4 Days Until Odysseus Gets Home

Being a fan of Epic is wild since one of the most fun and upbeat songs of the entire musical is literally called “Suffering”.

That’s it that’s the news.

Portuguese Man O’ War Poseidon where his hair is spindly blue and pink, and he’s got a shoulder piece that looks like the body.

i see your octopus Poseidon and raise you:

siphonophore Poseidon

Can confirm. Homer was a genius

Elite moments in the Odyssey

A curated selection of my favorite details in this silly epic that changed storytelling forever. Homer is hilarious.

- Whenever anyone asks Odysseus where he’s from and he seizes the opportunity to lie continuously for several pages.

- Victims of his elaborate, entirely false backstories include: the cyclops, the suitors, the swineherd, the goddess Athena (who immediately calls bull), his son, his wife, and his father. Odysseus just loves lying

- Every time Athena makes Odysseus hotter and taller so he can rizz someone up

- His brilliant strategy to survive Charybdis’ whirlpool (cling to fig tree “like a bat”)

- When Telemachus casually drops that he is well aware that Mentor is actually Athena and she pretends not to hear and continues to act like she’s just some guy

- When Odysseus falls asleep while the Phoenicians give him a lift home, and instead of waking him when they reach Ithaca, the sailors just pick up the corners of his blankets to dump him on the shore and leave

- Odysseus subsequently waking on a random beach and spending several pages violently confused until Athena, slapping her forehead, has to appear to tell him what’s going on

- Penelope’s weaving and unweaving of the tapestry to get out of marrying the suitors. it’s so stupid that it’s brilliant

- When Odysseus goes to the land of the dead and Achilles and Patroclus appear together <3

- That time Odysseus and Athena sit down on a rock together to plot and scheme etc

- When the maid who raised Odysseus recognizes the gigantic scar he used to always brag about and he grabs her by the neck and tells her to shut the hell up. Elegant elegant man

- Odysseus’s dog who stayed alive for over 20 years so he could lay eyes on him before dying on the spot

- Every time someone says bro you’re kind of hot for a beggar and Odysseus says yeah I know right?

- When Circe was like oh dude I can’t kill you? Guess I’ll sleep with you

- “‘You bitch!’ retorted the ready-witted Odysseus”

- Penelope later calls this maid a bitch too

- When Odysseus avoids competing in the Phoenician games until one of the Phoenicians calls him weak and lazy. so he thoroughly wipes the floor with them

- The sheer number of boats Odysseus crashed

- The sheer number of times Odysseus started sobbing in public

- When one of the Suitors smacks beggar Odysseus with a stool and it takes everything in him to not go insane on them

- Every time Odysseus anonymously gasses Odysseus up

- And last, but not in any way least, the Trojan horse plan. We all know it. We all love it. But take a step back and think for a moment how delightfully absurd it is

Y’all the palladium heist is in the little iliad right? Yeah, where can I read about that? Let me in on the huge fandom consensus. Odysseus stabbed diomedes? Why? AND THEY BANTER??? WHERE IS THIS FROM???

Just got here. Let’s see what happens :)

HOLY SHIT IT'S HERE IT'S HERE IT'S HERE OMG OMG OMG OMG

guess you could call that a. shippy cup

Hi! I’m here to inform that this is a demoiselle crane, or “Grus virgo”. They all slay that hard because they’re not sexually dimorphic

I desperately need a rendition of “Survive” in Ithaka Saga’s song “King”. Let me hear Odysseus unleash his remaining rage and fury on the Suitors, the only things standing in between him and the end of his journey home.

JORGE EXPLICITLY SAID TO NOT USE EPIC AS A REPLACEMENT FOR THE ODYSSEY

CHILDREN JUST READ THE ODYSSEY PLEASE

waking up, head in my hands: the kids. the kids. theyre going to hand in the essays. theyre going to think odysseus rode into ithaca on a jetpack