Latest Posts by itsmeshar28 - Page 2

Maybe the sun is just another form of a void, but instead of emptiness, all you feel is burning.

- "It meant nothing until it scorched you", anastasiasyah

One of the causes of where dysfunctional toxic families come into existence - when a victim of abuse marries to a irresponsible playboy without healing from the past abuse. Tbe toxicity bleeds not only onto the spouse who doesn't want to take any familial responsibility but also to the innocent children. This turns into generational dysfunction and trauma within families. Just sad!

Why can't u just stop and give me some space?? Why do you always make me feel as if I am a burden on you? Why does nobody understand me? Why does nobody cares? Why am I a mess? I'm not even allowed to die!!!! WHHHYYYYY??? Please kill me!! Please kill me!!!! I can't even have people in my life.....For the first time in my life, I had started feeling nice..I had started feeling valued and loved...even that got snatched away...WHHHYYYYYY....why can't I just die....I want some peace....plzzzzzz

Love this quote from our video this week. 👍

"You're a horrible daughter, a failure just like your father!"

Narcissists like to deflect their own flaws and make others feel like shit. I am a well educated, successful financial independent female always trying to be there and help out at home. So frustrating dealing with this! 😑

❗

Family member: "Only your parents have the right to shout at you and hurt you! They do it because they care and love you."

Really? That's the excuse I'm going to be thrown? It just hit me that I've been dealing with a covert narcissistic parent. They are an angel outside the house with everyone, so everyone loves them. But there's so much manipulation and toxicity occurring at home, no one would know that. It's gone so far that they have turned my sibling against me. My next post will talk about what happened....

I know I'm not flawless or an angel, because I'm a human, but atleast I own up to it unlike those that say they are blood related.

Dismantling the Lies of Abusive Parents Masterlist

Resources

Giving you food and clothing is the bare minimum

You don’t owe gratitude for food and clothes you needed as a child

You had the right for basic resources

Parents shaming you for costing money is ironic and stupid

What it means when they say ‘This is MY house’

My house = my rules is blackmail

Children don’t owe absolute obedience for being fed and sheltered

Physical abuse

You are allowed to refuse any touch, not only violence

If they ‘don’t know they’re hurting you’, why do they ignore or punish you when you protest?

Hitting children is irrational and doesn’t work

You cannot ‘provoke’ your parents to abuse you if they’re not abusive

Why do parents actually hit, manipulate and traumatize children

Blatant Lies

Care, nurture and affection do not make you weak

They’re lying when they say it ‘wasn’t that bad’‘

You wouldn’t have grown up spoiled if not for abuse

You got too affected by it’ is a lie

Your parents are not ‘just too emotionally immature’ to understand abuse

‘You’re not living in the real world!’ is nonsense

You’re not worthless, a burden, ungrateful, or stupid, and your parents know that.

Constant undermining of your accomplishments is abuse

Not being allowed to talk about the past is symptom of abuse

Parents who want you to be happy vs look happy

You are not abusive for resisting abuse

When they claim ‘they didn’t mean it’, it’s still abuse

Your parents are responsible for their own actions regardless of how badly they try to shift blame on you

Psychological abuse

Blind Obedience is not required in a healthy upbringing

Disgust is a weapon abusive parents use on their kids

If they say they love you, but walk all over your feelings, they don’t 

Parents don’t have the right to enter your room to scream at you

Parents insisting for you to be ‘tough’ are doing it to hide the trauma

Even if a kid acts like ‘they can take it’, it’s still abuse

Pretending abuse is discipline will leave children permanently scarred

It’s inhumane to control and shame children’s reactions to abuse

Why don’t you already know this? vs Teaching you necessary skills

Acting like they’ll change is escape sabotage

Parents are responsible for protecting children from harm

References to how healthy parenting looks like

Not being allowed to be angry with your parents is psychological abuse

If parents want you to act way you did when you were little, they’re dangerous

Threats about how hard your life will be later on, are bad for you

Lack of continuity and ever-changing rules will cause anxiety

Forced obedience will lead you to abusive relationships

Parents acting like you’re a ‘bad’ is a shame tactic to control you

There’s healthy and abusive ways to give children chores

Revisioning the past and insisting you remember it wrong is gaslighting

If your parents make you suicidal, they’re abusive

Parents threatening ‘they could be worse’ is abuse

Always assuming the worst intentions for your actions is wrong

Keeping children hostage in abuse is torture

If this hits home, also read Recognizing Abuse Masterlist

Please don't have kids if you are not mentally, physically, financially ready to have them.

(TW at the end, mentions of cutting, suicide, abusive parents.)

Ah yes, Trauma!

I've really wanted to talk about trauma recently – I've been going through some family bs – and haven't really had the chance to word vomit anywhere. So Tumblr it is... the end is just my experience but I wanted to make sure everyone was up to speed.

