I Thought They Should've Fucked.

You know that scene in John Wick 2 where he (John Wick) gets hit by a car and then he immediately fights the assassin driving that car, Cassian, and then they battle for like sixty minutes on the streets of Rome, shooting over cars, knife fighting, falling down a whole flight of stairs, and then grappling and grabbing each other on the cobblestones, yelling and grunting like a bunch of dudes having good old fashioned fun, and then finally they end up smashing right through a window and coincidentally landing in the assassin hotel "safe area" where they're not allowed to fight anymore...

and then they go and have a drink together?

I thought they should've fucked.

So I wrote a book about assassins who do that sort of thing regularly. Check it out here.

But I added what the scene was lacking, besides the fucking part...

Demons.

You Know That Scene In John Wick 2 Where He (John Wick) Gets Hit By A Car And Then He Immediately Fights
You Know That Scene In John Wick 2 Where He (John Wick) Gets Hit By A Car And Then He Immediately Fights

The scene for anyone who doesn't remember or doesn't know it.

This book has:

an improbable amount of badass, LGBT, demon summoning assassins (the absolute best of the best being transgender).

a scott pilgrim style plot, involving one pansexual demon summoner having to fight all 7 of his exes for the sake of his newest contract.

a nonbinary weather controlling demon, trapped on earth. also, one of the exes.

a blind smartass with a nasty mouth and nastier eye-related powers.

a city on the brink of annihilation, trapped by forces unseen and unheard and unknowable.

the most bombastic and ridiculous magic system ever constructed by man.

and maybe...just maybe...an angsty gay time loop romance (the best narrative trope) but you didn't hear that from me.

It's dark, it's humorous, it's romantic, it's riddled with absolutely insane fight scenes, and most importantly...

It's unabashedly queer and unrealistic and silly and yearn-y.

And I'd really appreciate if you'd help an indie author out, with a sale or a reblog! Agents and publishers told me that it was too queer for regular audiences...and that the concept was just not very compelling.

They might be right, but it still had to exist. I still had to make it, anyway. You know. You have to make the art that you want to see in the world.

Anyway.

Sorry for the long post...you can check out my website for future releases.

And last thing: Character commission of the MC, our lovably slutty pansexual assassin Sebastián Monterey:

You Know That Scene In John Wick 2 Where He (John Wick) Gets Hit By A Car And Then He Immediately Fights

And cheers! Sorry for the long post. Have a good night.

More Posts from Jarich and Others

2 months ago
jarich - jarich
7 months ago

The Zionist genocide and warmongering will likely be remembered as the death of the U.S.-centric, UN-mediated international political system that’s been predominant since the 90s. They’re using chemical weapons on UN officials and it doesn’t matter at all. They’re showing that they can do anything that they want and that the U.S. will give them infinite supplies anyways, there’s no longer any premise of legality at all. Definitely the first major sign for the fascistization of international politics to come

5 months ago

Hey @kriz-smthn , finish your novel! I need to read it and it sounds like you're running out of runway. Stop dawdling!

(hope this helps)

I need somebody to bully me into finishing my Queer Fantasy Novel

I only have a semester left before we start working on our thesis and Mofo is a Graphic Designer and wANNA DO A TESIS ON TWO GAY PINING ASEXUALS

4 months ago

Quick reminder that it's always morally correct to punch nazis.

3 months ago

Wow

I grew up with a grandma who quilted, but she’d never been interested in passing along the hobby, so when she finally kicked it I was the grandkid who got all her materials, ‘cause I was the only one who knew how to use a sewing machine. Then, in 2015, a friend had a baby and I figured I’d make her a quilt, ‘cause how hard could it be?

oh

I Grew Up With A Grandma Who Quilted, But She’d Never Been Interested In Passing Along The Hobby, So

my

I Grew Up With A Grandma Who Quilted, But She’d Never Been Interested In Passing Along The Hobby, So

god

I Grew Up With A Grandma Who Quilted, But She’d Never Been Interested In Passing Along The Hobby, So

Luckily I am the stubbornest human alive, ‘cause I never woulda finished otherwise. I didn’t know what I was doing, didn’t know the terms to look up how to do anything, I musta reinvented the wheel like eight times and it took ten months, BUT I DID IT.

