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before xiao, there was alatus. xiao x gn!reader. warnings: angst, mcd!!, blood, xiao's backstory. wc: 2,708. semi proofread.

before xiao, there was alatus.

alatus who served an unknown god with a deep desire for power and used him to slaughter those who opposed his wishes. helpless and weak alatus who devoured dreams and crush the innocent’s hopes. feeble alatus who withstood countless wounds and near-death experiences.

it was him who deserved the terrified looks of his victims, begging him to spare even at least their children and kill them—only for his body to move without his permission. he who dirtied his soul and tainted his hands at the blood that painted his face.

“you’re tending to wounds that won’t kill me,” alatus muttered.

“immortal yes, invincible no.” the once white cloth you had been using from a week ago was now a light pink and alatus knew it was the blood of his victims. it was wet and cold as you wiped the cloth across his face, removing all the red splatters and cleaning the wounds that he newly acquired.

“you’re thinking lowly of me. you know i’ll get dirty again once i step out and—” he let out a muffled noise as you wiped the cloth on his mouth, shutting him up from his self-deprecating talk. still, this earned you a glare.

smiling lightly—one that looked almost apologetic, you look down briefly. “i know…you hate seeing the blood of others on you. so let me do my job just this once, okay?”

of course, there were many things alatus hated in this world. he hated how you were always right. he also hated how you made him feel. hated how he became selfish at the thought of being with you.

you were a mortal and he an adeptus who still could not fend for himself. while you were free, alatus would be forever chained to his master. he’d told you many times to leave him be, that he was dangerous, that you’ll get yourself killed by him, but you merely smiled at his claims.

“stop looking so worried,” you giggled. “your master won’t come and barge in here. what do you know? maybe he’ll make me fight you and think you’re unfit for the job because you’ll lose to me!”

alatus scoffed—visibly frowning—and crossed his arms as he gave you a look of detest. “you mortals and your imagination.” 

“and this mortal,” you gestured to yourself, “is taking care of an injured adeptus.”

you leaned towards him, gently placing a hand on his cheek as you look up at him. “alatus,” you whispered.

he leaned into your touch, humming. your skin was warm and palm lightly calloused from the everyday work you did but he loved the way you held him. you let out a small laugh, thumb brushing over the healed wound on his cheek as he cracked an eye open to gaze at you tenderly.

“i went to town today and zhao told me there would be a war. do you think it’s true?” you mumbled, already knowing you would be separated from him.

“your god will protect you,” was all alatus could say to you.

war meant death, countless and thousands who would perish at the hands of whoever was responsible. and though alatus protected you from the shadows, he would not be able to be by your side once a war would brew. someone like him who bathed in death was for the battlefield—to kill, to destroy. war meant separation and alatus feared the day your hands wouldn’t be as warm as you held him now.

“hah…i suppose,” you said, your shoulders dropping. “at least i can spend today with you.”

“you talk as if our time is limited,” he scowled. “it’s not, at least for now. i’ll…still come by.”

the lies he told were piling up and he knew they would soon spill out. still, if the lies meant your happiness, alatus would tell a thousand just for the smile on your face to stay. he knew it was wrong—lying directly to your face as you believed him—but he couldn’t dare to see the look of anguish ever again.

with a content hum, you pulled him into your arms and basked in the setting sun. 

–

alatus will never tell you how he felt whenever he was with you. how his stomach would make him uneasy and transform him into a small shy cat, afraid that he’d hurt you in any way should you come close to him. how his day immediately brightens up when he sees you standing by a tree, a stern expression on your face.

"you have blood all over you again," you'd say with a sigh.

and even if you hid the fact that you were terrified of the things he did, you took him into your arms and ran your fingers in his hair. the sweet nothings you whispered when he’d nap on your lap even for a few minutes, leaning down to kiss his forehead made his heart swell.

and he’s glad that he didn’t abandon you the day he saw you.

instead, he listened to the way his name falls from your lips. he chose to lie in your arms and listen to the faint sound of your beating heart. alatus has looked into your eyes as he caresses your face in the moonlight, humming as you whispered about your day to him. 

you were all alatus had in this godforsaken world. he who is the devil would lay at your feet and repent for his actions. if alatus could never forgive himself, you would take his face by your hands and kiss his eyes for they were the reason he saw himself in such a bad light.

the only thing alatus wanted was to be by your side. forever.

he would hold your hand and watch the way your eyes would sparkle at the sight of the sun setting everyday if he wanted. carry you on his back if you ever felt tired from walking whenever you’d set out on a new journey with him. he would eat the food you prepared for him, biting back a soft smile as you complained that his master would treat him so cruelly to not let him eat.

he adored you wholeheartedly.

but you were mortal, ever so fragile.

there would be times alatus would not be able to be by your side and the thought frightened him more times than you’d think.

how could he live a life without you?

he was selfish but he knew you’d still risk it all for him. it was only natural for him to do the same. you were mortal and you’d vanish soon enough but alatus would do anything to keep you alive.

–

“it’s a new dish i’ve been trying out. the ingredients are kind of expensive, so don’t expect me to make it every time!” you reminded as you set the two plates down on the table. 

“your fingers are all…” alatus muttered as he picked up the spoon, eyeing your bandaged fingers—blood still seeping through.

you held them to your chest, offering him a laugh. “it’s nothing, i swear! don’t freak out if you find blood in your food—i’m kidding, i swear.”

he almost looked offended at your statement, looking down at the plate and nudging it with the spoon. it was times like this that alatus did enjoy your presence and warmth. just the two of you basking in the moonlight. the food quickly melted into his mouth and he closed his eyes.

“well?” you peered at him, nudging his shoulder with yours.

alatus turned to you, paused and reached his hand out to bring your forehead closer to his lips. he resumed eating after.

there was nothing he could say but he knew that you already knew the answer to your question.

you leaned onto him, your head on his shoulders as you looked up at the night sky. “hm. let’s name it…almond tofu? it’s made from that, or maybe we should call it tofu almond.” 

“it sounds like something a child would call,” he commented.

“alatus!” you gasped. “take that back!”

“i never said it wasn’t delicious.”

“i suppose you’re right… i hate you and your remarks.”

alatus chuckles lightly, nodding. he takes you in his arms and breathes you in—like a bee needing flowers to survive. you were the light that shone brightly beside the devil, his savior and sanctuary. 

