You Were A Puzzle, An Endless Maze I Entangled Myself With. I Thought I Didn’t Understand You Because

make a wish, angel. sing it to the stars. dance it to the moon. you are all things beloved, stardust and sea sand. your wish will be fulfilled, your desires will come true. new year is the beginning of your very best life, if it hasn’t started already. nothing and no one can stop you from getting what you want—and everything you want is what you deserve. don’t forget, you are not just another human on earth, you are everything someone could love…

— you are life reincarnated, the goddess’s creation, the universe’s beloved child.

marina grace

you were blue but you were beautiful, the kind of beautiful that rip my heart inside out and the kind of blue that left me drowning in the tears you’ve shed when you thought no one was watching. i thought you were so extraordinary, that you painted such a lovely shade around things and people could only glimpse at you in awe, watching that beautiful blue spread everywhere and leave traces all over the place, blue that tipped from sky to sea and it was all you because that blue was the only colour you could paint, that this world made you blue and you were so colour deficient that blue is the only thing you could give to people like us, people with colours. i’m just sorry i didn’t realise you needed saving until that blue is gone and the blue i’m left with were no longer extraordinary but the kind of blue that empties out all my colours and leave everyone wondering how i became the blue you used to be.

— you painted the world blue and when you left, i became the same blue you spread, empty but beyond beautiful.

marina grace

as a child, our parents’ hands were our comfort, the reason why we’re holding on. as a child, a hug can say all the words needed to be said and a gentle push to another child standing with their parents was a kind message that it’s okay to seek comfort in someone else, that it’s perfectly fine to depend on others for happiness too. as a child, so many little, yet simple things can bring out a smile. perhaps nowadays these little joys aren’t joys anymore. we grew up and we start looking for bigger, better things. perhaps a hug seems like a chore now. perhaps making friends is no longer for the purpose of seeking comfort. perhaps our parents’ hands is no longer the reason we’re holding on. but please remember that all these little things were once simple joys that bring children like you happiness, that’s not something you can take back.

— simple joys our parents gave to us as a child.

marina grace

you are the prize. and if no one has ever tell you that, you are the prize. your worth is not dependent on what other people say about you. your worth is what you are from the moment you were born. you were put this earth to be loved. you deserve the very best things in life. you deserve unconditional love. if there’s someone out there who isn’t treating you like the prize that you are, why are you with them? because they’ve done absolutely nothing to show you that they deserve you. if anything, they are telling you just how little worth they see in you right now, they are telling you that you have no good future with them, at least never a future where they are treating you well and giving you everything that you deserve. if you wouldn’t want to give someone else a future like that, why would you want that for yourself?

— if you see yourself as the prize that you are, would you really stay with someone who tells you you’re not?

don’t delude yourself, you know you wouldn’t hesitate to walk away.

marina grace

we’re talking again. although i no longer have feelings for you, i don’t know what i should do. the friendship we once had is still one i remember well—our good conversations, the way you made me laugh, i didn’t forget it all. i don’t try to remember it but it was good while it lasted, and i’m okay with the way we are now. talking to you again just leaves me torned between keeping you for the sake of our friendship and cutting you off for the relationship i used to hope we would someday have and now no longer want.

— is it finally time to let you go? i know i’ll see you again someday, but it won’t be on our own accord. that’s not the kind of relationship we have. not talking to you or the opposite doesn’t really matter much. i don’t want anything more for us but it doesn’t change the nature of our relationship… we’re still friends after all.

i told you i wouldn’t care, i said it in my head and i meant it. too many chances i have given you only to be left disappointed in the end. it doesn’t matter if i didn’t tell you what was wrong then, because i don’t need you to change to become the person i’m looking for. no, i need more that that. i don’t need a pretender. i deserve a partner who naturally suits me. love shouldn’t be hard. and if you’d cared a little more, pay a little more attention to me, to what i care about, i wouldn’t have to tell you when something’s wrong. even if you didn’t know, you would’ve asked, you would’ve noticed. and to me, that makes a world of difference.

— do you know why i left you behind? if you don’t have the courage to ask me why, i’m better off with someone else.

marina grace

growing up, i taught myself that i didn’t need anyone, that i am perfectly fine without love or friends. i was wrong, because in the process of teaching myself it was okay to have no one, i pushed away those people who genuinely loves me, and growing up, i realised that while it is great to be perfectly fine without love or friends, it doesn’t mean that i can’t have one. it means that i can and that even without them, i am perfectly fine too.

— it’s okay to have no one and it’s also okay to have someone but it isn’t okay when you’re pushing everyone away to be stronger when sometimes, it isn’t them who makes you weak. it’s you.

marina grace

the words we couldn’t say— it bleeds into our silence. don’t say another word, if it’s all going to be meaningless in the end…

— if we dare to speak, i wonder if our love would hold meaning again.

marina grace

what would you do when you realise i no longer like you? when, instead of my attention being immediately on to you, i’m too busy with other things to care about someone that used to matter—and instead of trying to talk to you, trying to see you, staying up longer just to have your time, i’m actually just doing my own thing, caring about myself, no longer trying, no longer doing absolutely everything just to be by your side.

— how would you feel when the waves of my heart stop flowing towards you?

marina grace

I will never let anyone bring me down, and I hope you all can say this with me too. Life has given you many encounters with so many people from all walks of life. Some were good encounters, some were mean and downright embarrassing. Some left you flustered and some left you lingering for more. But regardless of which specific emotions they made you felt, they affected you in some way. Comments may have dug at your self-worth, words that may have dismissed or invalidate your feelings, hidden jealousy or envy that seemingly “good” people hide. They all amount to something, and they might’ve even brought you down, pressured you, saddened you. But now, you’ve come out of it, stronger, better, wiser. Don’t let the past grip you tight. If you remember past pains, past hurt, let it be your wisdom, not your wound. Some people may have brought you down, but that’s exactly why it is to never happen again. That’s why it is necessary that you repeat to yourself: no one can hurt me, no one can bring me down. And remind yourself that you are wise enough to know when to leave, wise enough to know when to stand up for yourself, and wise enough to know at first glance that they are not your people and you will not let them become someone who can hurt you.