Farmer: Guys, I Need Your Help.

𝙰𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚂𝚊𝚖 𝙸𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝙼𝚘𝚍

When I initially discovered this new mod, I decided to give it a try for the enjoyable experience, even though Sam is not the character I pick to romanced. However, as I delved deeper into Sam's immersive adventures, I found myself falling in love with his character. I couldn't help but feel excited about his cutscenes and dialogues. Here's an example of one of the mod's cutscenes its actually pretty hilarious and cute. Context: Sam run towards my farmer, Yvonne, then accidentally tripped and fell on top of her.

Ohmygawd! Alex and Sebastian definitely saw that. 😂

Pfft! This reminds me of that Wohoo spot in The Sims, were you can do the dirty under the pile of leaves. 😂🤭

I didn't get a screenshot for this but there's an option here were you can, (1) Laugh, roll off and reach down to Sam or (2) Quickly kiss Sam's cheek before offering your hand. I picked the 2nd option. 🤭

To all Sam fans out there! If you're looking to embark on a new romantic journey with your favorite character, I highly recommend trying this mod. It features a well-written story and engaging cutscenes that will make your love story with Sam truly unforgettable. Just note that you'll need to start a new save file to fully experience the modded content. Trust me, it's absolutely worth it!

Mod: "Maggs Immersive Sam Romance Dialogue and Events (x)Spicy or Sweet 1.6" by @maggplays

Ohhh, this is such a fun question! I have so many Stardew Valley farmer OCs, but I’ll just pick a few for this.

Aleia → March

Oh, she’d absolutely go for March. A tsundere blacksmith? That’s a challenge she’d gladly take on. If she can handle an emo dude, March is nothing. Aleia’s smart, imaginative, and just chaotic enough to push all his buttons, delighting in every flustered reaction. At first, he’d find her constant teasing and unpredictable energy downright exhausting, but over time? He’d start expecting it. Then one day, as he works in the forge, he’d notice the silence, the absence of her usual antics and that’s when it hits him. He misses her and just like that, he’s doomed.

Cerise → Caldarus

Cerise and a dragon guardian? Absolutely. Her sharp instincts and level-headed nature match seamlessly with Caldarus’s wisdom and introspection. Both find peace in simple moments, her in crafting homemade chocolates and tending the farm, him in the stillness of nature. But as a former assassin with magic, she’s more than capable of protecting him. With his power still weak, she’d make sure he rests, bring him food, and casually remind him not to overexert himself. And if anyone dares to hurt him while he’s vulnerable? They’d be lucky if there was anything left of them to bury.

Rosemary → Balor

Balor’s wanderlust and Rosemary’s grounded nature balance each other perfectly. She wouldn’t try to tie him down, but would remind him that home is where you return. Their relationship would be full of playful teasing and mutual respect, he brings excitement to her life, and she becomes his anchor. Over time, he’d realize he wants to return to her and when he does, she’d simply smirk and say, “Guess you’re not as restless as you thought.”

Yvonne → Ryis

Yvonne’s sweet, patient nature and quiet strength would naturally draw Ryis in, his chill and hardworking demeanor complementing her perfectly. As a florist, she has a gentle touch and an eye for beauty, but she’s also fearless in the mines when needed. He’d admire how she balances kindness with strength, and she’d appreciate his steady support and quiet concern for others. They’d share soft moments in a cozy greenhouse, she’d bring him flowers with a tender smile, saying, “These reminded me of you,” while he’d secretly carve little trinkets for her to find. No grand gestures, just quiet companionship, knowing smiles and deep conversations under the moonlight.

Thalia → Hayden

Thalia would love Hayden. As a fellow farmer and a half-witch, she carries herself with charm and confidence, always playful and effortlessly flirtatious. Hayden, with his strong, dependable nature and steady presence, would balance out her lively mischief perfectly. She’d keep him on his toes, tossing flirty remarks his way while leaning against a fence, watching him work. “You work too hard, Hayden. Maybe you need someone to help you unwind.” she’d tease with a sly smile. He’d sigh, shaking his head. “And I suppose you’re volunteering?” She’d grin. “Oh, honey, I’ve been volunteering from the start.” He’d roll his eyes, pretending to be exasperated but deep down, he’s already smitten.

if ur stardew valley farmer was in fields of mistria then who would they romance

As the wind blows, remember that I'll come home to you.

started listening to "No Choice" by Fly By Midnight and this happened :')

March x Gender Neutral Adventurer/Farmer

-0-

You had to leave.

