Sometimes i draw shit, sometimes i write shit, sometimes both at the same time.♠ Aro/Ace, (They/Them), Chaotic Good Disaster, definitely a human person
226 posts
I wish my pain had meaning
The foundation of my character
an apotheosis built on aching muscles
On digging pits for concrete in the rain
So that I may raise up a better version of myself
The bitter work that gave us monuments
So that one day we may wipe our brows
With the backs of calloused hands
And smile when others stare in wonder
And care to imagine the nature of its formation
I long for that fight
For scars others can trace with gentle hands
And understand just enough of the nightmare that left me bloodied, battered
Worn ragged but still alive
And I wish I had that comfort
Of running my hands over old wounds
To acknowledge that pain, see it plainly
Hold assurance in my hands, that proof
To validate it as it were
To tell me that was real,
That it might be over now
Instead I’m locked by my own hand
Lying in cool tiles, on stinking carpet
Staring at nothing at all
Nothing on my mind
No real sign,
no blood, no scars,
no story to tell.
Wondering how such pain could come from nothing at all
I'm gonna talk about episode 18 once again because holy fuck that episode sure does make me want to eat glass/pos
Ok so the argument in episode 18. It's Bad. It is a genuinely horrific argument that ended in physical violence, which sure is an accomplishment when you literally share a body with the person you are fighting with.
Now, most arguments that John and Arthur have, are eventually just swept under the rug, after all there's no point bickering when there is a creature trying to kill you to death right? But this one is not.
John broke Arthur's trust and Arthur does not let go of that. It takes him a while before he even gets on civil terms with John. He says that he'll only agree to work with John if John agrees to never mention Faroe's name ever again, which John agrees to.
A lot of their arguing and petty squabbling in episode 19 comes from Arthur still being upset from what John said in episode 18.
Episode 20 rolls around, and John and Arthur are back to being on good terms for the majority of the episode. The King however, brings up this argument to Arthur, and Arthur states that whilst he hates Join for betraying his trust, he doesn't hate John for calling him an unfit father.
Whilst that may be true, it doesn't mean it didn't hurt for his best friend to tell him that he sees Arthur as the absolute worst part of himself.
Anyway, we come to episodes 24 and 25 which is where things really get interesting in my opinion. Throughout episodes 21-23, Arthur has told Yellow about how he reminds him of the worst parts of John, the parts that betrayed his trust.
But now John is back. John is back and Arthur is overjoyed to have his friend back but things have happened whilst John has been gone, and now Arthur is dead set on killing a man that John knows nothing about. A man that Arthur simply describes as a bad person, meaning he deserves to die.
John is naturally shocked at this. Arthur is a man who has generally shown sympathy and kindness to all sorts of people and creatures when he's sure they're not a direct threat to his life.
What John doesn't know is that Larson cheerfully bragged to Arthur about willingly sacrificing his own daughter as she begged for him to save her. John does not know this because Arthur does not tell him this.
Of course he doesn't. Arthur has never been one to talk willingly about his own trauma, this on top of the way John betrayed his trust in episode 18? Of course he's not going to tell him.
The last thing Arthur wants at a time when he is already incredibly emotionally vulnerable is for John to turn around and say something along the lines of "is he really that much worse than you?"
John is changing and doing his best, but Arthur is human and emotional and John hurt him, and that's something that he does not simply forget.
Assorted sketches of my lil’ scruffy wizard man
I like to imagine that in any atla modern au, aang still, for some reason, finds a reason to beat ozai’s ass
Some Human John & Arthur content for us starving souls
(Click image to view in better quality)
saw this and had to do a shitty one note doodle of it
Me: Oh no, Arthur's behavior has become increasingly erratic, callous and cruel these past few episodes! Is he slowly succumbing to the madness of lovecraftian horror?
Arthur: You know, I didn't realize how hungry I was until we got a moment to settle down. Where's the kitchen?
Me: Oh lol that explains it
I've been thinking a lot about the like moral frame work that Malevolent sets out because I don't know, what else am I going to do with my braincells.
Interestingly, and fittingly, it's very much a coming together of one ideal from Arthur and one ideal from John which both together make up the central part of the story.
From Arthur we get the precept of having to own your past. To John in episode 14 he says "You are the King. You don’t get to deny that because you’re choosing to change. Own it. Grow, change, be better, but own your mistakes." This seems to be the same rule he holds himself to with Faroe, or perhaps he holds onto thia ideal because of what happened with Faroe.
On the other hand, John brings to the table the idea that anyone can be redeemed. As early as episode 3 he says "I have to hope that any creature can be redeemed." This is before John knows who or what he is, but faced with the possibility of what he might be he wants to believe that he's capable of changing. This idea continues to carry through the Dreamlands arc after he learns he's the King in Yellow, but I think it's become most evident again in episode 26 when he conforts Arthur about Faust. The King has not won. If John can seek redemption after everything he's done, than certainly Arthur, a human forced to those extremes under intense stress and trauma, can be.
But... The ideal that Malevolent sets out isn't either one of these things, it's the combination of both. You cannot forget your past mistakes. You have to live with them. But you can be redeemed from them. No matter what mistakes lie in your past you can move forward and become a better person. You carry those things with you, but you are not restrained by them.
*Bolts upright in bed at 2am* Holy ShIT TMA Swan Lake AU but Jon is a fucking monster cat thing!!!!!
This one has been literally years in the making and a true testiment to the power of hyperfixation and what I could maybe do if my brain decided something like graduating highschool was actually really interesting.
I'm sure my fic preferences will be made very much clear as you read this, so do keep in mind said preferences might not allign with yours. I have included a lot of Whump, H/C and angst in my list, so if you're not into that sort of thing, that's fine, have a nice day. I've also got some content warnings in my descriptions as well for the more... intense....whump?... yeah let's go with that.
(Most are all Jmart, but there's some JonTim, some LonelyEyes on the side, and the occassional OG archivist squad polyamory, anything tagged as Jon/Elias is 100% in some kind of whump scenario)
Rec list and key under the cut (^o^)/
Bold = 11/10 fic, very much had me thinking about if for way longer than I should have, recommending it way too many times than is necessary and pretty regularly rereading it
Purple italics = didn't quite have the same earth shattering effect as the bold fics, but very much worth a read all the same
Plain text = it's up there fam, but not quite on the same level as the purple italics or bold fics
The garden of forking paths - by bibliocratic
After killing Elias and presumably setting the world back the way it was Jon and Martin find themselves falling through the doors of the distortion, holding each other tight and doing everything they can to not let go. It's only when Jon wakes up later to an archivist named Sasha and the Tim he used to know waving an axe in his face that he realizes that wherever somewhere else was, he came through alone.
