You Sir Or Ma’am Or Whatever Pleases You (i Don’t Know Your Pronouns), Have Gained My Seal Of Approval!

🧀?

~✨You have caught little Oliver’s, the mouse, attention✨~

Oliver: there you go friend! One piece of cheese on the house!

Aaaand here’s part two of the married life of Phantasmo and Charlie! For you @salmonlover955!

They would start living together on his mansion (he couldn’t sell the mansion because he’s too attached to it and because he doesn’t want to give up on the rich lifestyle he has, lol)

He’s the one who always cooks (he ain’t letting Charlie cook after he saw her “exotic” culinary abilities…)

Charlie would find a real job since Phantasmo is so adamant to be the “housewife” and she doesn’t want to look and be the lazy one on this relationship

She’s would be a firefighter! :D

Phantasmo would always be sick of worried about his wife: and that’s why when he’s still carrying on his villain life style, he tries to do the least damage possible in a place and not set fire anywhere else anymore… he doesn’t want her to get hurt or… worse… also he would make sure her colleagues would protect her at ALL costs… (usually he would threaten her colleagues)

And about Phantasmo still being a villain: they would have a lot of discussions about this… but then Charlie saw that this was who Phantasmo was now, she decided to let it slide… BUT, under some conditions: he WOULDN’T make unethical experiments with others ANYMORE, he WOULDN’T trick people to buy from him fishy experiments ANYMORE, he WOULDN’T kidnap and kill people ANYMORE and other more radical evil things that he did before they got married… (believe it or not, Charlie still lets Phantasmo be his evil villain self… it’s just that most of the things she crossed out from his villainous routine, lol)

He still sometimes finds a loophole for Charlie’s conditions hehehe~

They then would feel a little bored after a while… the same routine every day… one day, Phantasmo tired of all of this, suggested that they should fight again, not arguing but literally physical fighting. Charlie felt a little hesitant because… now things were a little different from what they were before: they should say romantic stuff to each other, watch movies and do other ordinary couple stuff together… shouldn’t they…? Charlie didn’t want to ruin what they had… she wouldn’t forgive herself if she did so…

But Phantasmo then held Charlie’s hands gently and reassured her that that’s what he wanted… he was also afraid that if they kept acting like a “”normal”” couple… things would eventually grow cold between them… and Phantasmo didn’t want that. He loved Charlie very much.

Charlie then smirked and ordered Phantasmo to lay down on the couch… he wasn’t understanding what she was saying and then she decided to make it more clear for him: she pushed him effortlessly against the couch and then started caressing his neck…

After some caressing, she lightly grabbed his neck. Not trying to choke or straggle him but gently playing with him. He was now so pink that he looked like a big pink heart~

You could say he was enjoying it way too much and asked Charlie to tighten her grip on his neck… she looked at him funny and started chuckling:

Phantasmo: S-stop laughing…! I’m just… enjoying the m-moment…

Charlie: uh hu~ right~ why don’t you beg just a little more~? Then perhaps i might just do it~

Phantasmo: *looking at Charlie with his big bright pink eyes pleadingly* p-pretty… please…?

And then, Charlie tightened her grip around Phantasmo’s neck: his breathing was more restricted and he was loving every second of it… she then lightly nibbled his cheek and they looked at each other and… they started to make out :3

Sometimes Charlie feels a little burnt out from work and call sick just so she doesn’t have to work… she feels a little depressed and Phantasmo is ready for the rescue: he makes some soup noodles, pizza and bring her some nice and comfortable pillows and blankets. He then gives her kisses on her forehead and tells her it is normal to feel that way sometimes and there’s nothing she should feel ashamed of about. 🥹

And the same goes for Phantasmo: if Charlie notices that he’s feeling a little blue or having a breakdown, she immediately starts smooching his face and since he doesn’t need to eat and drink, she prepares him a bath, but instead of hot water it is hot coffee, lol

When she did this the first time, Phantasmo was visibly confused and couldn’t believe she did that… like, he certainly appreciates the gesture but… it was certainly weird… and then he got used to it and even enjoyed when she did that :D

they're married your honor (PHANTASMO'S LITERALLY BLUSHING DUDE LOOK AT HIS PINK HAIR)

I think that might be because of two factors:

He’s eager to trick Charlie because he loves to annoy her hfghfhgfhfgfgh

And because he kind of hoped Charlie would kiss him like a prince kissing the princess hfghfhfgfh (this one may be very unlikely but we love it anyways)

Buuuuut you’re certainly right: they are INDEED married hahaha! (Heck, i might even write some married life headcanons for these two! ;))

Here are some married life headcanons for these two, @salmonlover955 !

