I'm Holding You To That Orange !!!

sincerity

we are in an irony epidemic. there is such a loss of sincerity and everything has to be a joke at all times.

 -ethel cain, on tumblr

i've written about this before, but i saw this video that mentioned this tumblr post and it reignited my feelings about the subject in question. it's terrifying being vulnerable. when i write about anything i feel and send it out into the world (even though it is just my handpicked list of people who watch my close friends stories), i am satisfied, or sometimes, even proud of the writing i have done, and i do feel i often get iteratively better, but it is absolutely nerve wracking to think about the event of you reading this.

[...] the people that do offensive stuff like to [...] pretend like what they're doing is fringe and cool, you know, but i've started, at least recently, started to feel that like offensiveness and edginess is maybe the most mainstream thing that you could possibly do and [...] it, sort of, is thriving on the illusion that it is this sort of, like, fringe thing that no one will— “i can't believe you went there!” oh it's like everyone is going there. isn't like everyone going there nowadays? and nowadays, i feel like the edgy stuff is sentimental, or if you're being emotional or honest, that's the stuff.

 -bo burnham, [...] responds to youtube comments

this quote ended up being longer than i expected, but i didn't feel like i could trim anything from it without losing information that i felt was necessary. as a child, a lot of decisions are made for you, and many work out, because the people making them care about you and want you to be well. i believe it is our responsibility to continue to make choices that work out for us when we have that power. maybe this illustrates where i really lie within the free will vs. determinism debate.

for a while, i only had three movies on my letterboxd profile, and i couldn't figure out what the fourth should be. and one day, as i was going through my mutuals' diaries, i saw that alia had logged words words words, and it hit me. it had to be inside. bo eschews honesty and sincerity in a way that's gripped me since the first time i watched it, and the rawness of his words hits you like a truck, to use an internetism. there's nothing as powerful as a word from the heart.

effort

the most important step a man can take. it's not the first one, is it? it's the next one. always the next step.

-brandon sanderson, oathbringer

as a year begins, the jokes about how arbitrary it really is begin again, and it is! but i think we need this measure. for the same reason dark humour exists, comedy works to introduce things we wish not to talk about into conversation. the onus, then, is on you. how serious about it do you have the strength to be? i will try to be a little: as all of us do, i have struggled with constant stimulation, the perpetual onslaught it arrives with, and it has severely reduced my ability to read, one of my favourite companions throughout my childhood, and i've missed it for a while, only reading once in a few months for the past couple of years, and i always felt a bit— shit about it. but then kanaad got me ensnared in the cosmere just enough to get my momentum, and the rest is history, and i'll always be grateful. “look, mom, i took the next step.”

as you can tell from the opening line, i intended to begin this with the year, but i didn't know what to write in it, so we write it at the beginning of february, and consider it equivalent (they're arbitrary anyway). i've been thinking about the word ‘effort’, and the negative connotation it carries. yes, many things require attention, but is that really so bad? it took me effort to learn a more adept way to play the keys of a piano, it took me effort to start ‘a song of ice and fire’, an exceedingly complicated book, it took me effort to learn how to make friends when i first left home, but wasn't it fun, the effort itself? i didn't anticipate my stream of thought leading me to use another stormlight archive quote, but it is relevant, so:

life before death. strength before weakness. journey before destination.

 -brandon sanderson, the way of kings

sometimes, i get entrenched in the journey so much i forget the destination itself was a beautiful place, and when i realise the gift that awaits me, i think i understand what he meant. enjoy the ride, you will reach somewhere as beautiful as you are.

ohh okay thought we were in the same board haha. best of luck to you too!! you'll do great i'm sure of it <33

(also realised i wasn't following you?? weird. anyway hope it's okay to send asks here)

we are not in the same board if it helps

omg skfkhsksls my irl got me to read it and i finished like a week ago but this is my first time encountering someone in the wild sllsksksks i have not read ward yet tho. so no spoilers pls

HAVE YOU READ WORM HAVE YOU HAVE YOU

HI YES I HAVE!!

my heart is lost adrift in a sea far from land oh, what I would give to float to a beach astray

there lies no comfort here out in the cold vastness of the water oh, what i would give to find a land to lay on

shouts to the sky are futile no god rescues me but to be honest anyone who would save me would be no less

The Curse Forevermore

It is a curse of the land that we live on, A curse of the world that we inhabit. A slow, dripping venom, enchanted with a power, No less effective than a deadly serpent, With the ability to kill a god.

Look at the stars, pray once, Mutter a few words, hope again. "It will be better," a chant. Is it? Will it be?

The curse of mortals, The curse of youth. The curse of future, The curse that has always been. Or has it?

It is simple, a falling star at midnight. A drop of water dripping into a lake. For now, it is no longer a drop, Simply one amongst millions. Now simply unnamed.

Oh, to be forgotten, is one's greatest curse. For what can be worse, Than to speak and be unheard, To paint and to be unseen, To sing a note and have it lost in the wrinkles of time, Lost, forever. Oh, to be forgotten.

I believe, It is the curse, That has two young hearts smile to each other, Knowing, truly, that neither mean it at all. Knowing, deep inside them, that it is all but a lie, An integral one. For it is nigh impossible for shattered glass to serve its purpose as a bowl. And it knows.

I believe, it is the curse, That those two young hearts smile to each other, Knowing, that it is a lie, But smiling, smiling until they no longer have to pretend, A waltz with knives. For it is no less dangerous.

Looking at the stars, The two souls smile to one another, Closer to freedom, but not so, Closer to happiness, but not so, Closer to their dreams, but not so, Forever in their souls, it lives on.

It is the curse, I believe, That the joy, and the love, and the hope, Live solely on in hearts. It is where it lives on.

friendly reminder that you're really powerful

you can make people smile just by complimenting them, you can make them laugh by telling them a good joke, you can love and what really is more powerful than all this? you can make someone's day by telling them they're pretty you can make them happy in so many ways you're so powerful

wield that power wisely, my sweethearts

i love you

i hope my soul bleeds beautiful

for what is- what is art, if not the blood of our souls

some people say they wish the adventures they had were real and that they lament the lack of it and i cannot help but think if it were real i would not survive and maybe i am only meant to tell the stories that they live and when brick heck said "i think there are two types of people: those who are meant to live, and those who are meant to read about them, and i am the latter"

maybe i am the latter

hi hi do you have board exams right now too?

not rn !!! my board didn't do the split so im gonna have just one final board

best of luck to u !!! i am still studying my prelims start in a month