Yippee

Yippee

yap/ramble incoming:

godddd im so fucking bored. not like every moment just like. overall

bc literally everything pre-covid is just an absolute fucking blur to me, but august 2020 i got into dsmp and there was no turning back from there. so for as long as I can somewhat-clearly remember, I’ve been obsessed with various minecraft roleplays, and now I’m just not. and its so fucking weird I feel like there’s a giant hole in my brain and life

which may sound a bit dramatic for minecraft roleplay but listen. the past 4+ years pretty much every single day I’ve thought/daydreamed about mcrp in some capacity for at least multiple hours. every day. I’ve watched and rewatched hours upon hours of vods for pure enjoyment and imagined animatics of those vods, and of pretty much every song I’ve listened to. the past year I’ve been frequently listening to lifesteal vods like podcasts in my earbuds every chance I get while at school.

and even tho my interest in each different series wavered off a bit, something else came in to replace it before it was actually gone. but now I’ve lost interest in lifesteal and there’s just…nothing??? to replace it??????

for the first time in almost 5 years I don’t have any story to daydream about that I actually care that much about. nothing to take up as much time as mcrp series have been taking up almost as long as I can remember at all clearly.

like yeah I have a few hobbies outside of watching youtube and daydreaming, and mcrp wasn’t the only thing I watched, but like. I’m not interested in anything nearly as strongly as i was in mcrp, and now that interest is just gone and I’m so fucking bored

I’ve been endlessly playing worst premade ever videos to fill that time bc I do also sometimes daydream animatics of those videos, and I’m trying to get into d20 (partially bc the half-goofy half-dramatic tone + the fact its roleplay is similar to mcrp and partially bc i already watch+enjoy some other dropout shows so it’s easier to convince my brain to watch it) and the story is interesting but dnd’s long fight scenes are really not engaging for me so it’s tough

ok the process of writing this and putting it into words has made me realize that either mcrp as a whole or the individual smps I switched through being obsessed with may have been special interests (i got diagnosed w/ autism like a week ago) and thats why I feel so empty without it so im gonna go look into that bye 👍