You didn't want to, of course you didn't, but you had to.

You were an adventurer first before you became a farmer, before you decided it was time to leave the thrill of adventure. To let your body rest, to abandon the horrors that you've seen in your years on the road and settle into this little town.

The life you had built here was nice, far nicer than you ever expected it would. You made friends, you found community. You were settling down.

But you, of all people, knew it wasn't going to last.

The missive arrived days after the last snowfall of spring. You thought it was another mail from Adeline or another letter from Errol asking to meet you and Eiland at the museum. Or maybe it was from March - you hoped it was - telling you that your ass better be at the inn that night.

A chill ran down your spine when you opened the mailbox. A single envelope sat inside, snug, the golden filigree emblazoned over the plush red on the quality paper glinted once the sunlight You didn't have to see the seal, didn't have to see the signature. Didn't have to see to know the colors of your guild.

But you were retired, right? You made sure of that. Made sure that you were off the ledgers, made sure that you would no longer be contacted.

And yet here it was, the ghosts of your past sitting prettily in the mailbox on the land that you so carefully tended.

There was a punch in your gut, a deep clutch at the pit of your stomach. You didn't want to open the envelope. Felt you already know what it said. But you did. You had to.

And felt your heart ice over.

Aldaria was at war. Every soldier, every adventurer within the central kingdom's guilds, every able combatant, retired or otherwise, are required to go to the frontlines.

No one is exempted.

Those who are to run will be deemed as traitors to the Crown and will be put to death.

Fuck.

-0-

The grief of it hit you quickly.

So much that you sat at the stone bench, one that you placed by Caldarus. You didn't think you could talk, didn't think you could form any of the words. Caldarus didn't pry. You thought he could sense what it was, anyway.

You didn't know how much time passed by. Didn't care. Not even hunger, not even the rain.

You had to leave. Immediately.

Adeline and Eiland were horrified. Elsie was rendered speechless. All of you were in tears.

You packed up quickly. It wasn't as if you had a lot of belongings, anyway, even though you've already spent several months here in Mistria. It had to be quick, it had to be soon, as your heart couldn't take it anymore.

The goodbyes were the most difficult of it. More tears, more fear. Hugs, promises to come back.

But you couldn't quite look at everyone in the eye. One person, at the back of the inn, just staring. Dark, dark eyes devoid of emotion. You noticed that his drink remained untouched, his food already cold. You didn't want to say goodbye, not to him. But you needed to.

You took him aside late into the night. His body was rigid, his eyes ice cold.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, tried for a weak smile. "I guess you're right. I didn't even reach winter."

"Don't." His voice was hard, shaky. "Don't fucking blame yourself for this."

"March, I-"

He grabbed your shoulders, hard, looked directly into your eyes. "Don't die,' he murmured. "And come back when this is all done. Are we clear?"

The silence descended upon both of you as you stared at each other. Sighed. Weakly smiled.

"Clear."

And you knew, neither of you wanted to think of that promise being broken.

-0-

The day you left was a particularly rainy day.

Mistria was quiet, as if the joyous energy that usually engulfed the town was washed clean.

People tried to resume their routines, their normal, but watching you leave on horseback, alone while getting soaked, was one of the most difficult sights most of them had in recent years. And yet life has to move on. Days, weeks, months had to pass.

March was not handling it well.

He managed to easily slide back into routine. Being a tradesman, the work was never-ending, especially since he decided to expand their enterprise by accepting orders from the other surrounding towns.

It made sense to expand, especially since Mistria already rose up the ranks quickly in the months the farmer was here. Wartime was an opportunity for more profits. Times were changing and he had to catch up.

(And it wasn't because he just wanted the work to keep his mind off of you.)

Every hit of the hammer to the anvil was a second that he wasn't thinking about you.

Every nail, every screw, every project was something to keep your smile, the crinkle of delight in your eye when you give him another gift, the way the sunlight streaked your hair, out of his mind.

He didn't want to smell your scent the moment he picks up the blanket you made him. He didn't want to think about you when he eats something that you liked. He didn't want to remember the feeling of you, all the curves and angles of your body, the callouses of your hands, the scars that littered your body. He didn't want to see even the barest of glimpses of you in his dreams.

And yet he couldn't escape it. Couldn't escape the way his heart weighed him down. Couldn't escape the dull thrum of longing at the back of his head.

So he worked.

And worked.

