I Feel So Alone, I Keep So Much To Myself And Whatever I Do Try To Express I Can’t Properly So No One

active 3d blogs plssss reblog and like i need moots!!!💜

RAHH I’ve had this pain in my back right ribs for days now and it’s making walking so painful 😔

The guilt is eating me alive, knowing that it was my decision to binge, to keep eating despite knowing I shouldn’t, I didn’t have too, no one would have even truly batted an eye if I hadn’t of.

Now it feels like I can’t stop eating, I’m not even hungry my brain just won’t stop thinking about it.

I hate myself so much.

My family just told me that we are moving back down to my hometown in June. I’m so upset Ive worked so hard to establish my life and support system up here and now I’m going to lose it all, and there is barely any mental health services back there. I am now even more determined to lose enough weight to be hospitalised within the next 3 months so I can stay here longer. They can’t take me back, I won’t let them.

Does anyone know how many calories are in a small popcorn from event cinemas? I’m getting vastly different answers from different websites

So I just got back from my friends 3 day birthday trip which ended up turning into a 3 day long binge episode.

3 days of eating 3,000/5,000+ calories a day, food noise making it impossible to do anything or feel any sense of enjoyment, comparing myself and how much I ate to my skinny friend which made me so fucking depressed because she barely ate anything, shamefully gorging myself on food in the bathrooms, being in excruciating pain and discomfort from being so bloated, and having no way of relieving myself of it due to not bringing laxatives and being unable to purge.

This feels like a nightmare, and now I’m home it’s gotten worse, I can’t stop and I’m hanging out with my other friends tomorrow where we have a whole Easter dinner planned. We are probably going to go swimming but I’m so fat anf bloated the thought of taking my clothes off or revealing even an inch of myself makes me want to die. I don’t know what to do, I just want to die. I hate myself so much, I’ve never felt so ashamed, disappointed and insecure in my life.

That being said I just took 8 laxatives and am probably gonna take another 10 or 12 in a couple hours, walking feels useless and honestly painful but once the laxatives start working I might try and exercise for a couple hours.

Going to the movies with my friend tonight so I’m just gonna have a monster until then, and OMAD a little bit of popcorn/snacks we get there and hope and pray I have enough discipline not to go overboard with it :)

OMFG I KNEW I FORGOT SOMETHING AT THE SHOPS I’ve ran out of laxatives ☹️☹️

Restricting while having a job is so hard I literally feel like I’m dying and on the verge of passing out and I still gotta go clean an entire department hot and dehydrated as hell in the span of 3 hours 💔💔

I’ve got some social outings planned this week and I’m shitting bricks, I’m hanging out with my friend tomorrow arvo which I’m not too concerned about because I can just make believable excuses but I’m having a 2 night sleepover with my best friend and I have no idea how I’m gonna restrict without it causing red flags (they know about my disordered behaviours) but I refuse to binge again or eat over my cal limit so if anyone has any ideas for excuses or ways to discreetly get rid of food they would be greatly appreciated 🙏🙏