Not To Be That Person But When People Are Like “why Isn’t There A Big Fandom Culture Anymore?”

Ruan Mei: a character study and attempt at understanding her.

Who is Ruan Mei? Why is she the way she is? Why does she do everything she does?

Ruan Mei is a very interesting and complex character who often gets misinterpreted by the fandom and goes under the radar as a "sociopath evil scientist" or "that one that wants to become an Aeon" or who knows what ales. Despite her popularity when it comes to the meta, you don't see people talk about her as often as other characters. That is a shame in my opinion for I think exploring characters who go outside the conventional of a good person so much that people call them "sociopaths" and "crazy" because of the way they do and understand things can be interesting.

So I'm gonna try to challenge myself by trying to understand her.

Note that this dissection of her might not be perfect as I'm coming to and trying to understand her deeper as I write this and I'm always open to being corrected and to further discussions (I'm human and I can be wrong).

Getting all of that aside, let's start getting into her:

Who is Ruan Mei?

Ruan Mei is member #81 of the Genius Society, a genius who specializes in biology/life science and a member in Herta's Simulated Universe project. Her casual research shakes the schools of biology but why does she research? What does her research mean to her? What does she SEEK from it?

To answer such questions, we must go to her roots:

Lil A-Ruan

Despite her not understanding love, she actually grew up in a loving household! Her exposure to science was from her mother, who by the game calling her a scientist in quotes, it is to argue that she might have been more of a passionate person who seeked to acquire knowledge and test knowledge of her interest rather than an actual scientist who contributed to her field. But I digress.

Ruan Mei's mother would take her scientific expeditions and thus showing her daughter the wonders of life, biological life to be specific.

When she took lil Ruan Mei to No Man's Lend, the wonder that she experienced as she saw whatever was in that ice that came undone matched nothing ales. The emotional high and fascination was such a big and exciting emotion for Ruan Mei, that it cultivated her interest in biology science to this day. The discovery of something new that goes beyond her calculations, breaks away the ordinary and norm.

Since her early days of life, the feeling that came with the discovery of something new was presented to her and that's what she sought to chase to this day.

But it wasn't this moment alone that shaped Ruan Mei into being so obsessive to break and bend the rules of biology and create for her own fascination.

Ruan Mei's understanding of love

Since she was a child, her understanding of love was different from the ones in textbooks. Despite growing up in a loving household, where she would get forgiven all the time despite making mistakes, receiving snacks from her aunt and being brought with her mom on expeditions and let in her lab, she doesn't understand love.

But why? This is where I struggle to understand, but I think it just might be how Ruan Mei is.

She grew up with the influence of her mother, a research and thus, along with just who she is at her core, learned to be stubborn and to question. To draw her on conclusions and understanding of things and not take everything in the textbooks at face value and as absolute facts. And so, at a young age, her understanding of love broke away from the one in textbooks.

Specifically the "formulae" in textbooks. Formulae is an interesting word to use, not definition, formulae. Formulae and Formula mean the same thing: it can either be a mathematical relationship or rule expressed in symbols or a list of ingredients with which something is made.

The fact that little Ruan Mei thinks the definitions of love in textbooks are formulas says a lot. Ruan Mei in general sees the behavior of organisms in their logical ways and struggles to understand the more emotional and non-rigid explanations of them.

and her grief: the death of her parents and the broken promise

Because of her struggle to understand love and her exposure to the biology of life, the death of her parents took a huge toll on her.

She didn't cry, for she understood that life and death are inseparable but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt. After her funeral, as night fell, we are told she made clones of her parents. (which is insane to me, why are we not talking about this? Ruan Mei WTF!?)

If this happens after the funeral as the text suggests it means she has researched a way to clone her parents in advance for quite some time and years.

And her grandma made a deal with her parents, that this death failed to keep it. (her grandma is also hinted to be alive but absent for some time, maybe even before their deaths even?) A promise Ruan Mei was hoping for them to fulfill. But what was that promise?

We don't know.

But it might have to do something with their mortality. Ruan Mei comes from a planet blessed by the Abundance and that must have affected the way her grandma and mother saw biological life as well as her mothers interested in it that rubbed on Ruan Mei.

Maybe they wanted to find a way to be immortal? Who knows, I'm theories rn so don't take that as gospel please.