And worked no matter how much Olric told him to take a break. No matter how much his body screamed at him to stop. Not even when Valen put her foot down and demanded he rest.

Because his hand shook when he struck that hammer. His breath hitched when he stepped away from the anvil. Because his eyes teared up when his back hit against the wall when the entirety of you consumed him, assaulted his senses, his memory.

"Fuck!"

He threw his hammer down as he crumpled to the ground, shoving his head into his lap as he breathed in the way you showed him how.

When were you coming back? He just wanted you back.

-0-

They were keeping up with the current events, of course.

It was slow all around, as messengers didn't always come or the roads were blocked off. But Balor, through his contacts, made sure that Mistria got the news as soon as possible.

The North Everett Garrison fell to the enemy a week ago and proved a heavy blow to the kingdom. Massive body counts on both sides. No news yet on those who fell.

They hoped, prayed, that you weren't there. That you weren't one of the ones who died. That you were still alive and well.

It's been over a year since you left and they still hoped.

It was three weeks after the news that another messenger arrived.

March snarled when the knock on the door came. The shop was closed, goddammit. Why can't people just leave him the fuck alone? He shoved open the door, stopped when Adeline and Eiland stood outside.

Dread pooled at the base of his stomach, his body crumbling into a cold sweat. In Adeline's hand was a familiar helmet. The perfect, silver helmet that he made for you over a year ago.

-0-

They said they couldn't find you.

When the garrison fell, it was immediately reclaimed by the arriving forces. For days, the soldiers and holy people recovered and identified the dead.

But there was nothing else that they could find of you. They only found the helmet, damaged and bloody, with March's trademark on it. By the time the forces managed to collect as much as they could, you were listed as one of the missing, potentially (probably) dead.

It was enough to send him into a spiral.

March hasn't left his room in days. The meals Olric left by his door barely touched. For days he held the helmet, his hands raw from keeping it close and tight to his chest.

His usual proud eyes were dull, the shine of it diminishing slowly ever since you left. It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. This was supposed to be your start at a new life, a new beginning. He saw the grief in your eyes when you first moved in. He saw the twitchiness. He saw the strain. And he saw the way you let the shadows of your past eventually fall.

Only to be thrown back again against your will.

He couldn't feel anything. Just that steady throbbing, the heavy pulling of his heart down, down, to the depths of his despair. Couldn't feel the sunlight that streamed through his window. Couldn't feel the cold of the stone floor. Could barely feel the weight of the helmet on his lap.

Time didn't exist anymore. Every single breath he took was like inhaling shattered glass. The world seemed to have lost all color.

"March?"

"Go away, Olric."

"It's not Olric."

He whipped his head back, confusion marring itself on his face. With effort, he hauled himself off of the ground.

Opened the door.

It's been a while since you've seen him.

He's a bit thinner, a little gaunt, which worried you. A shadow of a beard rested on his face as he stood there, wide eyed, as he held your helmet in his hands.

He was just as handsome as you remembered him to be. You smiled.

"Hey, March."

He had you in his arms not one second later. You felt the shudder run through his body as his strong hands pulled you tight into his embrace. This was something that you dreamed off, the one thing that pushed you through, pushed you to survive. The thought of coming back to him was the light in your darkest days.

"March-"

"Quiet."

He took his time with you. Embracing you. Taking in your scent, memorizing your body once again. You had new scars, new injuries. But he doesn't care.

You were here and that's what mattered.

"March," you murmured as you buried you face into his shoulder, your bandaged hands digging into him like a vice. "I'm home."

He breathed in, sobbed out a sigh. Smiled.

"Welcome home, farmer."

-0-

hello, if you like my stuff i have more on my masterlist! :DD

also feel free to send some requests. I'm currently in a March headspace rn but I'm willing to try other characters too o: (might take a while to get to them tho since I'm gonna be in a convention crunch time qwq)

𝚃𝚛𝚢𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝙾𝚞𝚝 𝚂𝚞𝚗𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚢 𝚅𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚊𝚐𝚎, 𝙷𝚎𝚛𝚎’𝚜 𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙸 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔

Okay, so I finally downloaded the Sunberry Village mod and let me just say, it was totally worth it. I’ve been eyeing it for a while, and after seeing all the gorgeous screenshots and hearing people rave about it, I knew I had to try it out for myself.