First fic I ever read for TMA that I connected with really, written midway through season 5 so we pretty much ignore any canon ending, but I don’t think any of us are particularly complaining about that one considering the sheer amount of fix its. (Completed)
Out There, Somewhere - Artyphex
Jon wakes up, blind and alone and bleeding out having been spat out of the crack between realities after the end of the world and now finds himself alone, alone and in pain, entirely alone in a way he's never felt before, in a world that is not his with no one he knows and loves beside him. And he is left to search, with unseeing eyes and shaking words for the one person he needs to know is okay. (Completed)
They keep trying to row away (series) - by assigned_Jon_Kin_Again (sparrow0), blackwood (transjon), radula (stickpenalties), screechfox, skvadern
Body horror mermaid fic that breaks my heart in the best way, feat. Archivist Sasha and maybe a polyamory between the 4 main archivist crew? Either way a hurt/comfort mermaid fic that I can't stop coming back to. If you're a big fan of Whump and excessive angst with the sweat relief of comfort this is the fic for you, but please for the love of god pay attention to the Trigger Warnings. (Series complete)
Family, Found - Dribblescribbles
Basira was there for the unknowing, she was there when Elias told them all to their faces that he was a bastard who was using them for something none of them could understand, and ever since the unknowing she's been doing whatever she could, taking whatever scraps of investigations she could to find the answers. And of all the people it had to be Helen who helped her figure it out. Because Jon is not a monster, but the Web and the Eye are doing their damn best to make him one, and she's going to make sure that the others working for the archives aren't doing the same. (One Shot)
My witness brings me Into existence - by driflew
A take on Not!Jon au with an exploration on what happens if he comes back and the experiences he has to deal with as someone who cannot be physically remembered but still wants to help out Sasha and the others, even if Elias, the one person who seems to know him, won't let him.
This one has me feeling a lot of things, currently existing as just a One shot but I'm still crossing my fingers from some extra additions to the series, and boy does this one have me coming back on the regular. (Completed fic, Series ongoing)
Not a Second Thought - by i_can_do_fics
An alternate take on Not!Jon, specifically involving the web instead of the stranger. Where people aren't replaced, but thin unseeable strings of spider silk force his hand and his tongue and his body in no way he can resist. And after everything that'd happened since this all started, he's not quite sure it's a bad thing. (One shot)
Miles to Go before I sleep - by AuralQueer
Sleep Dep. Hurt Comfort Set S4, feat. A Jon who is putting himself through way too much crap but honestly that's just par for the course. (One shot)
Beastly Behavior - by Prim_the_Amazing
Martin is a man struck by a curse, a curse that is vindictive and cruel and cast by someone he will always love despite everything she's done to him. Jon is a man on the run from a monster of his own, a man with all the power in the world to take everything he has left of himself for his own entertainment. Two men with two tasks, a mother and a grandmother, both dying in their beds and both losing a part of their freedom and themselves trying to save them. Both terrified of the world they live in, of the person they grow to love, of the people they may be becoming.
A Beauty and the Beast au with a bit of a twist, and a happy ending well worth the wait. (Completed)
The Sea Calls Me Home - mothjons
Martin Blackwood takes a job at Peter Lukas's estate in exchange for his mother's care and
their housing for his service. It's not a pretty job, it's not anything Martin would have picked for himself but nothing he'd had ever would be and he's resigned himself to that fact, no matter how much it hurts. And then he meets a strange man by the sea, and god knows all the secrets and the pain of loving someone is the one choice he knows for certain he'd never give up.
Not going to lie this one had by ugly crying by the end. A great and honestly very angsty take on Mer Jon x Martin but also set during the height of WWI and I promise you there is of course a happy ending they both deserve. (Complete)
Head in the Lion's Mouth - by renwhit
Au where Danny is alive, damaged goods but alive. So when a certain archivist, possibly delirious and in pain, narrows his eyes and tells him he looks familiar in a way the other uncanny circus members don't, it sparks something in him he can't explain and for the first time in over a decade the ringmaster has a name. (Series is ongoing)
Maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me - by ghostfrog
A cute ongoing fic where Jon becomes a teacher after Martin singlehandedly stops the apocalypse at the end of S4, and because they're both trying to move on with their lives Jon becomes an English teacher for a local school, where he has a class that are a bit too observant, and maybe just a bit too into cryptids.
There Are Monsters In These Woods - by DoilySpider
Once upon a time there was a prince of a kingdom named blackwood, with a wicked stepfather who wanted him dead. One day the prince asked his stepfather what he could do to claim the crown that they both knew was rightfully his, and the stepfather told him that a king must be brave, and to prove it he must then slay the beast of eyes.
Once upon a time there was a man named Jonathan Sims, a man who sought whatever knowledge and magic it would take to be able to protect those he loved from the monsters that took everything from him; and so he went to see the Mage Magnus, who would only be making him just one more.
Dark Fairytale au? Well that's what you get I suppose when the fandom is based around a horror podcast. All I can say really is that I love the world-building on this one, and the writing, featuring a happily ever after we all know they all deserve and some Jon/Martin/Tim/Gerry Polyamory. (Complete)
A Weather In The Flesh - by cuttooth
An emotionally devastating one shot about touch starvation that may or may not have made me feel a lot of things (One shot)
One of these birds, is not my bird - by updownandsideways
Just a good ol' Not Jon fic, a bit predictable in places but the gist is Jon is taken by the Not Them and Martin's feeling a bit different about Jon since he got back from the Prentiss incident, it's only when he re-reads some of his old poetry that he finds out why. (Complete)
Thresholds (series) - by bubonickitten
At the precipice of finding out he's changing into something inhuman, Elias decides to give Jon a push, with the perfect bit of information to leave him a wreck, and makes him know the story of a young man he remembers all too clearly being taken by dear old Mr. Spider. (Complete)
Chamomile - Dribbledscribbles
Chamomile is a mischievous little creature who finds its delight in seeing how many times they can give the people in this safe house a heart attack. It's attempts on Martin have been successful to a fault, pushing him as far as it can to scare the living daylights out of him before he comes at him with a broom and scuttling away before he can come close. It's a fun game they have, but when they try it on Jon it just doesn't work. It's not fun, because Jon lets it win, Jon names it, Jon gives him cuddles and lets it rest on his shoulder, and this little creature is rather determined not to give up.
