me to love myself More than I love anyone else?

they’re twins except one is a sharp utensil and the other a puppy

Destiny + The Onion/Reductress Headlines

future archaeologists will know you were (not) a boy

Goober

reblog to fucking bite the person you reblog from

one of my worst writing sins is abusing my power to create compound words. i cannot write the sentence "The sun shone as bright as honey that afternoon." no. that's boring. "The sun was honey-bright that afternoon" however? yes. that sentence is dope as fuck. i do not care if "honey-bright" is a word in the english dictionary. i do not care if the sentence is grammatically correct. i will not change. i will not correct my erred ways. the laws of the english language are mine.

Red Fox (Vulpes vulpes)

Observed by irkuem, CC BY-NC

so bc i am a Gross Dude my friends i and sometimes rate our burps and my coworker (who is a teen girl) burped in front of me once and i instinctively rated it

so now every time she burps she looks to me hopefully for a rating and bc she has delicate little baby burps i now have to create an entirely new Burp Rating System unique to her bc i rate anything below a 5 and she looks at me like this

that's a weird looking dog you got there, claude 🐀⛓️