How To Describe The Indescribable? Pale Like Moonlight, Melancholy And Desire Perfectly Intertwined;

This can be such a funny way to go about my life because sometimes he's here and I know exactly why, and it just feels like we're commiserating.

"You're everything! You're rose petals and vanilla and soft candles and clouds! What a joy to know you! To have been afforded a chance to know you and to have taken it! To indulge and be indulged! How joyous indeed!"

30 Day Fictionkind Challenge

Day 10: Link to/tag your favorite fictionkin Tumblr.

Aside from my own? Unfortunately, I don't have one. I'm fairly new to the community on an overall level and haven't found many others.

Day 11: Have you ever met other fictionkin? In real life or online?

I have spoken well with at least one other person who openly experiences kin the way I do, but haven't had more interaction than that. I would love to meet someone who is fictionkin in real life, just to have that bonding moment.

I have, however, seen a few other blogs made by those who also kin this character. None appear to be active, and I'm not sure if I could even find them again at this rate, but I do strongly recall them for the impact they left on me. I was at least a little embarrassed by who I'd found myself feeling drawn towards, and seeing others interacting with that same draw made me feel at least a bit more at ease.

I would love to be able to meet more.

3, 4, 9, 16! :D - Alex

Thank you very much for the ask!

3 - How long have you known you were otherkin?

That's honestly a little difficult to answer; I think I've known on some level for around 7-8 years now, but never accepted myself until the last year or so, when I made a complete turnaround and not only got myself involved in the idea of psychological kin, but spiritual as well. It's been quite a long journey, especially in the middle of those 7-8 years when the concept wasn't even in my mind, but I'm glad to finally seek self-acceptance. 7-8 years on a larger scale, but for me to acknowledge that I knew and to work with it? 2 or so years.

4 - What reminds you of home?

Difficult to say as my kin runs more psychological than spiritual, but I gave this one some thought and feel I have a few answers! Some smaller things in my daily life give me little reminders, my stacks of books marking that the desire for reading and learning never quite left. Scents are also big for me! I have a few candles and some incense on my altar, with the more subtle scents tugging at me a bit more.

Larger feelings, unsurprisingly, come from the replicated shirt and wings I've made. I've worn the shirt publicly multiple times, but the wings stay firmly on my wall. I have a pair of antennae I made as well and while I haven't worn those nearly as much, part of me strongly wants to wear them at least once to see if I feel comfortable with them.

The strongest feelings come from things I don't have control over at all. There are certain ways the clouds roll in that make me recall flight and certain songs that evoke strong responses from me, both positive and negative (and I do plan to post at least two playlists with the songs that do this). Looking over royal architecture is one of the strongest, feeling so small in such large, ostentatious halls, more than anything wanting to find myself pacing them again.

Overall, I suppose, in a sense, "home" is less a location and more of a concept for me.

9 - What was your first kintype?

Difficult to say! The only one I can think of would be the M.ettaton from the Und.erfell AU of Un.dertale; that was the first time I ever considered the idea that I might be otherkin, but never pursued the concept any further, just eyeing it with wary curiosity. Interestingly, while that linkage was definitely a work of projection and trauma response, so is my current kintype; the difference is in how intensely I experience this current type vs how loosely I interacted with the previous one. I'm not sure if I would call it a kintype, honestly.

16 - What are some challenges that you face with being otherkin?

The biggest ones were the ones imposed by myself! One of the biggest initial hurdles was that accepting my kin identity made me feel like I was losing touch with reality. Truth be told, my awakening to my identity happened through intense dissociative experiences I fought to pathologize - my therapist was the one who suggested I take a step back and look at it in a more spiritual light (so as not to condemn myself for my experiences). I still believe I may be experiencing a form of multiplicity, but the experiences are no longer intense and distressing; I no longer feel strongly disconnected when I have shifts.

I suppose another is simply existing as is - as someone in the otherkin community, a community which has been highly mocked in the past, the mocking being the first thing people likely think of when they hear the word. It made me want to cringe at myself, but being part of several other groups that tend to be stigmatized - autistic, trans, amongst other things - helped me begin to move beyond that. I still hold fear over what others may think of me, but at the end of the day, my behavior isn't harmful and it makes me happy, so I'm willing to be more open about it.

More current challenges? I would say incorporating my identity into my more daily life. I do use the name Shai in my day to day, and went through the two-hour process of getting a tattoo of the wings I no longer possess, but part of me very much wants to go further. It's difficult, being a feminine trans man with butterfly accessories, but I would consider it to be the price I pay to feel more at home - the people closest to me know I am a man at the very least.

Must also say! I don't usually have phantom limb sensations but I can't shake the one day I could distinctly feel where my wings would have trailed down my back

Thinking I may very much lean into fictionkinity in daily life as I think it may help self care feel less like a chore.. I believe he had specific traits due to insect features, traits which I still possess due to my hEDS, so I think some simple transference of tasks would be helpful for me.

More liquids (ant and butterfly diet), better skincare (moisture necessary for overall insect health), care that is specific to me that feels so much more natural than the brute force I've been trying to apply

Warm like a breeze on a summer evening.

Warm like a weighted blanket.

Warm like freshly baked bread.

Warm like the winter sun.

Warm like a new candle.

Warm like a hand-knit sweater.

Warm like a cup of tea.

Warm like a gift given.

Warm like a hello.

Warm like a home cooked meal.

Warm like a letter.

Warm like laughter.

Warm like a well-read book.

Warm like a favorite song.

Warm like a hug.

Warm like a home.

And you say you're cold-blooded?

A small edit:

🦋 Musings 🦋 -> for the borderline poetic, things that express mood more than thoughts

Still considering what I'd like for a talk tag

Been thinking about my tag system and am likely going to use some emojis! I'll move a few more posts over here before I solidify it, but I do have a plan!

Can’t find the way back, Jeremy Miranda

Finding myself asking what the harm could be in letting myself have my spirituality, so what? And what if it's meaningful? And what if it gives me peace? Suspension of disbelief is necessary in a sense I suppose, though it also makes me ask whether belief would undermine me in any way. It all stems from the same (traumatic) source