Aka a cute fluff fic where Jon and Martin are living in their cottage in Scotland and end up adopting a few of the spookier residents. (Completed)
Go softly - by doomcountry
Martin brings home a jug of bleach, sets it on the counter with an eyedropper for when Jon is ready, and even if both of them know it will hurt, that is has to be done, but no matter what they are going to get through this together.
TW for eye mutilation (Oneshot)
Terror Management Theory - by prismatical
Jonathan sims was eaten by a spider when he was eight, he died, but then he came back. Since then Jon has a very interesting relationship with death, one that terrifies him more than anything else, more than any other fear, and it's going to take a hell of a lot to earn his right to death back. (Completed)
Nature has taught her creatures to hate - thepolysyndetonaddictsupportgroup
Many times Jon has tried to run, sometimes it even worked, sometimes he got barely made it out alive at the end of the day, but it never worked when he was running from the Magnus institute, from James Wright or Elias Bouchard, or from the horrors that have never let him go since he was eight and stupid enough to pick up that damn book. The powers that be had taken him as a child, wrapped him in tight cobwebs of contracts and kidnappings and under a bruising hand on his shoulder that guided him down the path of inhumanity no matter how hard he tried to run. And even now, when he's failed again and facing losing another of a short line of close connections to the curse that is the Magnus institute, he can't back out.
NGL this one is depressing at times, but it kept my eyes glued to the screen it was so thrilling. Featuring a Jon who was chased to the Magnus institute by a book and a boy overflowing with spiders, and then claimed by something even worse, lots of child abuse and Elias being a manipulative bastard. (Ongoing)
Reflection - by LazuliQuetzal
There's something haunting Jonathan sims, something that looks just like him, but different all the same. Something inhuman that he cannot allow himself to trust, no matter what it says or claims to know about him. Something that keeps telling him with every moment they have to stay away from the archives, no matter what.
Meanwhile, Jonathan Sims, the monster and remnant of a ruined world, is rapidly forced to reconcile with living in the past as something no one is able to see or even notice as anything out of the ordinary, not even with the power of the eye behind them, and as fun as getting some small sense gratification from being petty and messing with Jonah as much as he can, the only person he can really talk to is quite literally himself.
And he's a fucking idiot.
This fic is great if you just want a little giggle and some catharsis. Pending alternate title is currently tied between "Two Jons in an archive, what will he do?" and "Jon would be the first person to tell you that he is absolutely insufferable". (complete)
See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea - by The_Floating_World
Jon has always had a fascination with things vastly incomprehensible, staring out from a dock out at the ocean and marveling at the infinity of everything before him. How the sky can be perfectly reflected in the ocean, how everything is endless and so vast in such a beautiful way, and I need not tell you that fears have never been loved in the way Jon loves infinity. After a probably not so chance encounter with Simon Fairchild, Jonathan Sims begins his slow evolution to becoming as an avatar of the vast, but he's different in a way the others aren't. Asking questions with no answer and living on that threshold between the vast and unknowable and madness in a way the other's haven't seen before, and by virtue of his own strangeness, even in the face of the other avatars, he is known as the philosopher, a man who isn't a man that seems content to hide just how powerful he really is.
At least until he makes some friends of his own and they come under threat. (Complete)
Starving Gods - by sevansa
Jon is in a really, really bad place when he decides to go through with it, knowing with a certainty his future doesn't have that if he were to follow in the footsteps of Eric Delano, he wasn't going to allow himself the luxury of a chance to back out, not with so many victims at stake.
Needless to say the shock of finding Jon in his office like that, unconscious and mutilated is something none of them will ever forget.
TW eye mutilation but you already knew that, first fic i the series is complete, but the sequel is still ongoing.
The Unknown Watcher - by authureameslove
Martin knows the rules as well as anyone else. You do not stay out past dark, not for anything, lest you fall prey to monsters and madness more potent than any ghost story or relentless creature cooked up by gods bigger than anyone could have imagined. So on a dark night, chased by monsters a plenty and his own stupid decision to chance it Martin Blackwood stumbles upon an estate filled with its own monstrosities. Two killers stalking the woods that weren't there before, a stranger in the night, two who cannot leave lest they be unmade with wooden splinters where there should be skin, and a man with two glowing green eyes and a face that no one can see. Each with their own stories to tell, each bound to this place by powers out of their control and choices they have made and each playing their own part in the end of both themselves and the world.
And of all things, they seem to think that Martin just might be the only one who can save them.
Inspired loosely on Beauty and the Beast with its own unique and captivating TMA Spin, this fic had be glued to my seat in anticipation, and I highly recommend it to anyone who enjoys tales of vengeance, Jmartin and that classic ghost story style mystery. (Complete)
Déjà Vu - CirrusGrey
What do you even do with yourself when you are given a second chance? What does it mean to truly feel your death, being unmade or destroyed or unwound or stabbed through the heart by the man you love, and waking up alone long before you would have come to know any of it. Remembering everything, every pain, every choice that led to it and everything that you can't bring yourself to believe hasn't happened yet, and to do so all alone?
Sasha James was unmade, Tim Stoker was destroyed, Martin was unwound, and Jon was stabbed through the heart by his love. They all woke up alone on a day long before even the thought of Prentiss would touch them, and they all think they're the only one.
The Watcher's Bargain - arthureameslove
Fae au says what?
Martin hadn't known freedom since he was a child, when the witch Mary Blackwood took him in and bound him with silver threads and promises. So when she lays sick and dying in their house he makes a bargain with her. The Death's book of names and her life in return for his freedom. He should have known stealing from the Fae would have consequences beyond death, should have known the witch would have been vindictive enough to only allow him to leave her if it meant trading one prison for another, and this time, surrounded by the high court of the Panopticon, with Fae and tortured humans in chains, bound to one who speaks in half-truths and secrets, hope has never been so far from his eyes.
At least that is, until the fae proposes a bargain of his own. (Ongoing)
This Lonely Knight - arthureameslove
Martin doesn't remember why or how he came to join the knights of the Lonely, nor does he remember any of a life before that point. Like the many other heartless knights he cast away his memories and the pain they carried with them with his choice and that was just the way it was. It's not until he's sent to escort a strange man from the beholding to be the Watcher's betrothed that he begins to find what he'd been missing, what being of the Lonely had kept him from, and more importantly that he can't go through with his suicidal mission to see the death of his charge.
