The Way People Hate On Feyre And Rhys For Not Having Infinitely Amounts Of Patience And Empathy With

The way people hate on Feyre and Rhys for not having infinitely amounts of patience and empathy with Nesta is outstanding. 

For starters  Feyre has had patience with Nesta and it is only human that it eventually runs out, she is indeed empathetic for what Nesta is going through, but she is allowed to feel tired of the situation and is allowed to sometimes feel resentment towards the way she was treated by her. ACOFAS could be read as the last attempts of Feyre to draw her sister out and help her, she only knows the tools that work for her (being with the Inner Circle, having some purpose and regaining understanding of her body, for instance) and if they don’t work for Nesta that’s fine, but you can’t expect someone who is not trained to deal with trauma, as a fae psychologist or someone of the sorts would be, to be all equipped to deal with Nesta’s situation. Offering her money to come to the celebration is nothing if not desperate and it came from a place of worry. Was it the best strategy? no, not really, but people should stop crucifying Feyre for doing so. 

Also, please stop saying that Nesta treated Feyre like she did pre-ACOTAR, during ACOTAR (safe for their brief reunion) and during certain scenes in ACOMAF, because she is dealing with unresolved trauma of their poverty and neglect from their father… as if dealing with trauma gives you a free pass to treat people badly and it’s okay because “you’re dealing with stuff”. While trauma and her mental health do need to be taken into account when analyzing her and how she relates to people, it cannot be taken as the almighty shield and sword with which people defend her and then blame others for not having infinite amounts of patience. 

As for Rhys, there is no denying that the way he deals with Nesta is vastly different from the way he treated Feyre when she was dealing with her trauma, and again is an ocean of difference with his treatment of Elain. He says that he will not forgive someone who actively hurt Feyre, which is his explanation for his behavior towards the eldest Archeron. Now, you can love, admire, respect, value Nesta all you want, but she while Elain also neglected Feyre, Nesta not only neglected Feyre but was verbally abusive to her for years. That difference matters to Rhys from what we see. 

Rhys is a character that you can consider feminist, but is he a new wave of feminist that is a breakthrough in the movement and offers new political ideas and pushes feminism in new directions? no. Even Feyre says so herself in ACOMAF, he offers her what any decent human would offer any other person who they see as their equal, as we all should see everybody,  and she was just starved for that sort of respect. It was the fandom that propelled his character to new levels as the #BiggestFemnist to ever exist, so now when he is not “feminist” towards Nesta everyone just sends him to the pits of hell. When Rhys helped Feyre it was not for the sake of #Feminism it was because he cared for her. Feminism is not about liking every single woman just because of their sex. He could make more of an effort in getting to know Nesta and having patience, but it should be done from a place of trying to be more empathetic, not because it’s hist obligation as a #Feminist.

On this note, I’d like to point you to some tags @rhysand-vs-fenrys​ added on a post that I believe speak volumes and gave me life:

Finally they argue that he did “not treat Nesta like he treated Feyre”… as if.. you know they are forgetting the tiny insignificant, minuscule detail, like seriously small tiny, that Feyre is umm his mate. The dynamics of their relationship are, I dare say, quite different from the ones he might have with his sister in law. 

And no, this is not ant Anti Nesta post. 

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.