*turns Off The Light*

always trying to name my feelings

i hate people sometimes and not HATE HATE but love hate kinda hate. soft hate, not like i dont like u, but like im too tired to not like u so ill just let it be as it is. guess stuff happens and we keep moving in that cycle again and again and at this point i dont feel real me anymore, ive a lot of covers on now and i dont give a piece of me to people. been having a lot of events where my "heart beats fast as hell". "i cry", "feeling very very useless", "distant", "getting a closure". its okay now, i hope i turn into a decent adult, the kind of adult i want to be and i also feel like theres a time period of infinity between right now and what i want to become - the person, not about career.

p.s. my heart is beating fast as hell while im typing all this. more power to me!

A Murakami protagonist day-

•Wake up at 4 am

•go for a run

•take a shower

•change your sheets

•do your laundry

•study for four hours straight

•follow a cat through the neighborhood

•get the groceries for one or two meals

•read a book in silence

•call an old friend

•take a train to the next town

•watch people from afar

•go to dinner alone

•sit on your couch and listen to a full album

•have a cup of coffee

•sit on your balcony at night

•draw/paint

#qotd - What is your go-to recommendation that you always recommend to people looking for a diverse voice read?

wanna recreate this irl.

㋡🥀

maybe he did it on purpose. GOD did it on purpose.

hehe

The Holdovers (2023)

ok so hear me out.

i was watching reels on instagram and then this reel pops up it says "when is something that you do for yourself?"

i ask this to myself or simply answer it like it was meant for me. i say "photography" and the last time i did it was this morning when i woke up to a beautiful sunset and i rushed to capture it because it was different of orange and brown (picture inserted).

my answer is followed by a thought in my head which brings me to tumblr because i wanted to save it here. it says that i clicked the picture and sent it to a friend or two and while i rushing to take the picture of the sky in the back of my mind i had this thing that they like the pictures of the sky and cloud and this sucks. not that they like but that SOMETHING THAT I DO FOR MYSELF - PHOTOGRAPHY is linked to someone now! i am destroying my art. my creativity. i feel so ashamed and embarrassed because i should have never done this in the first place. i was doing one thing for myself and i linked it to someone now and its not for me anymore?

i sincerely apologise to my art. ill be very attentive from now on and what follows my thought cause seconds thoughts are always important and its important to know whats going on in your brain. so just take a look at your brain like you are peeping out of your window and you can see the road? the buildings? the stuff going on there? and all.

Also I found this while in the forest, it made me happy