Honestly, this is classic fairytale knight and royal in an arranged marriage romance but with another perfect Magnus Archives twist from arthureameslove. (Complete)
What Belongs to the Sea - TwoDrunkenCelestials, WhyNotFly
When Jon first meets Elias he's dry as a bone and still smelling of thick salt with wild hair, knocking on his door with fury in his eyes and blood roaring in his veins as he demands back his stolen skin. For all his grandmother's warnings though, he still ends up in a gilded cage of his own making. Soon Jon, against his better judgement and consent is swept up into the path of the unblinking, newlywed and bound by powerful magic and paraded around in ceremony and unfeeling shows of affection and control. It's only after an admittedly prickly encounter with Martin, that he begins to hope.
TW there is abuse here, and alot of iron burns (Complete)
The Path of Least Resistance - chermit
Martin, Sasha and Tim go into what they think will be a normal day of work in 2016, and it is anything but. They arrive to find a crime scene, swamped with police officers there to inform them plainly that everyone in the institute is dead, except for them. Elias in his office clutching his head as if in pain, Jon shot three times in the chest with an empty look in his eyes and the rest of them from apparent cardiac arrest. Needless to say they want answers, they want justice, and if it means involving themselves in a world of monsters and fear a mysterious someone had tried so hard to keep them safe from, then so be it. (Ongoing)
The Sweetest Thing - JoyHeart
Martin has always been warned away from humans, his mother took great pains to plant that fear firmly within long before she and all of Selkie kind seemed to turn their backs on him. It isn't until he's rescued from some particularly nasty flesh worms by the Magnus Institute for Oceanic Research and Rescue that he finds an alternate perspective. Unfortunately, even if he doesn't yield his form, Martin's about to find that humans have more than one way of keeping a selkie under their grasp, even if completely unintentionally.
A martin selkie au that had me cackling, in suspense and squealing with just the right amount of fluff (for my tastes at least) featuring Marine Biologist Jon who's just as insufferable when it comes to his skepticism as he is incredibly sweet. (complete)
Heavy angst and whump warning for the sequel (which is ongoing)
A deeply annoying child - ajkal2
A oneshot (that I will defend until my dying breath) where Jon reads a Leitner that turns him into his 8 year old self right after his encounter with Mr Spider and Tim is there to help him pick of the pieces. (Oneshot)
Antigonish - softlyblue
Martin inherits an the Blackwood house from a woman he's never heard of sharing his last name and very quickly finds it inhabited by something trying to kill him, something that is not the four friendlier ghosts that inhabit the place, and something that goes a hell of a lot deeper than cold spots and whispers in the night. It's not so much a choice then to call in the cavalry when a portion of the very well-built roof tries to crush him for the third time in a row, so he sends a reluctant email to three ghost hunters under Basira's recommendation, with one of which being a man reportedly most adept of seeing and reaching out to things that are not there. (Complete)
The Reverb in These Holy Halls - Wolftraps (AlwaysBoth)
After a distinctly unwell day at work Jonathan Sims comes to awareness and marches in to the archives without so much as a word and declares himself to Elias and Martin both as the new head archivist. A lot of people are confused by this, a lot of people suspect Jon of murdering Gertrude and a lot of people want to know what the hell is going on with him. With a bargain made, and an eye and a Spider in his heart Jonathan Sims is going to save the world, and this time he's going to do it right.
Very generic premise of a Timetravel TMA fix it but it comes with some added flavor thanks to some clever writing from the author/s.
Two Graves - SupposedToBeWriting
In saving the world singlehandedly Jonathan Sims honestly thought he was going to die, so it was more than a surprise when he didn't, and even more than his plan actually worked. Now, with nothing but the remnants of fear and a broken heart he flees London, along with everything and everyone to do with the Magnus institute, but quickly finds himself a new purpose with a garden and connection to some avatars who need some help finding themselves after their patron's disappearance.
And then his world shatters when Martin and Basira finally manage to track him down.
This one got me through a particularly rough patch, a fic about reconciliation after the end of the world was... well, ended, and about reconnecting and forgiving the ones you love. TW for some implied sucidal thoughts and ideation. (completed)
The Archivist and the Adventurer (series) - paperdream
There are few things for a human that is worse than to be considered lovely by the Fae, and that is a lesson Jon, like so many things, had to learn the hard way. Ensnared by the wild hunt and bound to the high fae Elias and forcibly changed by the Mother of Spiders, all Jon has left to hold on to is his name, spending his days confined to the Archives to serve and be subject to the whims of the fae, whatever they may be. At least that is, until he finds his solace in helping an adventurer escape the cruelty of the fae unscathed, no matter how foolish he may be. (Ongoing)
Auspex (Series) - faridsgwi
(Victorian AU) The year is 1841, and Jonah Magnus is ready to begin building his archive in London. Now it's just a manner of going to the workhouse to find a child that won't be missed to serve as his repository.
Highly recommended au for you guys, as of now it's still ongoing but my god is it keeping my rapt attention in hopes for updates to the series. Featuring our good old Victorian asshole and resident child abuser Jonah Magnus, as he builds up his new archive and apprentice Jonathan Sims in preparation for his uses. Assistants will be traumatized, friends will be made along the way, and as always remember the apocalypse is always much closer than you think. (Ongoing)
The Kindness of Strangers - theOestofOCs
What's that saying? That Hindsight is 20/20? After a rather delicately arranged meeting in eye neutral terf (read as not in the institute) on Tim's request, Jon is finally able to get the chance to really talk to Tim since… well everything. So when the two find themselves snagged by Breekon and Hope and handed over to Nikola Orsinov, let's just say Tim being in the wrong place at the wrong time was the least of their worries.
Content warning for disassociation, forced nudity and non-consensual touching (not sexual), this one is heavy on the angst, but if you, like me, really wanted Jon and Tim to get the chance to actually reconcile before the unknowing, and love seeing Tim's protective older brother side, then this is the fic for you. (Completed)
Stag Story - With_the_Wolves
Stag's are notoriously hard to capture in the wild, using magic to flee and disappear before any bullet comes close to touching them. As a results hunts are often drawn out and tedious in search of trophies, and notoriously difficult to pull of successfully, at least until one of the most respected of the Hunter's alliance, Elias, comes up with something of a solution.
