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Yun to banjar si thi...

Yun to banjar si thi

Meri dil ki zameen

Ye ehsas kya hai

Woh janta hi nahin

Yun jo aye ho tum

Banke halki si varish

Sochti hun khuda ki

Koi sajish to nahin

Ruthi hui khwabon ke

Is khali si asman main

Ek akela sitara hai tu

Jo aaj jake chamka hai

Ab iss roshni se teri

Vakif jo hua main

Darta hai ye dil, vapas

Jane se virano main

Ab itna to bata de, khuda

Yeh mohabbat hai

Ya nazar ka dhoka

Ya leher hai ek gunj ki

Jo hai ek pal ka mehaman

Sajake yeh tanha ashiyan

Phir lout jaega apna jahaan

The path is now lost.

And all of us wanderers have nowhere to go.

Unlikeable

There's a girl in my class

Bright eyes and golden skin

Everyone loved her

But she's not me

Though I didn't desire her spotlight

But I too wanted to be liked

So I wove a new skin

With golden threads of lies

I wore it everywhere

Hiding me from myself

I smiled a little more

Talked a little less

I put up a good front

Yet it wasn't enough

underneath the fake skin

I couldn't hide the real me

It was so exhausting

“I gave up”

But I still can't figure out

How to be likeable

The first time I got acquainted with grief.

Red blazing fire danced before my eyes, greedily engulfing my mother's body. The crackling sound of fire dominating any other sound caused by the crowd of people. The world faded around me as i concentrated on the sight in front of me. I wasn't even aware how many hours have passed since my mom drew her final breath. If someone told me to describe the hours subsequent to her death, I probably wouldn't be able to string four sentence together. Those hours had been hazy. I remember holding her hand with one hand and the other resting on her chest feeling her heartbeats as her heart heaved for the last time. I remember trying to get ahold of myself as the devastation hit me like wave of tsunami. The feeling of loss was sudden. I tried to think of all those impending arrangements and formalities I have to do, so I wouldn't break apart in a hospital room. After all, I have long since known of her illness. I knew what was coming. I had time to prepare myself. I shouldn't be loosing it like this. I managed to distract myself for almost five seconds before I lost it and as if a dam broke loose all the emotions hit me at once. The devastation, the loneliness, the loss, the confusion, the anger, I felt it all. The pain was almost physical, as if someone was ripping me apart limb by limb. I don't know how much time passed while I sat there sobbing hysterically. I don't know when people started coming in, awkwardly muttering their condolences, some taking me in a firm embrace as if they're touch will pacify the raging storm inside me. I wish it could but their solace couldn't reach me through the thick layer of sorrow. But I was still grateful for their presence. Even though their faces were a string of blurry images that I didn't care to acknowledge at that time, I was still grateful, especially when they stuck around and took over the cremation arrangements. I wasn't sure I could have taken care of things in my current state of insensibility. I guess, this was the boon of living in a small town. People always make time to stand by you. Either because they expect the same from you or they just don't want to appear insensitive, the reason doesn't matter.

In the process of breaking down, trying to pick myself up to give my mom a proper cremation and seeing her motionless body turning into ash something inside me went numb. I was tired. Tired of my mind being clogged up by emotions. Tired of life being so unfair. I wanted to stop feeling. I wasn't one to let my emotions take control of situations. Guess, that was before I had a brush with grief. And I was glad I didn't have anymore family, glad that I wouldn't have to go through it again. I kneeled near the ashes as the fire died down watching the thinning smoke still rising from the ash. I closed my eyes and tried to envision my life from this moment forward. And for the first time in life I felt burdened by life. For the first time I had no one to lean on. I was truly and utterly alone.

Not my usual thing to write so it'll be nice if you can give me any pointers. Any constructive criticism would be appreciated as well.

What can I do for you..

What can I do for you?

Shall I put on my happy mask,

Wear a charming persona

Draw a curved line with my lips?

I can entertain you

Celebrate your day

Won't let a frown

Appear on your face.

