A Little Reminder That Telemachus JUST Got Back From His Diplomatic Mission, Found His Home Destroyed

Sobbing over Curiosity. Someone please bring her home dear god😭😭😭

I highkey picked up the Odyssey interested in how the source material differs from Epic. I cannot express how accurate this is and how much whiplash these past two sagas were.

Number 1 Rule of adapting the Odyssey into EPIC is: if it can be more dramatic, it will be more dramatic.

The Greeks decide to throw the infant Trojan prince from the walls because they're scared he'll try to avenge his family? No, Zeus comes down to personally give Odysseus a vision of being killed and says his family WILL die. Kill the baby that reminds you of your son right now, it's the gods will.

Odysseus goes to greet the inhabitants of an island and gets trapped in a cave for two days by the cyclops that's eating his men one by one? Nope, we got BOSS BATTLE 30v1 in the Ithacans' favour until BAM fourteen pancakes are made by Polyphemus' club and oh shit Polites is DEAD-

Athena is just vaugely absent for the whole journey until the end? We got emotionally charged platonic breakups instead, with yelling and insults and "well I'm breaking up with you FIRST!"

Smooth sailing to Ithaca? STOOOORM-

Odysseus' great-great-great-grandfather giving him a speed boost to help him on his way home? Get ready for trickster wind gods, mischievous winions, and a game that was rigged from the start.

Random-ass suspicious and greedy crew mates open the bag? It's Eurylochus, his second in command, his brother-in-law, the man he trusted, Eurylochus WHYYY

Parking in the wrong harbour and getting boulders thrown at the fleet by angry man-eating giants while Odysseus backs away veeery slowly? Nah Poseidon himself pulls up to dunk on them, and Odysseus has to make a last minute getaway using the power of STOOORM to avoid being curbstomped like his fleet.

Odysseus gets some stronger drugs from a god to make him immune to the other drugs of a goddess? Well these drugs actually give him magic powers which he uses to engage in a Pokémon/Yu-Gi-Oh style BOSS BATTLE!

Get some closure with dead loved ones and acquaintances, and be the first interviewer of the fallen heroes of past ages? Nope, we just got TRAUMA and a whole boatload of guilt!

A neat outline of what the rest of the journey will look like, a warning against an island of cows that will slow him down, and the way to appease Poseidon? This Tiresias just says "Y'know there used to be a world where you made it home, BUT I DON'T SEE IT NO MORE. IT'S GONE. IT'S OVER. Also, your palace is fucked."

Sailing past the sirens while getting to be the first mortal to hear their song and live? M U R D E R

Sailing past Scylla to avoid Charybdis and accidentally getting six men eaten because he thought he could totally take Scylla, even though Circe said he couldn't, and then he realised he, in fact, cannot take Scylla? ... Eurylochus, light up six torches.

Eurylochus waits till Odysseus is out hunting and then goes behind his back to mutinously rally the crew and feast on some sacred cattle? Betrayal on both sides, stabby stab, K.O., and then Odysseus helplessly watches them make the greatest mistake of their lives as they ignore his pleas.

Quick clean and easy lightning-strike to the ship, leaving Odysseus to cling to some driftwood and paddle away? Zeus himself appears to the mortals, monologues, makes Odysseus be the one to choose, and then smites the whole ship leaving Odysseus to nearly drown anyway.

Telemachus gets advice from a disguised Athena to yell at the suitors and then sail away to look for news of his missing father? Telemachus gets into a full on beatdown with the suitors and gets FIGHT CLUB TRAINING from Athena!

Athena goes "dad I want my favourite mortal back? Did you forget about him? I think you forgot about him" and Zeus instantly replies "nonsense. How could I have forgotten that funny little mortal? Of course you can have him back my sweet favoured child <3" and then Athena skips off to Ithaca? "Father please-" "LIGHTNING BOLT! ANOTHER LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT TO THE FACE HOW DARE YOU ASK ME OF SUCH A THING!"

Poseidon does a double take "wait they let him go?? Oh hell nah!" and then sends a giant fuck off storm for Odysseus to swim through until he reaches the Phaeacians? No, Poseidon's just been there on Ithaca's shores, waiting for eight years, now get in the water BITCH- except Odysseus is just like "oh yeah? Fucking FIGHT ME"

You thought the suitors in the Odyssey were bad? Jorge really just said "dial that shit up to ELEVEN"

4 days until Odysseus gets home

I was right :)

Not Odysseus’ “Maybe you can learn to forgive” line being in the same melody as “ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves”.

You know those poodle skirts? I need Pokemon to make those but with different variations of furfrou. Give that poodle more attention. Dear god.

Yeah okay Odysseus became a monster in the end but that didn't stop him for asking poseidon to have room to forgive and it didn't prevent him from stopping when he was stabbing Poseidon with his own trident the moment that Poseidon yielded. Polites never really left him. In the end when he was a monster he still tried to meet the world with open arms

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-

Another thought on Epic the Musical, do you want to know one detail that kills me every time?

If you look at the titles of the songs, the ONLY songs that are named after characters are songs that are named after monsters that are trying to slaughter as many people as possible (like Polyphemus, Scylla, and Charybdis). No human character or even any god gets a song named after them, only the monsters do.

But (MINOR SPOILER AHEAD), do you know what song 38 is titled? Odysseus.

Odysseus, the man made monster, who has become something so far from his own humanity that he is counted within the ranks of the terrible monsters that came earlier in the story. Odysseus, who will absolutely be trying to slaughter as many suitors as possible when he returns to Ithaca.

It's such a small detail, but it gets me every time I think about it! Because not only has Odysseus become a monster in the eyes of the other characters, but he has become one in the eyes of THE VERY MUSICAL ITSELF!

AHHHHHHHHH!!!

AAAAAAAAAA

I cant be the only one who sees a face on the water here right????? Right???????

I keep seeing posts about how in WYFILWMA, Penelope sings “waiting” 8 times in accordance with how many sagas she has been waiting for our main man Odysseus to return home.

Unless I’m going crazy, Penelope only says “waiting” at the end 7 times.

I even looked up the lyrics am I just losing it???

Going to war for 10 years and will take another 10 years to return to Ithaka where my wife and son wait for me (I’ll be gone for a week, it’ll feel like a month, and my cat and dogs have little to no sense of time I fear)