"You're Everything! You're Rose Petals And Vanilla And Soft Candles And Clouds! What A Joy To Know You!
"You're everything! You're rose petals and vanilla and soft candles and clouds! What a joy to know you! To have been afforded a chance to know you and to have taken it! To indulge and be indulged! How joyous indeed!"
More Posts from Introspective-in-somnia and Others
Was thinking a bit on main this morning about how my kin identity can be used as a litmus test regarding whether or not I feel like someone can fully respect me.
On a surface level, it's almost silly, oh it's this guy? The butterfly that cried glitter and screamed all the time, who was awful and mean and nasty towards the end? Well, yes. That is indeed the surface level of this, I saw everything he did that make people cringe, and yet there was still that element of resonance. Once I feel like the more jokey part of this is accepted, that's when I feel I can pull the curtains back and begin to show some of the psychological horror that underlies this.
To show what I've discussed in therapy, to talk about how a large theme of my connection is the idea of servitude and how I was forced into that position for my family, how I wasn't able to form an identity outside of this predetermined role and how I was to perform it to the best of my ability, and how any deviation was punished, to the point where I held these standards to myself and would pull myself apart when I couldn't meet them. To show how deep this truly runs carries a certain type of despair, not necessarily for myself, but to really show someone else what this means to me and how it is such a vital part of myself.
It's for sure a certain type of intimacy, it puts me in a vulnerable position on every front; on the surface I could be made fun of, in which case I laugh along and maybe even retract a statement or two, and on a deeper level it blows my trauma wide open and exposes a lot of the most damaging things I experienced. It's an odd place to be, but I'm not upset by it. People who are aware of it don't necessarily bring it up unless I talk about it, which in and of itself is a rare occasion. That stands in comparison with actually seeing myself be called Shai, something which only one person has done, and it has delighted me to no end.
I feel that the odder aspects of myself need to be things that will be met with respect. As someone who grew up trans, queer, and neurodivergent, I've been seeking that kind of respect for quite some time. When it does come, it's almost always from those who share a trait with me. I enjoy the bonding, and of course enjoy the respect, but I just wish it was something more easily seen; to just grant someone in the margins respect and decency.
I must say, being involved with the kin community on a genuine level is still something I value, but I am not certain how much I still identify with it. This blog will remain standing of course, but I may discuss spirituality on a more general level.
Reminder that you will never be wrong for processing and experiencing non/alterhumanity different from the norm!!
30 Day Fictionkind Challenge
Day 10: Link to/tag your favorite fictionkin Tumblr.
Aside from my own? Unfortunately, I don't have one. I'm fairly new to the community on an overall level and haven't found many others.
Day 11: Have you ever met other fictionkin? In real life or online?
I have spoken well with at least one other person who openly experiences kin the way I do, but haven't had more interaction than that. I would love to meet someone who is fictionkin in real life, just to have that bonding moment.
I have, however, seen a few other blogs made by those who also kin this character. None appear to be active, and I'm not sure if I could even find them again at this rate, but I do strongly recall them for the impact they left on me. I was at least a little embarrassed by who I'd found myself feeling drawn towards, and seeing others interacting with that same draw made me feel at least a bit more at ease.
I would love to be able to meet more.
Just a reminder that if your pfp is a character or some kind of animal, That is now my mental image of you
Almost funny in a sense that all my chronic illnesses are showing symptoms that look similar to butterfly traits.
I have POTS, for sure, I self-tested with my blood pressure cuff and laying down, I had a heart rate of 71 bpm, while standing brought it up to 134. That's a 63 bpm difference, when only 30 is necessary for a diagnosis. I still need it officially documented so I can request accommodations and whatnot, but you know what else is a sign of POTS? Inability to regulate body temperature. I'm often cold and need to either layer clothing or sit in sunlight to help warm myself up.
Notably, a trait seen in insects.
POTS symptoms, specifically the heart ones, are eased with the addition of lots of water and extra salt into your diet. I would consider that to be nothing short of a miracle cure ("cure" loosely used).
Interestingly, butterflies need to supplement salt in their diets due to nectar not providing it, leading to behavior called "puddling", because they're usually seen feeding from mud puddles, though tears and blood and other sources also provide the necessary sodium.
Lately, I've also been noticing a flare up in my stomach issues; I'm thought to potentially have gastroparesis, with my main issues being that I have stomachaches after nearly every meal, as well as losing my appetite early into meals. I'll be picking up some soups and broths tomorrow to try and get myself to eat something, going for an almost entirely liquid diet.
Do you know what else famously has a liquid diet?
Are we legitimately getting. machine dysphoria
Othercon 2023 Schedule
The schedule for Othercon 2023 is now available!
Tomorrow (August 10th) is also the last day to create an othercon.org account if you haven't already (one is necessary to attend).
If you tried to register and got an error related to your Discord ID, it is because you didn't enter your Discord ID. Please see the guide here on how to properly find it: https://support.discord.com/hc/en-us/articles/206346498-Where-can-I-find-my-User-Server-Message-ID-
Greetings. It has been quite some time since I've documented my experiences, and I believe a full explanation of sorts may be in order, mostly for myself as, had I seen others doing the same, I may have been able to cope much sooner.
What I had taken for an experience with fictionkin was the product of myself lacking the words to describe how I had felt, and found terms cleanly matching them in this community. However, I have come to terms with having a much different experience, which is that of having an (albeit quite fragmented) alter. What I had taken for a past life was essentially a separate entity expressing himself alongside me, and it is a matter I wish to be open about, for my own sake.
I have documented much of my journey here, and feel fit to continue doing so, with new knowledge regarding how I move through the world.
