Absolutely Insane Lines To Just Drop In The Middle Of An Academic Text Btw. Feeling So Normal About This.

lets go no contact with mama

I used to work at the zoo, and one time, a gorilla died of old age 

Problem was, it was the only gorilla in the zoo because it wasn’t very profitable. The gorilla was by far the most popular attraction, and they couldn’t afford to go a single day without it.

So the zoo owner came up to me and said, "For an extra $100 a day, do you want to put on this gorilla costume until we can afford a new one?"

Of course, I said yes.

Pretty quickly, I became the biggest hit at the zoo. Everyone wanted to see the human-like gorilla.

About a month later, the craze started to die down, but they kept pressuring me to get people’s attention again. So, in a desperate attempt, I climbed over to where the lions were and started hanging off the net.

Suddenly, this massive crowd gathered, and everyone looked terrified. I could feel my grip slipping — I couldn't hold on any longer. I started screaming, "Help! Help!" — and then I fell.

The lion rushed toward me, and just as I thought it was over, he leaned in and whispered, "Shut the fuck up before we all get fired."

Big bro little bro

i love random damian skills that never get brought back they're so funny

Like yeah, of course this ten year old can mimic voices of teenagers and fully grown adults enough to trick THE FUCKING BATMANS SECURITY SYSTEM IN HIS MOST SECURE BASE. of course he can do that

also of course he can survive being stabbed in a vital organ. yeah. he can just...move it aside from the knife that he was stabbed with and heal fully while he sleeps. just move HIS LIVER out the way. I'm sure tim would appreciate that skill for his spleen but whatever.

it cracks me up that there was a secret society of American journalists who, from 1965 to 2006, slipped the phrase "it was as if some occult hand..." into articles

this all started when one guy used the phrase in an article and his friends thought it was so hilariously out of place that they all started using it

it drove their editors crazy but they kept doing it

that was like. the whole thing. they called it the Order of the Occult Hand and all it did was put a random metaphor into as many news articles as possible

they picked a new phrase in the early 00s, which has not been revealed yet- to my knowledge

people who let me wake up to this get a special place in heaven. firefly_fox how does it feel to hold my life in ur hands....

i used a non blue-red colorscheme for once

"Dabi doesn’t like it, that he’s being treated like something untouchable. He’s not the untouchable one in this partnership. He’s the mud at the bottom of Hawks’ plinth, and Hawks’ determination to respect his boundaries is starting to grate on his nerves."

link to the fic here :)

Buried alive fic where Tim wakes up in a coffin and the only thing he has is a comm. The comm can only call the Red Hood. When Hood picks up, he appears delighted that Tim has been buried and taunts him. Tim concluding that he has to get out on his own--unbeknownst to him, Jason has been trying to find him, but doesn't want to say that in case whoever has planned this is listening in.

Tim almost reaching the surface, Jason grabbing his hands and pulling him free the rest of the way. Tim freaking out when he sees Jason and Jason having to reassure him that he's here to help.