I Acknowledge That Was A Selfish Way To Reach Out To Apologize If That Was My Intention. I Haven't Intended

I acknowledge that was a selfish way to reach out to apologize if that was my intention. I haven't intended to reach out to you for a very long time, I really don't like to let myself lick my wounds about what I did because I'm the one that burned that bridge so I try to resist feeling guilty for what I did and I've tried to restrain from saying anything directly to you. Truthfully I rarely let myself look at your accounts, or your art, or think of you directly, because I felt like I lost access to the privilege of any positive association with your memory the moment I betrayed you. But you have still cemented yourself in my mind as the driving force behind my actions. I don't trust myself anymore with other people and avoid talking to anyone in fear I'll repeat what I did to you. I can't make art without thinking of you. I can't look at myself in the mirror without thinking of you and your disappointment in me. Seeing and realizing the magnitude of selfishness and ego behind my actions at that point in time irrevocably changed me and I haven't been able to think of anything the same way since. I hope that knowing what I did plagues me and will continue to at least gives you some kind of satisfaction. I'm sorry for reaching out in the way I did, I sent that message in a moment of weakness and desperation and I regretted doing so immediately. You can think what you'd like but what I've said is the truth. I don't want your forgiveness or pity nor do I expect it. There is no justification or explanation for what I did that would be meaningful enough to be worth saying. I appreciate that you gave me any response at all as it was more than I deserved

I see you for who you are. But I wonder, in your weakness, if you see yourself for who you are too. Maybe it’s time you face your true self in the mirror instead of my memory. You’re lucky your impulsivity didn’t cost you more than that.

I will be here.