A solution he keeps under lock and key and threat of iron burns and torture should he disobey. His precious bait stag, cowed and shaped to his will, and he's going to use him to finally kill the Beast of the Northern Forest. (Oneshot)
The Fates Design - theOestofOCs
Kept hidden, starving and without any memory of a time before Elias saved him, the Archive had resigned himself to a life under his care and in his service. He was the Archive after all, a danger to himself and the world, this was what he was for.
So when a thief climbs in through the window of his tower, and gives him a story to ease the pain of hunger and asks him to come with him, at least until Elias's return, he accepts. The want for the pain to end winning out over the safety of his tower and unfortunately, the knowledge that this is where he should be for the safety of the realm.
And then he meets a ginger haired man he couldn't be sure he'd only ever seen in his dreams, and things change.
Alternately titled by the author as the Tmagled au (which I absolutely love), this one puts a really intriguing TMA twist on the classic Rapunzel set up, with some added mystery that had me desperate for more.
As it stands it is still ongoing, and pretty new, but as of posting this has actually been updated fairly recently.
The Lives We've Shared - The OestofOCs
Jon finds something he shouldn't have, something someone took great lengths to keep hidden, and something Elias Bouchard doesn't want him listening to. A tape from Gertrude, hidden below a loose floorboard in his office, speaking with certainty of death and leaving a warning for her successor.
Needless to say Elias will do anything to make sure a secret like that doesn't come to light, so after a short flick of a blade across his throat, all he needs to do is clean up as much of the blood from the office as he can and start again with one of his assistants.
What no one accounted for though, was Jon coming back.
Completed fic where Jon dies and comes back as a ghost, with the single goal to protect his people as much as he can from Elias and others like him.
Fold, Fallow and Plough - theOestofOCs
Jon is a marine conservationist researcher, so when he sees the net squirming and rolling on the beach with something impossible inside, he does what he always has and cuts it free, regardless of any praise or recognition he might have gotten from the discovery.
So when the head of the Magnus institute of Marine discovery arrives moments later, fuming and demanding to know what happened to his catch, Jon certainly isn't going to apologize for doing the right thing. No matter what earning the man's ire might bring upon himself.
He just… he didn't expect this.
Have I mentioned I'm a big fan of Mermaid Body Horror? TW for abuse, non-consensual body modification and a lot of whump, featuring Mer Tim, Danny and Sasha as they try to walk their unexpected charge through a new life under the waves, as others above continue to search for the missing researcher. (Ongoing)
Darkling I listen (half in love) - theOestofOCs
Jon had never had a good feeling about their newest client Jonah Magnus, but it's not until he sees him one night crawling down the side of his castle with spiderlike grace that he truly comes to realize he's not human, and Martin needs to survive this. So, throwing caution to the wind and what he knows has to be all sense with it, he makes a deal with Magnus. Martin will be sent back to London under the guise that Jon will be continuing their work here, and Jon's life is forfeit.
But Magnus has far greater plans for his new pet, and no intention of letting him go that easily.
If you're me and you've read the original Dracula by Bram Stoker this is one hell of a treat. Just the right amount of TMA and Dracula plot points with some very well written body horror as Jonathan finds himself slowly turning into a creature of the night. (Ongoing)
The Archivist's Moving Castle - Hallali
In a world full of magic and monsters a plenty, Martin's life on its own has thus far been profoundly uninteresting. But dreaming of adventure in the hills was never a way to stay safe, and Martin has always been quietly content, if a fair bit lonely, tending to the town's library under the employ of one Peter Lukas. At least, that is, until a strange man full of magic of his own seeks his sanctuary and promises to help him escape, a hope Martin can at least hold onto for now even as his world twists beyond the limits of what he thought possible and he is cursed and forced to flee before Jon could even have the chance to return. Which is all well and good he could suppose, he needed to get out anyway, he just wished there were less monsters trying to kill him involved. (Ongoing)
this may be an unpopular opinion, and i may end up eating my words in the weeks/months to come, but i don’t think that arthur is following a corruption arc or losing his humanity. that’s not to say that arthur is doing well or making good decisions, but i think there is an important distinction to be made between arthur slowly breaking down and making more morally dubious decisions and arthur losing his humanity, which to me is a very specific word that has a very specific meaning and that holds considerable weight in this podcast. here’s why:
Keep reading
Call me out like this, why don’t you?
And I can’t even be mad because this post reads like a gentle embrace as fingers ghost over lines we’ve drawn and sunken eyes and tells you it’s all going to be okay
This probably sounds weird but- I really like drawing scars, making them more exaggerated and sharp. It’s cathartic I think, it makes me feel better about my own scars. By realizing the character I’m drawing has also gone through some stuff, but they’ve healed. They made it through it. And so did I. It makes me happy seeing a character with imperfect skin, lumps and discoloration from scars and how the nerves don’t flare up the way they used to, all of that stuff.
PSA
You fought and you made it. I’m glad to see you here on the other side of that dark tunnel.
Whatever it might be that you’ve gone through, I’m proud to see how far you’ve come. It doesn’t matter if it’s just baby steps, anything at all, that’s what matters
Don’t worry to hard about falling back down. It happens. Shit gets tough. These paths aren’t always smooth. Just take your time.
One thing about fandom culture is that it sort of trains you to interact with and analyze media in a very specific way. Not a BAD way, just a SPECIFIC way.
And the kind of media that attracts fandoms lends itself well (normally) to those kinds of analysis. Mainly, you're supposed to LIKE and AGREE with the main characters. Themes are built around agreeing with the protagonists and condemning the antagonists, and taking the protagonists at their word.
Which is fine if you're looking at, like, 99% of popular anime and YA fiction and Marvel movies.
But it can completely fall apart with certain kinds of media. If someone who has only ever analyzed media this way is all of a sudden handed Lolita or 1984 or Gatsby, which deal in shitty unreliable narrators; or even books like Beloved or Catcher in the Rye (VERY different books) that have narrators dealing with and reacting to challenging situations- well... that's how you get some hilariously bad literary analysis.
I dont know what my point here is, really, except...like...I find it very funny when people are like "ugh. I hate Gatsby and Catcher because all the characters are shitty" which like....isnt....the point. Lololol you arent supposed to kin Gatsby.
Hi!!!
