Leaving The Fair, 2024

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All is right with the world

People are forgetting to get gifts. I keep forgetting it's Christmas. I dreamed that it snowed and all was right with the world. Where is my winter weather? Are my brand new snowboots for nothing at all? Do the sno-brums that are perpetually in my parents' cars and at every store mean nothing? Why can I see grass? Are the sleds waiting so patiently in the basement just meaningless hunks of plastic?

Where is MY December??? 😭

How did I go through preschool, elementary, and middle school, and never have a single crush that whole time, and then a month after starting freshman year, I suddenly have a gosh dang massive crush on a boy I've already known for 2 years?

Also help we made eye contact offstage during play practice and I broke it off 😭

We tried once

To be a normal family

Took a photo with all of the aunts and everyone lined up

Arms over each other's shoulders

That picture is on the wall now

And for it having my family in it, how it makes me think of them, I like it

But I don't like it

For how it makes us look normal.

We don't put our arms over each other's shoulders

We lie on top of each other

Foot in my eye

I'm lying on your spleen

And we hug by squeezing like we'll never let go

I called you a cheese earlier, and it's because I love you that we talk this way

And I wanted cheese

Built a tower from cans and posed

And that's how we say 'i love you'

'i love you' and 'i know' on the poster on your wall

I quote it to make a reference, because I've read it a hundred times,

But I don't like Star Wars.

One way or another, maybe our family is especially odd.

But I don't think normal is real.

We relate oddly, like everyone else.

I don't have aunties

I have aunts

Maybe you have aunties, but you're no more normal than I.

Merry Christmas.

Care to share with the class?

Making my little sister identify random Star Trek characters:

White Bread:

“If the computer ever doesn’t work, he sticks his finger in the socket and becomes the computer.”

“He hasn’t been outside in like, 80 years.”

“He cuts his own hair.”

Charles Xavier:

“He’s Captain Kirk’s father.”

“He comes onto the ship only for parent observation day, and he enjoys a good doughnut.”

Banana:

“He chose his name based on the color of his shirt. When you join the space, they let you pick a new name.”

“He works in the cafeteria, but everybody hates it because he only serves bananas.”

(This child has watched the original series. I don’t understand.)

Martha John:

“She used to be a nun, but she liked the space life instead, so she quit the sisterhood and joined the space.”

“White Bread cuts her hair too, with computer-like precision.”

“She hosts the ship’s karaoke party every Friday, and always opens with ‘My Heart Will Go On’.”

Darren:

“He’s the head of weapons” (said after I insisted that the ship has to have people with practical skills and not just party organizers.)

“When he joined, everyone thought he was so pretty they put his picture up everywhere.”

“He studies aliens but only the little ones.”

Winkle:

“They rescued Winkle from a bacon farm.”

“They give him a spray tan when he feels sad.”

“His job on the ship is he’s an emotional support animal, but he’s also a man.”

Sansha:

“What’s on her head?”

“Okay she studies space bugs, but when she flies around in space her visit only covers part of her face, so there’s bug debris.”

“She doesn’t like Winkle because he’s not a bug.”

“First name: He. Last name: Hears”

“He’s the professional ‘spakeup artist’ (space makeup artist). His job is to make them all look good.”

“Ears are in style right now.”

“His eyeshadow is on fleek.”

Dan:

“Just an ordinary man.”

“His part-time job is fixing the ship’s engines. His full-time job is being a footrest. He sits down and lets people rest their feet on him.”

“They’re not sure he’s human but don’t question him because he might have a deeper power.”

Lieclops:

“He lies.”

“He’s in charge of alien communications because he speaks a bunch of languages, but he only knows how to lie.”

“He has no eyes, only lies. That’s his motto. ‘All lies, no eyes’.”

Just finished watching Batman bad blood and I want to know what kind of potatoes DC pulled to make a movie that good

My entire attitude towards grammar

people think writers make good English teachers but the opposite is true. sixth grader asks why she can’t start a sentence with “and” and im like idk girlie grammar is a construct and language is a fluid gelatinous animal. people used to write “thou” and they were being totally unironic about it. start your sentences with an exclamation point for all i care. a+

self-flagellation and self-bullying are all bad motivators for change BTW. it can be hard to escape from a spiral but genuinely u have to be nice to urself or nothing will change

One last talent show to save the rec center

Ok everybody here's the deal.

My science education nonprofit, Skype a Scientist (you might know her, creator of the squid facts hotline and matcher of classrooms + scientists) has secured absolutely no grants to support general operations for 2025. But! We're selling advent calendars to fund our program! They absolutely rule. They can save our nonprofit asses. If we sell 5000, which I realize, is so many, we can fund our program for 2025. Then I can offer a bunch of programming for free. Running a nonprofit is a weird job.

Every day, counting down to frankly whatever you want (it's usually Christmas, but man, maybe you want to count down to Halloween, that's fine by me) scratch off the sparkly sparkly iridescence and reveal a fact about frogs! We have 24 top-notch frog facts here.

You should get one for every kid in your life, then get one for all the adults who still let themselves access joy in critters.

Get 'em here: https://squidfacts.bigcartel.com/

It's fun when we do that one

IT IS TIME