Latest Posts by justateenworkinglifeout - Page 5

I need a hug

I love how my birthday gifts from my boyfriend this year were a copy of Stardew Valley for my switch, and the shiny versions of my two favorite Pokémon for Pokémon Violet.

Their reasoning for Stardew Valley was because we have a multi-player save that we play whenever I go to their house and they wanted me to be able to play Stardew Valley on my switch at home (I have it on my Chromebook at home, but it's hard to play on that)

And I'm really enamored that they took all the time to go shiny hunting for two different Pokémon for me. They were originally planning on just getting me one, but when they asked my favorite Pokémon and I told them I have two favorites, their immediate reaction instead of asking which one I liked more, or getting whichever one was easier to obtain, was to just... spend so much of their time to get both...

I am so in love with this person.

They also spent money to get a reservation for a date at the local cat Cafe for Valentine's day despite all the effort they already spent on my Birthday gifts. (Sadly we had to postpone the date because I'm sick, but we're rescheduling)

I love my boyfriend sososo much

Sometimes I can't tell if I'm being stubborn or nihilistic.

Do I want to stay at school even though I'm sick because I need to prove myself, or because I believe it is just impossible to be able to go home because my parents would dislike it?

A bad photoshop will always be funnier than an AI image no matter what

i literally love when people realize positive reinforcement works like yes its so silly isnt it. but it literally works humans love juice reward too

I want to get into a fight with someone where we just beat the shit out of each other for no reason. No emotional strings attached, no anger or grudges, just fucking going at it.

It's wishiwashi

𓆝 𓆟 𓆞

post/artist

@my-girl-boyfriend

im a big fan of long fish. sturgeon, arapaima, gar. just normal fish that have been stretched out

'ao3 needs a like and dislike button'

what you need, my algorithm-rotten minded friend, is a grip

Had my first PTSD flashback that I actually knew was a PTSD flashback. For the past like, 2 years, I've been having these random panic attacks where images of bad things that have happened to me pop into my head and feel so realistic.

Somehow I didn't realize it, but those are definitely actually PTSD flashbacks. And I didn't figure that out until last night, when I had the first big one I've had since I got diagnosed. Then it all clicked and I realized that like, half my panic attacks have actually been caused by PTSD flashbacks. So now I know I definitely filled out a few questions wrong on the questionnaire.

— the battle of the labyrinth (pjo) // love in paradise (epic)

a birthday gift from a certain god…

hi the real ones know i absolutely HATED the 2024 version so heres a redraw of this post! (please for my own sanity give this more notes than that one at some point PLEASE)

Trend i’m noticing looking for books with my little sister

I cut my finger with an X-acto blade in art class second period, and didn't notice all day until my pen leaked onto my hands in fourth period and stained the cut. (Also the pen was red so I've been walking around with my hands covered in red ink and I've had acquaintances ask if I was okay, and many friends accuse me of murder)

As a kid learning about the holocaust, I never understood how people could let Nazis rise to power. But now I’m watching it happen in real time.

Confessions from an emotional abuse victim:

#4 Anniversaries

Trauma anniversaries are a hard thing to deal with. They can come from any sort of trauma/traumatic event, but mine are from my hospital stays and large arguments or events with my abuser. The hospital ones definitely suck, but they don't affect my everyday life as much as the abuse ones.

The hospital ones are mostly restricted to the past. I remember how I felt, or certain events that happened. Occasionally I get quick flashes of images in my head of what the place looked like. Yet overall, it's confined to the past and if I can manage the feelings or distract myself, I usually will be able to reduce the suffering until it goes away.

The abuse anniversaries are a whole different type of hell. Unlike the hospital trips, the events from the year or so with my abuser bother me constantly. Year round, 24/7. Not confined to moments of struggle or anniversaries, I get memories and bad thoughts all the time.

Anniversaries take that base level and crank it up to 1,000. My reactions to triggers get more and more violent, usually toward myself, but sometimes toward others. Any little trigger can set off my brain into unimaginable terror. It also affects my thoughts on myself and how I act. I become more startled by people treating me nicely, and just have the feeling that I don't deserve anything other than emotional torment from others.

These anniversaries affect my emotional health and my social life horribly. One specific example is the time I went on a midnight walk with some friends at a sleepover. We passed by my old middle school, where most of the events took place. This was on or near the anniversary of one of the worst fights I had with my abuser. When we got back to my friends house, I was a little stirred, then two hours afterwards, I had a terrible meltdown. Everyone around me was very kind, but it definitely felt horrible.

This time of year, I'm dealing with the anniversary of the day I fully fell into my abuser's trap. I'm questioning all my interactions with others and scanning my every move as to not bother anyone. If someone around me feels bad, or apologizes, or seems off in any way, I put the blame onto myself.

I wish I could frame this one as a more positive, uplifting, never-give-up type of post, there isn't really a way I can do that in my current stage of recovery. I guess all I can say is; trauma anniversaries are valid triggers, and if you know a friend or loved one is approaching a hard time of year for them, be kind and supportive. Trauma affects many people in many ways, and not everyone experiences it the same way, but the best thing to do is show kindness and compassion.

I can't believe the horse is back in the fucking hospital