Kians-blog2 - * 𝓫𝓸𝔂 𝓶𝓮𝓮𝓽𝓼 𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓵...

seojvns‌:

“so am i,” he says, taken aback by kian saying so. jun probably made it obvious that he was thankful that he ended up with him daily with the little gestures; making food for them both without being asked, keeping their dorm tidy on a regular basis, waiting up for kian to come home even on nights where he didn’t. seojun finds comfort in his assurance, a soft smile on his lips. “i can’t help it either,” he admits, “and i don’t think it’s childish.” it’s ironic, for seojun to be assuring kian now, but that seemed to happen way more often than kian ever needed - not that jun was aware. he gives his hand a gentle squeeze in return. he wants to believe what kian’s saying, but it’s difficult. the insecurities that had a tendency to seep in were constantly nagging at the back of his mind, giving him little reminders of why kian was wrong. but it’s nice to hear. “you’re too nice to me,” he can feel his cheeks warm again, and he’s thankful for the darkness now. “i don’t know how true any of that is, but if you think so, maybe someone else will too,” he says, his words laced with hope. maybe if he wasn’t such a romantic at heart, he wouldn’t put such an importance on love - that’d probably be the healthier option, but he’s a hopeless romantic in every sense. he lets out a playful huff in protest when kian pokes at his side, but he’s still smiling too. “maybe i’ll try to take more risks,” he muses, but if he actually will… it’s difficult to say. “is it?” he scrunches his nose again at kian calling it very nineties. he wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or not. “oh,” he says, his voice soft. “i get that,” he adds, “i think i probably play it safe most of the time too.” and now he’s the one squeezing kian’s hand to reassure, not wanting him to feel embarrassed. 

he doesn’t know how their conversations always turn out like this, with seojun being the one to somehow reassure kian of everything, but it happens every single time. by now, he believes that it’s because his roommate just has a lot of insecurities and some kind of need to take care of people out of the fact that he can’t really take care of himself. and not in the traditional sense, but in the more emotional, mental sense. he should really make more of an effort to get to the bottom of that. “trust me, remember?” he quirks a brow. “it’s always hard for us to see ourselves the way others do. but, i promise, you’re someone worth having. though, i’m not so sure anyone is worth having you.” he states. “i don’t think it counts as being nice if it’s true. i’m just being honest.” he smiles, leaning over to press his lips to seojun’s cheek. “hey, you’re taking a risk with me right now.” he points out, waving his hand slightly in the air. “kinda?” he laughs. “hooking up in a bathroom at a party seemed to be a staple in nineties movies.” he explains. “or was it the early two thousands? i can’t remember.” he shrugs. “but do you want to?” he asks. “play it safe all the time? i mean, these are our college years. we’re suppose to be doing all the things that are somewhat crazy and risky. it’s not like anyone’s here to stop us.”

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ moonsu. ❜

KIAN: did you send me flowers today? KIAN: i mean ik it sounds like smth you’d do KIAN: but you can never be too sure KIAN: you might have competition 😉

↳ CRIMSON PEAK (2015), dir. guillermo del toro

SEOJUN: i’ll stop being responsible as soon as you finish studying 😛 SEOJUN: i really really really think so SEOJUN: pls, i know you’d never lie to me… and i’m your roomie so of course i’d know if you were 😄 SEOJUN: try me!! anything means anything SEOJUN: would you really wanna do that???? with me???? SEOJUN: skipping class isn’t something i like to do, but… that sounds like a lot of fun :(

KIAN: look at my face..... thats the face of a man whos on his last leg i cant study any longer junnie i just cant KIAN: ok mr. anything means anything but dont say i didn’t warn you about it bein dangerous territory KIAN: ya ofc..... why wouldn’t i? KIAN: then make an exception KIAN: just for me 😋

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

SASKIA: do you think i am? SASKIA: if you’re allergic to cats i’m allergic to you :/ SASKIA: excuse u SASKIA: i can take perfect care of myself thank u v much!!

KIAN: honestly...... i have no idea KIAN: what ARE you into?? KIAN: thats rude? its not like i can control what i’m allergic to KIAN: i’m sure u can but he can take of himself better KIAN: cats kinda scare me ngl KIAN: i had one when i was younger & i swear he was tryna kill me

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ saskia. ❜

MINJI: look who i just brought home MINJI: he looked so lonely at the kitty coffee shop ): MINJI: i named him seojun jr !!

