Finished Shatter Me Book 1 In Half A Day And My Brother Stared At Me Like I Am A Lunatic. My Mother Taunted

I know I started reading it at 2 of noon yesterday. I know its not even 10 of morning today. I know my exams are going on-

But I just finished inhaling vol 1 of TGCF and now I have a new hyperfixation.

And all I want to say is, oh xie lian, xie lian- how I wish for there to be more like you.

Kisses and all are cool, but small moments like these <3

Just finished reading the secret history and lemme tell ya, the moment I reached 450 page mark- it was a whole another moment. audibly yelled, "what, what the fuck, what the fuck is happening" at what the fuck was happening.

"good things come to those who wait around"

and i have been waiting around forever, where are the good things. is there a glitch hello

HELLOOOOOOO

I feel like my life is just split into phases of hyperfixations. Any space, any time and all the days spent where I was not hyperfixated on something mostly do not remain in the brain.

For example, oh that was my HP era, or there was my arcane era, there was my short stories era, PJO era, steam-games collecting era, boyband era, the time I was hyperfixated on my sexuality, the time i was hyperfixated on a genshin character, the time I spent all time thinking about teen romcoms, the time I watched 5 movies in 2 days, the time I wanted to buy 50 books, the time I read 50 books-

but... don't you dare ask me what happened in the time I was NOT hyperfixated. I was a ghost who moved from one spot to another. I do not remember. Its all a void.

its either giving my entire soul to something or we die like men.

Villainification of Perfectly Reasonable Anger; A Queer Feminist's Rant.

I am so tired of the entire 'man hating' feminist narrative and everything surrounding it, honestly. Yes, I am angry, Kevin. And this anger is here to stay. I am angry because you are quite literally making me debate if I deserve human rights or not? If my gender deserves healthcare or not?

I was watching a video (Essayist: Contrapoints) today where the woman perfectly articulates the immense emotional disdain and burden felt by the person of minority when they are asked to sit and 'debate'/explain why they deserve the bare freaking minimum, why their existence is valid, to their 'oppressor'-- and it almost made me tear up, because I have been put into that position to explain/debate so so many times. Topics like abortion, equal pay, LGBTQ rights-- that I have had to discuss 'rationally' with people in my life, because they simply have differing 'opinions'. I could never put that terrible feeling into words.

My dear, you are putting people in the position where their entire existence is put to question and placed up for debate like a simple small political issue-- and then you ask them to not be angry? When they argue back, why is it an 'overly emotional' and 'irrational' response? Is their pain, sadness and fury not warranted? Is it really an overreaction, or simply the most natural fucking response?

Is feeling hurt and angry because people who I am surrounded with, live with, frequent places with, talk daily with, cannot-- forget accepting my identity--even wrap their head around it sometimes, that unreasonable? I would say.. it isn't. So my rage is here to stay. And whilst it won't be directed at you, it will stay until we have fixed this accursed state of society.

Or nevermind that.

Which brings me to my second point.

The Romanticisation of Cold Logic and Neutral Stance

Why have we started romanticizing 'neutral cold hard logic' or 'detached stance' so much? A person who remains emotionless in the argument is not the winner. They simply do not have enough leverage in the topics being discussed (especially in cases of gender issues).

You say 'let's discuss why women shouldn't be allowed body autonomy' and you expect me to be like 'oh dear Jared, of course, let's have a calm and collected "debate" about our body rights. Do you want a tea while we discuss this little measly political issue?'

Jared, the only reason you aren't loosing your shit right now is because this thing won't ever affect you the way it does the person opposite to you. So don't ask me to 'chill out'.

We are angry and it's fucking valid.

Peace.

Started reading tgcf today and im already 200 pages in 🥹

Here are some of moments that made me go 🤭😏

Do you ever have a mood like "I will change the world, work my ass off" and next second you are like "its just 1 life, I should live it to fullest" and just proceed to watch TV for hours.

Existential despair is so common in a person's twenties, I think, because up until that point, we've had a pretty clear road map for what's expected of us and we haven't had much reason to question that map. There are still a few milestones outlined for us (start a career, get married, make babies) but more and more young people are entering the post-school world and realizing:

A) that career thing just isn't happening like they said it would

B) I'm not ready to get married/I don't want to get married/marriage isn't the sort of life-altering event that it used to be

C) I'm not ready to make babies/I don't want a baby/I can't afford to raise children right now (see point A)

And in the absence of these milestones to shoot for (which one could argue weren't the promise of fulfillment they claimed to be in the first place), what we're left with is this aimless abyss of "the rest of our lives" sprawling out ahead of us with no indication of how it will go or what we should be doing to shape it. Young people start their first jobs, find they hate them, and think to themselves, "Is this it? Am I just supposed to do this job until I'm too old to do it or die first?"

Which is, yeah, really fucking depressing!! So here's my best attempt at an alternate roadmap for young people that don't vibe with the old model. Please feel free to add in your own suggestions!

Learn how you work and what you want out of a job. Unless you've been in a job-specific training program that gives you hands-on experience, your first jobs should be experiments. Learn how a full-time job feels for you, what elements are more or less difficult. Different workplaces have different cultures and expectations - what do you need out of a job environment? Do you need to find fulfillment in your job or is it enough for it to pay the bills and leave you time to find outside fulfillment? Do you want to climb a corporate ladder or are you content to hunker down as long as your bills get paid? This period of experimentation is exhausting and may feel like it's consuming your whole life.

Learn how to make time for things outside of work. Adapting to a full-time work environment often leaves you feeling so drained that you can't do anything but go home and collapse on the couch every day. That's fine - for a little while. But it can also become a habit. You need to learn how to do things after work or you'll go crazy. Go to a trivia night. Start an exercise schedule. Take a class in your community. Find volunteer work. Join a band. You will find that putting more things into your day makes you feel like you have more time, not less.

Find a community. Making friends as an adult can feel impossible. Where do you find these mysterious friends everyone seems to have?? This goes along with #2, though. As you start regularly attending the same activities, you will find that repeat interactions with the same people turn into friendships or at least friendly acquaintances. Say yes to invitations. Get involved in your local community. Strive to be connected enough to bump into people at the grocery store.

Unlearn bad lessons. We all internalize some messed up things when we're growing up. As you start off your adult life, that's the time to actively work at unpacking the things you've brought with you from childhood and deciding which things are helping you and which things are harming you. This might mean therapy or joining a spiritual group or reading new things or just making special time to be in your own head.

Learn the lessons you missed. In this, I mostly mean practical things. "Adulting." Areas of your day-to-day practical life that are causing you extreme stress are probably related to a knowledge or experience gap. Do you hate cooking and cleaning or were you not taught how to do it properly? Are you afraid of making medical appointments or is it just something new you're not used to? Does money make you queasy or do you need to learn how to make a budget?

Find something fulfilling. This can be your job. It can be volunteer work. It can be faith. It can be a hobby. It can be creating things. It can be challenging yourself physically. It can be activism. It can be going for walks in nature. Everyone finds fulfillment in different places. If you're not finding it where you are, look somewhere else.

the secret history is all fun and games and then you reach page 200+ and its like

what. what the fuck is this. sign me up for more, you bastard.