But whatever this promise was, her parents death and the inability to fulfill it upset and broke Ruan Mei deeply. That and her inability to protect them, whatever this protecting meant.

"Only science... never lets anyone down"

Her parents mortality and their death was a let-down to her, something like a betrayal. Their death HURT her so much emotionally that she shut down as a result.

Ruan Mei, as much as she seems cold and struggles to understand the department of emotions, feels VERY deeply.

She probably didn't grow up with many friends as it's not mentioned and her family boarded on a research aircraft and explored many worlds which probably didn't give her many chances to socialize with anyone her age. Her family and their love was the only one she had and understood (in her one way and definition) and the only people she had.

Her only having her family must have made her REALLY close and attached to them because without them, who does she have? No one. And they left her, they left her with this pain and loneliness and the realization that:

Life is fleeting, and getting attached to people will only bring the pain of having to face their mortality in the long run. Losing them and having to deal with the painful emotions that it brings. For such is the nature of life.

" "Attachment".... involves the insular cortex, which controls anxiety and pain"

She doesn't want to get attached again so she won't experience that same pain. That's the logical thing to do right? Because the definition of it says this so she must do opposite and logically she won't experience it and be fine...right?

Besides her family she probably never had anyone around, so she is fine with being alone as she doesn't know how it is to not be alone outside her family. Loneliness is the norm for her.

Ruan Mei's research: her addiction to wonder

Ruan Mei's reacher, her discoveries, bring her that excitement and wonder that she felt as A-Ruan for that first time. Besides her family, these discoveries are the only thing that make her happy. But she doesn't have much to discover at this point. She managed to do and find so much that she can only occupy her time with "ik what if" projects like recreating a Propagation Emanator clone.

But Aeons? Oh they are her biggest wonder of them all, the most interesting beings out there to her. So much that maybe by understanding them and what makes them what they are, she might even be able to become one.

And imagine how much she could discover with the power of an Aeon. All the answers hidden to her by the limitations of her mortal understanding of things. Things only Aeons could understand. Maybe she will finally find the answer to when "life" those truly end and maybe what "love" is.

Ruan Mei and her understanding of life

Remember her parents? Yeah she probably brought them back based on the start of her Myriad Celestial Trailer.

Which brings everything to a new perspective as:

1. how much are those clones actually her parents? for Ruan Mei and just speaking logically

2. does Ruan Mei REALLY see them as her parents? Maybe. From the way she wonders "when does "life" truly end?" she might see them as her parents. They got the form and probably(?) maybe(?) at least most important(?) memories so you could say they ARE her parents.

And if life can be recreated and brought back like that, when does it truly end?

Her parents being brought back but the wound of not fulfilling their promise to her grandma. Why do they exist at the same time? Was the promise for them to not d!e? Life is in quotes when she wonders "when does "life" end?" so she might not fully see them as her parents. But another form of life, "life".

"Life" is technically still life so when does it truly end?

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Now that we understand her alone, let's try to understand her interactions with others outside her family based on what we know

Her creations

Something that the fandom often criticizes her for is her relationship with her creations as she abandons them if they don't meet the results she wants or have any academic value.

Which is not something I'm gonna excuse because poor little catcakes :( but with what we know of her it makes sense.

She thinks their love is something inherently biological. She made them so they are gonna want to seek her comfort as she is their creator and mother but she doesn't see the more deepness of those emotions.

To understand Ruan Mei's way of seeing it:

Your mother for example. You love her right?(I'm sorry ppl with mommy issues) Because she is your creator so it's only logical to seek her love, attention and approvel right?

That's where Ruan Mei's understanding of love stops.

But no one loves their mother just because she created you and is natural as her child to seek her love. You love her much more deeply than that. And it's complicated to explain why and who right? But you do.

And that's what Ruan Mei can't understand from her creations, how deep their love goes, how it goes beyond its logical biological explanation.

Her creations should be fine. With time they are gonna grow and stop wanting love from her and be independent, as that is the nature of living things. Right?

Her relationship with other people

Another thing people are upset about in the MC's stead is her dr*gging them with the anti truth serum.

Which is bad and a very drastic measure instead of just telling us "can you not talk about me to others please?" but it also shows how much she distrust others

I'm not justifying, I'm explaining:

Based on all we discussed, the betrayal she experienced with others and her lack of relationships in life outside her family makes her handle human relationship in a uhm...very original way.

