Ohgodno

Im actually scared of what my mind does to me. Catastrophic thinking, telling me people i love hate me. I feel like I'm gonna go crazy somehow soon enough to see things come true.

"But I can't have an eating disorder BECAUSE..."

“I eat too much!” There is no maximum calorie limit for eating disorders. An eating disorder is not about what you eat, but how you eat- your feelings/thoughts about your body and your intake.

“I’m not underweight!” The majority of people who develop an eating disorder will never become underweight. The only disorder that is diagnosed based partially on weight is anorexia- and for that, if you’re an average weight but meet every other criteria, you’ll still be diagnosed with ‘atypical anorexia nervosa’. It doesn’t mean you aren’t sick or that you don’t need help.

“I don’t meet the anorexia/bulimia guidelines!” OSFED (formerly known as EDNOS) is not a ‘failed’ eating disorder. It is every bit as serious as anorexia or bulimia. It is also the most commonly diagnosed eating disorder, meaning more people have this than anorexia or bulimia.

“I don’t make myself sick!” Vomiting is only one form of purging. You can have bulimia, anorexia or OSFED/ARFID and not make yourself sick.

“I still eat!” So does everybody else. You can’t photosynthesise, after all. Even people with eating disorders eat.

“I feel like a fake/ a fraud!” So does basically every single other eating disordered person. This is a really, really, really, really common feeling. You might feel guilty for ‘misleading’ other people into believing the problem is more serious than it is, or feel like you’re overblowing things. That’s totally normal and it is not true. You are not a fake or a fraud.

“I eat things that no real anorexic would eat!” I have known eating disordered patients with these safe foods: chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola I have known eating disordered patients with these fear foods: : chocolate, frozen meat pizza, fruit, ice cream cones, potatoes, granola Safe/fear foods are not based on logic or reason. They are individualised. There are even people who don’t have any fear foods- they’ll eat anything, they’ll just feel crappy and purge it/ restrict afterwards. All of the experiences described here are those of a person with an eating disorder.

“I’ve never been inpatient!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been tube fed!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“I’ve never been near death!” Neither have most eating disorder sufferers.

“My blood work/ blood pressure is fine! Eating disorders affect different bodies in different ways. Some people find their blood work suffers; others find their blood pressure or pulse dips; others find that, whilst they’re suffering hugely mentally, their bodies hold up well. This is not a measure of how ‘sick’ you are. All of these things- weight, bp, pulse etc- are just symptoms of the sickness. The sickness is in your head.

“I don’t feel sick enough.” You never will. Sorry. “I’m not sick enough!” is one of the most common ED thoughts there is; please don’t listen to it. It is a lie. Do not compare your misery to someone else’s; nobody with stage I cancer says ‘yeah, but that person is a stage III, so I’m not really that bad and I won’t get any treatment yet’.

“I still get my period!” ‘Period loss’ has been removed from the DSM as necessary for a diagnosis of anorexia, and no other eating disorder requires it. It was viewed as a flawed measure of illness, and so it has been removed. Whether or not you get your period is not an indication of how ill you are.

“But I binge eat without throwing up” Binge eating disorder is a newly added eating disorder in the DSM, where people eat large amounts of food in an ‘out of control’ manner but then do not compensate inappropriately for it. It is very much a real eating disorder.

“I don’t calorie count/ weigh myself!” I know many people with eating disorders- including anorexia- who have never calorie counted, or who don’t own a pair of scales. It’s not required for diagnosis.

“I think about food all the time!” This is a symptom of an eating disorder. Malnutrition causes the brain to focus 100% of its attention on food- finding it, getting it, eating it. Daydreaming or fantasizing about food does not mean you are not sick; quite the opposite, in fact.

“But I enjoy eating!” Most people do. Eating is enjoyable. Even in the depths of my restriction, the food I ate brought me great pleasure. It’s linked to the previous point, to a certain extent. Enjoying food does not mean you don’t have an ED.

“But this is just how I am!” Eating disorders often start in early childhood, and it can be hard to break out of a pattern that well-entrenched. It’s not impossible, though. Chronic eating disorders can be harder to beat, but they can be beaten.

–

(part of Mental Health Awareness week)

For more information on eating disorders and what to do if you think you have one, visit

www.b-eat.co.uk

www.webiteback.com

http://www.something-fishy.org

NHS- overcoming eating disorders

www.joyproject.org

My mind is going SHUSH SHUSH SHUSH out of happiness idk it's so nice WUUUUUUUUU

I feel numb, i can only feel the way my rib cage moves when i breath. I don't know, i dont feel like doing anything at all

I'm gonna take my eyeballs out and step on them

ur desperate for my attention, but can't even come up with an original insult without dragging food into it

Baby you're the one that has been sending me anons nonstop, if you want attention so badly, why don't you just get help and get better? Or your life's so sad you have to drag strangers with you to your own hell? Cause it seems like it. Ill tell you what, you're just a sad little girl that thinks everyone has to be as miserable as her to feel good.

But guess what nena, i'm good. As i say, this is a vent blog, i come and go everytime. But i'm good, recovery has been the best thing that happened to me, and i also learned that NOBODY treats me worse than i do, you can't hurt me. But you can keep hurting yourself and your sad little life every time you send me something. Besos en la cola !!

I wanna go cause i wanna hangout with my girlfriend and see my best friend. But at the same timeeeee, i don't wanna see my abusive ex. I know she's gonna be on her stand selling her products, but i don't wanna see her. I'm avoiding an episode and that's responsability ((i guess)) ☝🏻

do you ever just wonder how far ahead you’d be in life if you didnt have a mental illness or if your family wasn’t dysfunctional or if that one tragic thing never happened and it just fucks you up??

G-d blessed me after so much time feeling unworthy of love. And how did he make everything perfect, as if it was meant to be.

me: *tell my mum i am full*

My ed:

My mum: *leaves the room*

Me: ooo emPANADAS *eats 3*

My brain: thank you

My ed:

Based on a true story

(4:36pm)