Mental Health Is Real, And It Suck If Someone Plays On That. It’s Confusing, Painful, Hurtful, And

Mental health is real, and it suck if someone plays on that. It’s confusing, painful, hurtful, and just wrong. Playing on someone’s mental health is a form of abuse. I don’t understand how people can be so cold and calculating. I don’t want to change who I am. I’m loving, understanding, loyal, and I take pride in my relationships. Lately my husband throws things at me that I no longer do or that I’ve worked on yet I still have to pay for it. I pay for loving him. If I don’t have what he needs then he doesn’t need me. I’m one in the chamber away from being done. But I do believe in God, I don’t believe in suicide I’ve always thought of it as selfish and cowardly but I no longer feel that way. I don’t know what to do anymore. No matter what I do I can’t make him want me. He has betrayed me in the worst way yet here I am, all he has to say is I want, I need, can you, and I do. I shove everything down and do what he asked. I’m about to explode, I don’t know what is real anymore. He confuses me and gets off on my pain and confusion. How do you do that to the one that you love. I wish that I could take my feelings for him and put them in a sealed container and forget it all, imagine that I can’t remember yesterday but I remember every ounce of pain he has caused me. It’s sucks I have memory issues per the doctor. So my memory stays so messed up and it gets used against me daily. He is torturing me, and most hurtful of all, he enjoys this and tells me daily I’m the problem. Im the reason he hurts me and doesn’t care about hurting me. So I beg him to go and he knows I can’t make him so he just ignores me or comes and goes as he pleases. Im about to break. Im not evil but he can bring that out in me. Why, if he doesn’t want me, why not let me go, why torture me….. I don’t know how much more I can take.