I Broke In Places No One Could See, And Smiled Like Nothing Ever Cracked…

Theres two things in this life that can turn you into a monster. I found it and it found me. Innocence doesn’t fade, it rots. Go soft in the middle like a peach left too long. First it’s sweet then it makes you sick. Then it makes you hungry for something bad. Something real bad. Something that could swallow you whole. It was sweet, I was sweet. I was so sweet , too sweet and sweet don’t save you. It sits there and rots in your hands. I was black this year , that was the year I stopped crying, started watching, started listening. I watched your mannerisms, I waited for the snap beneath your breath. There’s something off about you, off about you. There’s something off about you. Your leather hands slid down my back it don’t feel wrong but I know it don’t feel right. There’s pink on everything but there’s nothing light in me anymore. There’s something off about you.

JM.

……..

When I say I hit an all time low,

I mean that I spent two hundred and eighty nine days without sunlight,

I’ve never known a rose to grow immersed in eternal night -

auctioned off my heart for the gift of sight,

I wonder how long I’ve lived my life blinded by the rose tinted glass?

false love will have you struggling to distinguish between gold and brass.

I draw out the sequence.

your palms met her flesh,

my reflection in the mirror is reduced to ash.

I feel my heart hit the floor,

blood stains in the carpet - proof that love does not live here anymore

next time just wrap them around my neck,

I get the same hand of cards

out of every single deck.

from love,

suffocating, choking,

that is the only sensation I have come to expect,

you know that better than me,

extinguished every fire set to your trees,

don’t you remember?

she left everything around you to burn,

choked on all the smoke,

still you fixated on all the ember,

if this body was ever not hollow,

I wouldn’t remember.

two hundred and eighty nine days,

I spent treading in the shallow,

moulded my existence out of clay just to fill another persons shadow.

Im still getting over the fact that you will never pay for what you did. But I will. I have to live with that for the rest of my life, it doesn’t go away.

"You can tell me everything, i'll be here for you"

No you won’t.

You’ll use it against me later.. 🖕🏻

ⁱᵐ ᶠᵃˡˡⁱⁿᵍ ᵃᵖᵃʳᵗ ʳⁱᵍʰᵗ ⁱⁿ ᶠʳᵒⁿᵗ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵉʸᵉˢ ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈᵒⁿᵗ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ˢᵉᵉ ᵐᵉ