First, for us to begin with the headcanons, we need to talk about how their wedding went, after all: we can’t leave that part out, can we?

Charlie insisted that she would wear a tuxedo and Phantasmo would wear the dress. But to her surprise, Phantasmo didn’t have any problem wearing a dress, after all he already liked to cross dress as a woman sometimes. (And because he said he looks way better than Charlie in a wedding dress, lmao) buuuuut, he also made an demand: that she would be tied up and gagged the entire wedding if she wanted to wear a tuxedo~

She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms:

Charlie: but how will i say yes when the pope asks me if i-

Phantasmo: oh please, you do have a head, don’t you Charlie darling? Then you can use it to nod.

Charlie: . . .why do you always want to make everything kinky?

Phantasmo: because i can~

And so, Phantasmo basically was the one who paid for everything on the wedding, except the pope: he kidnapped the pope, lol

As the pope (who was being threatened by a gun that Phantasmo was holding on his direction) kept saying your usual wedding thing, he asked if Charlie wanted to marry Phantasmo and she simply could only nod. And when the pope asked Phantasmo if he wanted to marry Charlie, he simply scratched his chin and gave her a playful smile… and then said yes.

The only people that were on the wedding was Charlie’s friends and family (and T-oby and Viola)

Phantasmo untied Charlie and took off her gag just so she could kiss him and carry him like the princess he is💅😌💅

You may think… everything was waaaay too peaceful and perfect for their wedding, right? Carter was the one who was the most suspicious of how things were going… until everything went into chaos when Charlie decided to make a “smear cake in someone’s face” with Phantasmo:

Phantasmo: CHARLIE!!! LOOK WHAT YOU FUCKING DID! YOU RUINED MY DRESS! COME BACK HERE YOU-

Charlie: *running away from Phantasmo* Sorry! I didn’t mean to ruin your dress!

Carter: i knew things were too good to be true…

T-oby: yup…

Phantasmo accidentally fell on the pool they rented and to not make Phantasmo feel like an absolute loser in front of everyone, Charlie also went inside the pool (by doing a cannon ball hahaha!)

And that’s part one of the married life headcanons! Tell me if you guys want more! (Because i need to go to work now as i’m writing this and that’s why i’m separating this into two parts)

they're married your honor (PHANTASMO'S LITERALLY BLUSHING DUDE LOOK AT HIS PINK HAIR)

I think that might be because of two factors:

He’s eager to trick Charlie because he loves to annoy her hfghfhgfhfgfgh

And because he kind of hoped Charlie would kiss him like a prince kissing the princess hfghfhfgfh (this one may be very unlikely but we love it anyways)

Buuuuut you’re certainly right: they are INDEED married hahaha! (Heck, i might even write some married life headcanons for these two! ;))

Hello my dearies~! Today will be my last post for this year of 2023! (I live in Brazil, so the new year is a little bit more later than in other countries haha)

And to finish the year with a golden key, i decided to post my mini fic of why Oliver (my Oc) decided to give Phantasmo (Fluffpillow’s Oc) a present! 🎁

Hope y’all like it! ;D

“But why did you do it…?”

Oliver: ”…wait, so you’re telling me Phantasmo never got a present from ANYONE…?”

T-oby who was currently in the row of the Walmart talking with Oliver: ”uh, yeah…? Well, of course, aside from me and Viola… Phantasmo never got presents from anyone else. But, given his reputation with the townsfolk and also his “hatred” for Christmas… it… isn’t that surprising…”

Oliver: ”well then… i’ll make something really nice and special for him!”

T-oby with a worried smile: ”uhm, are you REALLY sure about that…? I mean, not really wanting to demotivate you but… you know he can easily kidnap you and torture you and-“

Oliver with a determined smile: “Y-yes… i know that but… there’s also this small possibility of him liking my present! :D”

T-oby: “Alright then: you do you but just so you know that if anything happens to you, I won’t be able to help you, got that? I can’t really go against my dad’s orders…”

Oliver giving T-oby a thumbs up while smiling: “Alright! I know, I know. Now if you excuse me, i have a VERY SPECIAL present to give to a certain ghost! See you later T-oby!”