That said… I did have to remove East Scarp from my mods folder. As much as I adore that mod, my poor little laptop just couldn’t handle everything running at once. (RIP, memory.) But hey, it’s not goodbye forever just a temporary pause until I get a proper upgrade. Hopefully soon! (Also, fun fact: I heard that the Always Raining in the Valley mod was integrated into Sunberry Village now, so if you’re like me and want to pursue Sterling, you’ll find him here instead. One more reason to dive in!)

Now let’s talk about Sunberry Village itself, what a gem of a mod. The new map is just chef’s kiss! Lush, vibrant, and full of cozy details that make the whole place feel alive. The NPCs are super well-written and diverse, each with their own personalities and stories. And there's even marriageable candidates here. I’ve already had a few cutscenes and honestly? I’m hooked. I can tell a lot of love went into their design.

There’s also tons of new places to explore, including little hidden spots and secret passages that make wandering around feel like a proper adventure.

And yes, they even have their own mines! I tried them out and I’m kind of obsessed. Every level has a fresh layout, different biomes, and brand-new vibes. It’s not just your average mine crawl, it feels like stepping into a different world with every floor.

If you’re looking for a rich, immersive expansion that blends perfectly with other mods like SVE, RSV, ES or VMV, this is it. Whether you’re into farming, fighting, exploring, or just getting to know new characters, Sunberry Village has something for you.

If you want to play it too, you can find the mod here on NexusMods

𝚁𝚒𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚎 𝙼𝚎 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚜

[Farmer Aleia is lounging on the couch, flipping through a book while Sebastian is at his computer, typing away. The mood is casual, and the two are enjoying their time together.]

Aleia: *suddenly perks up, grinning mischievously* Hey! Sebby! I've got a riddle for you!

Sebastian: *still typing, without looking up* This better not be like that time you tried to convince me that mayonnaise counts as a drinkable snack.

Aleia: *waves him off dramatically* Hah! I stand by that statement! Mayonnaise is versatile, and you're just close-minded. But no, this one's different. Listen up!

Sebastian: *leans back in his chair, spinning slightly to look at her, raising an eyebrow* Fine. Hit me with your best shot.

Aleia: *grinning smugly* Okay. "You feel good when you stick something in it. You feel happy when you shake it. But you feel sad when you take something out of it. Now, what am I?"

Sebastian: *pauses, staring at her blankly before a slow smirk creeps onto his face* Oh

[Sebastian gets up, crossing the room slowly. Aleia's smug grin falters slightly as he approaches and stops in front of her. He leans down, placing his hands on either side of her on the couch, effectively pinning her in place.]

Sebastian: *in a low, teasing tone* Sweetheart, If you wanted to have sex, you could've just asked instead of hiding it behind riddles.

Aleia: *face turning crimson, flustered* AH!No! That's not! It's a piggy bank!

Sebastian: *blinks in surprise, then bursts out laughing* Piggy bank? Really?

Aleia: *starts giggling uncontrollably* YES! Admit it, I got you!

Sebastian: *still laughing, straightens up and crosses his arms* Alright, alright. Fine. But now it's my turn.

Aleia: *playfully narrows her eyes* Bring it on!

Sebastian: *grins wickedly, leaning slightly closer* Okay. "What's long, hard, and stiff, gets used inside a warm, wet place, and works best when you move it back and forth?"

Aleia: *bursts out laughing, pointing at him* HA! Easy. It's a toothbrush!"

Sebastian: *suddenly crouches in front of her, gently takes her hand, and smirks devilishly, his voice dropping* Wrong answer, love?

Aleia: *blinking rapidly, her blush returning* E-Eh?! Wait, what-?

[Before she can react, she grabs the nearest object, a pillow, and throws it directly at his face. Sebastian catches it effortlessly, laughing as Aleia scrambles to her feet in a mix of embarrassment.]

Aleia: Sebastian! You're the worst!

Sebastian: *grinning, tossing the pillow back at her* And yet, you still love me.

Aleia: *trying to suppress a smile, but failing* Yeah, yeah. Don't push your luck, emo boy.

Sebastian: *leaning back smugly* Admit it, though. I make this relationship very exciting.

Aleia: *rolling her eyes but smiling anyway* Exciting isn't the word I'd use... but fine. You win this round.

Sebastian: *winks* Always do, sweetheart.

~IsaacXFarmer on a date, after SVE 2.0~

Farmer: *gives a bouquet to Isaac* Roses are red, violets are blue. Sugar is sweet and so are you.

Isaac: Roses are red, that much is true. But violets are purple, not fucking blue.

Farmer: Just take the damn flowers.

