Wait Capcut Is Banded Whyy How Coulld They Also Tiktok I Guess

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ipods are still a thing in Canada??????

>be me

>be aromantic and allosexual

>discover lgbtq+ people exist and find out about every possible label under the sun via the magic of the internet in like grade 2

>as an attention seeking child with major identity issues, get REALLY into categorizing and sorting your existence with this new library of adjectives

>end up thinking ur asexual bc you can tell theres something missing from ur clearly present feelings for other ppl, but because you are a child and those feelings are not explicitly sexual yet, you think the only non-platonic feelings you could possibly have are romantic ones

>when u hit puberty and those feelings do become sexual, repress and ignore any and all possible sexual emotions to the point of developing a repulsion towards everything sexual bc you have extreme internalized shame around the subject from seeing traumatic things ofc and moreso from having been infantilized by everyone around you your entire life

>when you hear the rhetoric from adults and tv that middle schoolers' feelings for eachother are not "real feelings," assume that you're simply being very self aware for ur age by recognizing and living by this

>dont realize that the way you experience crushes is much more.... pragmatic than your peers

>you literally look through your class photo and narrow it down to one using logistical compatibility to decide your crushes

>when your best friend since preschool starts avoiding and phasing you out without explaining anything to your dense autistic self, subconsciously see this situation as if before you were putting 50/50 into the friendship, but now she is only putting 10% in, so if you had a crush on her (which is famously MORE than friendship) it would make up for that missing 40% and you would remain the same level of friends. obviously, choose to have a crush on her

>occasionally see a different friend as a possible crush because you are objectively similar, live within walking distance from eachother, and actually spend time together. dont question the legitimacy of your crush on your bsf when it is so easily and swiftly replaced sometimes

>that other friend has a crush on you and one day when hanging out with him, you catch a very mutually crushful vibe, and moments later you confess to eachother

>basically describe a queerplatonic relationship when explaining what you want to be with him, which he agrees to, but it quickly shifts into a romantic one because without knowing the terminology its just easier to think of it that way and it noticeably makes him feel better

>almost immediately be filled with inexplicable dread about being in this relationship and break up with him because "youve realized you still have a crush on your best friend." you remain close friends obviously, but he talks about being hung up on it for a while before moving on whereas you were over it the second it was over

>compensation-crush on best friend persists

>as a last ditch effort to salvage that friendship, write her a note confessing your "feelings" at the end of the school year and put it in her backpack. its a win-win because if she accepts it, the friendship will become 50/50 again and if she rejects it, you wont have to face her because you'll be homeschooled next year

>your ipod is broken and you cannot contact her outside of school, so the note was kind of stupid. like 6 months later get your hands on a handmedown iphone and finally manage to reach her, resulting in a huge argument with her and with your mutual friend

>beg her to explain why she suddenly hated you last year until she tells you she never hated you, you just questioned your gender too much and it "wasnt her"

>you are an insecure child with internalized homophobia and transphobia so just feel terrible and concede to having a faux reconciliation that never lasts beyond a couple short smalltalk convos

>also have a REAL reconciliation with the mutual friend so you stay very close w both her and her brother (your "ex") forever after

>ur next experience w a romantic relationship is this girl using you as a romantic rebound after a breakup, and you using her as a platonic rebound after having lost your bsf. the relationship is very inconsequential and does not affect your barely present friendship w one another which fades completely not long after

>edate a bunch of ppl for a couple days each time like a crazy person because all of you are desperate chronically online gay teenagers in quarantine. zero romantic feelings involved on any party's side throughout all of them

>have your biggest romantic relationship yet (like 5 months) with the mutual friend. you basically just hang out everyday, call eachother girlfriend terminology, and do cute tiktok trends its not that different from a close friendship

>it eventually ends because she finds out shes polyamorous and despite ur greatest attempts you just cant get comfortable w that and you want to support her without your personal feelings from dating her interfering. also this is when you think you're a gay man for some reason so that is another aspect

>edate one more person and this one actually lasts a while albeit because he disappears to the psych ward for multiple months before getting the chance to breakup w you and you dont even notice him not responding, you're so busy beginning to question if you're aromantic

>he eventually reappears saying "sorry ive actually only viewed you platonically this whole time" and you are like "awesome sauce!!"