-

fight for me and get me a seat as an archon, his master had demanded all so suddenly.

as he had always been in, alatus was back on the battlefield. his polearm would slash and destroy anything that came his way should they disobey his master, his god. the blood of the innocent on his hands as he slaughtered each and every one.

alatus would never forget the terrified looks on their face, begging him to spare their child.

he hated every second of it. he could not stop even if he wanted to, the strings on his body were being controlled by his god. his god who desperately wanted the seat as one of the seven—greedy and merciless, he spared no one.

red and black was all alatus could see—he had forgotten the colorful skies, the greenery of nature, and the color of the love you gave him.

his soul was tainted and dirty, no repenting could ever make you forgive him now. should alatus crawl to your feet and beg for forgiveness, he knew you would stare at him in disgust and punish him for what he had done.

home was no longer with you, no longer in your arms that would wrap around him and have you whispering soft nothings. alatus was leaving battlefield after battlefield and soon, it had grown into his home.

days felt like years and he wished to head back to you each time he would rest—but he was bound by contracts and his weakness, you. 

-

 “…isn’t that him? he’s disgusting. i can’t believe he’s one of us.”

“it’s like he doesn’t have a mind of his own! what are you—don’t leave me!”

“…master, alatus has caused a great casualty. your soldiers are dying at his hands as well.”

“…master, alatus has killed general zho… we must kill him, it’s the only way—"

“you dare disobey me? alatus is my greatest soldier.”

“alatus, you must kill everyone who opposes me.”

“no god will save you, you damned devil!”

and soon, alatus had begun to kill gods. gods who waged war with him and his master, gods who wanted to flee and save their people, gods who did not care about the seating of celestia.

do you actually think you’re not a monster?

do you know what’s worse than a demon like you? a liar.

you killed people.

no one would forgive you.

what would [name] think?

what would [name] think?

whaT WOULD [NAME] THINK?

it’s in the most gruesome battle that he awakens at your name.

“the name xiao is that of a spirit who encountered great suffering and hardship. he endured much suffering, as you have. use this name from now on.” morax stood in front of alatus—no, xiao.

his master was now dead.

he had won the battle—but at what cost? 

xiao fell on his knees. his world had crumbled.

death was inevitable, it really was. but he had told himself he would go to great lengths to stop death from clinging to him—stop clinging to anyone he loved. he had never loved anyone as much as you before, you were the only one he knew how to love.

so, tell him, why did death cling to him?

a minute earlier. ten minutes earlier. no, an hour earlier. god, maybe a week earlier. you, who he swore to protect with all his heart, clung to him desperately, sobs escaping your lips as you trembled in his arms.

“alatus…it hurts! it hurts!”

xiao bit back the tears, his head buried on your neck as you cried on his chest. “it’ll be okay, you’ll be okay, i promise,” he soothed, lips shaking as he held you tighter.

“i don’t want to die, alatus, i don’t want to!” your voice was weak, full of fear and heavy breaths. xiao wishes he could hear your voice from before, joyous and teasing.

like everyone he had killed, your blood was on his hands. on his arms. on his clothes. on his face. your blood was everywhere on him. it seeped into him and he could feel every bit of it. xiao wanted to vomit, you were everything he had and you were dying before him.

red—it was all he could see.

the blood that seeped through your clothes, from your arms to your middle to your legs. the wounds on your face must have hurt—he wishes he was there earlier. he would have kept you safe. he should have kept you safe.

your cries were even worse. it was the only thing he could hear as he held on to you, tears already down his face as he hung his mouth open—unable to accept the fact that you laid before him with blood. your cries were painful and it hurt him. hurt him till his bones and hurt him in his heart.

sobs wracked your body and you could feel the pain. how painful your wounds were. 

“it hurts!” you cried, “it hurts so bad!”

xiao ran his fingers through your hair, attempting to soothe your cries. his hand reaching out to cup your face as you looked up at him with tear-stricken eyes. you cherished life and you cherished being with him.

losing life meant losing him. 

“you won’t die,” he repeated over and over again.

please…

 xiao wished it was enough to comfort you but really, it was for him. for him to stop falling apart and hurry and take you to the adepti.

“alatus,” you choked out, “please i want to live, i want-i want to be with you…please save me.”

a new name, he wanted to tell you. he lived under a new god now. the cruel master that you hated was now dead and he was saved. the war you had told him about was now over.

you can be together as usual now. he had so many things to say but his body trembled and you simply cried into his shoulder, begging him and any god that you wanted to live and to be saved.

the pain was unmeasurable and both of you knew that you were unsavable. still, you begged him to save you. you were being selfish, so selfish. but you wanted to be with him, feel his smile against your shoulder, have him bury his face into your neck in embarrassment.

“you’ll live. you’ll live. i’ll-i’ll take you to-to morax,” he spluttered, already making up his mind that he should at least try anything to save you. but you hissed in pain when he lifted you up and xiao knew.

there was nothing he could do.

alatus, what do you think of my dish?

alatus, do you think we can gather some qingxin?

alatus, kiss me?

 alatus, welcome home!

 alatus.

alatus.

alatus, do you want me to die?

alatus, why are you so useless?

alatus, you killed me.

(i didn’t…!)

“alatus, i love you, i love you, i love you,” you whispered against his skin. briefly, you wanted to see him smile at you but you were already being too selfish; so, you buried your face into the crook of his neck and closed your eyes at the warmth he brought you. “even-even until death, i will-will love you.”

“you’ll be okay,” xiao whispered, hand by your head as tears rolled down his cheeks. he was weak—he’d always been weak. “it’s okay, i love you too… so, please… it’ll be okay, it won’t hurt anymore. i love you, i love you."

xiao could only wish you managed to hear it.

before liyue and its people, there was you who he swore to protect.

before xiao, there was alatus who wished that you could have stayed with him as xiao.

notes the 2.7 archon quest absolutely wrecked me, i felt so sad seeing xiao wanting to sacrifice himself so i wrote this to help <3 hope u like it because i know i did

gen taglist @ljinghe @yaefics @imtoodumbforaname @wccycc @sugxqts @cottonfluffs // join the taglist here

call it what you want.

a genshin impact smau | xiao x gn!reader

SUMMARY as part of the student council, you’ve been tasked to recruit the local band playing in your university’s bar. xiao, who’s the band’s bassist, seems to be the only one refusing your offer to join the foundation day. you have two weeks to make him agree to perform on stage in front of the whole university or you’re off the council for good.

GENRE modern, fluff, slight(?) crack, mild angst if u squint

STATUS completed as of october 11, 2022

NOTES time stamps do not matter unless i say so !! i hope u all enjoy <3

EPISODE LIST

your dropees | xiao’s band

001 — beloved vp ♢002 — failed night out

003 — bench front ♢ 004 — deleted tweet

005 — hashtag boy ♢ 006 — fuckin’ with ‘ya

007 — know yakshas? ♢ 008 — this is betrayal

009 — go ahead without me ♢ 010 — why not?