I'm writing an aroace character and aroace people have told me that she's actually quite great rep and what they'd like to see but there's one tiny detail I can't figure out.
People have told me that she might or might not have had a past relationship and I'm just not sure whether or not I should give her one.
Could I get a little help with this, please? Thanks
HI there! That's so cool that you're writing an aroace character!! There's so few of them so thank you for adding some rep for us!
As for your question, I'd say it's 100% up to you on whether she's had a relationship in the past or not. Without knowing her story, personality, or background I can't say for sure if a past relationship is fitting for her or not. I can say that whichever you decide, both options are okay. Aros and aroaces often enter into romantic relationships.
For example, before I came out as aromantic and aroace I did have a previous romantic relationship in high school. And to be honest, I hated it the whole time. It felt like something was wrong the whole time but I stuck with it because I thought I was supposed to like it, that I was supposed to date. I was trying to be "normal". It went on way longer than it should have and it wasn't fair to me or the guy I was dating but in the end I am grateful for this relationship because it helped me realize that I don't feel those attractions that allos feel, that I don't want to date and that I am indeed aromantic.
Perhaps your character has gone through something similar? Perhaps she dated because she felt like it was something "normal" people do. Perhaps she mistook platonic attraction for romantic and dated someone she just wanted to be close friends with. Perhaps she was in denial about being aromantic and tried dating to prove it. Perhaps she was in a QPR (a queerplatonic relationship) and loved it but the relationship didn't work out. Or maybe it did work out and she's happily in a QPR today.
Or you could choose to have her not have had any romantic relationships at all before coming out as aroace. That's really common as well and perfectly amazing.
In the end it's your character and you should choose whichever fits right with her.
Personally I think both options are great. Just remember that if you do choose to give her a past romance, approach it from the viewpoint of an aroace and not an allo. She wouldn't have had romantic attraction whether she realized it or not so her reasons for dating would be different.
Hopefully this makes sense! If you need any other help let me know!
It’s my BIRTHDAY and I’m gonna rant about Jonathan Sims. Because I do what I want on my birthday.
A lot of the fandom has a problem with Jon because they think he’s cruel or just overall don’t like him because of how he treats others. But that’s an inherent misunderstanding of the character for the following reasons.
Starting off Jon is *very* clearly autistic coded. He has to be told when things are jokes and doesn’t really seem to understand social interactions (ex: when Tim thinks he’s sleeping with Basira and Jon doesn’t really catch on to what’s being implied). So that in itself very easily explains some of the rude or “cold” behavior going on. He doesn’t do it on purpose. Secondly Jonathan Sims does not give a single flying FUCK about himself. Ever since he was eight years old he’s been hating on himself and he’s lost almost anyone that got close to him or had them hate him for things he can’t control. Both his parents died, it’s explicitly stated his grandmother didn’t try and hide her resentment of having to raise him, and the grown adult that was bullying (beating him) got eaten by a giant spider and no one believed him. So of course he’s naturally closed off and keeps people at a distance. He doesn’t see himself as worthy of good things and he knows something bad will eventually happen. Even his relationship with Georgie that ended *well* still ended in completely cut contact. Thirdly, Jon is not a logic based character. He’s an emotional one. Every choice he makes is based on immediate emotional reactions. He finds out Martin was trapped in his house for a week? Immediately offers him to stay somewhere safe and insists on it. The archives are basically his safe space and the only thing he has and he offers them to Martin without thought. He finds out Sasha was replaced? IMMEDIATELY takes an axe to the thing he thinks did it without considering the consequences. The reason everyone says he’s a worse archivist than Gertrude is because he can’t slow himself down long enough to think of something other than protecting the people he deems more worthy than himself. Even when they treat him like shit which brings me to the next point. EVERYONE in Jon’s life blames him for what is entirely Elias’ fault and/or things they themselves have partaken in. And he thinks he deserves it. Jon is a good man. And a really really hurt one and it makes me a mess every time I think about it. Because he didn’t ever get peace. Another good point I feel like should be brought up is the way people often misinterpret the Jmart dynamic. Martin Blackwood kicks ass. Martin Blackwood is not a soft baby who can do no wrong. Man was down for murder. He was prone to anger and jealousy on a much more intentional front. Which is of course no hate to Martin I love him more than air. But I do think it’s interesting that certain parts of the fandom love to condemn characters for being people with flaws and tend to overlook Martin entirely in that assessment. Anyway! That is all. That is my rant.
These two are going to give me a stroke
Decided to draw my take on a human John Doe (and he’s chibi because I said so >:3)
Why is this my life?
Holy shiiiiiiiiiiiii-!!!!!
I FINALLY finished a project I started last year (and put off for a long time because of a move, new job, and was hesitant about making the hard cover). I had so much fun typesetting and designing this one! I love how the title page specifically turned out!! Definitely one of my favorites I've done so far. And I love that I got both Eye and the Web in the design of the hard cover/end pages, with the Web hidden within.
The fic is The Unknown Watcher by arthureameslove. The fanart on the frontispiece is by @art_of_cammie on Instagram!
I may be just a little too obsessed with this moron….
I've been seeing the topic of disabled characters being thrown around for a while now, especially when it comes to good or bad writing. Usually, the topic is what you shouldn't do. There are a lot of great posts explaining this, and I don't want to repeat what has already been said dozen of times. Instead, today, I would like to give you exemples of what I, as a disabled person, consider to be great writing, and give you further analysis on why do these characters work !
Toph is a blind little girl who feels like she struggles to find her place in the world as her parents prevent her from doing anything but very simple activities as they fear she might get hurt
First of all, Toph is strong. Like, really strong. She's a champion who has won multiple prizes, she loves fighting, and she even became aang's mentor. She's not a cliché of a poor little girl who can't do anything on her own, and we love that.
The relationship with her parents is rather realistic and a good source of conflict for her character. Depending on the disability, family can get either overwhelmingly protective or deny you're struggling completely. Toph is in the first case, and her trying to prove to others and herself that she can do things on her own is excellent for character growth.
Her disability does define her. We have to stop demonizing the fact that yes, some people are disabled. Toph is blind, it's part of her character and she wouldn't be the same without that trait. While characters that aren't defined by their disabilities are a GREAT representation, sometimes it's really nice to see a character whose disability is an inherent part of themselves, especially when they don't care/are proud of it like Toph. Toph has no problem making jokes about it, even mocking people who forget it.