T-oby giving Oliver a small smile: “See you later! Can’t wait to see what you’re gonna do for my dad!”

One knitting session later…

Oliver seeing Phantasmo all alone in a cemetery: *whispering with themselves* “Alright Oliver, you can do t-this!”

*Oliver approaches Phantasmo nervously*

Oliver visibly shaking with excitement and fear: “H-hi… m-m-mister Phantasmo…?”

Phantasmo giving Oliver a glare: “Hmm?”

Oliver slowly approaching the present towards Phantasmo: “Uhh, p-please…? A-accept m-my present…? Pretty p-please…?”

Phantasmo looking at Oliver with suspicion and talking down on them with contempt: “And who may you be…?”

Oliver scratching the back of their head nervously: “O-oh…! S-sorry…! I haven’t introduced myself: the name is Oliver and… i am a big fan of yours… hehe…”

Phantasmo: “Oh~? Really now? How… “nice”. Say: why on earth are you giving ME a… present?” *Phantasmo uses his ghost tail to put some distance between him and Oliver*

Oliver: “Uhhm… because i think everyone deserves a little bit of happiness…? And also because i… uhm…” *Oliver starts avoiding Phantasmo’s eye contact and starts blushing*

Phantasmo looks at Oliver confused for a second and then, realized what Oliver wanted to say. He then smirked smugly at them and used his ghost tail to bring Oliver closer to him: “Well, well, well~ who would have thought~? You like me like… that. Don’t you~? Hmm~?”

Oliver who became a blushing mess: “i… i…”

Phantasmo shushing Oliver: “Ah, ah, ah~ don’t be shy now, here, let’s take a look at what you did for me, shall we~?”

*Phantasmo takes the present from Oliver and opens it*

Phantasmo looking curiously at the pink sweater that Oliver made for him: “Ooohh~! What a nice color! And it has a faint smell of coffee to it~ say: who told you that i liked these two things? Oh, oh, let me guess: T-oby, right? Did i guessed it right~?”

Oliver sweating nervously: “Y-yes… s-sir… w-well, at least he told me that you like coffee scent… the color i guessed because your eyes are pink s-so… y-yeah… hahaha…”

*Phantasmo then started chuckling mischievously… until he grabbed Oliver’s face violently while grinning angrily at them*

Phantasmo: “Did you seriously thought that i… liked your pathetic present~?”

Oliver: “Well i-“

Phantasmo: “WELL, let ME answer you that: no, I didn’t like your stupid present! I don’t care, you hear that?, I. DON’T. CARE. About Y O U. I am a murderous, deranged and psychotic man! Do you, an annoying little lad, think i would “magically” turn into a nice guy just because you were nice to me~? HA! Please, don’t make laugh~”

*Phantasmo then tossed the gift box very far away and dropped Oliver into the ground. While still holding the sweater into his hands and grinning maniacally*

Phantasmo: “Well, i hope this was… memorable for you, because to me, honestly: i will purposely forget you~ now, bye~ and oh, don’t bother trying to annoy me again, next time i see you, i will turn you into one of my experiments~”

*Phantasmo then fades away from Oliver’s view. Leaving them all alone in the cemetery… Oliver sighs sadly, readjust their glasses and gets up to leave the cemetery*

Meanwhile at the doctor’s mansion…

T-oby: “Ohhh! What’s that dad? Did Oliver gave you a sweater? Nice! And ohoho! Guess he guessed right your favorite color too! Did you thanked them?”

Phantasmo passing through T-oby with a neutral expression while holding the present that Oliver gave him: “. . .No.”

T-oby gasping: “Dad! You can’t be rude to the ONLY person who is nice to YOU! That’s it! You’re going to thank them on the new year!”

Phantasmo looking at T-oby with a mocking smile: “Really now~? And HOW do YOU plan on making me~?”

T-oby smirking triumphantly: “You do know that, without ME, you can’t work on ANYTHING… right?”

Phantasmo: “. . .I hate you. . .”

After the new year…

*Oliver listens a knock on their door and goes to open it*

Oliver: “Hello, how may i help you…?”