KIAN: seojun jr? like after seojun yoon? KIAN: y’all fuckin or sumn lmao

SEOJUN: one of us has to be the responsible one, but know it’s out of love!! SEOJUN: it’s impossible to be too nice to you, you deserve all the niceness in the world SEOJUN: that’s what you want me to think, huh?? :( SEOJUN: fineeee fine. if you sayyyy so SEOJUN: like anything you want!!  SEOJUN: or whatever i want if you’re feeling adventurous 😊

KIAN: be responsible some other time 😕 KIAN: you really think so? KIAN: c’mon do you think that i’d lie to you? KIAN: anything?? thats dangerous territory KIAN: why don’t we just skip out on this week KIAN: forget our classes forget our responsibilities KIAN: we can go on a mini road trip 

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

I used to think I was tough, but then I realized I wasn’t. I was fragile and I wore thick fucking armor. And I hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. And I thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t.

James Frey 

seojvns‌:

for @kians. ♡

he’d dozed off a few times now while waiting up for kian and was starting to think, in the brief moments of consciousness, that maybe he wouldn’t be back to their dorm at all tonight. it wasn’t surprising, but it was frustrating. seojun didn’t plan his life around kian or anything - he wasn’t that invested, but he liked knowing that he was here and safe. especially with everything that’d been going on lately. was it really that much to ask of kian for him to send him a brief text on the nights he wouldn’t be back anyway? seojun certainly didn’t think so, but maybe kian would disagree. the worst part was that he didn’t have the right to feel so protective over him and, yet, here he was. as protective as ever. 

as soon as he heard the door open, his head lifted, eyes snapping open as all sleepiness he felt previously quickly evaporated. but he still looked sleepy, with his eyes puffy and his hair messy from falling asleep on the couch. “hi,” he said, his voice soft, his eyes staying on kian. he wanted to ask where he’d been, but knew it wasn’t fair to, so he didn’t. instead he stared, hoping for any bit of attention kian was willing to give him - if he even was. “um, welcome home,” he said, pulling himself up off the couch. “are you… hungry? i could make you something to eat, if you want,” he offered, all too willing to do anything that kian wanted. but that was nothing new. he’d jump through hoops all day, if he were asked.

kian does everything for a reason. the way he dresses, the way he smiles, and the way he does his hair always depends on which toy he’s playing with that day. if he can’t get something out of it then he doesn’t do it, period. it wouldn’t be fair for him to put in so much work if he got nothing in return. lucky for him, he knows nearly everything he needs to about his roommate and he definitely uses it to his advantage. spending so much time together in such close quarters has given him the leverage he needs to pull on seojun’s strings a little harder and push him a little farther. and, god, he’s so fun to play with. he might be kian’s favorite. he barely has to do anything at all and, yet, is given so much. it’s like christmas every day. he takes his time walking up the stairs to their dorm, reading over texts that he doesn’t plan on answering, and he even takes a break to catch the breath that he never lost in the first place. it’s just so exhausting being him.

switching to the camera on his phone, he checks his appearance and notes that his eyes are a little red from his activities earlier that night. still, he rubs at them a little more and even touches his eyeball to get them to water before wiping the tears away. he wants to look like he’s been crying. when he’s satisfied, he carelessly drops his phone to the ground then picks it back up again. it doesn’t crack the first time around so he repeats until it does. when he sticks his key in the door, he counts to five, then enters. he isn’t surprised to see that seojun is there, waiting for him, but he pretends to be. “oh!” he says, making a show of wiping at his eyes. “i didn’t expect you to be up.” yes, he did. “you didn’t have to wait up for me, junnie.” he says, forcing a sad smile onto his face. he turns away to lock the door and pretend like he doesn’t want to look at the other.

“i’m—” he swallows hard before clearing his throat, “i’m fine.” he says. “thanks for the offer though, i appreciate it.” he adds, reaching forward to caress his cheek. “you should go to bed.” he states, pressing the button on his phone as he pretends to check the time. but, really, he just wants to make sure seojun sees the cracked screen. “it’s late.” he mumbles, shoulders slumping. he places his phone down on the tv stand then shrugs off his jacket and kicks off his shoes. he pretends as if he’s just going to head for his room then quickly turns and pulls his roommate into a tight hug. “i don’t deserve you, junnie.” he whispers. “i know you’d never hurt me. you’d never break my heart like he did or break my phone just to add insult to injury.” he sighs. “how did i get so lucky with you?”