Rusted Knife, Aka Jeff The Pony Commission For @tunapawz !

Reworking Alfred’s entire character

I’m obsessed with this stupid son of a bitch, let’s get into it

I think too many people make him too uwu nice and forgiving as if most Americans don’t hold life long grudges over a ball game. Or that we can’t be serious at the drop of a hat when it comes down to it. Like when we say fuck around and find out we mean it, which apparently that’s a very American thing. Yes the dumb bitch stereotype is real, but there’s such a “you’re joking right?” attitude among people when it comes to certain things that I think he could go from playful to serious in a second, to the point where it might trip some people up. Especially when it comes to moral issues.

Also I hate that him being super obsessed with his image and how he’s seen by others is interpreted as sad uwu emo boy instead of clean girl maniac Patrick Bateman type of egotistical freak.

He should also be more apathetic and serious about work instead of “omg let’s build a ladder to the moon!” You have not set foot in this capitalistic hellscape if you think that’s an accurate way to characterize him lmao.

On top of that, he’s a fake ass bitch and that should be expanded on. Like he is definitely the type of person that has a million different ways of presenting himself and his personality to the point where he’s not sure who he really is.

He should be a lot more ego driven too. Like “how is this going to reflect on ME” not “I’m doing this ONLY out of the goodness of my big heart uwu”. Not that he can’t or doesn’t care, but if it reflects well on him then he’s more likely to choose that option.

Anyway, this is just some of my thoughts, im sure I’ll add more in the future

(If you characterize him differently that’s fine this is just me rambling and being obsessed)

alfred f jones would absolutely kill riding a mechanical bull i said what needed to be said

creepypasta sketches

Okay but Alfred just being The Heir; not just to William, not just to François, but to basically all of Europe. Cause goodness they hate him sometimes but if he ain’t a collective result.

*heavy breathing* | ko-fi

he lowkey becoming relatable

Humans are space.. pets? {Masterpost}

A little collection of Captain Crow’s entries to his data log so far to make your reading experience a little easier :) 

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I love characterizations of Alfred that aren't impulsive or violent - but instead cast him as the most pragmatic, practical, material person alive. I'll try to elaborate later when I have time but historically, the first and foremost American tool of problem solving has always, always been economic. economic warfare is an American artform and you can't change my mind; Alfred is much, much less likely to resort to violence than he is to, say, leave his enemies utterly destitute. the Cold War (especially Cuba), the Suez Canal Crisis, the trade war with China, the utterly bonkers sanctions on Russia? the USD is the international standard for trade and the US banned Russia from using it at all, even in their own banks. and then there's the whole export ban on China, which is a very big dick power move that may possibly result in WW3 but we'll see. the British didn't tell us about the Suez Canal deal so we threatened to destroy their economy and currency in retaliation. Cold War embargoes on the USSR intended to cripple their ability to manufacture for their military, embargoes on Cuba to cripple any geographic threat to the mainland. Alfred believes military strength is all well and good but the real power in this world is money.

i ate oatmeal and some white chocolate.

i feel disgusting now