011 — follow back, vp ♢ 012 — annoying pest

013 — ah, that’s why ♢ 014 — he likes who?

015 — never mind ♢ 016 — actually, i hate you

017 — you like them, right? ♢ 018 — my treat!

019 —so a game? ♢020 — he agreed?

021 — not my boyfriend ♢ 022 — for you

023 — don’t ask me to ♢ 024 — breakfast

025 — tokyo ♢ 026 — suddenly gone

027 — don’t reply please ♢ 028 — get rid of it

029 — time to cry ♢ 030 — the last song

031 — just ignore him ♢ 032 — i wonder why

033 — hate me ♢ 034 — just a hunch

035 — hung up ♢ 036 — the person i like

037 — touchdown ♢ 038 — bad feeling

039 — unknown id ♢ 040 — all yours

041 — better ♢ 042 — sheesh

043 — miss me ♢ 044 — come back

045 — at last ♢ bonus — tba

MISCELLANEOUS thank you so much to all of you who supported me throughout this series !! i love u all ueueue

Scooby doo's theme song but it's Ateez

ꜱᴜᴄʜ ᴀɴ ɪᴅɪᴏᴛ…

xiao x gn adeptus ! reader

warnings: crying ? lmao i guess, spoilers for 2.7 interlude quest, reader has a mini breakdown, terribly written probably, no pronouns used, slight angst ?

meilin’ s notes: my first time writing a full (kind of) fic ! hopefully i do gender neutral some justice since i’ve never written gn before, only fem ;v; lmk if theres anything i need to fix !

“why did you let him go?” you asked zhongli, who was gazing into the plains on the balcony of wangshu inn. “surely you know the dangers that lie in the chasm, rex lapis.”

zhongli’s silence irritated you, your heart beating painfully. just the thought of your companion entering unknown and highly dangerous lands made you feel anxious, and sick. of course you knew xiao was capable of holding his own, you knew of his strength. still, he made you worry everyday.

“xiao is more than capable of taking care of himself, [name].” zhongli finally replied.

“thousands of years worth of knowledge does not cancel out the fact that he is still prone to danger, sir” you argued back. “no matter what you tell me, i wont ever stop worrying for that boy-“

“of course you wont,” he said simply. “i wouldnt expect you to. but you must understand this, [name].”

he then turned to face you, amber orbs burning into your [color] irises.

“it all comes down to a matter of trust. have faith in xiao, im sure everything will be fine then.”

and even as he turned to leave, still your heart ached.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

throughout the entire day, you felt an unease in your chest, a terrible ache in your heart. it seemed to be worse than yesterday’s treatment.

your mind was plagued with thoughts of xiao and his safety, the chasm, the lying dangers awaiting him, and the worst possible scenario: his possible death.

the thought still terrified you. although you werent a part of the 5 yakshas, you still harbored a deep fondness for them. bosacius was like the older brother you’d never had, making flower crowns with indarias and menogias, sharing wisdom with menogias, and the peaceful days with xiao.

it was all so simple, but then their karmic debt had gotten the best of them. you’d watched, face screwed with pure terror as your dear friends lost their minds. you watched menogias slaughter bonanus, as indarias succumbed to her debt, xiao suffering screams ringing in your ears.

how useless you were then.

you had sworn to protect xiao after bosacius disappeared, promised to love and care for him. promised to do something because you couldnt before.

useless. useless. useless useless useless useless usele-

you were jerked out of your destructive thoughts when you felt a jerking pain on your hands. looking down, you saw you had bitten your nail down to the skin and hadnt noticed until it split open. you groaned, sticking the finger in your mouth to lick off the blood.

then, your heart lurched painfully. you gasped in pain, clutching your shirt near your heart.

nonononono-

i promised him. i promised to protect him.

another lurch, another gasp of pain. he was in danger. grave danger.

unable to stand idly any longer, you teleported to the chasm. as you did, the pain in your heart grew more intense.

“xiao!” you called out desperately. you could feel him, he was somewhere, why couldnt you see him?

“xiao!” you called again, this time a tear slipped out. then two, three, then a stream. your heart was in so much pain, your lungs felt like they were about to burst.

“XIAO.”

then a flash, and six figures materialized. hope flared in your chest. but as the figures became clearer, you realized none of them was the face of your beloved adeptus.

scrambling to them, you went to the closest person available.

“where is he, tell me now, where is he!?” you cried, more tears streaming down your face.

yelan examined your face, brow furrowed. biting her lip, she gently took your hand. then, shook her head.

the world stopped for a moment.

no…

yelan held your hand still as shinobu, the traveler, paimon and yanfei looked away in pity.

but then, a familiar presence erupted, golden energy started to swirl, and then a figure slowly started to materialize.

‘fret not child…under my watch will alatus remain alive.’

startled, you lifted your head to see if anyone else had heard the voice, but it seemed you were the only one. then, turning your head to the source, you gasped.

there he was.

xiao.

the pain in your heart and lungs finally settled, and you breathed easy again. releasing your hand from yelan’s, you quickly made your way to xiao, who was on his knees taking big gulps of air.

sensing your presence, xiao looked up only to yelp in surprise as you threw your body down on him, arms wrapped around his neck in a tight embrace as you pulled his head to your chest.

“you idiot!” you wailed, tears falling down your face as you held xiao tighter. “you big, stupid idiot! what were you thinking!? you almost- you could have…”

“i know…” he whispered softly, hands ghosting your hips, almost afraid to touch you.

“idiot, idiot idiot idiot-“ you cried, pouding your firsts on his back as you wept in his neck.

“i know. im sorry.” he whispered again, this time embracing you back.

yelan’s eyes softened at the scene. she motioned to the others, leading them away from you both.

“we ought to give them some space. im sure they have a few…things to talk about.

·͙*̩̩͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩̥͙　✩　*̩̩̥͙˚̩̥̩̥*̩̩͙‧͙

meilin’ s notes: im well aware that while the travele and co. was trapped underneath the chasm, that the theory that time was at a pause in teyvat was made known but since zhongli broke that rule, i made it broken with the mc too. lemme know what you guys think ! i dont think i did too bad, but the first half was definitely not the best lol

little drabble based on the scene where bosacius paints on alatus' (xiao's) face hehe

"who did this?" silence fell across the open space. all chatter died down as he stepped forward, glaring at each and every one of you gathered in a circle. golden eyes surveyed the area, lingering on each one for a second before his eyes narrowed and they fell upon you again.

"it was you, wasn't it?" alatus growled, holding up his hand to show smudged black ink. you bit your lip as you looked up to his face. a black circle surrounded his left eye and there were streaks across his left cheek.

