Here’s Your Damn Fish

life would be so much better if I had lettuce! but also that's okay :) just glad I have something to eat tbh

doing something I hate (making rice) so I can do something I love (delaying my inevitable demise)

GUYS GUYS GUYS I NEED YOU TO KNOW THIS

Hating yourself is NOT a contained practice. It ALWAYS impacts other people either directly or indirectly. So LET IT GO because not only is it mean to you, it's harmful to everyone in the environment around you.

There is no way to hate without hurting others. Even if you think it's just yourself.

Hating yourself is harming others. Like, almost always. Even if you don’t mean it to.

Loving yourself enough to take care of yourself and be kind to yourself is what makes you more capable of helping others and doing good.

You’re not going to shame and hate yourself into being a better friend, a better spouse, better parent, better person, better service to the world. That’s done through love and gentleness. I promise.

And I know it’s work! There is no switch to flip that takes you magically from self-hatred, self-denial, insecurity, and depression to self-love, self care, gentleness, and joy! It takes work and, for many people, seeking outside help! But it’s worth it worth it worth it, not just for you, but for everyone around you.

playin in my crayons again

[ID: a crayon drawing of three overlapping traced hands. one is colored with a cloudy blue sky, one a starry night sky, and one a sunset. the spots where they overlap are left white, and the background is filled with swimming fish.]

jeet

Casts spell called “please be alright. I love you.”

i think im getting better! :) [another event occurs]

Important rules/tips I've learned as an adult that helped with anxiety

If people are mad at you, it's their responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

If they're mad at you in secret anyways, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

If people don't like what you're doing, it's their responsibility to tell you

If they say it's fine when it's really not, they're the ones in the wrong, not you

People are allowed to be wrong about you

If they are wrong about you, wait for them to bring it up, because if you try to, you will inevitably overcorrect

Some people are committed to misunderstanding you. You will not win arguments against them. Yes, even if you explain your point of view. They do not care. Drop it

The worst thing that will happen from a first-time offense is being told not to do it again. Maybe with a replacement if you broke something

You can improve relationships and gauge willingness to talk to you by giving compliments. It's like a daily log-in bonus and nobody thinks twice about it

Most things are better after you sleep on them

Most things are better after you have a meal

Most things are better after you shower

Your brain makes up consequences that are irrational. If the worst DOES come to pass and someone acts like they do in your head, they are overreacting, and you are entitled to say "what the fuck"

If your chest hurts after you feel like you've made a social error, that's called rejection-sensitive dysphoria. It means your anxiety is so bad that it's causing you physical pain, which is a good indicator that you're overreacting. Tense yourself, hold it for 20 seconds, let it go, then find a distraction

If you're suddenly angry at someone after you feel like you made a social error, that's also rejection-sensitive dysphoria. You are going to feel annoyed about it for awhile, but being genuinely pissed off is your anxiety trying to find something to blame to take the responsibility off your shoulders, and getting scared because it can't justify itself. Deep breaths, ask yourself how much you ACTUALLY want to be angry at that person, then find a distraction

"Sour grapes" is more healthy for you than stewing. Deciding you don't like someone who's perpetually annoyed with you, won't talk to you, etc. makes letting go of anxiety over them easier

If people don't like you, they will find reasons to be annoyed with you when they otherwise wouldn't. If people do like you, they will find reasons NOT to be annoyed with you when they otherwise would. People do not ping-pong between the two

You DO have to make a conscious choice not to think about something. If you're having trouble circling back to it, say out loud that you're done thinking about it and why. Then find a distraction

When you're upset, part of you is going to want to make false bids for attention (suddenly texting differently, heavy sighs, etc. but when someone asks you about it, you tell them it's nothing). Do not listen to it. You gain nothing from it except more misery

People like to help people they care about. It makes them feel good about themselves

If you think you're insufferable for needing help, see above. Yes, really. They get a serotonin kick from it

If you think you're insufferable for mannerisms you have, you either have to consciously choose not to do them, or accept that they're part of the package that comes with you. Being apologetic about existing does nothing except make you more miserable

If you do things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it makes it easier to do them when you hate it

If you avoid things you don't like when you feel meh about it, it reinforces and magnifies how bad it feels when you hate it

Seriously. Read those last two points again. If you can make yourself make a phone call when you've got nothing to lose, you will slowly lose that panic you get when you have to make a phone call you haven't prepared for. You do have to CONSCIOUSLY take that step

Hobbies that make you care for something get rid of that nagging feeling that you're not doing enough. Go grow some rosemary

If you don't engage with your hobbies regularly, you will feel miserable, and anxiety will spike

Hobbies are things that give you a bit of happiness. They do not have to be organized or named to do that. Go be creative in something. Play with coins. Make up lists. Start a new WIP

No one cares what you look like

If people point out things they don't like about how you look unprompted, they are being rude. You are entitled to say "what the fuck"

People who like you will find you pretty to some degree. Minor things about your appearance go completely unnoticed. Literally, scars and dots and blemishes do not register to someone who likes your company

You looking at yourself in the mirror is 10x more closely than anyone is going to look at you

If you're anxious about your body type, and you're creatively inclined, make/write an oc with that same shape. Give them nice things and make other characters love them. Put them on adventures. You'll start to see yourself in the mirror more kindly

You care about wording and perfect lines/colors way more than anyone who views your work ever will

Sometimes when you're upset, you're going to feel like not eating. Do not do that. Not eating makes you more miserable

Same with things you normally enjoy. Denying yourself helps no one. You are punishing yourself for being sad. Stop it

Both of these will take conscious decision to break the habit of. Make yourself do it anyways, and it will slowly get easier

And again, to reiterate: If someone is mad at you, it is THEIR responsibility to tell you, not your responsibility to guess

hey fellas! it's real life! means you get sick sometimes 🙃

am sick

okay powerpoint nights in Spanish class are the best not that it's night or anything that's just the vibes

like

first person got up there and just popped off about video games, developing them and all the work it takes, how they positively affect our culture

then I got to get up and give my absolutely Word 1997 colored WordArt crammed powerpoint about The Thing Everyone Knows I Like

and then the third guy gets up and presents about music, in particuar jazz and Marvin Gaye and stuff and dang this man has good taste in music

AND THEN our fourth classmate blows us all out of the water as she gets up there, says musicals are the best, and proceeded to show us 4 slides of her granddaughter in different musicals she did through middle and high school while talking about how she got better over the years and landed a star role in one of the musicals when she was in high school

anyway idk life is pretty neat sometimes and you get to enjoy other people enjoying things that they enjoy and I don't know how to put it into words but it's nice