𝙰𝚏𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝙵𝚒𝚎𝚕𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊 𝚄𝚙𝚍𝚊𝚝𝚎

[After countless side quests—gathering rare relics, artifacts, and questionable items,—casting complicated spells (including accidentally turning their cow blue for a week and setting a tree on fire), the Farmer finally frees Caldarus from his statue prison.]

Caldarus: *stands before them, now in human form, his dragon wings unfurled, horns glinting in the sunlight, and a tail lazily swishing behind him. The air practically hums with power.*

Farmer: *gawking, inner thoughts* Oh no. He’s hot. Like, "burn-down-my-crops" hot.

Caldarus: *stretching his wings, glancing at his hands with a satisfied grin* I’m finally free… after a thousand years. I can feel the wind again. *breathes deeply* No more being a glorified lawn ornament.

Farmer: *still staring* Uh-huh. Majestic. Totally majestic.

Caldarus: *turning to them with a charming smile* Truly, I owe you a debt I cannot hope to repay. Tell me, Farmer. What reward would suffice for freeing me?

Farmer: *already holding out a bouquet, a ring, and a chest full of their finest gold and jewels* Simple. Marry me.

Caldarus: *blinking, wings twitching in surprise* ...Pardon?

Farmer: Look, you’re tall, you have wings, horns and you practically radiate ‘mysterious ancient power.’ You expect me not to shoot my shot?

Caldarus: *staring at the offerings, then at the Farmer, tail flicking in amusement* You freed me from an ancient curse and your first thought was marriage?

Farmer: *nodding enthusiastically* Yup. Right here, right now. We can skip the long courting phase. I’ve got the ring, the flowers, and enough wealth to fund a honeymoon in every region of Mistria. Let’s go.

Caldarus: *crossing his arms, smirking* I see you’ve also conveniently ignored the thousand-year gap in life experience. I don’t even know what a 'honeymoon' is.

Farmer: Don’t worry, I’ll teach you. Lesson one: It involves a lot of cake and maybe—just maybe, romantic walks under the moonlight. Lesson two: you looking like that means I have no self-control.

Caldarus: *chuckling, wings rustling* Hmm. So bold. I do admire confidence in a mortal. But tell me, are you proposing because of my power… or my devastatingly good looks?

Farmer: *deadpan*...Yes.

Caldarus: *sighing, rubbing his temples as his tail sways* I suppose I should have expected this. You were always talking to my statue about your tragic love life.

Farmer: *shrugging* Hey, you gave great advice! Plus, you could’ve warned me that you were this attractive.

Caldarus: As a statue? Should I have etched a warning plaque? ‘Caution: Restoring this relic may result in intense attraction.’

Farmer: Honestly? It would’ve saved me a lot of emotional turmoil right now.

Caldarus: *snorts, wings twitching with amusement* And you believe a mere proposal is enough? Have you considered the implications? I am an immortal dragon guardian. Marriage is a… complicated matter.

Farmer: Pfft. You sound like you’re overthinking it. I mean, you’ve been stuck as a statue for a thousand years. Surely you’ve had time to think about settling down.

Caldarus: *deadpan* Yes. Clearly, I spent every waking moment contemplating wedding registries and floral arrangements.

Farmer: See? You’re a natural. I’ll handle the registry; you just show up looking majestic and vaguely dangerous.

Caldarus: *exasperated but amused, pacing with his tail flicking* Do you always leap into life-altering decisions without thought?

Farmer: Absolutely. Did you not hear the part where I accidentally turned my cow blue? Commitment issues? Never heard of them.

Caldarus: *pauses, glancing back with a raised brow* That… explains a great deal.

Farmer: Come on. We already have a history. Remember when I told your statue self about that embarrassing date with the cute blacksmith?

Caldarus: *groans dramatically, covering his face with one hand* Unfortunately, I do recall. You spoke for three hours.

Farmer: And yet you didn’t turn to dust. Clearly, we’re meant to be.

Caldarus: *peeking through his fingers, giving them a look* You are infuriating.

Farmer: But charmingly persistent.

Caldarus: *sighing, wings drooping slightly as he gives a reluctant smile* Persistent is one word for it.

Farmer: *grinning, stepping closer* So… is that a ‘yes’?

Caldarus: *arching a brow, giving them a slow, teasing look* Hmm. Tempting. But I’m afraid you’ll have to do better than showing up with shiny trinkets and reckless confidence.

Farmer: Wow. Harsh. After everything I did to free you?