"no! it wasn't me, i promise!" your voice sounded higher and you covered your mouth so as to not let him see the laughter that was bubbling up. it was no use. alatus lunged towards you as you scrambled backwards, laughter spilling out as he fell atop of you, his hands pinning you down as he scowled.

you could hear the others laughing at you and you couldn't help but join. "alatus, i swear, it wasn't me!" your faces were inches apart, and though he was glaring down at you, there was no hatred in those glowing golden eyes of his. he refused to move, even if he believed that it wasn't you, not wanting to push himself up and have to face the others who he was sure were already cooing at the position the two of you were in.

"i told you he would think it was them first." he hears bosacius snicker, so quietly he almost didn't hear it. "it was too easy for me." he narrows his eyes and turns his head slightly but his attention is brought back to you when you start laughing again and press your hands to his toned chest so you can sit back up. he lets you do so, waiting until bosacius opens his mouth again.

"aren't the two of you cute!" alatus ignores the heat on his cheeks as he pushes himself to stand and does his best to glare at the others. he knows there's no way for him to look intimidating with ink all over his face, but for the sake of his pride, he believes that he's scowling menacingly at them.

they're all struggling to hold in their laughter. indarias and bonanus lean in close together, whispering something he can't be bothered to hear. he knows its not them, they like to sit back and watch the trouble unfold. menogias is usually the level headed one, and though he too is trying to cover up his laughter, he wouldn't be the one to do this. which leaves bosacius, ever the troublemaker.

"it was you wasn't it." he directs his words at the purple yaksha, who sputters out nonsense. too easy.

"get back here!" even alatus can't stop the grin that begins to grow across his face. he'll deal with bosacius first, and then he'll come back to you.

reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated! <3 a/n: this popped in my head and i just had to write it lol

LOVE ON THIN ICE. childe

anonymous said : Hi hi! Congrats on getting 800 followers!! For the event, how about "love on thin ice"?

content; ice hockey player!childe x gn!reader, modern au, sports au, fake dating au, college au, friends to lovers au and fluff, mentions of cheating and childe's real name, and kissing. wc; 1.4k

☆ — a part of my 800 followers event ✧ and happy birthday, tartaglia!!

"if you want this, us, to work—" childe furrowed his eyebrows, and you on the other hand, noted that he often did this only when under immense pressure. fake dating was a tiring thing to keep up, especially when childe's teammates started to notice how awkward you guys were when accidental physical touches occurred around you, "—kiss me everytime we won a game."

you almost choked out on the tea you were having at the cafeteria, "huh?"

"it would slowly come off natural if you can pretend to be excited for me," childe sighed. deciding to cut the chase, he put his palms underneath his gorgeous face, "i know our games aren't really your thing, but the bare minimum we can do for people around us to believe is for you to running excitedly into my arms, and me, maybe, lifting you up so that you can cup my whole face and kiss me. in front of the whole arena."

"you hate pda, and as the considerate boyfriend that i am, this would be the only one time we should prove to them," he sent you a smile, and chuckled when the red shades on your face were starting to form at the idea.

fake dating childe was a whole new experience for you, but god damn he was an amazing one at that. no one told him to be a perfect pretend boyfriend for your sake, but here he was, once brought a punch to your ex's face when you came back crying, standing up for you as if he was meant to fight anyone who talked bad about you, and casually came knocking on your door every weekend as if it was his routine to check up on you, or, to spend his time with you.

there was no way you fell for him, of course not. you wanted to make your ex felt devastated cheating on you with all these fake dates and flirting you did with childe, and childe wanted to show you to his family and teucer as his fake partner since they wanted him to find the one.

before, you weren't a fan of pda, or surprises, because you never did all of them with your ex, but fake dating childe made you craved that you did want everyone to know you were his. and the casual surprises he did on you when you were out with your friends—for an instance, he suddenly showed up out of nowhere, introduced himself as the boyfriend, giving you your favourite ice cream, all while ignoring the visible shock your friends gave and hugged you tightly, said that you should have a date with him after that since it wasn't fair for him to miss you—ended up with you looking forward to his little banters.

was it normal to feel this kind of way? even though all of it was fake to begin with? you didn't really know. but the thought of kissing childe was making you nervous for some reasons, it would turn out to be the first kiss you'd ever shared, you gulped.

after spending some time rolling on your bed yesterday, you realised that you needed to get away from him before he knew what he did to you. knowing childe, you knew it would fuel his ego even more if he ever knew how much he affected you now and this fake act.

if someone told you months ago that you would actually enjoy the weekly hockey games, you would laugh them off.

yet, here you were.

screaming your lungs off, cheering for your college team, sighing when the opponents got another point, jumping around the seats when childe's team won a point.

this time around, the match was pretty intense. whenever his team took the lead, the opposing team would catch up with their score.

"ajax!" you thought you might burst your lungs. you never ever reached the highest pitch of your own vocal range, hyping the game as it went on, "land the final blow!"

it was a miracle, despite how noisy the whole arena was, child did hear you amidst the crowd. he lost his focus when he saw you, and you panicked when someone from behind was about to hit him and get the puck from childe.

he regained his consciousness, aware of his surroundings when your eyes gave him what he needed; the spirit to continue. time was running out, and he was the team's current final hope and ace for reasons.

he should make you proud, he thought.

the ginger skated gracefully across the rink, ultimately prevented himself from getting body check by the one behind him.

then, he heard it again. ajax.

something about you made him determined to end this for good, as he charged forward, made the shot for it with all his might, whilst the goaltender seemed to be in shock at how fast childe's attack was.

maybe it was the goaltender's fault for blinking, but then the whole crowd that went silent throughout the last minutes was jumping, and the joyful sounds were coming from your college, and the final whistle went off.

childe's team had won.

he quickly removed his helmet, and his teammates ran towards him. as the scene unfolded in front of you, you clapped your hands excitedly, you were proud of him. the way he hugged his teammates back with the widest smile you had ever seen made you unknowingly jumped off from the crowd seats, instantly made a beeline, passing through the boards when childe finally stepped outside of the rink, his skates were already off of his feet.

he saw you, the sweaty beads on his forehead as he pushed the strands back to clearly see you running at him made his smile widened even more, and you were happy for him, as well as flustered at how good he looked after all of those crazy acts he put up beforehand.

"hey, look, i'm just joking around about you kissing me if we do win. and if you are uncomfortable with it, then don't force yourself—

you didn't care. you didn't care even the slightest. something inside your mind screamed for you to make it real. to kiss him for real.

and then you ignored the stares from his teammates, leaping forward as childe quickly caught on your waist, the look on his face confirmed that you did want him, although you had already reminded childe beforehand that you didn't think you could do it.

childe was caught off guard, yes, but it was insane how fast his reflexes were to not make your feet touched the ground anymore, but instead holding his jersey dearly that made him melted at the sight.

it was proven that you already had faith in him.

