I Hope My Soul Bleeds Beautiful

The Curse Forevermore

It is a curse of the land that we live on, A curse of the world that we inhabit. A slow, dripping venom, enchanted with a power, No less effective than a deadly serpent, With the ability to kill a god.

Look at the stars, pray once, Mutter a few words, hope again. "It will be better," a chant. Is it? Will it be?

The curse of mortals, The curse of youth. The curse of future, The curse that has always been. Or has it?

It is simple, a falling star at midnight. A drop of water dripping into a lake. For now, it is no longer a drop, Simply one amongst millions. Now simply unnamed.

Oh, to be forgotten, is one's greatest curse. For what can be worse, Than to speak and be unheard, To paint and to be unseen, To sing a note and have it lost in the wrinkles of time, Lost, forever. Oh, to be forgotten.

I believe, It is the curse, That has two young hearts smile to each other, Knowing, truly, that neither mean it at all. Knowing, deep inside them, that it is all but a lie, An integral one. For it is nigh impossible for shattered glass to serve its purpose as a bowl. And it knows.

I believe, it is the curse, That those two young hearts smile to each other, Knowing, that it is a lie, But smiling, smiling until they no longer have to pretend, A waltz with knives. For it is no less dangerous.

Looking at the stars, The two souls smile to one another, Closer to freedom, but not so, Closer to happiness, but not so, Closer to their dreams, but not so, Forever in their souls, it lives on.

It is the curse, I believe, That the joy, and the love, and the hope, Live solely on in hearts. It is where it lives on.

sincerity

we are in an irony epidemic. there is such a loss of sincerity and everything has to be a joke at all times.

 -ethel cain, on tumblr

i've written about this before, but i saw this video that mentioned this tumblr post and it reignited my feelings about the subject in question. it's terrifying being vulnerable. when i write about anything i feel and send it out into the world (even though it is just my handpicked list of people who watch my close friends stories), i am satisfied, or sometimes, even proud of the writing i have done, and i do feel i often get iteratively better, but it is absolutely nerve wracking to think about the event of you reading this.

[...] the people that do offensive stuff like to [...] pretend like what they're doing is fringe and cool, you know, but i've started, at least recently, started to feel that like offensiveness and edginess is maybe the most mainstream thing that you could possibly do and [...] it, sort of, is thriving on the illusion that it is this sort of, like, fringe thing that no one will— “i can't believe you went there!” oh it's like everyone is going there. isn't like everyone going there nowadays? and nowadays, i feel like the edgy stuff is sentimental, or if you're being emotional or honest, that's the stuff.

 -bo burnham, [...] responds to youtube comments

this quote ended up being longer than i expected, but i didn't feel like i could trim anything from it without losing information that i felt was necessary. as a child, a lot of decisions are made for you, and many work out, because the people making them care about you and want you to be well. i believe it is our responsibility to continue to make choices that work out for us when we have that power. maybe this illustrates where i really lie within the free will vs. determinism debate.

for a while, i only had three movies on my letterboxd profile, and i couldn't figure out what the fourth should be. and one day, as i was going through my mutuals' diaries, i saw that alia had logged words words words, and it hit me. it had to be inside. bo eschews honesty and sincerity in a way that's gripped me since the first time i watched it, and the rawness of his words hits you like a truck, to use an internetism. there's nothing as powerful as a word from the heart.

every day is just can i be in love who will i be in love with it is so difficult but i know it has felt so easy i love you i love you i love you i love you i love people i hate people i love the world the world is despicable it is too much maybe it will all be okay if i fall in love it is horrible the world burns but can i— can just i be okay

omg skfkhsksls my irl got me to read it and i finished like a week ago but this is my first time encountering someone in the wild sllsksksks i have not read ward yet tho. so no spoilers pls

HAVE YOU READ WORM HAVE YOU HAVE YOU

HI YES I HAVE!!

nice to meet you too !!! my aforementioned irl has started reading it so i'm waiting for him to get partway along so i can then start i'm very comfortable letting him find me fanart so i'm at no risk of getting spoilered

HAVE YOU READ WORM HAVE YOU HAVE YOU

HI YES I HAVE!!

Which superpower do you think suits me the best?🥸

i noticed you asked everyone this so im going to say the ability of charm; to convince people to do the things you ask them to

just saw that in our last convo in this blog we were both in 11th grade. you are graduating college this week...where did the time go

wow .. dont say that to me im still not sure i believe it

ohh okay thought we were in the same board haha. best of luck to you too!! you'll do great i'm sure of it <33

(also realised i wasn't following you?? weird. anyway hope it's okay to send asks here)

we are not in the same board if it helps

some people say they wish the adventures they had were real and that they lament the lack of it and i cannot help but think if it were real i would not survive and maybe i am only meant to tell the stories that they live and when brick heck said "i think there are two types of people: those who are meant to live, and those who are meant to read about them, and i am the latter"

maybe i am the latter

i hate everything but also me and i love me? and i am too much for me to handle and i am rash and i think too much i think too less i don't know how to think i don't know how to breathe this is it this is my stupidest mistake i cannot make one stupider yet i just did i cannot seem to stop disappointing myself i cannot seem to stop worrying