She made us forget about her because she thinks it would only bring more trouble than good if the MC remembers her and starting on a new slate and forgetting it again and again is the most efficient way and one that brings the least emotional turmoil when it comes to their relationship in the long run (attachment).

She only dr*geed us because she believed that's the best way for this relationship to be. (now the fact that she makes this decision for the both of us and doesn't tell or late us have a say in it is a whole other thing)

But she can also be kind and considerate.

Asta's voice line about her:

"I asked Miss Ruan Mei where I could buy a charm like the one on her sleeve — but I was surprised to learn she'd hand-embroidered it. I was equally surprised when she gave me my own hand-embroidered charm the next time she came to the space station. Her craftsmanship, like her research papers, is superb."

She took note of her wanting a charm like hers, and proceeded to bring one the next time she came to the space station even though she didn't promise Asta. She did it because she wanted to not out of a need to fulfill a promise made of courtesy at the moment, she didn't even promise. She remembered and did it and gave it to her.

As for her relationship with Herta is Screwllum? She doesn't want to be more than colleges. And she doesn't like having to socialize with them. Though she recognizes Herta for being similar to her on a deeper level, she doesn't want to connect with her.

Ruan Mei is too confused on her research and has too little trust and faith in others to want to form relationships of any kind.

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To finally wrap this up:

Ruan Mei everyone ✨ *falls on the floor*

The silliest pookie ever who is definitely a green flag(trust) and will definitely come home (trust trust)

I hope this post can be of help in understanding her at least a little better and maybe even potentially sparking some discussion and theorizing about her (cause we can never have enough of that when it comes to fictional characters)

Again, this is my understanding of her and maybe I'm wrong on some stuff in here(...or maybe everything here is wrong 😭) so please correct me if so and don't please don't be mean (I genuinely tried, I'm only human)

the thyme pun made me laugh 😭😭😭😭 this is so cute, thank you for doing my request! i think you write wanderer well! :D this came at the perfect time hahah, i was so happy to see a wanderer post

-🐈‍⬛

I envy your ability to "laugh" at puns, I'm always stuck with grinning at best, similarly to Albedo 🗿

You're welcome, I'm glad you like it, and thank you 👀

Happy Birthday, Yumemizuki Mizuki!

Good afternoon! Going by the look on your face, I suppose you must have had a pleasant dream just now?

It seems the treatment has proven quite effective. Ah, perfect timing. The afternoon snacks are ready too.

This is a special dessert prepared with help from Ya-chan and Te-chan. You won't find a taste this enchanting in any other establishment.

Anyway, please make sure to eat it all up~

Happy Birthday, Amber!

See? Told you there would be lots of Anemo Crystalflies here, hehe!

As an Outrider, it's definitely my job to lead the way to these hidden spots!

Wait, do you smell something...? Ah, it's buttered pancakes! Did you make these yourself? They even look so cute!

Here, the hardest-working master chef should get the first bite!

petition for tumblr to make the boop feature permanent. reasons:-

so i can shower my affection on mooties and followers without any limits

validates my sense of appreciation and does not make me feel unwanted

every introverts' dream who loves a blog but is scared to talk with them

feels like an actual physical boop

online love language

Happy Birthday, Furina!

Oops, you're here early. I haven't even finished getting ready yet!

You think my makeup and outfit look fabulous today? Of course, darling Gentilhomme Usher always does an impeccable job.

Since you're here, how about I have them style you too?

This special day is the perfect opportunity for us to make a glamorous entrance~ Hehe, I bet no one will be able to take their eyes off us!

thank you for doing my request!! i actually tried making dango with my best friend once! ...it tasted like play dough...

these are so cute, i never thought of cooking with navia but now that will be leaving in my head rent free, she'd be so sweet and patient. i love itto's part too, he'd be so fun to cook with!

also fischl's dialogue was so funny, i was giggling the whole time 😭

thank you again for doing my request, i appreciate it :)

-🐈‍⬛

You're welcome, I'm glad you enjoyed it! And such lore accuracy, if I may be so bold like a certain sly fox lady 👀

Navia is so precious indeed... As for Itto, it will certainly always be eventful when he's around 😁