"no, really, if you don't want to, then it's fine—

"shut up," you surged forward without any warnings, the sudden kiss made childe widened his eyes, but smiled nonetheless at how eager you were to kiss him, "god, i am so proud of you," you breathlessly said.

you took his breath away, and this was exactly how childe envisioned it to be, but even better.

you, being lifted by him in his arms, your waist fit perfectly around them. the small hand on his neck and the other fisting his jersey for you to kiss him even more.

the soft contact of his lips brought you to an epiphany, that you wanted all of these to be real, not just another fake act to the innocent witnesses around you.

your lips brushed his. soft, delicate, like butterfly wings. just long enough that he could inhale your breath, felt the warmth of your skin, and the taste of your lips still lingered on his far after you had gone to steady yourself.

he pulled you closer again, giggling through the kiss and hummed when you didn't seem to stop sooner. it was more than he wanted. it was perfect.

so when you almost gasping for another rush of air for your lungs, childe finally put you back on your feet.

his hold still didn't loosen up, "that didn't feel half bad. you're not a bad kisser, i must say."

you almost shying away when you realised how bad you wanted to feel him against your lips, and even though childe was still drenched in sweats, you hid your face against his chest, simultaneously felt the fast beating of his heart.

"let's go on a date after this," he gave you a cheeky peck on your lips once more, and you swore that he would definitely be the death of you one day.

yes, you were an ordinary student with nothing extraordinary, but it just happened that you had the best fake boyfriend in the world.

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Attachment

AKA single dad susbedo that never even lasted a week

So true lmao

aka the X Reader Boys lol

thinking about scaramouche team dynamics ft scarabedo

this is beautiful i—*sobs*

# 0.03 - THE THIRD WISH.

╰ ‘I wish to learn how to make flower crowns.’ | Chapter 3 of ‘The Five Wishes You Fulfilled For Me Before I Died’ series

ㅤㅤ— join the taglist | masterpost | previous | next

HE SCOLDS YOU FOR CALLING HIS NAME FOR NO REASON AT ALL and yet whenever you don't, he frowns and asks about your whereabouts. the yaksha that guards over liyue is certainly a strange character and an adoring laugh would've slipped out of you if you weren't too busy trying to wash away the metallic taste of blood in your mouth. amongst the cards delivered to your hands, you realized that one person hadn't sent one. of course, you didn't expect anything from him of all people but you were suddenly filled with the desire to seek his presence. now though, you wondered if you're still in any shape to converse casually. the dried tears that stuck to your cheeks made you look disheveled and though it was dark, you don't doubt that his piercing amber eyes would take note of it immediately. was your body's exhaustion really this fast approaching?

"i told you to speak my name when you need help," a voice from behind you flatly states. you don't do so much as flinch. you'd know that voice even from afar.

"xiao... it's been a while, huh? how do you do?"

the man in question frowns even deeper, allowing his polearm to disperse into fragments of lights before he approached your keeled-over form, "what are you croaking about? speak up. i can't hear you."

"gee, a little understanding, please?"

you didn't really take offense. if you had, then there was no way you could've befriended the sharp-tongued man who was just a few steps away from you by now. perhaps it was just a worthless attempt but you hoped that your little comment was enough to distract him, even just a little, from the gruesome sight you weren't able to clean up. who would've known that he was always watching your back from afar?

"who did that?"

"no one," you muttered, tense. it sounded more like a furious demand than a question and you don't think that you've ever heard such animosity from him ever since you met. heck, the way he spoke about his karma sounds tender compared to the tone he used now! "hey, calm down."

"you're bleeding. you need help."

xiao, despite not believing your words, motioned for you to come towards him. as much as he wanted to reshuffle the cards dealt by fate to whoever was dumb enough to lay a hand on you, he knew that he should probably find someone to assist you first. verr goldet should still be awake, he thinks as he glances at the moon that watched the scene curiously. time flows differently for the adepti and he couldn't be bothered to carry a watch when it doesn't apply to him but if he were to guess, it shouldn't be more than thirty past eight in the evening.

"i'm fine. there's nothing you can do to help me," you waved your hand haphazardly as you tried to stand, only to find xiao crouching in front of you.

"..." he grits his teeth, trying his hardest to fight the heat that was climbing up his pale neck, "what are you waiting for? it's faster this way so... just hurry up."

a confused sound escapes you and you half-believed that you just redefined speechlessness as you stared at his back. shifting your weight from one leg to another, you ultimately freeze as xiao turns his head slightly, just enough to meet your gaze impatiently but you knew him well enough to recognize the same shade of embarrassment on his pupils. deciding to cut the both of you some slack, you cautiously mounted his back and with an ease that made your heart skip a beat, he adjusted your position so you laid more comfortably and securely. despite your nervous fidgeting (caused by the very sharp reminder that his hands were firmly holding onto the flesh of your thighs), xiao doesn't seem to be having any trouble carrying your weight.

"um... i'm really fine... you don't need to do this. i must be really heavy, 'm so sorry..."

he only scoffs, squeezing your thighs as if to reprimand you, "you underestimate the strength of the adepti. this is nothing compared to what i have held long ago."

you don't reply, ashamed that you're taking this situation of context and even more ashamed that you're absolutely enjoying it. distracted by your fleeting thoughts, you don't notice that you have slowly nuzzled into the crook of his neck. it wasn't your intention but your subconscious desperately craved the warmth that exudes from his body. by the time you realized what you were doing, it was too late and you pretended to do it on purpose just because it felt a smidge less embarrassing.

with your bodies awfully close together, xiao desperately prayed that you didn't notice the way his breath hitched as your small sigh fanned a hot gust of air over his sensitive skin. he also prayed that you don't hear the wild pumping of his heart because he, himself, couldn't hear anything aside from that.

"xiao?" he tensed up, surprised at the intense thoughts that floated in his mind at the innocent call of his name. you're too near. you had only whispered his name prettily but in his mind, you might as well have screamed it until both his ears bled, "do you mind if we stop by dihua marsh first?"

"what? are you out of your mind? you're injured—"

"i promise i'm not—"

he ignores you're lighthearted laugh as he nearly growls, unconsciously digging his dull nails into your thighs that formed small, crescent-like engraving on your plush skin, "i can smell your blood from afar."