>whatever realizations you were beginning to have about aromanticism are flushed down the drain as you enter a year long identity-destroying delusional period that takes you practically another year to recover from afterwards. which is something i will not get into

>you are now 15 and finally beginning to explore and accept the fact that you are not 100% asexual. it takes until you are 16 before you fully admit that youre not asexual at all, but you still avoid thinking about it too much and cling on to the title a little at all times subconsciously because its hard to let go of something youve identified as and found community over and developed as a person in relation to for like half of ur current time alive. not only that but the deep internalized shame is still very much present, and you feel like as long as youre "probably still asexual in some way" you arent totally disappointing everyone you care about

>17 now, and a few days of spontaneous intermittent identity questioning has you realize you're aromantic AND not asexual, or at least that you might be and there's no harm in referring to yourself as such even if you turn out to be wrong

>you cannot effectively articulate any thoughts or feelings on the matter at first as it begins to creep into your mind and theres zero movie representation to help steer you through this, which is something tremendously important to you as an autistic person who's special interest is movies (and co)

>you spiral emotionally for a week until finally one day a rant about amatonormativity you started turns into a diary entry of some kind that details everything you desperately needed to get into words.

>yay! emotional resolution! the world is well again!

>but now you have to live like this

Hey I get it. I am still not over the silt verses ending (i fully never listened to the last episode.)

I also find the combat parts of d20 boring but there are seasons that don't have that problem.

A Court of Fey & Flowers has very little combat

Metropolis

Misfits and Magic

and Never Stop Blowing Up

all use different systems then dnd so they shouldn't have the combat problem.

And I am sorry for this but If you want more goofy toned roleplay with semi-serious character beats may I recommend a live-play podcast called Dungeons and Daddies. It is very stupid and has a surprising amount of heart. The first 2 seasons need to be listened to in order but you can watch the 3rd season with out the first 2. You should listen to the third one first not because It is better than the first 2 but because stuff is going down, and I want someone to talk about it with when it drops. (Franis Farnsworth my beloved)

yap/ramble incoming:

godddd im so fucking bored. not like every moment just like. overall

bc literally everything pre-covid is just an absolute fucking blur to me, but august 2020 i got into dsmp and there was no turning back from there. so for as long as I can somewhat-clearly remember, I’ve been obsessed with various minecraft roleplays, and now I’m just not. and its so fucking weird I feel like there’s a giant hole in my brain and life

which may sound a bit dramatic for minecraft roleplay but listen. the past 4+ years pretty much every single day I’ve thought/daydreamed about mcrp in some capacity for at least multiple hours. every day. I’ve watched and rewatched hours upon hours of vods for pure enjoyment and imagined animatics of those vods, and of pretty much every song I’ve listened to. the past year I’ve been frequently listening to lifesteal vods like podcasts in my earbuds every chance I get while at school.

and even tho my interest in each different series wavered off a bit, something else came in to replace it before it was actually gone. but now I’ve lost interest in lifesteal and there’s just…nothing??? to replace it??????

for the first time in almost 5 years I don’t have any story to daydream about that I actually care that much about. nothing to take up as much time as mcrp series have been taking up almost as long as I can remember at all clearly.

like yeah I have a few hobbies outside of watching youtube and daydreaming, and mcrp wasn’t the only thing I watched, but like. I’m not interested in anything nearly as strongly as i was in mcrp, and now that interest is just gone and I’m so fucking bored

I’ve been endlessly playing worst premade ever videos to fill that time bc I do also sometimes daydream animatics of those videos, and I’m trying to get into d20 (partially bc the half-goofy half-dramatic tone + the fact its roleplay is similar to mcrp and partially bc i already watch+enjoy some other dropout shows so it’s easier to convince my brain to watch it) and the story is interesting but dnd’s long fight scenes are really not engaging for me so it’s tough

ok the process of writing this and putting it into words has made me realize that either mcrp as a whole or the individual smps I switched through being obsessed with may have been special interests (i got diagnosed w/ autism like a week ago) and thats why I feel so empty without it so im gonna go look into that bye 👍

day 500 of drawing spamton every day until deltarune chapter 3

It's okay I didn't do mine for today because I accidentally spent 4 hours playing bioshock

Wip ….i am SO behind on Inktober guys u wouldn’t believe

The way I make digital art sometimes feels like I just convert files to other kinds of files

teehee, hello! I'm a huge masterminds enjoyer, so its so nice to see other people in the fandom. Anyhow, I was wondering if you had a favourite scene, or character?

Hey sorry for taking so long to respond people being nice on the internet is intimidating for some reason lol. I don't know about scenes but character wise Amber.

I think the thing that would help me deal with the election results the most would be if a girl would kiss me

here is a gif of my oc i made

if any one wants to see alt speeds ask and I will post them