What is Trauma?

So I'm just gonna start with what the definition of trauma is. I found a couple things so I will just list them out.

Trauma is a response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event.

This event overwhelms a person and can cause them to feel physically threatened or extremely frightened.

A traumatic incident can cause physical, psychological, emotional or spiritual harm.

Some examples.

So we've covered what it is basically now about what a traumatic event could be. These can range from a multitude of things.

Natural disasters (Tornado, flood, tsunami, etc.)

Physical assault

Sexual assault

Death of a parent or caregiver

Hospitalization

Emotional Abuse

Neglect (or the opposite side of the spectrum Golden Child Syndrome.)

There are many more than just these. I found when looking up what some examples could be.

Percentage of trauma.

About 70% of people have gone through a traumatic event in their life. However, that doesn't necessarily mean they will be affected by it long term or at all.

Some people only have symptoms that resolve in a couple weeks.

Some people don't have any symptoms.

Some people have long term effects from said trauma.

Childhood trauma.

22% - 48% of youth are exposed to trauma. That's way too high in my book. As a person who realized how much childhood trauma could affect someone, I sincerely wished this number would be lower.

People who have childhood trauma may develop what is called, " a heightened stress response."

This can affect their ability to regulate their emotions.

They may have troubles sleeping. Have problems with emotional health or physical health.

Troubles with relationships and etc.

It just sucks in general.

TW ⚠️This next part is my own trauma. This is me venting/sharing my experience TW ⚠️

I have really wanted to talk about my own experience – partly to vent – I want it out there so I can relieve some of this weight I carry. If I could help enlighten someone or help someone going through similar experiences then I would be putting my trauma to use.

Parents suck...

Well at least mine did. All of my trauma was from them. I'm glad they don't know my Tumblr because I'm about to spit some facts.

Them.

My parents are fucked up. My dad was in the military – already some trauma there – and wasn't even supposed to live because his brain was messed up.

His parents weren't great. My dad seems to have adopted a lot of traits from his dad – who is abusive to my grandma. My dad most likely abused my mom and vise versa. They were a match made in hell.

My mom is an alcoholic that won't admit she's an alcoholic. She grew up with an alcoholic of a mother that probably killed my mom's brother because she was drunk – this is all based off what my mom has told me.

She was exposed to trauma at a young age. She got in fights – did stupid shit – almost didn't finish highschool. Met my dad and had children.

I never understood why.

They screwed us over.

It's okay to have trauma.

But then push it on your children?

It's sad that the person you're supposed to rely on the most just throws you away when you're not necessary. That when you mess up they get to tell you it's all your fault – when you're just a child.

I was forced to play a sport competively when I didn't want to for three years (four of those months I had mono, I was so tired.)

I was berated when I made any mistake. I dropped a glass plate that was in the microwave. (My dad cared more about the plate than me stepping on glass. I was eight.)

My mom always talks about how much we cost her. Groceries, clothes, doctor appointments, braces, glasses. (I didn't ask to be born. You had a child, why is that my fault?)

I was always mentally abused by my father – as was my sister. He was always right. He got to raise his voice; you had to sit and take it. When he was in a pissy mood we had to walk on eggshells around him. He decided when a fight ended. We were always wrong. We were too young and didn't know what we were talking about. (Why do you get to decide what's right and wrong? I'm only a child, I believed you were amazing...)

My dad was diagnosed with dementia. Now I have to live with him longer because we feel bad for him. (He makes me feel like trash, why do I have to deal with this?)

I always thought my dad was "real." He didn't fake liking things for us like other people's parents. He told me straight up what he thought. (He wasn't real, he was a narcissist. He didn't care about us.)

My mom wasn't in the picture much. She treats us – her children – as competition. If we like something she starts doing it. She makes us uncomfortable, tells her friends things we don't want her to tell, if she feels threatened.

I never got to be girly. My dad believed in purity culture – even if we didn't realize it. Dresses are ugly, and feminine. If it's feminine it's bad. I thought I was cool because I was a tomboy. I was only molded into believing that. (When I saw girls at school wearing leggings or short shorts I was envious. I would only look ugly in those.)

I thought I had social anxiety because my head was screwed. I was just made different. (My sister told me how much my dad would overexagerate my mistakes. Everyone said I was so friendly and bright as a child. Why would my parents damage me like this?)

Hearing foot steps makes me anxious. My dad would always come upstairs when taking me to practice. (I never wanted to go. I would rather get hit by a car. I wanted it to happen.)