Caldarus: *smirking, wings giving a playful flick* I am grateful. Truly. But I’ve been sealed for a thousand years. I’m hardly rushing into a binding contract with a mortal who once confessed they tried to romance a merchant for discount prices.

Farmer: *groans* Okay, first off, it was a strategic decision. Second, it didn’t work anyway. Third—!

Caldarus: *laughing now, warm and rich, shaking his head* Enough. Your desperation is amusing, but I need time to explore this world again. Perhaps if you prove yourself more… convincingly, we’ll revisit this conversation.

Farmer: *grinning smugly* Oh, you’re so into me.

Caldarus: *turning away, tail flicking with mock indifference* Keep telling yourself that, mortal.

Farmer: *calling after him* Don’t worry, I will! You will be mine!

Caldarus: *under his breath, smiling* ...Infuriating mortal indeed.

［Stardew Valley ｜PMV］Smile

【星露谷物语｜全员向手书】 Smile（2025星露谷物语新春会单品）

Music：Smile by Dami Im

Forgot post this. Hpoe you Enjoy!

Just had this unhinged crossover headcanon about my FOM farmer, Isaria, she's the cousin of my two SDV farmer sisters, Cerise and Rosemary. Now, imagine a family reunion where they introduce their lovers to each other. If you're confused, here's the lineup: Isaria is with Caldarus, Cerise is with Jio, and Rosemary is with Lance.

Now, picture how awkward that would be.

Caldarus is a dragon guardian of Mistria, Lance is a combat mage from the First Slash Clan, and Jio is not only an assassin but also an elf and a member of the Cult of the Lady with the Red Tail. Lance would probably be thrilled to meet an actual dragon, while Jio ever the cautious one would find Caldarus intimidating. Meanwhile, Caldarus though outwardly polite for Isaria’s sake, would remain on high alert, sensing the intense auras between these two men… and even those of Isaria’s cousins, especially Cerise.

Still out of respect for his farmer, he keeps his composure. But oh boy, the tension in that room would be off the charts.

[𝙵𝚊𝚖𝚒𝚕𝚢 𝚁𝚎𝚞𝚗𝚒𝚘𝚗 – 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌 𝚈𝚎𝚝 𝚂𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝙲𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚣𝚎𝚍 𝙶𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐]

[Cerise, Rosemary, and Isaria stand together while their partners linger nearby. The air crackles with unspoken tension.]

Lance: *grinning, composed yet intrigued* A dragon guardian… Quite the rare sight. It is an honor to meet you.

Caldarus: *soft-spoken, yet watchful* And you must be the mage Isaria spoke of. The honor is mine.

Jio: *arms crossed, unimpressed* A dragon, a mage, and an assassin in one room. Sounds like the start of a bad joke.

Rosemary: *muttering* More like a disaster waiting to happen.

Lance: *chuckles* Oh, I assure you, I mean no trouble. Though I must admit, meeting a dragon is… fascinating.

Caldarus: *calmly observing both men* Likewise. It is rare to stand among those who carry such powerful auras.

Jio: *lowers voice, glancing at Cerise* I don’t trust him.

Cerise: *calmly sips tea* You don’t trust anyone.

Isaria: *forcing a smile* Okay! Let’s all just sit down and eat, yes? No battles, no tension, just a nice, peaceful meal.

[Caldarus offers a polite nod, ever the composed guardian. Jio remains wary, and Lance though clearly intrigued respects the unspoken boundaries. Out of respect for their partners, they all (reluctantly) take their seats.]

Rosemary: *whispering to Cerise* Ten gold says something breaks before dessert.

Cerise: Make it twenty.

Caldarus, my dear, you just woke up from your eternal sleep and THIS is what’s happening?? I know you’re an immortal dragon guardian, but I also know you can still feel pain, yet here you are, unable to cook, brushing your hair with a tree branch, and eating random objects to regain your memories. Please, I am begging you, let me take care of you before you accidentally speedrun your own downfall. 😭💀

so like out of all the dialogue i've gotten from caldarus, he:

can't cook for shit. he burns fried rice and his noodles turn black. his cakes will not rise

had a Caffeine incident

struggles with having long hair, gets leaves tangled in it and used to brush it with his claws. switched to a pine branch because "it's faster"

in an attempt to regain his memories he's grinding literally everything he finds and eating it

thinks that if he had wings in this form it would make it difficult to sleep in bed

hopeless at organizing all his damn scrolls (he swears hes not a messy person though please believe him)

is a Fabric Freak™