"hey, i really promise i'm fine. in fact, you can check for injuries right here and now!"

xiao pauses and you take it as him thinking over his options. when you slowly slid out of his grasp and he wordlessly let you, a small victorious smile curved on your lips, "if i see anything, i'm taking you to wangshu inn immediately and you better not utter another complaint."

"yes, yes... i understand. no need to frown so much," he doesn't speak of the bright twinkle in your eyes as you shrugged your coat off, twirling once to show that true to your words, no trace of blood could be seen on your clothes. aside from the remnants of the gore on your palms, you looked unscathed and xiao realized that he could finally breathe again.

"if you're not injured, what was that on your hand?"

you knew he'd ask eventually but that didn't stop the recoil from coming. nervously looking at the side, you took one long breath in before plastering a smile on your face as you met his ever-serious gaze, "about that... care to chat in a place more comfortable?"

xiao curiously raised a brow despite the seemingly permanent scowl on his face. still, he offered his gloved hand quite roughly though it was more endearing in your eyes, "to dihua marsh, right?"

"if it isn't too much trouble..."

"isn't it too late to say that?"

you only laughed at his little grumble, knowing full well that he doesn't mind taking you anywhere you wanted to go. why else would he go out of his way to accompany you to sal terrae three days after you mentioned it in passing? taking his hand gingerly, he immediately pulls you closer to him, and almost as quickly, a heady scent envelops you. for someone who claims that aromas do not cling to him after grueling hours of hunt, you sure could pinpoint that the fragrance on his clothes was one of the refreshing scents of qingxin flowers and honey-roasted almonds. it's faded now and you purse your lips in worry. surely that must mean that he hasn't been resting? xiao had the habit of having his beloved dish during the morning during the winter season, having been too exhausted by the increasing amounts of exorcisms he needed to do to bother eating upon his return.

shaking away your worry, you try to ignore the other underlying stench that coats him. death. it's nothing unpleasant like the decaying flesh of a cold corpse but there was something unique about it that you could recognize it as that. it was hard to describe but once you meet someone on their deathbed, you'll know. it's the scent of a fast-approaching demise carried by hundreds of volatile materials. who were you kidding? he deals with death so, of course, he'll smell like it. or maybe you've finally lost it and whatever scent you carried had rubbed off on him with your close proximity.

closing your eyes, you tried to focus on the good parts. the scent of the candied chestnuts and sweet potatoes that you ate earlier in your festival meal, the faint floral residue of the perfume you wore, the quick whiff you got of saltwater and sea plants... ah, you arrived. peering over xiao's shoulder, you tried to find a suitable spot to rest. you wouldn't appreciate your socks getting wet so definitely not near the waters. you have a hard time removing the dirt stains on your clothes so not the hills. the other parts are occupied by monsters and you couldn't be bothered with defeating them first.

biting back a sigh, you rolled your shoulders back. you might've been unusually picky tonight but you were about to relay some life-changing news. comfortability should be your right because soon it wouldn't even matter anymore. you swear it's just about that. you were certainly not procrastinating on the inevitable.

"we're here. speak now and fulfill your end of the bargain."

you chuckle nervously, "you really need to relax a little... would it kill you to be softer?"

"softness would do me no favors and neither would your avoidance. tell me now or i'll find out for myself."

" woah, there... is that a threat? we're not enemies here. i think i should remind you that."

he says your name once, eyes narrowed in a warning and you sigh in defeat, "okay. fine. i'm sick."

"sick? then shouldn't you be resting?"

you sighed, leaning against the trunk of an old tree, "like i said, it wouldn't help me."

"hmph. you mortals are so difficult. you say one thing and the other says another—"

"i'm dying," you interrupt him with a humorless smile, "there's no recovering no matter what i do so i'm out here walking while i still can. it's sad, isn't it?"

xiao swallows as he feels his blood freeze over. surely not? of all the people in liyue, he was one of those that painfully knew the permanency of death the best. it was not something to be thrown around as a foul joke! anger swells up in his chest but as he eyes the distraught hidden in your carefree smile, he finds his words dying in his throat. surely not...

"i was out here to say goodbye to you because... there probably won't be a next time. when you found me, i was just about to call for you but my body beat you to it."

he was certain that he was being delusional. of course, he has to be! the weight of his karma must've finally made his nightmares bleed into reality but that was it, wasn't it? nightmares, dreams... all of it could come blurring into the reality he perceives but they would never amount to be anything but that. dreams are dreams and reality is reality. there was no way that someone as pure and gentle as you would be fated to an early death. that was not how karma works. he would know.

"xiao? it's... a good time to say something? i'm getting pretty scared of your silence..."

the yaksha doesn't speak, doesn't breathe even as his fingers trembled at his side. you look too weak, too fragile to be the person he once knew. you try to reach out to him — anything to snap him out of his confused daze but he backs away. he backs away because the moment he feels your warmth radiate over his skin, he'll know that it was real — that he'd lose you many years before he expected to — and xiao refuses to accept that. he couldn't. it feels too much of a crime to add to his already long list.

"hey now... don't go avoiding speech when you just threatened me to say something..."

something foreign stirs in him. it's hot and suffocating and if that wasn't enough to say that it wasn't a good sign then nothing else would be. he's never been good with anything foreign, having been stuck in liyue for as long as he could remember and so when he feels that strange feeling bubble up — when he feels his chest close up and when he feels abnormally sharp claws carve at his heart, he schools his face to something colder, sinister even. he wanted to scream, claw his eyes out so the tears wouldn't fall but he can't do that. yakshas who knew death's caress as their first touch don't do that.

"unbelievable. you came all the way from the harbor to tell me this?"

"i— what?"

his grip grew taut and you notice. concerned eyes flitted from his eyes to his fists, convinced that he would've injured himself if it weren't for his gloves, "mortal life is fickle and death consumes your kind every day. there was no reason for you to tell me about such a common occurrence. if that is all, i'll be taking my leave. do not call for measly matters."

you watched as he teleported away, leaving you alone in the islet. not even the cicadas were around to accompany you tonight. it was just silence and unbearable cold.

you should've been mad at him for disregarding your life just like that. how cruel was it to say that you're overreacting when you were just a few hours away from certain doom? being mad was your right. no one would've judged you for it but how could you be mad?

he was crying.

you don't think you could bear to witness the sight one more time and so you left back to liyue harbor where it was easier to pretend that the voices in your head didn't exist.

CHRYSANTHEMUMS ARE BEAUTIFUL — and they would make for wonderful funeral flowers, you mused to yourself as you patiently eyed the vase that decorated director hu's office. she was out with zhongli doing god knows what but the undertaker in front was kind enough to let you wait inside. you'd rather not deal with the gossip that was sure to come. if someone were to catch you idling around in front of a funeral parlor, well, they'd surely jump to conclusions — correct conclusions.