Her bending doesn't magically cure her disability. Too often in fiction, some characters are met with a cure that gets rid of all of their problems. That is not the case for Toph. Her bending does help her quite a lot, but she can't read, draw, she's completely lost when she's flying ... Everything isn't just solved by flipping a switch.
Edward is an amputee whose goal is to find a solution to help his little brother recover his lost body and recover his own lost arm and leg that he lost after an accident.
While Edward's goal is directly linked with his disability, it doesn't define him completely. Edward mostly feels guilty towards his brother for his mistake, and seems to think more about his safety rather than recovering his own limbs. It's interesting to state since too often, disabled characters tend to have for only goal to "fix themselves"
Slowly throughout the manga/anime, his goals get more and more different, diverging completely from what he used to have in mind. This drives him even further away than him just trying to find a cure.
When you think of Edward, the first word you have in mind probably isn't disabled, despite it being shown in the first episode of both series. This character has a full personality, background, job, ideology and thoughts. He's not just "the disabled one"
Yet, with that in mind, Edward's disability is still a very important part of his life. His automails may malfunction. He needs them to be repaired rather often. The process to get them onto your body is extremely painful and you can see everything around it is very time consuming.
While Eda's curse isn't exactly like any other real disability (if you can find a way for my chronic pains to turn me into a harpy sign me up), her writing does have many, many similarities to chronic illnesses.
Eda is a women in her mid forties who slowly learns how to live as a criminal witch with two children to take care of and a curse that slowly grows more powerful with time
Eda's curse is something she deeply hates and desperately tries to get rid of, but it isn't something about her that's constantly shoved in our face. It does have consequences, but getting rid of this curse clearly isn't Eda's main goal during the series.
However, with that in mind, the curse does take a huge part of her life. She has to take a medication for it, with huge consequences if she forgets it, she slowly grows weaker until she's completely unable to perform something she used to be so good at (that thing being magic), the presence of the curse has a huge impact on her mental health ...
Another important thing is that this curse doesn't affect just her, but the ones she loves as well. Being unable to talk about her problem makes it difficult for her to form bonds with others, one of the main instances of that being with Raine, her ex-partner. The fact that she hides her pain and distress makes it even worse for everyone and she feels like she can't really ask for help.
Another really important thing that links her to real-life disabilities is that her mother is desperate to find a cure, even going to find quacks who pretend that they can help. At this point, eda doesn't think she can be cured, or at least not by any regular means, and feels distressed to see her mother repeatedly saying that she found a cure. This is something that happens a lot with disabled people and can be a great source of interpersonal conflicts.
Finally, Eda accepting her curse and taking it as a part of herself is a really healthy way to portray acceptation. She's not cured. She doesn't gain the magic she lost back. However, she does gain confidence and happiness with it
Went ham recently and decided to try and make myself in the TMA picrew I found here on tumblr just to experiment with what I thought I might look like.
Try it out here, 10/10 recommended for any tma fan
Self-deprecating inner monologue & backstory that involves several years of lethargic depression
Shut up, I don’t have a problem (・_・;)
I’ll go first. All my characters have a habit of Raising a Single Eyebrow.
Here's to the wonderful years, and the legacy of the blood god that shall never die.
I was never really all that into the SMP fandom or MCYT as a whole, but my god am i going to miss Techno. He was one of the good ones.
Thankyou for everything Technoblade, you will never die in our hearts. May you always be remembered, now and for all time.
You will be missed.
Oh my god yes!! i loved this fic!!
“I’m sorry, you were found alone.”
please read @feathered-serpents‘s post-canon fic Out There, Somewhere I cannot stop thinking about it
He’s making tea when he first sees it. An early morning, his mother still asleep and the haze of just past sunrise settling over the world as he pulls the kettle with him to the sink to fill it up. His mind about just as foggy as the air outside, wiping sleep from his eyes before setting his gaze through the window above the sink; and he has to do a double take at the shape that’s standing under a tree behind the fence line.
He turns off the tap.
He can’t make out much of the details from where he’s standing, but that hardly matters in the face of its impossibility. A black shape with almost undefined edges and a shape that could have been human but… wrong, somehow. Fundamentally wrong. Like staring into a shadowed void that made his eyes water when he tried to look closer, a lack of tangibility looking like cracking static or a bug in the very nature of reality, a glitch personified and absolutely covered, head to monstrous toe, in glowing, never once blinking, bright green eyes. Fingering, with impossible clawed fingers and predatory intent, through decaying box of old books and magazines and things from the attic he’d left there with still every intention to throw out.
And then the thing's head turns, snaps its hundreds of eyes all at once to focus on him as he ducks down behind the counter. Eyes wide, unstable as he lowers himself on the floor, back pressed up against the cupboard under the sink and brings a shaking hand to press against his mouth. The heavy weight of a thousand eyes all focused on him in that moment, as his mouth goes bone dry with a thing that stands what feels like right behind him. Just waiting, and watching him, and seeding his dread and just waiting for that one movement, that once excuse to crash through that window and end him before he can even let out a scream.
It takes hours of nothing happening for him to work up the nerve to move again. To pull himself up over the counter enough to peek and see the spot by the tree empty. It doesn’t bring him the relief he thought it would, not with the still constant impression of that thing still watching him, now unseen when before he at least could have had the knowledge of where it was.
It's gone now, he can't see it and oh god that just makes it so, so much worse.
The space under the tree is empty, the yard itself is as lonely as he's come to expect but he can still feel those eyes. And he stands, staring through the kitchen window, trying very hard to find it again with frantic eyes swept over the yard, picking through and focusing on every dark corner and hiding place. Expecting, with some awful dread for it to be very, very close all at once from where it’s hiding, to smash through the window or to appear right behind him, even as the feeling of hundreds and thousands of eyes all focused at once still persists, has him pinned down where he's stood. Waiting for him to make a move, for him to do… something. Something he's not sure of, and that fact alone makes him very afraid. That one wrong movement, one wrong action and it's all over. And he can't see it but oh god, he can feel that it can see him.
And in that moment, all he could think beyond the fear as he backed away from the window slowly, shaking under the feeling of that relentless gaze trained on him and waiting to strike, was that when it did inevitably come, (as by now he was sure it would even as it bided its time) all he could do was just hope it would be quick and painless.
The relentless choking dread whispered a very, very different story.
