I’m So Fucking Obsessed With You. I Try My Best To Hide It But You’re The Only Thought That Runs

bpd culture is getting told “just keep going and it will be fine”- i’m tired. i’m so goddamn tired. i’m exhausted and i feel pointless. how much longer can i just push it through and wait for better days? i’ve been waiting for so long and it doesn’t seem to end, ever

realizing that you can never be truly loved by someone and will always be the 2nd choice.

For once, I want someone to be scared of losing me. To fight for me to stay when I try to leave. Why am I always the one scared? Always the one fighting for someone to stay?

bothhh

reblog if you like kitties or if you have a crippling fear of abandonment due to past experiences and possibly trauma

Having a fp is so fucking shitty. Just being so dependent on them for every single thing and the jealousy of quite literally fucking everything including the fucking trees that take their carbon dioxide to make oxygen and shit and the needing to be with them constantly and the percieved abandonment all the fucking time and your life depending on them so fucking much more than anything just flr them to not give a shit about you in the slightest no matter how much they say its never going to actually be true or how much they say and its so shitty. Fuck having fps. I just want to fucking hate them and fucking kill myself. Fuck all this shit fuck it fuck it fuck it why do i have to fucking need them when they just leave leave leave thats all they fjcking do just leave and fucking lie!!!

Idk if thats a bpd or a me thing

i hate that BPD gives me such a lack of emotional permanence.

you can spend hours describing the ways in which you care about me, yet the moment you stop my brain will immediately decide you hate me and are destined to leave me.

how it feels knowing you’ve hurt other people by accident due to your personality disorder and can’t go back in time to fix it so the relationship is either dead or damaged:

"You're unlovable." WOW CRAZY I DIDNT KNOW.

I hate how obsessive I get. It isn’t normal, it isn’t healthy. And it does me more harm than good. You’d think though, really, that being obsessed would make someone flattered. Apparently not.