"I Don't Regret You, You Showed Me That True Love Was Real, Beautiful And Painful. I'll Find It Somewhere

I ended up having a really interesting conversation with some people at the bus stop today. They were getting out of some sort of ‘clean and sober’ meeting and had starting saying how they were so bored because they didn’t have anything to do, and had to stay at home because all their old friends would pull them back. So I said something like, ‘So this is the time to do all the stuff your parents told you they didn’t have money/time for!’ “Whatcha mean?” “You know, like when you were five and you REALLY wanted to have that toy or do that thing and you were like, ‘Please mom please I gotta have this I gotta go do this’ and they went ‘Hell no you think I’m paying for that do you want to goddamn EAT?’ “ And this light went on in their eyes. The lady is going to go check thrift stores for an Easybake Oven and I told her about Wilton cake decorating classes. The dude is going to Griffith Park and ride horses, because, ‘I always wanted to be a cowboy, and you can’t drink when you’re on a horse ‘cause you’ll fucking die!’ Fuck it. This is what being an adult is. Sure it’s bills and work and relationships, but damn it, it’s also time to do the things you LIKE. I signed up for a free class/lecture on Water Gardens. I’m going. It’s time.

"All you can do is take the good days and hug them like pillows until you have so many you can build a fort and keep yourself safe"

My Hearts Thoughts (12:55 am 7/26/17)

It’s been a while, but I still think of you. I remember the way you held me that last day. I slipped into your arms the way I always had & kissed you with the confidence you gave me, neither one of us knew it was our last kiss. You picked me up & held me tight, super tight against you, I felt as though I could never be separated from you. I still torture myself thinking about how we said goodbye, without knowing it was actually our goodbye. How foolish & wrong was I to think we could make it.

My Hearts Thoughts

Typewriter Series #810 by Aishwarya Nair

Hope builds slowly..

"When does the hurt end?" I think as I see his blue hat, I remember feeling blessed with his memory when he gave it.

Now it's a reminder of all that I've lost, all that he lost and doesn't care about.

But one day I search for a hat to wear and see I have more than just that one,

There's memories attached to the bucket hat, the banana hat and the one from the place I used to work.

Today I choose banana hat and remember my sisters laugh when she saw it. We were just starting out in the world, but we were building it slowly.

I put it own and it reminds me I'm more than others fingerprints.

I am my own, and I will find many more happy sunrises with other people.

It happens slowly, but if you just keep going it ends, I promise.

"Oh you,

It's 2 am and all I can think about is how much I want you to kiss me with so much correspondence that my lungs forget to breathe.

I want to fall apart and let you understand. You could, I can see it in the compassion and life in your eyes.

At times, theres nothing in my mind but your eyes and your voice. I cannot think around you, I don't even want to, I just want to feel the way I do when you look at me, always.

It hurts, because she has you, and the way she loves you is not enough somehow. I wish she loved you more so I could let go in peace. I wish she loved you less so this story had a villain.

Yet there she stands, with you tethered to her on the crown of your love upon her head. I've never wanted to hold onto pain like this before.

Oh you, I like your nature."

My Heart's Thoughts

It was always you... Still is... And I'm scared it might always be... Just you.

- My Hearts Thoughts

Look I have zero excuses for this, but the idea popped into my head and now it's in your head, sorry

“FUCK YOU!!” I scream and throw your teddy bear across the room, something falls, something breaks. I don’t care, I love you. I can’t even say I loved you, I probably always will. I just left someone because I’m still too broken over you. My love life is ruined because nobody is going to be you. And I hate it, I hate you for it.

My Hearts Thoughts