I Used To Think I Was Tough, But Then I Realized I Wasn’t. I Was Fragile And I Wore Thick Fucking Armor.

SEOJUN: if anyone believes in you, it’s me SEOJUN: but if you need to take a break… that’s okay too!! take care of yourself 💕 SEOJUN: dangerous territory is my middle name SEOJUN: mr. seojun dangerous territory anything SEOJUN: i don’t know!! you could choose anyone you want to  SEOJUN: i guess i can make an exception for you 😇 SEOJUN: but if anyone asks, i’m sick SEOJUN: i don’t want to get a rebellious reputation 

KIAN: i always wanna take a break tho like when does it become a problem? KIAN: weird middle name....... ur parents good? KIAN: bad joke ik i blame it on my brain bein fried KIAN: what makes u think i can just choose anyone i want to? KIAN: i’d still choose u anyway ya know ur my favorite KIAN: wait so....... u want me to lie for u?? KIAN: u may not want a rebellious reputation but i don’t wanna be known as a liar either 😕

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ seojun. ❜

◈ yeeyee

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when kian gets past the point of drunk, teetering ever so lightly on hammered, he gets a little clingy, a little giggly, and a lot honest. it’s really a recipe for disaster. somewhere in his foggy mind, he knows this and his subconscious is screaming at him to just go home. but he doesn’t listen. “can i stay with you tonight?” he practically whines, arms wrapped around moonsu’s neck as he hangs off of him. he knows he’ll say yes, but he pouts anyway. it’s dangerous to be in this position when you’re not an entirely honest person, but it’s freeing. which is something that kian very rarely feels these days. “we can do whatever you want.” he sings, pressing his nose against the boy’s cheek. he kisses the soft skin there then presses another to the corner of his mouth.

dropping one hand from around his neck, he lets it trail over his chest then circles around and hops on moonsu’s back without permission. “you’re so nice, susu.” he compliments, nuzzling his nose behind the other’s ear. “i wish you weren’t, i wish you were mean. then maybe i wouldn’t feel so bad every time we’re together.” he confesses, closing his eyes as he leans all of his body weight on him. “everything would be a lot easier if you just hated me.” he mumbles. “i’m not supposed to feel bad, i never do. but you’re just so … nice.” he repeats again. “stop being nice, seriously.” he chastises. “so when i hurt you, i won’t feel guilty.”

seojvns‌:

“well,” he begins in defense, because he’s not the camping type at all, “i’ve never been. it’s one of those bucket list kind of ideas that i’ve always wanted to do but just haven’t gotten around to?” he tries to explain. the thought of camping with his own parents is enough to make him physically cringe, but as soon as kian mentions the idea of camping with him being an eight out of ten, the smitten expression that’s usually on his face when jun’s with him reappears. “like a horror movie?” he questions, eyes widening at the thought as kian explains exactly why they’d never make it out of the woods alive. “i’m not into girls,” he protests, before correcting himself, “i mean, i am, just not exclusively. i like everyone,” and after the briefest pause he’s explaining himself again, “not, like, everyone, just,” he huffs in frustration, feeling flustered. “i like boys and girls,” he says after letting out a breath, “and i don’t have a double life,” he adds with another huff. “the thought of me doing anything on this table is…” he laughs nervously, “really ridiculous. i’d never,” but never’s a strong word and he’s a weak boy - so to say never was probably a lie, even if he didn’t necessarily realize it. 

“no worries, junnie.” he says, features stretching into a grin, “i’ll take your camping virginity.” and he leaves it at that, turning another page, and pretending like he’s at all interested in what the words say. “must be why we get along so well.” he says, nonchalantly. “i also like everyone. gender doesn’t mean shit to me, kinda stupid when you think about it, you know? like— if you’re lucky enough to find someone who you really dig and who digs you back then why would you let something so trivial stop you? imagine falling in love, but you’re so caught up in the person being the same sex as you that you throw it all away, only to lead a miserable life.” he shakes his head, thumbing at the corner of the page. “what do you mean never?” he questions, head lolling to the side to look at him again. “it’d be fun. i mean, it’s already sort of an adrenaline rush being here when we’re not suppose to so think about what it’d be like to fuck someone in a place that you’re not suppose to. every time you’d step foot into the library, it’s like you’d have your own little secret. i bet people have fucked in here before.” he says, suddenly turning on his side again, the book completely forgotten. “i have a question.” he states. “where is the craziest place you’ve ever hooked up with someone?”

anvya‌:

“hey now, don’t make fun of my board games,” she giggles before poking his nose. grabbing a few pieces of popcorn, she tosses one in her mouth before feeding one to kian as well. “my dad always talked about the game nights he had with his parents and siblings and how he really enjoyed them, so he kind of passed that tradition down to me and my sibling. i’m sure most teenagers would rather do anything than play boardgames with their parents, but…i dunno, call me crazy, but i actually really enjoyed it.” of course, her feelings for why she enjoyed it ran much deeper than kian would understand. all she ever wanted was for her birth parents to acknowledge her, to simply say hi or i love you, and never got that. with her adoptive parents, they gave her that and more. they made time for her and her sibling, always making sure they reminded the both of them how important they were. because of that, game nights were her favorite time of the week. 

annya hadn’t realized she got lost in her thoughts until she feels kian kiss her, this time a littler deeper before pulling away, causing the girl to pout for a moment before shaking her head, “mm, as fun as that sounds, i kind of like where we are right now. just…being close and talking…” she blushes, simply because they were pretty close physically, and it was the most physical she truly had gotten with anyone. sure, annya had her first kiss in high school, and even let wandering hands fool around but nothing ever went further than that. despite her relationship with kian still being somewhat new, she actually felt more comfortable around him than she did with anyone else before. it was scary, yet almost comforting at the same time. “that sounds wonderful,” she smiles as he talks about california. “sunshine and warm weather all the time? my flowers and plants could have such a better place to grow. does that mean you’ve never built a snowman before? because if you haven’t, we might have to change that asap.” 