*Phantasmo was standing at their doorstep, with the pink sweater on and a letter on his floating hands*

Phantasmo: “Ahem… just… take it…”

*Oliver then grabbed the letter and opened it to read it*

Oliver reading the letter out loud: “My neighbor Oliver-“

*Phantasmo shushing Oliver and telling them to not read the letter out loud*

Oliver apologizing and returning to read the letter, but this time, much quieter: “My neighbor Oliver, have you know that i didn’t exactly hated your present… but don’t get any funny ideas from my approval of your present: i simply didn’t hated it. Sincerely, Dr. Phantasmo…”

Phantasmo starting to blush lightly: “T-that’s it… don’t expect more than this…”

Oliver smiling warmly at Phantasmo: “Would you like to stay a little bit longer for some coffee?”

Phantasmo scratching the back of his head and pulling his collar shyly: “Y-yes… i… that would be… lovely.”

Tumblr

Good afternoon my sweeties~! Today i came here to present to you all another Oc of mine, Emilly!

Let’s start with the basics: Emilly, like Oliver, is an Telltown Oc. She’s 22 years old, although sometimes people always guess her age to

To anyone who comes across this post👀

Give me your OCs! >:3

Tell me what kind of people they are! :D

Gimme a bit of their lore even!! >:33

I'm gonna draw them and put them in a youtube video of mine! :D

Hehe >:333

Aaaaand here’s part two of my previous post! Hurray!♡

(I am writing this at 10 pm, hahaha…)

10° “Beach Episode, Beach Episode, BEACH EPISODE”:

. . .Yeah, i wanna see Phantasmo with his chest exposed. . . So what?

And also Charlie and him making a “”friendly”” competition of volleyball… (i wanna see if he’s good at sports, lol)

11° “Gala ball EP”:

Yup, i just wanna see Charlie and Phantasmo dancing together. Also, fun fact about why it would be cool a Gala ball EP: many years ago, there was a event where (i believe) all the artists could draw their ocs going to a gala ball, and Jencil was among them. It would be a time travel to that time but this time Dr. Phantasmo would be in there! (By the way, Jencil, if you’re reading this, know all of this is just a suggestion/ideas for your webcomic, so, no pressure! :D) + bonus points if Charlie and Phantasmo dance together without knowing who’s dancing with who (like, a masquerade) or they know who they are dancing with and start a “hate tango” or something like that.

12° “Charlie’s going to find out about Phantasmo’s past… (somehow)”:

I’m actually curious for this one because: how would Charlie react upon discovering her arch nemesis past? Would she ask if Phantasmo remembers anything? How would HE react at her discovering something so personal about him? And also, how would she discover it? (If this never happens in the comic, i’ll ask Jencil and Fluff if i can write a Fanfic about this)

13° “EP on how Charlie and Phantasmo met each other”:

+ Bonus points if we hear (alongside with Cortney) them telling their own version of their first encounter: i have both a theory AND a fanfic idea, hear me out: do y’all see this picture? (That is actually a gif but i saved it as a picture, pardon me)

It was made by Fluffpillow. And do you know what’s funny? Charlie here, is looking scared of Phantasmo… now, you wouldn’t think she would be scared of him if she knew him, right? That’s why, hear me out, that i think this gif is when they met each other for the first time!

14° “there is going to have an EP where Charlie and Phanta will get stuck together and they’ll both vent their feelings”

I imagine this happening after the 13° one: i still am thinking where and how would they get stuck together. But, i already have an idea of how they would vent their feelings: Charlie would start the conversation after the events of her discovery of Phanta’s past. . . And the rest i will reveal later, because i’m feeling a little evil right now AND because it’s going to be midnight and i still have a lot to unpack here, hehehe~

15° “Christmas EP where Carter accidentally invited Phantasmo and now Charlie will have to be nice with him”:

I dunno about you guys but…, i can perfectly see Carter accidentally inviting Phantasmo and then being way too scared of being rude to “uninvite” (is that a word…?) him. So, he (Carter) tells Charlie to behave herself and be nice towards him (Phantasmo) until Christmas is over and Phantasmo would be no longer inside their house… (things sure do happen)

16° “Charlie and Carter will help Phanta fix/clean his mansion”:

Hehehehe~ i already imagine Phantasmo taking advantage of that kindness, that’s all i’m going to say hehehehe~

