Just Finished Reading The Secret History And Lemme Tell Ya, The Moment I Reached 450 Page Mark- It Was

I was asked by a super extroverted person yesterday that "how do you write so much"

And like. I can't talk about my feelings. Physically. So i project them onto my characters like a sadist. That's how i write so much. It's not that girl in my book struggling with hyper-independency but me. Its not that boy mourning his loss of hope but me.

Surprise, its all me.

Crowley's expressions of love in season 2

Bonus:

"Hope comes so naturally to you."

I read this line over and over again and sometimes I wish, it didn't. Sometimes, I wish hope didn't come easily to me. Sometimes, I just wish your comforting nihilism and words of how it shall all turn to dust either way appealed to me naturally.

I walk around this world and as I grow, I learn more of it. I see the destruction, the ruins we send our environment into, the hatred that spreads like a deadly poison, the bigotry, the complete breakdown this economy is having around us, the rich become richer and the poor only grow poorer. The divide, the ignorance, just the sheer amount of misery-- Misery. The common affliction to human condition.

And yet, I hate to think, 'Nothing will change'.

It would be *so* easy to. But I cannot.

Because I don't know what happens next-- then how can I say it never changes? Never will?

We don't know what will happen to everything.

What do we know?

That it will all eventually turn to dust.

Might as well turn to dust bearing some hope. Trying what little we can, bringing change in the little corner of the world. Maybe, just maybe the world will learn.

Because if it all ends, then what's the harm in hoping?

There are two ways you can live your life-- as the ignorant one. Ignorance is, in itself, bliss. To never let yourself be aware of the wretchedness of it all.

And as the aware one. To be aware, to be conscious, to be critical and slowly feel yourself become jaded. It is the more painful way.

But if history stands as evidence, it is the critical one who challenged the status quo. The critique who dares to hope for better has always been the one bringing change.

"I look around and see the misery. I look around and can't help but be aware of the futility. But I still clutch kindness closely to my heart. I still hold on to humanity and its dynamic ability to change. I still hope.

Because to hope, is to live.

And to live without hope, is to live a miserable life."

Re: Hope might come naturally to me, but even if it did not, even if it stopped being the case- I will still choose it.

My latest hyperfixation? I am glad you asked. Its her. Its all her. [Jihyeon Jung- Surviving Romance]

ok but i love it when the important moments that have been built up from LONG in stories actually turn out to be really... humanly normal? Yet fitting? The meeting with that once in a lifetime love you been hyping us up for 9 years (see: how i met your mother) actually just happens under rain, on a station and they actually just joke about how the guy once entered the wrong class to teach. Confessions being accidental, transformative moments not appearing like that without the hindsight etc etc.

On A TANGENT, I ALSO love when the moments happen with a full cheesy bang and boom, if it calls for it! yall been beating around to bush for 4 seasons (see: Kaguya-Sama: Love is War) and THE MAN FINALLY confesses with an elaborate set up, on a special night with a hunt and hundreds of balloons timed, the lighting timed and on the damn roof of highschool???

its just good seeing stories be apologetically *themselves*. I think we are becoming too hyper aware of tropes, irony and a lil too critical of unrealistic fantasy that something just leaning into fully being ITSELF, trying hard, being cheesy is just FRESH.

Ah, I babbled.

Introduction or something, i think

She/her, a student who also writes.

Queer/Aroace.

Constantly hyperfixating and analysing.

Intersec Feminist.

In too many fandoms to list or count.

Occasionally games (tot/gi/sdv)

Marius Von Hagen Enthusiast.

Hobbyist writer (crime stories/satire/dramedies/fanfics). You can find them all on wattpad or ao3.

Or you can simply scroll a bit down and find a poem or two I scraped together.

Side-blog for reblogs mostly: here.

[Currently reading: TGCF vol 5, Gone Girl.]

[2025 reading count: 17+ books and going]

Current Status: recovering from burn out.

Reading Jane Austen and thinking, 'woah. Fresh breath, the way she writes romance. Love as not just an emotion, but a choice. Kindness being the most precious qualities.' And then realizing her stories are centuries old.

Her works were way ahead of her time. They understood what most people still fail to grasp these days. Just. Timeless.

Right, considering the current state of corporate politics on this site, and that it seems that only those affected seem to be actively speaking on the matter, this needs to be dragged out to a wider audience.

REBLOG IF YOUR ACCOUNT IS A TRANSFEM SAFE SPACE.

We need to show these higher ups how much we truly value them.

Edit: Changed the wording of the post and decided to put in a reminder that this extends to refusing to believe in bogus call-out posts for frankly minuscule thinks such as being horny or kinky, especially if the target is presenting in an ‘unconventional’ manner, (therians, etc.) this double standard where it is seen as ‘degenerate’ for transfemmes to merely exist in certain spaces, yet everyone else is fine to do so is disgusting and part of the reason for the backlash.

PUTTING TERFS DNI IS NOT THE BE ALL AND END ALL, YOU GENUINELY HAVE TO PUT YOUR MORALS OF BEING RESPECTFUL INTO PRACTICE.

Sorry, not sorry.

lets talk about the plane scene in bridon arc, where cheng xiaoshi's sleeping head falls on lu guang's shoulders and lu guang, the man, reaches his hand out to touch his hair. I dont even ship them but just his yearning, trying to feel that yes, he is here. trying to feel the 'there-ness' of CXS. I love them your honor.

Btw stop making lu guang suffer omg