I’m Switching Up One Of My Meals And Oh My God I’m Shaking I’m So Stressed Because It’s Not Pre

I’m actually losing my mind somebody sedate me

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

The binge urges have been hitting hard lately, thankfully I haven’t fully given into them but it’s been causing me to slack off and eat more than planned.

Im praying so hard to keep my restraint tonight when I get home from work, and for this weekend since I’m having a sleepover.

Next week I’m locking in so hard I’ve only got 2 shifts so I’m gonna try liquid fast as many days as I physically can so I can try speed run my goal of reaching 50kg by the end of this month.

Guys fhis is a new low, not only did I spend yesterday and today binging because I was with my friend but when I tried to purge it up just now I missed the toilet bowl and projectile vomited all over my bathroom (didn’t even get much up anyways so it was a waste of time).

I’m so done, I don’t even know what to do at this point I’m just so ashamed. I want this all to stop I want someone to help me but I can’t bring myself to ask for help because I’m too fat and not sick enough to warrant even needing any help. My only hope is death, but I don’t want to die fat, but I can’t keep living like this.

Dude I feel so conflicted cause Ive been depressed as hell and was gonna go to the movies with my friend to distract myself and make myself feel better but now plans changed so we are watching it tmr so now I’m still depressed but I do have assignments due so technically it’s for the better?

Update on the sushi situation from last night, I did end up eating it and something else which I deeply regret although if my calculations were right with the sushi I did stay under 500 cals. I hate how easily I gave into desire, I feel like I have no discipline whatsoever. To make up for breaking my fast early I’m going to fast for the entire weekend and maybe Monday, and work out even harder. God I hate myself.

GUYS I MADE IT INTO THE BMI 17’S LETS GOOO 💪💪

I see nothing but fat when I look at the mirror

After a particularity gruelling binge last night, I am as of now officially back up to my highest weight of 57kg. A month and a half of restricting, almost 7 whole kg lost, all gained back in the span of 6 days. This feels like a nightmare that I just want to wake up from, I want it all to stop but it won’t. Im in so much pain, I just to purge it all out but I can’t because barely anything comes out when I try to make myself vomit and I have to wait until tonight to take any laxatives because I don’t want to risk shitting myself at work. I feel so alone, I just want this all to end. I dont want to lose my friends but I can’t control myself around them, not like I used to be able too. I can’t take another week of this constant binging because I’m hanging out with them every single fucking day. I just can’t do this, I don’t know what to do.

I hate food I hate my brain why can’t I stop thinking about food I can’t do this I can’t control myself I can’t binge again but I know I’m going to I can’t do this