And to think that, at first, I found her Fischl persona kind of annoying and thus I never built her... but the moment I found out that her splash art features the same pose as Hououin Kyouma/Okabe Rintarou from Steins;Gate... it was over (even more so after I started paying attention to loneliness traits in characters)

Since that time, I kind of gained the ability to fischl-talk... for the worse, or the better 🗿

Anytime! And thanks for being a regular; feel free to send more requests if you have any (currently onto the latest one you sent, namely the prank war with Yae Miko) 👀

Hellsing - Masterlist

Fluff = 🤍

Smut = 🖤 No TW = 🎀

Mild TW = 🔪

Moderate TW = ⚔️

Intense TW = ⚰️ Romantic Affection = 🥀

Platonic Affection = 🎨

Not Specified Affection = 🌈 Gender Neutral Reader = 💫

Female Reader = 🩰

Male Reader = 🍂 Headcanons = 📃

One Shot = 📖

Fanfiction = 📚

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alucard

- Relationship Headcanons (⚔️/📃/🤍/🥀/💫)

- Cuddle Headcanons (🎀/📃/🤍/🥀/💫)

- Falling In Love (🔪/📃/🤍/🥀/💫)

- x Playful!Reader (🎀/📃/🤍/🥀/💫)

- x Calm!Reader ( 🔪/📃/🤍/🥀/💫)

- x Carefree!Reader (🔪/📃/🤍/🥀/💫)

Pip

- x Witch!Reader (🎀/📃/🌈 /💫)

- x Military!Reader (🎀/📃/🥀/💫)

Happy Birthday, Kamisato Ayaka!

"Thank you for the delivery... Did Chiori leave me a message?"

"Ah! Yes! 'I believe this outfit and the accessories will suit you.' And... 'Happy Birthday!'"

Hello! I saw your post, I'm so excited to see your writing! :D

Could I request some headcanons for Furina? What do you think she learnt cook first after macaroni? Do you think she is making plans to travel around Teyvat?

Thank you!

Hi, and thank you for your request and interest! You also have the honor of being the one to inaugurate my blog and ask box :D I hope you will like it :)

Furina headcanon about her cooking and a travel around Teyvat

"one step at a time" is her motto

As such, after a while, she looked for something that isn't pasta in a different shape, yet which is prepared in a similar manner

Her eyes lit up in amazement when she discovered some bags of rice in her usual general goods store

Set water to boil, drop it in until it's done, then drain and serve, just like macaroni; how amazing and convenient is that?

Every once in a while, she invites Neuvillette and Clorinde for lunch

They subtly check up on her, ever since she moved on her own, while she gets to enjoy company from trustable fellows

These two got used to her macaroni over time though, so imagine their absolute shock when rice was served instead, with no prior warning...

Ambient music:

Neuvillette: Lady Furina, what... is this?

Furina: It's rice! Don't you like it?

Neuvillette: I do like it, but my concern stems from something else... Why the sudden culinary change? This isn't like your usual self.

Furina: Well, I figured that, although macaronis are good, some variety must be nice from time to time, to not grow tired of always eating the same food... It appears that seasoning does have limits.

Clorinde: Fair enough. With that in mind, you could consider a culinary trip throughout Teyvat.

Furina: A... culinary trip?

Neuvillette: As you might have heard during the latest Fontinalia Film Festival, the Yashiro Commissioner from Inazuma and I had a fruitful business meeting, on the thematic of cultural exchanges. If you'd be interested to pursue Miss Clorinde's suggestion, I do believe there is an opportunity here, with Inazuma as first destination for said trip.

Clorinde: I remember we crossed paths not long ago in Chenyu Vale. Inazumans happen to have a fond liking for tea as well.

Furina: When you put it like that, I admit it does sound interesting... I'll give it some thoughts then.

And just like that, the lunch went smoothly as always

Neuvillette and Clorinde were relieved to know that Furina is doing well, and in the process, the Iudex obtained a thematic suggestion for his next business meeting with Ayato

Although, with how things look now, Furina was on the verge of discovering dango balls...

But alas, she now has a reason to travel through Teyvat

"one step at a time", as she says, but between the neighboring land of the exquisite Chenyu Adeptea, and the other nations of Teyvat, it will be a significantly bigger step than usual

Thank you for reading! Link to main post