I'll ignore the dread filling my heart

Like a shadow in the dark

I'll change the colour of my soul

So it could reflect the light of your own

I can pretend the world is pink

And I'm a person, who's living her dream

Not Mine❤️

Maybe you weren't the one for me

Maybe we weren't meant to be

But somewhere along the way

You have become a part of me

In those fickle dreams of my teenhood

In the last pages of my notebooks

In the music collection on my first iPod

There still exists a part of you

In that briefest moment of eye contact

And the goofy smile that sped up my heart

In those infinite seconds, you gave me

The simplest form of joy life could impart

I agree, you weren't meant to be mine

But in my soul, you still left an imprint

All blood is red 6/13/2020

Racial threats equals civil unrest

In this mathematical problem that continues to test

A community segregated from a nation

Separated by hatred

Created by a division of color

Falsely identified

Personified by the actions

That are fueled by misguided intentions

Purposely made

Questions are asked but answers evade

The formulation of a resolution

A problem that had arised before my generation

That Continues with its evolution

It continues to hurt

It continues to kill

It continues to spill

Blood absorbed by the soil

upon which this country was built

Now am I wrong

To hum the words to a age old song

"We shall overcome"

I can't breathe

Those words are stuck on repeat

But I'll give all of me

A sacrifice

To make sure that we are free

To believe in such a thing called equality

My skin color shouldn't be a burden

Or make me a target

The choice to life should be my own to make regardless

Now beg my pardon

And excuse me as I continue to live and to fight

Not only for me but for the future minorities and their civil rights

Education is key

So lets take the right steps to lead

In order to proceed

Violence is not the answer

It's a distractor

A motivator

Which widens a gap

A political trap

Said in a way to pacify

That a lot of people fail to see

Let's both take a look in the mirror to view the differences

Then the similarities

Once cut, you'll see

That we both will bleed the same

If we both died today, our mothers will feel the same pain

So with this continued fight what are we continuing to gain?

A question that I will leave unanswered

Just like all the others that no one continues to claim

The outside may differ but inside the vein it's all the same.

all blood is red

i cannot tell you from experience the hardships of my fellowman,

but i can tell you what my eyes have seen.

they’ve seen them being condemned and deemed guilty from the moment they are born,

judged by something that upholds no merit amongst the majority of us.

i’ve seen them being judged by their culture;

their background;

i’ve seen them being diminished, humiliated and killed.

an entire continent built on the blood of innocents

with no reparation, no reformation.

i’ve seen my fellowman cry, scream, fight,

shed their own blood for a cause,

their cause!

fighting for the very thing i was privileged to have just by being born a different shade.

so when they come to me to speak, i listen.

so when they come to me for help, i stand in front of them.

if my skin can shield them from the blindness of hatred

then so be it!

i will use it to their advantage.

i will fight for their cause,

for i can no longer bear to see innocent blood wash this streets;

i can no longer hear the cry of a mother drowning in sorrow.

i refuse to side with the ignorant,

the bigoted,

the blind.

i will make their cause my cause;

their pain my pain,

because i believe us to be the same,

with red blood in our veins

and the will to fight to see this world be a better place.

A collaboration with a fellow poet @bea-is-back

Something that we felt needed to be said and done. Feel free to check her work if you looking to feel inspired.

~ Quiet-Storm ~

*A Lie*

A lie

That's how all of it started

A lie that you told yourself

With such conviction,

Even I believed it

A wound

I was trying to forget

Was opened all over again

You said that you're the balm,

And also the healer.

But only succeeded

In making it wider

But a day came,

Your delusion shattered.

You realised, you're not the hero

You believed yourself to be.

I do not know,

If you noticed or not

When my lips smiled

And said, 'Don't sweat it.'

My eyes were struggling

To hide the grief.

How does it feel

To be alone in a mourning

Amongst the crowd of people

Singing and dancing

How does it feel

To be not be able to scream

While your heart is being sliced

In thousand little bits

How does it feel

To be burning in a sea

And concealing the scars

Behind a polite smile

How does it feel

To finally realise

How insignificant

Your life truly is

How does it feel

Wanting to be erased

From everyone's mind

While craving the attention

At the same fucking time

Just let me take a breath...

I wish life had a pause button;

I wish I could hide behind a curtain,

Till I'm ready to face the world;

I wish I could take a break,

To gather my strength

And then resume the race;

I'm not saying I'll stop altogether;

Just let me take a breath

Let me take a breath, please...