17° “Halloween EP where Viola (phanta’s daughter) will go trick or treating with Cortney… and things sure DO happen…”:

I dunno about you guys but… i actually would think it would be kind of sweet to see child Viola happy🥹 and also Charlie would be reminded of why she should fear Phantasmo… :) (if you saw the body transplant video Fluff made… you know what i am talking about…) i’ll probably create ANOTHER post just to focus better on this. And oh, this would probably happen after the 14° one… take that information as you will. ;)

18° “Valentine’s Day Episode, Valentine’s Day Episode, VALENTINE’S DAY EP-“:

. . . . .*takes a big breath* I THINK THEY SHOULD KISS-

19° “hopefully it will explain why Phantasmo’s hands were detached from his forearms”:

I am just really intrigued by this, that’s all.

And that’s all folks! See you all on my next post!

you know what else would be phantasmos greatest threat? nope, it's not charlie. it's APPLES, y'know because doctors are afraid of apples. eh? eh?

Hehehe! That’s a good one!

But i’m pretty sure that he would be more afraid of Charlie! (Or of her throwing apples at him, as a form of “exorcism” lmao) (he would then chase her down because he would get irritated with her, lol)

Hmhmhmhmhmmmmmm....

Remember this?...

I have a theory... What if... Just what if...

...

...

...

...

Charlie was an ink monster? Y'know. Like bendy and alice angel? And what if phantasmo found out somehow and Charlie would try to hide that fact... What if Charlie... Was already an experiment back then? 😦

Hewwo! Greetings, how have you been?

About your theory… i find it kind of fascinating really but… i believe that’s not the case, well, at least for the new story that @jencilthepencil/@lemonlysunny wants to tell us XD

Let me elaborate: in the past Charlie (which was Lily) was a cuphead oc, and i think the reason Jencil/LS draw her, Carter, Daisy and Squirt like this was to represent the fact they are toons, because you know, the whole idea of cuphead was to be inspired by the old cartoons.

And if you see on her YouTube channel, you can see that Barron had created them because he’s an artist so it would make sense your theory. But with the new comic coming and Jencil herself saying that Charlie and the others are no longer cuphead Ocs, that they are now original Ocs, we can only especulaste what this new story is going to be about:

(Drawing made by Jencil the pencil/Lemonlysunny, all rights reserved to her)

As we can see on the image above, we see that baby Charlie was brought by a stork.

Now you may be thinking: “but which family was going to receive Charlie?” Or “where did she came from?” Or (honestly i was also wondering that one too) “where’s is her brother???”

Well, only time will tell and… isn’t baby Charlie adorable?🥰

Ahem, I’m getting off tracks here, what i’m getting at is, i think Charlie is not an ink monster nor an experiment… but perhaps she was created by some sort of magic or science…

But i really liked your theory! It’s really creative and at some extent it would kind of make sense X3

Now it’s my turn on theorizing who is going to find Charlie first, because by the looks of it, she was brought into a forest (apparently storks tend to be terrible at their jobs of bringing a baby to the family that asked for them 🙄):

Young Carter: i think we will see a young Carter strolling through the woods and finding baby Charlie all alone and ending up adopting her as his sister

Barron: it would reference the old source material while changing it a little bit and making it look new. I imagine that Barron would be scrolling through the woods and found Charlie crying all alone… at first he would be looking for anyone but after noticing that there was no one, he would pass through and try to ignore her… but then the guilt would be too much and he would come back to adopt her.

The most improbable but still i like to theorize :3, Phantasmo: i think that Phantasmo’s mansion is very close to the woods… i could be wrong about that one but oh well, i think he would be floating around the woods after he heard a baby crying and was too annoyed by the noise, so, he went to investigate. When he finally found Charlie, at first he just faced palm himself and muttered under his breath that it was probably the fault of a stork… then he would poke little Charlie and try to get rid of her: by finding the nearest house he could find and placing her on the front door… little would he know that she was going to be a lot more of a pain in his ass then he initially thought in the future, lol

G’night Tumblr~ ;)

Eeeyy, i really liked your headcanons about Phantasmo and Charlie so far! And that dating one? Muah! Perfection!

I was here thinking: could you write some dating headcanons about Phantasmo with a chubby person? And also if they like to talk a lot? Like, a LOT? (And one with a very shy one?)