I Grew Up With A Grandma Who Quilted, But She’d Never Been Interested In Passing Along The Hobby, So

Figured I’d suffered enough and would never do it again and now I’m on quilt #9 smdh

————————–

I’m hyperventilating.

Holy shit. Holy SHIT.

This is INCREDIBLE.

Oh my god.

I’ve gotta go lay down holy shit look at this how do we just walk by other human beings every day and live our separate lives when there’s a person sitting next to you on the train or in line for coffee who goes home and makes things like this what even IS being human holy shit.

GOOD FUCKING JOB.

7 months ago

I think a lot about how, if the glorious violent revolution happens, every kid with significant medical needs in a hospital where power gets cut will die.

You can decide you're willing to sacrifice your own life, but you don't get to tell everybody else on the planet that they're acceptable collateral damage.

2 months ago
Just Wanted To Share The National Down Syndrome Society’s Message For This Year’s World Down Syndrome

just wanted to share the National Down Syndrome Society’s message for this year’s World Down Syndrome Day (21st March) 💛💙

4 months ago

❤️❤️❤️

“I don’t know. Whenever we try to do stuff, me and Zoey, half the time she starts crying and freaking out, and she says it’s not my fault and she says she likes me, but…” Saintjohn Hadouken sighed through pinched lips, hard enough to make his cheeks puff, and shook his head, “...feels like I’m hurting her.”

Johnny Newsroom looked off into the distance and took a pensive pull of his vape. “She said she likes you?”

“Yeah. I just don’t know what’s going on.”

Johnny turned his head to look him in the eye. “Have you ever dated a trans gal before?”

Saintjohn shook his head. “I’m fuckin figuring out some shit about myself, bro.”

“It’s… she’s… let’s put it this way. Imagine if your dick looked like a scary clown.”

Saintjohn flinched. “I don’t wanna do that. I don’t wanna use my brain powers for evil.”

Johnny continued. “Imagine if every time you took off your pants, a fucked-up evil clown was staring back at you. Imagine trying to get close to someone while you’re like that. Imagine trying to have a sex life. Imagine just trying to love when you’ve got an evil clown under your pants.”

Saintjohn’s frown seemed to stretch beyond the limits of his face. “Can I stop imagining it now?”

Johnny took another pull from his vape. “I don’t think Zoey gets to stop. Everyone’s got a different relationship to their own body, I don’t know Zoey personally, but...” he trailed off, letting Saintjohn fill in the blanks for himself.

Saintjohn leaned against the side of the motorhome and sighed again. “So what am I supposed to do?”

“Do you love her?” Johnny asked.

A pause.

“She makes me happy. When she laughs at my dumbass jokes, I feel like I just cured cancer.”

Saintjohn smiled as soon as he started talking about her. Johnny knew that smile, he felt its residual warmth, the second-hand joy. He wanted the two of them to be happy. He wanted one good thing to happen in the middle of this disaster. The Midwest Autonomous Zone could burn to the ground all over again. As long as he helped two people fall in love, he would have no regrets.

“And, y’know, I wanna get all up in there,” Saintjohn said.

“Okay. Well. To answer your question. Be patient. Let her do things at her pace. Let her figure herself out. Give her space when she needs it, even if you never want to be away from her. If you mess up - and you probably will, we’re only human - swallow your pride, apologize, and try not to do it again. Trust that it will all work out.”

“That sounds really hard.”

Johnny gave him a wry smile. “That’s love.”

[later]

“I’m sorry,” Zoey sniffed, pulling away from Saintjohn, “I just can’t right now. I don’t know if I’ll ever…”

She buried her head in her hands. Her body shuddered with heavy breaths as she began to cry. Saintjohn looked at her. He considered putting a hand on her shoulder, then lowered his arm and simply sat next to her.

“It’s okay,” Saintjohn said, “I understand. You gotta deal with the evil clown.”

Zoey lifted her head. She was too surprised and confused to keep crying. “What?”

5 months ago

Wikipedia is free. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosa_Parks

jarich - jarich
2 weeks ago

It really is wild that some politicians can stand there and say "yeah we're getting rid of a program that keeps quite literally millions of people alive specifically so we can cut taxes for people who are already richer than god" as if it's a normal political stance and not so cartoonishly evil I'm legit shocked perry the platypus doesn't break through the nearest wall the minute the words leave their mouth.

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