Just Went Over My Calorie Limit By 100 On Something That Tasted Mediocre At Best I Am FUMING

Guys fhis is a new low, not only did I spend yesterday and today binging because I was with my friend but when I tried to purge it up just now I missed the toilet bowl and projectile vomited all over my bathroom (didn’t even get much up anyways so it was a waste of time).

I’m so done, I don’t even know what to do at this point I’m just so ashamed. I want this all to stop I want someone to help me but I can’t bring myself to ask for help because I’m too fat and not sick enough to warrant even needing any help. My only hope is death, but I don’t want to die fat, but I can’t keep living like this.

I’m so anxious I’m going to wake up having gained or maintained the anticipation is making it impossible to sleep PLEASE LORD I KNOW IM ON MY PERIOD SO IM GOING TO GAIN AND RETAIN WATER WEIGHT SUPER EASILY BUT I NEED TO WAKE UP 53kg PLEASEEE

I want to up my intake to 800 a couple days a week so I can speed up my metabolism and get more protein in but I did it today and I feel horrible and out of control and like I’m going to gain so much weight. I don’t know how or if I’m going to be able to do it to be honest, and even worse, I’m having a big sleepover with my friends this weekend and I’m sure there will be so much food. I want to cry, I can’t do this, why can’t this weight just get the fuck off of me already.

oh my god and I just remembered that im going to the doctors tomorrow and they might weigh me, what if I gain from eating so much today, I wanted to be underweight by the time I got weighed by a doctor again, how the fuck am I going to lose a kilo and a half overnight.

GUYS IVE MADE IT INTO 51KG TERRITORY IM ONLY LESS THAN HALF A KILO FROM BEING UNDERWEIGHT (I’m still considering myself 170cm until I get it properly checked at the doctors) !!

I’ve gotta be so careful at the sleepover tonight though, I’m not gonna restrict as much I don’t think because the last time I did they clocked that shit immediately but I’m gonna try stay under my BMR and then when I get back I’m gonna fast.

Wish me luck y’all !!

Broke my fast even though I wasn’t hungry, gave up 2 seconds into my workout and found out that due to binging and being a lazy fuck like I am tonight losertown estimates I’ll be at my ugw on the 10th of July, a whole month later than I had planned to reach it.

I want to die, I am constantly miserable and everyday I get closer and closer to genuinely just killing myself because I can’t take this. I hate my body and I hate my mind, I hate myself.

Introduction

ׂ╰┈➤ Hello! My name is Kassidy / Kas and I use they/them pronouns.

I restrict / binge and purge through laxatives.

I’ve been lurking for a couple years now on and off, too afraid to post anything due to the fact I am undiagnosed.

I have been engaging is disordered eating behaviours for many years now, but feel uncomfortable labelling myself as having an eating disorder or anorexia until I’ve lost enough weight to get diagnosed. (Imposter syndrome be damned).

I want to use this blog now to connect with other disordered people as the loneliness that comes with these behaviours has become unbearable, and document said behaviours and progress as I work towards reaching my ugw.

Mutuals are welcomed and encouraged, and DM’s are always open <3

─── ──── ─── ♱ ──── ─── ────

I am sixteen (08) and 170cm.

Current weight: 53kg (bmi 18.3)

Goal weight 1: 48kg (bmi 16.6)

Goal weight 2: 42kg (bmi 14.5)

Ultimate Goal weight: 38kg (bmi 13.1)

Block don’t report please!!

Honestly so excited for school starting tomorrow, I love the routine and it gives me something to do and think about besides my disordered eating :)

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

I will not binge at the movies with my friend.

Only .5kg away from my GW, and I actually think I’m gonna reach it this time considering besides the general temptations here and there I have no intention of binging.

My plan was to get my nails done to celebrate reaching my GW but I have to save my money, so if anyone has any other free/cheap reward ideas lmk !! 🫶