I cut myself when my dad was gone, only once. I wanted to believe I would never do something like that. Cutting was edgy and something people do when they want attention. (Not when you're faced with the choice to make the hurt go away. Not when it's threatening to swallow you whole. It hurt. A lot. It was a only small nick. I felt so good, my anxiety just went away. I felt amazing. I felt so guilty though, I ended up calling my sister. She drove an hour and a half for me. She genuinely loves me.)

I finally got out. I live with my sister. I still feel guilty for leaving them. For when my mom would come home drunk, cry on me, plead with me not to leave. For my dad being all alone with no one to be there for him. Sometimes the guilt consumes me. I feel like a shitty child. (It's not my problem though. They are adults. Why do they get to act like children. Why did they have to break me?)

There's so much more. But I don't remember it. I don't remember my childhood at all. I have horrible memory. "It's the trauma." I joke. (But it's true. I always coped by forgetting. Sometimes I'll bring something up and my sister will be confused. It's a fake memory. It never happened. I forget days as they're happening. I don't remember what I did yesterday. Why can't I remember?)

All these things contribute to the trauma I have endured. Trauma other have also had to endure. I wished people never hurt their kids. Not just for my sake but many others. Friends and family that have had to deal with this.

I don't know how to end this off. So have a gif of an adorable cat.

Help is always near. Even if it's a stranger.

suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Home

If you want to read up on childhood trauma.

I tried everything and I‘m Not enough. I‘m a disappointment you said that mum. And after everything that you‘ve done to me I‘ve kept trying because all I‘ve ever wanted is that you love and care about me.

- Hazel

TW:SH (I'm just gonna vent here cause I've no one to talk to)

It's so toxic where i live rn my mom is driving me insane idk what to do I've no where to go and I'm not allowed to go anywhere either, idk why she hates that much i did nth wrong I've always tried to be just how she likes but she never liked me, idk how i didn't kill myself yet tbh, i can't cry in front of her either or else she's gonna get mad, I've hit my face a little too hard and it's looking like it's gonna bruise I don't wanna her to see it, idk what to do (sorry for the word vomit i just wanted to talk it out)

You shouldn't have to be your parents therapist.

You are not responsible for their mood swings. You shouldn't have to spend your days struggling to keep the peace between them. You shouldn't have to put all your energy into avoiding conflict.

They shouldn't make their emotional problems yours to deal with.

You shouldn't have to suffer for their bad days.

You are their child. You shouldn't have to he more mature than them.

They are the ones who signed up to take care of and raise you, not the other way around.

The world is kinder than it seems from the view of your abusive relationships.

I know it doesn't seem like it. It seems scary, and stressful, and unfair, and terrifying beyond belief. Maybe you were fed lies about what the world is like - abusers can go above and beyond to keep you depended on them, to keep you afraid. Maybe you were hurt, badly, by malice or by negligence of the masses.

But remember that the world is also large. And even if your family, school, work or hometown is cruel, there's kindness elsewhere. There are people who will listen. There are people who will believe and who will do their best to help.

You might not be ready to trust the world, to give some kindness to it, and that okay. Understandable, even. But.. I want you to remember that kindness and happiness do exist, and you'll sure as hell find yours.

You were not a bad child. You were not difficult. You were not a burden. You were not evil.

You were a child.

It was the people around you who had a problem

And it was the people around you who were selfish enough to take their problems out on a child who was too small and helpless to defend themself.

It was the people around you who raised you to hate yourself.

And it's hard to believe when that awful environment is all you've known

But there are people out there who would be horrified at the way you've suffered

And there are people out there who would think you're amazing

It's not your fault you grew up in an abusive household

They're the ones who chose to mistreat you

And they were the ones who convinced you to blame yourself

And you deserve better

I promise you, you deserve better

I’m disappointed. I’m done. Thank you to my parents for doing the bare minimum required by law. In all seriousness, I hope they just go fuck themselves. I fucking despite them.

When you are used to the kind of life – of never getting anything you want – you stop knowing what it is you want..

— Haruki Murakami

Perhaps you’re an open book that’s desperately want to be read, but you were written in a language that nobody understands.

02/08/21 (via anastasiasyah)

Emotions ruin, if they rule

Sharvi

Do not bring people into your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts. Good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt.

Michelle Obama (via quotefeeling)

Don’t say maybe if you want to say no.

Paulo Coelho (via meineluft)

If you have made serious mistakes, there is always another chance for you. What we call failure is not the falling down, but the staying down.

Mary Pickford (via quotefeeling)

Huh! busy weekend ahead.

Meirl

I wish I had a someone who would observe me silently, who would capture all my habits and quirks, and still love me. Someone that would get lost in how my fine features define my face, while smiling or crying, and still love me.

— Elay Neal Moses

It is very frustrating not to be understood in this world. If you say one thing and keep being told that you mean something else, it can make you want to scream. But somewhere in the world there is a place for all of us.

— Lemony Snicket