My oh, oh my, why thank you for the compliment! ;D

You know, usually i would ask to send one ask at the time separately but… since i don’t have THAT many ideas, i’ll let it slide~ ;)

(Image above was made by Fluffpillow, Dr. phantasmo belongs to Fluffpillow)

☆~Dating headcanons for Phantasmo with a chubby darling~☆

If they’re talkative:

when Phantasmo kidnapped you for his nefarious plans he surely didn’t expect you to talk so much for someone who was going to turn into an experiment. Sure, he would expect you to beg and cry, heck, even curse him or threaten him. But very strangely, you were being really friendly and chatty with him. And then, an idea popped into his mind to make you shut the hell up so he could continue the procedure: he would ask you one question and you would answer it and you could ask him one question and obviously he would lie but you wouldn’t know, so whatever to him.

He smiles with himself for being “this brilliant” and executes his plan. You two were having a… “interesting” conversation of questions and answers, honestly he was getting quite drained of having to listen to your long answers whenever he asked you something, but eventually, he asked you why you talk so much and… your answer genuinely surprised him: you said you only talk this much because it helps you to calm down and put your chaotic thoughts in order, you know you’re considered “annoying” for talking too much… and then, you start sobbing and crying…

At first, he was feeling a little awkward about making you cry and not knowing what to do now, but then he eventually sighed tiredly and undid your restraints.

After he (very unsuccessfully) tried to cheer you up, he offered you to work for him… and from then on, you two started to fall in love with each other.

He calls you his little chubby lab mouse

He loves squeezing your cheeks together and hugging you from behind so he can squeeze better your belly

He will murder ANYONE who DARES to insult your weight or call you names

He WILL lay on top of you sometimes and call you his favorite pillow~ ;)

If they’re shy and a little more quiet:

You met Phantasmo at a cemetery, why you would be in a cemetery? Because you had a fight with your parents and wanted to visit your dead grandmother/grandfather for some consolation after said fight…

You were sobbing when you heard a deep low voice asking why you were so sad, when you turned around, you saw him: the ghost himself, Dr. Phantasmo.

You’ve heard about him before, especially from your parents, saying terrible things about him… but seeing him in person… he was sure damn scary, but man, was he also just as handsome and breathtaking!

Phantasmo: what an adorable thing like you doing out here, all alone~?

Y/n: . . . *looks away shyly and scratches head sheepishly*

Phantasmo: Hmm, you are not a talker, are you dear?

Y/n: *nods head*

Phantasmo: Well~ how about i take you to my place and… serve you some tea?

Y/n: . . .Y-yes. . . I… guess that would be fine…

Phantasmo: Splendid~! *brings you closer towards him with his ghost tail* Then… shall we go, my darling~? *extends hand to lift you up*

You knew it was a trap, you knew that he was trouble… but… you also wanted someone to vent to… even if you don’t talk that much…

And so, you went to his place with him, God, you didn’t even placed foot on his doorstep. He whistled and then a pair of robotic arms wrapped around you and he was laughing maniacally:

Phantasmo: buahahahaha!!! Did you SERIOUSLY thought that i would help you feel better? HA! Don’t make me laugh! I was only bringing you to a trap! And you fell for it just nicely~ Now, scream for me! Beg!

Y/n: *looks away from him sadly, but not surprised*

Phantasmo: Hey! Look. At. Me. *grabs your face tightly and forces you to look at him*

Y/n: *looks at him feeling afraid and starts shaking*

Phantasmo: Yes! Yes! I want to taste your fear, i want to savor it! You know… you really look really cute like that~ having your cheeks squished up~

You know what? Maybe i have some… different plans for you~

And with that, Phantasmo made you his maid/employee: he would make you clean his mansion, sometimes help with his experiments and you (not voluntarily but you are too shy to stand up for yourself) would let him squeeze your cheeks. He calls you his little stress toy.

It would surely take a lot of time for you both fall in love, but eventually, you two did: maybe your shy nature and your chubby face charmed him? Perhaps.

All the same from the “if they’re talkative” above + he would do anything to try to please you when you two got closer: want some sweets/treats? You’ll find it on your headboard. Your parents were being too harsh on you? (Consider them dead, because Phantasmo will kill them :) just kidding, he knows you love them, so he’ll just scare them and threaten them to keep you forever away from them) someone is “joking” about your weight? (Spoiler: you’ll never hear from them again) :)