“I Think I Might Always Be In Some Kind Of Love With You.”

Iridescent glittery rose gold stimboard

🌸 🍑 ⭐ . 🌸 🍑 ⭐ . 🌸 🍑 ⭐

Helena Kovalenko

😇

Moodboard

You’re the one that got away. And I’m just the girl you chose to let go.

— r.r.

The thought of him loving someone else. The thought of him falling in love, of finding a fortress in some other person. The thought of that person getting everything I ever wanted. Loving the only person I ever wanted to love. Getting the chances I’ll never be able to take. Every time I think of him I think of these. And I think of him everyday. I just get this sinking feeling now. And life seems like it’s going nowhere, it seems like it’ll be nothing without him. Like I’ll live the rest of my life wondering, looking for him, feeling like I’m missing something. Like I’ll never be fully, truly happy. Every time I think of him these thoughts kill me, and a part of me dies along with them.

c / how many times can you die inside?

“I never had the opportunity to Thank you. To thank you, for teaching me the true meaning behind unconditional love. To love passionatley and whole-heartedly. For teaching me to see love in the smallest things. To see the love in soft smiles and gentle touches. In sleepy conversations, over morning coffees and laughing untill your stomach hurts, during late-night dinners. And seeing the smallest changes in yourself; like waking up and never wanting to stay in bed (unless he’s in it.) and looking at each day as an opportunity to love more. Learning to love the smallest parts of someone; like the way he says your name or how your heart dances to the rhythm of his laugh. Putting that love over anger - even when you can feel your blood boiling under your skin. Understanding that ‘love’ doesn’t mean no problems, rather problems that always come with talked-out solutions. Giving your time, to the thing that means the most and always showing that you are forever grateful; for the home you’ve found in two eyes and a soft heartbeat. Making sacrifices that that no longer feel like loses; for the one that matters most. For teaching me to love without expectations, but most importantly - without resentment. Understanding, that the one you love most….doesn’t always love you too. And how you cannot let your heart be filled with anger because of the things he can’t change. That your heartbeats in ways you cannot explain; for the people you did not choose to love. How if you truley love someone, it doesn’t always matter if they love you back. Because his happiness means the most and if happiness is her, then you were happy enough for him. And for teaching me to learn to love again, even after all your love has been drained away. To know how it’s supposed to feel, when you see everything you’ve ever wanted - become the only thing you’ll ever need.”

— Hard learned lessons - excerpt from the book I’ll never write