"oho? ohoho? well, look who's visiting, mr. zhongli!"

"ah... yes... this is certainly a surprise but not quite unwelcomed. may i ask what brings you here?"

you laughed as hu tao came over to give you a hug, her cheeks smooshing against yours as she playfully cuddled into your seated form, "i came to inquire if that discount is still up for grabs?"

"hm? did you murder someone or something?"

"director hu," zhongli sighs as he offers you a cup of tea that was, thankfully, made already, "i hardly think that is an appropriate question to ask."

"no, it's fine. it's not a question i can't answer because i'm still perfectly innocent," you paused, "as far as i know?"

hu tao pulled away. with her seated in her chair properly, the scent of plum blossom that clung to her was gone and you could once again smell the incense that wrapped the entire building, "if not for some poor guy that you beat up, then for whom are you asking?"

"about that... aha, it's for me," your eyes meet zhongli's, and... who were you kidding, of course, he knew. the sad smile he sent you was comforting. it's nice to know that even after you pass, a god would still remember your name.

without letting hu tao ask, you recounted the interaction between you and the nuns of the church of favonius as well as your brief meeting with baizhu. aether had insisted that you get a second opinion and you didn't see the point when that night, you fainted out of the sheer pain that pierced through your chest once again. if there was truly hope left for you, then at least one of the potions albedo gave you would've quelled the pain, even if it was a measly bit.

"i see... i'm sorry to hear that. unfortunately, there is nothing that we can offer to suspend your fate but at the very least, we can give you a send-off to be remembered."

it's so strange to see her suddenly don a professional tone but you should've known better than to doubt her. despite her unusualness, hu tao was someone who's incredibly passionate about her job. you didn't need to know about funerary ethos to see that, "i was hoping i could leave the arrangements to you? i'm not really picky and i don't really have much time to ponder about the details. anything's fine as long as it's for close friends only uh... that is if they want to come..."

"i see... that can be settled. anything else?"

"i'd like chrysanthemums to be used and... um... is it possible to hold the rites without my body?"

"it could be done but... why?"

you shrugged casually. this was surprisingly an easy conversation though... you are talking to hu tao who has an unconventional but good perspective on life and death, "i don't think i'll be able to return to liyue from inazuma."

hu tao nods understandingly before proceeding to explain the things that were going to be done during the funeral itself. you wonder why she's telling you all of this when it wouldn't matter to you. still, you listen. this was important to her and it's... oddly heartwarming to see her determination as she worked.

"on behalf of everyone in wangsheng funeral parlor, no, everyone you've ever encountered, we are sorry to see you go. thank you for everything that you've done for us and we hope that you live the rest of your days to the fullest."

hu tao bows deeply in respect and zhongli follows suit, leaving you in an awkward position. you wanted to say that it wasn't necessary but maybe this was some cultural tradition that you didn't want to overlook. hesitantly, you bowed back out of respect before muttering that you had a ship to catch which, wasn't too far from the truth.

"please... allow me to walk you out."

zhongli sends you a polite smile, eyes seemingly hinting for you to accept and that was enough for you to indulge in curiosity. giving one last wave to hu tao, you step out of her office and into the well-maintained hallways of the establishment.

"forgive me if this is too intrusive to ask but... have you told anyone else?"

you huffed in amusement, "he knows if that's your true question."

"did you tell him yesterday?"

surprised, you only nodded as zhongli sighed with a soft shake of his head, "no wonder..."

"what do you mean by that?"

laying a hand on the small of your back, zhongli guided you away from a rushing passerby. liyue's streets are always busy. you don't think it'll ever stop for anyone, "miss goldet approached us in distress earlier. it was what director hu and i sorted when you first arrived."

"verr goldet? did something happen?"

"quite. a big chunk of dihua marsh was... damaged last night as the miasma seemed to mysteriously grow rampant."

you froze. xiao... "is he alright?"

"it's hard to be 'alright' when encountering such news..." he bitterly smiled, "loss is a battle constantly fought by those who have lived and will continue to live for many millennia. the more losses you have suffered, the less you know how to accept fate."

worry began etching itself on your features. this was far from what you expected to happen when you told xiao. if anything, it was him whom you expected to take the news the best as he had grown used to speaking words that portray him and death as close acquaintances. you were foolish to think that, in retrospect, and you wonder if you had made a mistake. as if sensing your thoughts, zhongli halts and briefly holds your hand as a signal.

"there is no outrunning the invitation of death however when you are told of this fact before you pass and you choose to silently take it to your grave, it is the living that must suffer the consequences of your action. mourning will never not cause pain but when you weren't told anything and weren’t given any time to anticipate loss, things that hurt, hurt more. "

zhongli pats your shoulder sympathetically, "that young adeptus has suffered a perilous life. it does not come as a surprise that he has run away from that which threatens to bring him pain once more. perhaps you would say that he should be used to such unexpected events after all that has transpired in the many wars he had witnessed but, dearest child, has he ever adored anyone as much as he adored you?"

"he hasn't... but he will," you cleared your throat, looking into the direction of yujing terrace, "he'll find someone who adores him just as much and he'll learn to return the favor."

the former archon chuckles as he follows your gaze, "do you say that to remove the guilt from your heart or do you say that because that is your wish for him? the words you speak now are words you could speak because he has spared you the sight of his anger and what is anger if not the part of him that loves you?"

"xiao cannot be judged by the same measure you use amongst your kind for he, himself, has suffered far too many grievances that none of you can comprehend. does it come as a shock when you see that anger is the only emotion he speaks?"

"anger... is the only emotion he speaks?"

"his affection has turned into an anger for his being that deserves none of your tenderness. his compassion has turned into an anger that drives him to continue to swear by his contract with rex lapis. now, his sorrow has manifested into an anger that screams for you whom he believed deserved a fate much kinder than what was bestowed. mayhaps not with him but xiao has only ever prayed for your safety and happiness. see him now and you'll see his resentment for the world that dared treat you with anything but kindness."

"is that why you're here?" you smile listlessly, "because you cannot fault him for his anger?"

zhongli shakes his head, mirroring your words from earlier, "is that your true question?"

"would you answer me if i told you it wasn't?"

"very clever," he chuckles with eyes misting over with subtle pride, "but if you must know... i simply think that one shouldn't miss such an opportunity. there is no greater pain than saying your farewells once the moment has passed when you had the chance to offer it in the moment it truly mattered.

"ah, i didn't realize we've walked this far. this is as far as i will go. please consider my words kindly and though it may mean very little now," zhongli lays a hand over your head as he tips his head slightly, "you have my blessing. may you go forth in prosperity.

