I Tried TikTok For A Few Months. All It Resulted In Was Hours Of Wasted Doom Scrolling And Commenting

The fraternity hashtag brings up the expected, but each photo is also hashtagged with alpha. What a joke. These are college aged children that haven't made their way in life, most have never even taken care of their most basic economic needs without mommy and daddy's help. Boys aren't alpha, men are. Finish your education and prove you can take care of yourself and your family in the real world, only then can you call yourself alpha.

Kids, have you ever been simultaneously in love and annoyed with your Tamagatchi pet? Like, Jesus Christ what the fuck do you want now? I just fed you and played with you! That's what parenthood feels like. Have fun with that!

Are masochists exempt from the Golden Rule?

Eric Dane gives off Thanos Mad Titan vibes as a pervert dad in Euphoria.

The working man's rolex.

In order to be a good parental role model, I no longer smoke weed. Edible, topicals, patches, and sublinguals are the way to go.

Remember folks, we are just now coming out of a period where ALMOST half of the country thought those millions of people who sported the "I Voted" sticker were UNPATRIOTIC. Stay vigilante.

*Air raid sirens blaring

Me: Anyone else craving Applebees?

Holding sticks.

Hitting stuff with sticks.

Hitting other people.

Wearing shoes with knives for soles.

Being on top of ice.

Running on top of ice.

All these things are fine, individually. Anyone who does them altogether is a lunatic.

Harmony Montgomery: Who Are the Missing Child’s Parents?

Harmony Montgomery is a missing 7-year-old girl from Manchester, New Hampshire, who has not been seen since 2019. Her parents are Adam Montgomery and Crys Renee Sorey.

Let’s play true crime Jeopardy:

White child, a custody dispute, an illiterate mother, father with a neck tattoo who cut off contact with his family in 2019. 

I’ll take “Meth-head parents” for $300.