it’s around this time in his other relationships that kian would tune out, only nodding here and there in all the right spots to make them think he was listening. but when it comes to annya, he actually is listening. he wants to know everything about her, every little detail, and experience things that no one else has. he’s treading dangerous waters, but he just doesn’t know how to stop; he doesn’t know if he even wants to. “yeah?” he raises a brow, chewing on the piece of popcorn she had fed him. “which was your favorite?” he asks. he has honestly never once in his life played a board game and can’t even begin to imagine what it would be like to sit down with his father and do something so simple. they couldn’t even be in the same house together without wanting to rip each other’s heads off. it tugs on something buried deep within him and reminds him that nothing about his upbringing was normal. and nothing about his life ever will be.

he doesn’t feel sorry for himself though because he’s worked through all that and he’s accepted it. but that doesn’t stop the what ifs from swirling around in his head. “really? i’m kinda boring.” he smiles, watching as the blush blooms across her cheeks. he finds it incredibly endearing, but it makes him wonder. he and annya have never really discussed their past sexual experiences and they also haven’t gone very far together. his endeavors paint a long list, but he’s good at reading people and he has a feeling that hers is much, much shorter. that’s why he has to be careful. he doesn’t want to push her away. he brings his right hand up and tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, chewing on the inside of his cheek. he’s used to playing the part of the perfect boyfriend, but he’s never had to worry about what messing it up might mean. “nope.” he confirms, popping the ‘p’. “i mean, i’ve built a sand snowman but never an actual one.” he explains. “to be honest, i’m not a huge fan of the cold. call me a pussy but i’d much—” he pauses to plant a kiss to the corner of her mouth, “rather—” he places another to the opposite side, “stay—” and finally captures her lips with his own, “right here.”

seojvns‌:

“so am i,” he says, taken aback by kian saying so. jun probably made it obvious that he was thankful that he ended up with him daily with the little gestures; making food for them both without being asked, keeping their dorm tidy on a regular basis, waiting up for kian to come home even on nights where he didn’t. seojun finds comfort in his assurance, a soft smile on his lips. “i can’t help it either,” he admits, “and i don’t think it’s childish.” it’s ironic, for seojun to be assuring kian now, but that seemed to happen way more often than kian ever needed - not that jun was aware. he gives his hand a gentle squeeze in return. he wants to believe what kian’s saying, but it’s difficult. the insecurities that had a tendency to seep in were constantly nagging at the back of his mind, giving him little reminders of why kian was wrong. but it’s nice to hear. “you’re too nice to me,” he can feel his cheeks warm again, and he’s thankful for the darkness now. “i don’t know how true any of that is, but if you think so, maybe someone else will too,” he says, his words laced with hope. maybe if he wasn’t such a romantic at heart, he wouldn’t put such an importance on love - that’d probably be the healthier option, but he’s a hopeless romantic in every sense. he lets out a playful huff in protest when kian pokes at his side, but he’s still smiling too. “maybe i’ll try to take more risks,” he muses, but if he actually will… it’s difficult to say. “is it?” he scrunches his nose again at kian calling it very nineties. he wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing or not. “oh,” he says, his voice soft. “i get that,” he adds, “i think i probably play it safe most of the time too.” and now he’s the one squeezing kian’s hand to reassure, not wanting him to feel embarrassed. 

he doesn’t know how their conversations always turn out like this, with seojun being the one to somehow reassure kian of everything, but it happens every single time. by now, he believes that it’s because his roommate just has a lot of insecurities and some kind of need to take care of people out of the fact that he can’t really take care of himself. and not in the traditional sense, but in the more emotional, mental sense. he should really make more of an effort to get to the bottom of that. “trust me, remember?” he quirks a brow. “it’s always hard for us to see ourselves the way others do. but, i promise, you’re someone worth having. though, i’m not so sure anyone is worth having you.” he states. “i don’t think it counts as being nice if it’s true. i’m just being honest.” he smiles, leaning over to press his lips to seojun’s cheek. “hey, you’re taking a risk with me right now.” he points out, waving his hand slightly in the air. “kinda?” he laughs. “hooking up in a bathroom at a party seemed to be a staple in nineties movies.” he explains. “or was it the early two thousands? i can’t remember.” he shrugs. “but do you want to?” he asks. “play it safe all the time? i mean, these are our college years. we’re suppose to be doing all the things that are somewhat crazy and risky. it’s not like anyone’s here to stop us.”

MINJI: nothing but nice ?? you must be joking right ?? MINJI: consider yourself lucky i never talked about what you did to seojunnie MINJI: i’ve got morals, and you don’t. keep ur thoughts to yourself

KIAN: completely serious KIAN: you wouldn’t cause u know it would hurt him & u wouldn’t wanna hurt ur closest friend....... would u? KIAN: idk minnie...... kinda seemed like there might be a blurred line when it comes to ur morals babe

Do you mind if I take my new car for a ride?

SASKIA: wow he’s demanding!! SASKIA: i’m down as long as i can bring him with us SASKIA: i don’t have it in me to leave him alone 😞 

KIAN: you not into that? KIAN: what if i’m allergic to cats tho? KIAN: cats are super smart, sas KIAN: he could probs take better care of himself than u can tbh

☆ — ❛ snap : kian ▶ saskia. ❜