"and he says he has placed his past behind..." you whisper to yourself as you make your way back to dihua marsh.

"you there! may i interest you with our selection of flowers?"

you blinked, "flowers?"

ONCE PERCHED AS A CROWN OF HOPEFUL DREAMS — nervously nibbling on your lip, you paced back and forth as you held your occupied hands in front of you. maybe this was a mistake and maybe zhongli was wrong to say that you should still venture to mutter your farewell when xiao has strictly told you to only call him if it's for urgent concerns.

ah, but is your passing not an urgent concern?

gulping, you looked at the bright blue sky above you. beidou wouldn't take it too kindly if you delay her any further when you were one of the people who pestered her to speed up the preparations for sailing. besides, if you didn't speak now, you wouldn't be able to speak to him ever again. with that in mind, you hugged the white chrysanthemums close to your chest.

"xiao," a soft gust of wind blows past your form and slowly, you opened your eyes to meet dull, amber ones.

"you called?"

"i did."

an awkward silence fills the small space in between you two and before he could utter something about leaving (you knew him and you recognize the downward curve of his lips), you spoke.

"i'm leaving for inazuma in a few hours and... i don't want last night to be our last conversation. i don't want you to hate yourself for telling me such words and i don't want to hate myself for keeping my silence. i think that... we both have too little time for that."

"...you're leaving?"

"i made a few friends in inazuma and while we spent the shortest time together, i figured i still owe them a goodbye," you walked towards the same tree you were leaning on before and sat under its shade, "sit with me?"

xiao hesitates before taking the spot beside you, leaving enough space so that you wouldn't be touching each other.

"...fair enough. um... i don't even know what i want to say but... i want you to listen. you can leave anytime you want. i won't hold it against you. you don't need to reply either. i just need you to hear me out or y'know... try to, at least."

taking his silence as his agreement, you looked down at your lap. you don't think you could meet his gaze. his eyes are too honest and his honesty was painful. too painful even for you who'll only need to bear it for a few more days, "uh so... i'm— fuck, okay."

"i'm sorry."

you pause in surprise, abruptly looking at him to see xiao's gaze turned to someplace far away, "what?"

"i'm sorry for running away and i'm sorry for not being able to protect you."

"you couldn't have done anything."

xiao scoffs, tracing over his mask bitterly, "isn't that the point? ...my feelings for you are difficult but i had sworn to you that i would protect you from whatever dares to lay you in harm's way. i didn't fail. i've come to your aid before anyone could even do so much as give you a scratch. i thought... that if i watched over liyue well enough, you'd at least live a prosperous life. i never dared ask for more. that much is enough."

"xiao..."

"but despite my efforts, death has no mercy and it sent a curse that i could never face. is this... a product of my karma? was the world's grudge so severe that it has to take the one person i swore to protect no matter what the cost?"

"this is not your fault! it's no one's so..." your indignant stance falters as he sends you a glare.

"do you think i'm so foolish that i don't know that? i do," he clenches his teeth, "but it doesn't change the fact that you're dying and i can't do anything. somehow, that makes me feel at fault no matter how absurd it sounds."

you slump further into the soil as he continues. in a similar absurd manner, it makes you feel sorry that you're dying, "you are... the only person who tried to understand me and succeeded and you'll be the only person to ever make me wonder about life's pleasures. i will remember you until my own demise comes and if sinners can receive the blessing of reincarnation too, then i shall remember you in mine as well."

for a while, you didn't respond and when you finally regained your bearings, you laugh lightheartedly, "and to think i came all the way here to ask you to let me go... i forgot how stubborn you can be."

"calling the adepti stubborn? hmph. you have some nerve."

"i still think it's better if you forget about me. it'll make you suffer less. make it hard to remember that i can't offer my comfort even if i want to with all my soul."

xiao raises a brow, a sigh escaping his lips as he sent you another half-hearted glare, "you might have forgotten so i shall remind you. though i am an adeptus, i could not care less about granting human wishes."

"and you don't ever have to worry about that," you scrunch your nose as you pinched his cheek much to his flustered surprise, "most people would rather live the rest of their lives in misery than bear through your agonizing glare."

"let me go—"

"you didn't let me finish."

"what now?" he mutters as he successfully pried himself off your grip.

"i won't tell you how to live your life. if you want to hold on to me until the next time we meet, fine by me. i'll rush to you as soon as i see you enter the pearly gates or something. if you want to remember my face until the very end of your years, then i'll remember your name for just as long but xiao... i also want you to be happy. i want to look down from up there and say 'ah, he's smiling... i'm glad.' i want you to try to live because if your adoration for me hasn't changed when we meet again, i'd want to be able to tell you that you carried me so well in your heart that it almost felt like i was still alive too. those simple wishes are the only things i'll ask from you because... hah, for the longest time that was my dream. i hoped to make you smile more myself but i don't think i'll be able to do that now... am i selfish for asking this?"

"you wish me happiness?"

taking his surprise as an opportunity, you laid the tightly knit carnations on his head, "why wouldn't i? you're the one this world owes it to the most."

"and this is?"

"a flower crown! i've always wanted to learn how to make one and that kind merchant in liyue taught me just in time. i'm offering the first and last one i'll ever make to you. i know you just said that you don't grant wishes but... is it bad for me to hope that i'm special enough to be spoiled by you?"

"such mortal accessories... do not suit me."

you rolled your eyes, "says who? you? invalid. i refuse to accept it. y'know... when you're not too busy glowering, you have really soft features that match such soft flowers."

xiao's eyes widened almost imperceptibly. thankfully, you knew him well enough to notice such minor changes. smirking in delight, you lean further into him as you watch a red hue slowly stain his skin, "oh? do compliments fluster you? my, my—"

"if you still want to go to inazuma in one piece, i'd shut up now."

"shutting up~"

chrysanthemums carry the weight of a million words. to some, they are a symbol of life and rebirth. to others, it's a symbol of devoted love and loyalty. to the less fortunate, they are tokens of grief — a beautiful message that honors the full life of the dead. chrysanthemums mean everything and anything but as you inched closer to xiao, no longer needing the respectable boundary between your two hurt souls, chrysanthemums could only mean the memory of someone to be cherished even beyond what this life could offer.

it's a shame that you must limit your shared joys to optimistic wishes but it'll do. even if the afterlife didn't exist, your equal adoration for him would continue to persist even after your body perishes. it was a promise. one you sealed with the crown he hesitantly wore.

“don’t tie down your happiness to me, xiao,” you lean on his shoulder, smiling softly when he didn’t pull away, “you deserve more than that kind of joy.”

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