I Love How Gandalf Invested In Hobbits In Year One And Has Been Pushing Them Ever Since. Thorin, I Hear

i learned today that my great great grandfather (dad's mom's grandfather) was not actually a member of the irish immigrant family at all but was in fact some random "nebulously eastern european" orphan that just kind of latched onto the family at the docks and they said "fuck it" and brought him to america???

1: i'm going to attribute my ability to properly squat to this.

2:

So far you have had a date with Destiny, flirted with Death, and danced with the Devil. You're going to have a serious chat with your wingman next time you go clubbing.

Matt McCreary

interested in sex the same way you can be a sports fan without ever playing a single sport

*reading absolute filth and humming thoughtfully* fascinating.

Downstream

After years of living in the adulting world, I think I’ve come to a realization: Manners exist to guide you to good conduct even when you’re in a bad mood.

When you’re happy, when you’re feeling generous, when you’re pleased with your gift or your service or your outcome, it’s easy to be nice. It’s easy to tip the waiter well when you’ve had a good day. It’s easy to thank the teller or the clerk when you got what you wanted out of the transaction. It’s easy to smile and chit-chat with strangers on the road when you’re in a good mood.

It’s hard to tip the waiter when you didn’t enjoy your food. It’s hard to thank the clerk for their time when you’ve just been told there’s a problem with their account and they weren’t able to fix it for you. It’s hard to think of something nice to say when your aunt gave you a crappy sweater you neither need nor want. It’s hard to be nice to people when you’ve had a shitty day. It’s HARD.

That’s what manners are for. Scripts and phrases that you learn by rote to say when you can’t think of a single nice or good thing to say from your own volition. Yes, they’re scripted. Yes, the sentiment is empty. But the scripts work in every situation, and the emptiness provides a buffer between your own unhappiness and the rest of society.

Because most of the time, it’s not the waiter’s fault that the food you ordered wasn’t what you expected. It’s not the clerk’s fault that your account is overdrawn. It’s not the fault of the barista or the stranger on the subway that you got fired today or your favorite aunt died. But even when you can’t summon a smile or a cheery word, you can still have manners, because they will serve you the same in sunshine or rain.

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

Thorin tries to use the "I am the King Under The Mountain" line on Bilbo during an argument and Bilbo raises an eyebrow and gives him such a Look that Thorin immediately apologizes so he doesn't end up King Sleeping on the Couch Tonight

might get shot and killed for this but allo people only being able to categorize platonic relationships as "parental" or "siblings" is actually so embarrassing. have you never had friends before

I was a slasher villain covered in bleeding runic carvings with one arm that was a heavy iron blade, most of the dream was spent in a therapy session for issues completely unrelated to being a murderer and possible cannibal.