So Relatable

A collection of stuff that make me crack up laughing because the whole world is miserable and people need to laugh: (feel free to add some of your own)

Sirius really looked at harry and told him he did a beautiful job and looked at him full of love before saying "let me take it from here" like not "us", not "the adults", not "the order." He said "me" to harry, he said "me" because he too is just as messed up and doesn't think any of the "adults" will help or do it right or listen, but harry knows sirius will and sirius will do what it takes and they both know they know the struggles of no one believing you and being hurt and lied to and torn down over and over again as nothing or no one comes to help

And then sirius just died, the bastard

’He kept messing up his hair,’ said Harry in a pained voice.’ is maybe one of my fav lines jkr has ever written like Harry actually cannot deal with what a complete moron his father is 

O my goodness I’m howling this is hilarious!!

Percy Jackson probably has a tiktok account where he posts extremely weird POVs that are about his life and super specific put a finger down tiktoks. The @ is probably like f_theolympians or ariel_is_my_niece. Something weird like that. Everyone thinks he’s just really creative and he tells them that everything actually happens but no one believes him. His responses to comments are also the best

Comment: wasn’t this kid a suspected terrorist that blew up the gateway arch

Percy: i was 12, karen

Comment: i’m convinced percy thinks the greek gods are real

Percy: convinced? bitch i know they exist because they keep ruining my life :)

Comment: if a 14 year old was actually capable of blowing up mt. saint helens, i would die

Percy: the enterance to the underworld is at doa records in california. tell charon i was the cause of your death

Some of his tiktoks include

POV: your ares the god of war after i beat you at a fight when i was 12 years old

POV: your my dad about to smite me because i stood on your throne on olympus

POV: your the fish watching me and my girlfriend kiss underwater

POV: your my emo cousin taking me to bathe in the river styx so i can fight my old camp counselor that is the host of kronos

POV: your my best friend now girlfriend burning my funeral shroud because I was missing for 2 weeks and presumed dead after I crash my own funeral

Put a finger down if you were turned into a hamster when you were 13 and now at 17 you still crave lettuce from the experience

Put a finger down if you were prophesied to die at 16 but no one told you until days before your 16th birthday

Put a finger down if you ever fell into Tartarus with your girlfriend and while you were down there choked the goddess of misery with her own poison and almost died because you killed dozens of arai that inflicted all the curses people wished upon you

Put a finger down if you were ever kidnapped by Hera and put to sleep for a few months and when you woke up you had amnesia and were then trained by the wolf goddess Lupa who sent you off to a camp without telling you the location so you lived on the streets and stole a police cruiser while being chased by 2 gorgons and slid down a hill into oncoming traffic on a serving tray

Put a finger down if your 6th grade Latin teacher and your best friend lied to you for half of the school year trying to convince you that your pre-algebra teacher never existed despite the fact that your Latin teacher gave you a pen that transformed into a sword to kill your pre-algebra teacher after she turned into a Fury hellbent on killing you making you think that you were going insane only to find out that summer that your the son of Poseidon, your Latin teacher is Chiron the centaur, and your best friend is a satyr

what if every Tumblr user suddenly looses their mouse?

This shows my inability to make decision more than anything else 😂😂.

Bloody brilliant!

Number 7

(This is @lumosinlove‘s version of the HP characters and definitely just MY personal take on James Potter in Sweater Weather. You can read the original fanfic here)

(Also, Haz, I really hope I don’t offend you with this, I just needed to write it down because it WOULDN’T LEAVE MY DUMBASS HEAD, I’m sorry, if you want me to delete, tell me<3)

James had heard the stories. Heard the rumours and whispers about the Black family. He didn’t know what made the situation itch him the wrong way. If it was the obvious tension and fake family bond. Or the way everyone just kind of knew that something wasn’t right but nobody wanted to acknowledge it. It wasn’t until he actually met Sirius Black that he figured out what made him so uneasy with the whole thing.

Sirius was a fortress at first. The lines between his eyebrows created wrinkles that weren’t supposed to become permanent before he turned 40. The way he pressed his lips together whenever he shot the puck was something James had only ever seen on injured players who had too much pride to admit they were out of the game. His teeth were seen once in a blue moon and the rest of the time they were hidden behind his lips where James could see them clenching together by the state of his jaw. 

Sirius looked like a injured veteran on the egde of retiring when he only just started his career.

What the hell happened to you? James thought as he had watched Sirius for the third time shy away from a celly when Dumo skated over to throw an arm over his shoulder.

It made more sense after the shift. The shift of course being Sirius deciding to hell with his family and finally accepted being a Lion. James could feel the shackles of Sirius’ family shake off him, hitting the ice and freeing his limbs as he lifted his stick and scored with the perfect slapshot and for the first time accepted Dumo’s arms sliding around him, knocking him into the glass with a laugh. It was the match James would privatly refer to as the beginning of the Lions. Because there was no Lions without Sirius Black.

But even as Sirius finally relaxed himself something was off. Even as the lines on his forehead disappeared and his lips stretched into a smile instead of a frown when he easily glided the puck into the net. Even as the whole team got to know Sirius slightly crooked tooth that could only be seen when he smiled the brightest and the pain on his face vanished, James still felt like Sirius was hiding. It was different. Like Sirius had finally accepted them as his team and best friends but the privacy of his feelings were still hiding behind the emtionally injured player James had gotten so used to seeing.

He knew he didn’t know everything there was to know about Sirius’ family, but he knew enough to know that Sirius’ walls wouldn’t come down probably ever. But it was okay because Sirius was happy and James could understand that trauma wasn’t something you wanted to share or even think about. 