After a few more hours of thumbing through books and not daring to step back into the kitchen or anywhere near a window, the feeling faded. Slowly, no discernable moment where it all cut off, maybe just enough to not notice him so much… He worked up the nerve enough to move, to push through the door and past that threshold enough to step outside and search for a minute or two, to make sure before he gripped his shoulder bag tighter and started his trek to work.
Never stopping once, tense as all hell, jumping at shadows and trying very hard to resist that urge to look over his shoulder, or to entertain that constant fear and feeling of eyes, watching from just out of sight.
The box of books was gone. At the square of empty pressed grass all he could do was swallow it down, and squeeze the straps of his bag again, and keep walking.
"Don't you think I know that?!" Lance shouted, angry tears welling thick in his eyes, "Do you really think, that after all this time I'd be so thick as to think they actually care about me?!"
"Because, I just can't." He growled, it made him startle for a moment, the sheer malice in his voice almost animalistic, "Believe me if I could come back I would, but right now I just can't, and you need to leave before I do something I'll regret."
“No Jon, I’m sure you needn’t worry about that,” Jon blinked back fog as his silent reply, down at the papers and employee records and things he shouldn’t have being pushed aside and sorted through on his boss’s desk: a birth certificate; school records and accompanying information; medical forms he would have forgotten about if he didn’t recognize his name and relevant professional diagnoses and disability grants, “I was actually considering a transfer for you.”
hmmm... can you tell i'm an angst writer? ψ'(._. )'>
He chokes out something about needing to talk, manages to get in that it involves both Sam and the thing that killed Mom, and hangs up so forcefully he nearly tosses the phone to the ground
At the very least, it had to be more fae- fae that wouldn’t be so kind to him as the Archivist.
Gertrude may think that she alone bore the burden of doing what must be done, but Jonah had shouldered that responsibility long before she was born, much as his Archivist may like to forget it.
[ID: A watercolor painting of Jon Sims, a thin brown man with long hair and bright green eyes. He scowls at the viewer, looking like he's speaking. End ID]
Quick watercolour painting I did of my favourite Eldritch dumbass :)
Image ID by @princess-of-purple-prose, thank you for helping me make this more accessible (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
"POVyoureGertrudeRobinson.png"
A doodle and a quick extract from the monster au i've been developing because I love writing tragic backstories and i love gerry keay
Gerry here is what is more commonly known as a soul eater, a wraith or many other horrible ghosty ghoulies. He hunts by marking and stalking certain unfortunate individuals, waiting for that opportune moment right after death where he can devour their souls and the remants of their lifeforce to extend his life.
[Statment Begins]
He’s heaving and crying, shifting in an out of focus as eyes blink in and out of existence all while shuddering in his place in the circle. He’d thrown himself from his chair at some point, losing it in his desperate primal instinct to just crawl away even trapped with nowhere to go he were. Something awful pulling him apart from the core before it eases under the sigils tight grip. Heaving, hurting even when it ends, crying despite it all. Trying to force himself to take a breath, to work past the pain and fear keeping him locked tight, something blackened among the divots of claw marks carved into the wood of the floor.
Gerry is in the room now, he looks right to burn everything to the ground with agony and murder on his face. Gertrude, a mix of fury and sick unexpected fear of her own he can feel goes much deeper than him failing to die.
He forces himself to speak through raw, gasping breaths as he forces himself through the lock on his body. Still clutching his head and digging lines into what used to be his skull and moving just enough to look at her, eyes wide and voice shuddering as he tries to keep the growl of static of unwitting frantic compulsion from his throat.
“He knows what we tried to do,” is all he can force out
“We?!”
“Of course he does,” she snaps, tearing papers from the walls and stowing them away into open books, scrambling in a way none of them have ever seen before, “I’d wager the bond is more than enough to make him clear of that, even with the measures I put in place”
Gerry is steps between them.
“He’ll be here any minute now,” She says.
“What the fuck did you do?” Gerard thunders, form morphing, turning into something else. Something that towers over both of them and sends the world into shades of black and white. Permeating the world with thick ink tendrils that turn over filing cabinets behind him, as ink flows like blood out of the closed books on the shelves and from between the spaces in stacks of yellowed pages. The stench of death choking them both as his face twists into something horrible. Something that would have made the old Jon, the Jon who'd only ever known to fear Mr. Spider, choke on his fear.
He’d… he’d never seen Gerry look like that before.
“Gerard, now is hardly the time.” She grits out.
“Answer the fucking question!” he roars, "What the fuck did you do to him?!"
A yellow door opens, and all argument ceases with the man who walks through.
“What do you think, they were trying to do?”
*cracks knuckles* I got you bitch
The Watchers Bargain - arthureameslove (Fae au)
Eye of the Storm - theinkwell33 (mix of siren and calypso magic)
See the Line where the Sky meets the Sea - The_Floating_World (vast Jon au but Martin has a major fantasy gay moment and Jon wears a blue rose in his hair so yeah)
There Are Monsters In These Woods - DoilySpider (you’ve probably heard this one, it’s a major fantasy au)
The Sea Calls Me Home - mothjons (despite the writers username this is another mer one, warning for big sad)
Beastly Behaviour - Prim_the_Amazing (beauty and the beast au but Martin is the beast)
The Unknown Watcher - authureameslove (Beauty and the beast au with a little Magnuspod flare, def worth a read)
Sing a Song of Sixpence - Kaiel (siren Jon but if you love making fun of Elias and British colonialism then this is the fic for you)
Dustcaewung - callmearcturus (you’ve probably see this, it’s just a fluffy lil’ fae au)
They keep trying to row away (series) - assigned_Jon_Kin_Again (sparrow0), Blackwood (transjon), radula, (stickpenalties), screechfox, skvadern (a body horror mermaid fic with a lot of hurt and comfort, is an archivist squad polyamory too, but it’s heavy on the jmart)
Let the bitterest god drink ambrosia - theOestofOCs (no really heavy on jonmartin but it’s defs a cryptic au)
The Lonely Knight - arthureameslove (kind of a supernatural creatures au?? From a certain angle?)
Chamomile - Dribbledscribbles (not really a supernatural creature au but there’s enough fluffy mischief I felt like recommending it anyway)
That’s all I’ve got for now! Hope that helps (and that you haven’t read them all already)
Kindly help a poor starving gay,
Does anyone have a master list of supernatural creature(s) AU for jonmartin? I read a mer!jon and selkie!martin fic and a fairy!jon fic but I crave...more...