But Sirius’ happiness didn’t make the uncomfortable look he had on his face when the team went out for drinks go away. James would still watch from the bar as his best friend curled his hand around another puck bunny’s nape, pulling her into a kiss as the wrinkles between his eyebrows returned. 

He didn’t think much of it because James knew that it was an image thing. A lot of guys in the league made it their ‘thing’ to gain popularity and even though James could tell Sirius’ heart wasn’t in it he wouldn’t interfere because Sirius was an adult and James knew he didn’t need anyone to tell him how to live his life when he had gotten enough of that from his family. 

But then Sirius stopped picking up bunnies. He stopped frowning when Finn suggested to go celebrate at The Three Hockey Sticks after an important win and instead became one of the first to hype up the idea. He came up with new fun cellys for the rookies to pick up on and once Thomas swore he had heard him sing in the showers after practice. It was as if Sirius’ entire being had let out a huge sigh and James couldn’t understand what had changed.

Until he saw the necklace, of course. 

He felt like a genius as he explained his theory to Lily who smiled at him with a shake of her head. 

Sirius Black had gotten himself a girlfriend James thought to himself as he saw Sirius carefully dry his neck with a towel as if he was afraid the necklace would snap in half. James could barely stop himself from smiling.

After reaching the conclusion James started to notice all the little signs he had missed before.

Sirius phone went off literally every time he wasn’t at practice or at a game. James could hardly ever get him to come to movie night anymore and when he finally decided to show up his phone was pinging left and right, and every time Sirius face would relax into a slow smile James was sure he didn’t even know he was making. 

James was so happy for him that he couldn’t even be the tiniest bit mad at Sirius for keeping it a secret. All he wanted for his boy was to be happy and Sirius clearly was so James couldn’t care less. 

But it didn’t stop him from being absolutely annoyingly curious. Remus, who Sirius seemed to had gotten close with, hadn’t noticed anything and James was starting to go out of his mind. All he wanted was for Sirius to bring his girlfriend to family skate and show her off. 

He didn’t understand why he was hiding. It wasn’t anything wild whenever a player in the league got a girlfriend. Of course, because Sirius was captain he might hold the spotlight for a bit longer but it would still blow over fairly quickly. 

It filled James’ head for weeks and when it finally made sense he cursed himself for ever being so blind.

Alarm bells went off in his head as Sirius stopped in his tracks. As always, his phone was in his hands but from behind James saw his shoulders tense up. His first instinct was to ask what was wrong but then Finn spoke up. He was also looking at his phone. James took his own from his back pocket instantly.

The hashtag was already trending in the US, probably close to trending globaly, too. At the top was an article from The Prophet with three photos attached. The headline read: “Lion Captain’s gay love affair: Another miss for the Playoffs?”

James throat tightened as he clicked on the photos attached. It was Sirius’ car and there in the backseat of it was Sirius with Remus in his lap. They were in the middle of an intense kiss. In the next Remus was kissing his neck. 

In panic James looked up at Sirius. He hadn’t moved but as Pascal lifted a hand to his shoulder he flinched back and before James could react his was gone. 

A pain had settled in his stomach as he thought back to all the questions he had asked Remus, all the theories he had shared with Lily, all the times he had thought about just asking Sirius what her name was. He had worried about the wrong thing. God, he was an idiot. 

He wished Lily would’ve stopped him from being such an asshole to assume Sirius was dating a girl but he mentally slapped himself. It wasn’t Lily’s job to make him stop assuming everyone was straight. He had set a trap up for himself and it was time for damage control.

His eyes darted to Remus who was staring at the door Sirius had stormed out of just seconds ago. He was pale and James could see his hands shaking where he was gripping his neck. He slowly made his way over.

He wanted to apologies a million times, to Sirius, to Remus, to every non-straight hockey player who held up a facade. But right now this wasn’t about him.

James placed a hand on Remus’ shoulder.

“Can I drive you home?“ He asked, eyes never leaving his face. 

Remus’ hand seemed to tighten, both around his neck and his grip on his phone. James slowly took it from his hands and placed it in his back pocket next to his own.

“Come on, Re. Let me—let me be here for you.” He tried again. 

He could see the shine in Remus’ eyes and James wasn’t even sure if he was aware of it. 

Remus voice shook as he choked out “He needs you.”

James tightened his grip on Remus’ shoulder, ignoring the urge to pull him into a hug and let the tears in his eyes fall together with his own that were stuck somewhere in his throat.

“I’m going there next. Lily’s going to you. She’ll meet you at your apartment, okay?” He said as calmly as he could.

Forever seemed to go by before Remus agreed, the wetness finally falling from his eyes as James began to walk him out of the airport.

All the little things that James seemed to be the only one to notice began to replay in his head, and the pain in his chest suddenly doubled when he wondered for a brief moment if Sirius had been silent because he was afraid James would be the one to write #NotMyCaptain. 

It was then he knew that he would fight with everything he had to make sure no one touched a hair on Sirius’ and Remus’ head. He would sacrifice his career if he had to. Fuck the NHL, fuck the Prophet, fuck the fans, fuck everyone who ever dared to suggest Sirius was anything but a great captain and player.

He had a feeling a war had started against the entire League and he was ready to pick a side, sacrifices be damned.

(Sorry for grammar, English isn’t my first language and I don’t have a beta reader. I also wrote this after midnight)

(Hope you didn’t hate it, Haz @lumosinlove, I love your story so much and I’m a big hockey fan so thank you for the masterpiece)

(Also, Go Maple Leafs, number 31)